Highly intelligent and well-informed people disagree on every political issue. Therefore, intelligence and knowledge are useless for making decisions, because if any of that stuff helped, then all the smart people would have the same opinions. So use your “gut instinct” to make voting choices. That is exactly like being clueless, but with the added advantage that you’ll feel as if your random vote preserved democracy.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
“Ask Dogbert”
As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
“DNRC Newsletter” #58 (11 Nov 2004)
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
(Attributed)
There’s a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it’s where most of life happens.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel (2002)
They say that dogs lick their own genitalia because they can. But I think it’s at least partially because they don’t have the Internet.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert Blog, “My day as a Neanderthal” (25 Oct 2006)
There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert Blog, “Quotes” (26 Feb 2007)
Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert Blog, “Sleepless in California” (21 Jul 2006)
The world isn’t fair, but as long as it’s tilting in my direction I find that there’s a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert Blog, “The Benefits of Getting Old” (Aug 2006)
WALLY: Stupidity is like nuclear power; it can be used for good or evil.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
DILBERT: And you don’t want to get any on you.
Dilbert (11 Dec. 1995)
DILBERT: Lately, the only think keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert (11 Jan. 2001)
WALLY: One day I realized that sadness is just another word for not enough coffee.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert (18-Oct-2006)
Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert (26 Oct 2007)
People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Dilbert [Dilbert] (26 Mar 2005)
Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries they assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality?
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
God’s Debris [The Avatar] (2001)
You haven’t achieved equality until you’re a legitimate target for humor.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
The Dilbert Blog<.i>, “Welcome to the Club” (20 Nov 2006)
It seems to me that the great thing about the flag is that it symbolizes something inherently indestructible: the concept of freedom. You can burn the flag as many times as you want and the concept of freedom is not only still there – it’s stronger. I like that about my flag. I would go so far as to say it’s my flag’s best feature.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
The Dilbert Blog (30 Jun. 2006)
http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2006/06/burning_flags.html
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
The Dilbert Principle (1995)
Normal people don’t understand this concept; they believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
The Dilbert Principle (1996)
We are growing serious, and,
Scott Adams (b. 1957) American cartoonist
Let me tell you, that’s the very next step to being dull.
The Drummer (1716) Act IV, sc. vi
WIST is my personal and ever-growing collection of quotations. Please feel free to browse. More info and contact information is available under "About WIST."
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