WIST

More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than were ever elected between Sunup and Sundown.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Mr. Ford and Other Political Self-Starters,” The Illiterate Digest (1924)

If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the one who sold it.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

Alt.: "We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."

When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi, “I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

There’s no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I don’t even have to exaggerate.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)

In P.J. O'Brien, Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom, ch. 9 (1935)

Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice doggie,’ until you can find a rock.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Actually said by Wynn Catlin.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
New York Times (15 Feb 1925)

You can’t say civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
New York Times (23 Dec 1929)

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
New York Times (31 Aug 1924)

I bet you if I had met him and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn’t like.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Saturday Evening Post (6 Nov 1926)

On Leon Trotsky. Earliest formulation of Rogers' motto found in print.

Another cited reference:  "When I die, my epitaph or whatever you call those signs on gravestones is going to read, 'I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I dident like [sic].' I am so proud of that I can hardly wait to die so it can be carved."
-- Talk at a Boston church (Jun 1930), in Ben Yagoda, Will Rogers: A Biography, ch. 10 (1993)

For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest (1924)

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “Breaking into the Writing Game” (1924)
Often paraphrased, "The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."

We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “The World Tomorrow (After the Manner of Great Journalists)” (1924)

Now everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “Warning to Jokers: Lay off the Prince” (1924)

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The New York Times (29 Apr 1930)

Politics has got so expensive it takes lots of money to even get beat with.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Comment (28 Jun 1931) in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ed. D. Day (1949)

You’ve got to be optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Good Gulf radio show (24 June 1934)

We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Inscription on Will Rogers Memorial Building, Clarence, Oklahoma

Unsourced. Variants: "We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can." "We are all here for a short spell; so get all the good laughs you can."

A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.

Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Newspaper column (28 Jun 1931)
Rejecting the idea of running for President.