SIR HUMPHREY: If local authorities don’t send us statistics, Government figures will be a nonsense.
HACKER: Why?
SIR HUMPHREY: They’ll be incomplete.
HACKER: Government figures are a nonsense, anyway.
BERNARD: I think Sir Humphrey wants to ensure they’re a complete nonsense.Jonathan Lynn (b. 1943) English actor, comedy writer, director
Yes Minister, S3E3 “The Skeleton in the Cupboard” (25 Nov 1982) [with Anthony Jay]
(Source)
Quotations about:
bureaucracy
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
Pedantry prides herself on being wrong by rules; while common sense is contented to be right without them.
Charles Caleb "C. C." Colton (1780-1832) English cleric, writer, aphorist
Lacon, #48 (1825)
(Source)
BETTY OLDHAM: Look, Sir Humphrey, whatever we ask the Minister, he says is an administrative question for you, and whatever we ask you, you say is a policy question for the Minister. How do you suggest we find out what is going on?
SIR HUMPHREY: Yes, yes, yes, I do see that there is a real dilemma here. In that, while it has been government policy to regard policy as a responsibility of Ministers and administration as a responsibility of Officials, the questions of administrative policy can cause confusion between the policy of administration and the administration of policy, especially when responsibility for the administration of the policy of administration conflicts, or overlaps with, responsibility for the policy of the administration of policy.
BETTY OLDHAM: Well, that’s a load of meaningless drivel. Isn’t it?
SIR HUMPHREY: It’s not for me to comment on government policy. You must ask the Minister.
Jonathan Lynn (b. 1943) English actor, comedy writer, director
Yes Minister, S2E7 “A Question of Loyalty” (9 Apr 1981) [with Anthony Jay]
BERNARD: But surely the citizens of a democracy have a right to know.
SIR HUMPHREY: No. They have a right to be ignorant. Knowledge only means complicity in guilt; ignorance has a certain dignity.Jonathan Lynn (b. 1943) English actor, comedy writer, director
Yes Minister, S1E1 “Open Government” (25 Feb 1980) [with Anthony Jay]
Most of the activities of any bureaucracy are devoted not to the organization’s ostensible goals, but to ensuring that the organization survives: because if they aren’t, the bureaucracy has a life expectancy measured in days before some idiot decision maker decides that if it’s no use to them they can make political hay by destroying it. It’s no consolation that some time later someone will realize that an organization was needed to carry out the original organization’s task, so a replacement is created: you still lost your job and the task went undone. The only sure way forward is to build an agency that looks to its own survival before it looks to its mission statement. Just another example of evolution in action.
The five stages of bureaucratic grieving are: denial, anger, committee meetings, scapegoating, and cover-up.
Charles "Charlie" Stross (b. 1964) British writer
The Rhesus Chart (2014)
Satirizing the Kübler-Ross model of grief.
Bureaucracies are inefficient by design. Inefficiency is the twin sister of redundancy, of overcapacity, of the ability to plow through a swamp by brute force alone.
Charles "Charlie" Stross (b. 1964) British writer
The Apocalypse Codex (2012)
There is a role for bureaucracy; it’s very useful for certain tasks. In particular, it facilitates standardization and interchangeability. Bureaucracies excel at performing tasks that must be done consistently whether the people assigned to them are brilliant performers or bumbling fools. You can’t always count on having Albert Einstein in the patent office, so you design its procedures to work even if you hire Mr. Bean by mistake.
The Laundry field operations manual is notably short on advice for how to comport one’s self when being held prisoner aboard a mad billionaire necromancer’s yacht, other than the usual stern admonition to keep receipts for all expenses incurred in the line of duty.
