It feels great to be 95. I mean, for those parts of me that still have feeling.
Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor, humanitarian (b. Leslie Townes Hope)
“95 Years of Hope,” press kit, joke sheet (1998)
(Source)
It is unclear if Hope originated the joke, or one of his writers, or even if it was something he picked up from elsewhere. It was attributed to him in the profile "The C. E. O. of Comedy," by John Lahr, New Yorker, Vol. 74 (1998-12-21), and included in the posthumously published Bob Hope: My Life in Jokes, "My Nineties: 1993-2003" (2003) [with Linda Hope].
The same joke (updated) was told by Hope as he approached 100, e.g., BBC News, "Bob Hope's One-Liners" (2003-07-28).
Quotations by:
Hope, Bob
If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play at it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor, humanitarian (b. Leslie Townes Hope)
(Attributed)
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor, humanitarian (b. Leslie Townes Hope)
(Attributed)
Attributed by some to his first USO show in Viet Nam, at Vinh Long airbase (24 Dec 1964).
I’ve always been in the right place at the right time. Of course, I steered myself there.
Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor, humanitarian (b. Leslie Townes Hope)
In Merla Zellerbach, “Revealing Secrets of Their Success,” San Francisco Chronicle (11 Jul 1979)