Charles "Charlie" Stross (b. 1964) British writer
The Jennifer Morgue (2006)
In the Laundry we supposedly pride ourselves on our procedures. We’ve got procedures for breaking and entering offices, procedures for reporting a shortage of paper clips, procedures for summoning demons from the vasty deeps, and procedures for writing procedures. We may actually be on track to be the world’s first ISO-9000 total-quality-certified intelligence agency. According to our written procedure for dealing with procedural cluster-fucks on foreign assignment, what I should do at this point is fill out Form 1008.7, then drive like a bat out of hell over Highway 17 until it hits the Interstate, then take the turnoff for San Francisco Airport and use my company credit card to buy the first available seat home. Not forgetting to file Form 1018.9 (“expenses unexpectedly incurred in responding to a situation 1008.7 in the line of duty”) in time for the end of month accounting cycle.
Charles "Charlie" Stross (b. 1964) British writer
The Atrocity Archives (2004)
Murder investigations start with the victim because usually in the first instance that’s all you’ve got. The study of the victim is called victimology because everything sounds better with an ology tacked on the end. To make sure that you make a proper fist of this, the police have developed the world’s most useless mnemonic: 5 x WH & H. Otherwise known as Who? What? Where? When? Why? & How? Next time you watch a real murder investigation on the TV and you see a group of serious-looking detectives standing around talking, remember that what they’re actually doing is trying to work out what sodding order the mnemonic is supposed to go in. Once they’ve sorted that out the exhausted officers will retire to the nearest watering hole for a drink and a bit of a breather.
Ben Aaronovitch (b. 1964) British author
Moon Over Soho (2011)
If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public.
Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard (1868-1930) American caricaturist and humorist
(Attributed)
Institutions like to continue doing what they have been doing, always on a grander scale, if possible. When old enemies disappear, mellow, or turn into allies, as frequently happens in international relations, new enemies must be found and new threats must be discovered. The failure to replenish the supply of enemies is the supreme threat facing any national security bureaucracy.
Richard J. Barnet (1929-2004) American scholar, writer, activist
Roots of War, 5.1 (1971)
And God said, Let there be light, and there was light; but Eastern Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Terence Alan "Spike" Milligan (1918-2002) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer, actor
The Bible According to Spike Milligan, “The Creation According to the Trade Unions” (1994)
(Source)
Quoted in Spike Milligan's Meaning of Life: A Sort of Autobiography, ch. 1 (2011) [ed. Norma Farnes]
A bureaucrat is one who has the power to say “no” but none to say “yes”. Bureaucrats can find an infinite number of reasons for rejecting any proposed change, but can find none for accepting it.
Russell L. Ackoff (1919-2009) American organizational theorist, consultant, management scientist
A Little Book of F-laws (2006)
The trouble with organizing a thing is that pretty soon folks get to paying more attention to the organization than to what they’re organized for.
Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867-1957) American writer
Little Town on the Prairie (1941)
Heads of the Church have often been narcissists, flattered and thrilled by their courtiers. The court is the leprosy of the papacy.
Francis I (b. 1936) Argentinian Catholic Pope (2013- ) [b. Jorge Mario Bergoglio]
“How the Church Will Change,” interview with Eugenio Scalfari, La Repubblica (1 Oct 2013) [tr. K Wallace]
(Source)
Authority intoxicates,
And makes mere sots of magistrates;
The fumes of it invade the brain,
And make men giddy, proud, and vain.Samuel Butler (1612-1680) English poet, satirist, painter, philosopher [Hudibras Butler]
“Miscellaneous Thoughts,” l. 283
The best way to kill a new idea is to put it in an old-line agency.
Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
(Attributed (1964))
(Source)
On assigning his War on Poverty programs to a new office (the Office of Economic Opportunity), reporting directly to the White House, rather than spreading it through existing federal programs and departments like Labor; Agriculture; or Health, Education, and Welfare.
Quoted in Rowland Evans, Jr., and Robert Novak, Lyndon B. Johnson: The Exercise of Power, ch. 19 "The Great Society" (1966).
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
Lawrence J. Peter (1919-1990) American educator, management theorist
Peter’s Quotations: Ideas for Our Time (1977)
If you are going to sin, sin against God, not the bureaucracy. God will forgive you but the bureaucracy won’t.
Hyman Rickover (1900-1986) US Navy Admiral
(Attributed)
Quoted in New York Times (3 Nov 1986).
