WIST Quotations

Kerr, Jean -- Finishing Touches, Act 1 (1973)

Dave — Mon, 14 Sep 2015 13:34:15 +0000

JEFF: Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Finishing Touches, Act 1 (1973)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1960)

Dave — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:50:26 +0000

MARY: Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1960)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 22:24:22 +0000

BOB: I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 24 Aug 2026 19:28:47 +0000

OSCAR: I hate a friendly divorce. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 1 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 2 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 22 Jun 2026 18:14:16 +0000

BOB: Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? There’s nothing to do but let it splash.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 2 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 2 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 17 Aug 2026 20:36:38 +0000

BOB: I thought we understood each other. I thought we talked things out!

DIRK: Yes, and you listened very carefully to every word you had to say.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 2 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 3 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 20:29:35 +0000

MARY: I don’t grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can’t pick out the verbs.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 3 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Mary, Mary, Act 3 (1961)

Dave — Mon, 10 Aug 2026 21:30:59 +0000

MARY: Well, I worry terribly about lung cancer. I also worry about shortness of breath and heart disease. But what really worries me right this minute is that I’m not going to find a cigarette.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Mary, Mary, Act 3 (1961)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Poor Richard , Act 1 (1965)

Dave — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 12:32:18 +0000

SYDNEY: You don’t seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help. I tell you there is no despair like the despair of the man who has everything.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Poor Richard , Act 1 (1965)

This line is in both the original written version and the stage production; in the former, though, there are some additional lines in between, tying the observation back to writers and their unhappiness even when successful.

Kerr, Jean -- Poor Richard , Act 1 (1965)

Dave — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 16:33:07 +0000

SYDNEY: A lot of writers drink. Some drink before they write and some drink after they write. The ones that concern me are the ones who drink instead of writing. Even though a number of people have tried, no on has yet found a way to drink for a living.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Poor Richard , Act 1 (1965)
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1955-08-01), “Greenwich, Anyone?” Vogue Magazine

Dave — Mon, 30 Mar 2026 17:02:10 +0000

Oftentimes, in the evening after they have finished spreading the fertilizer, the writer and his wife sit on the fence — with a wonderful sense of “togetherness” — and listen to the magic symphony of the crickets.
I can understand that. Around our house, we’re pretty busy, and of course we’re not the least bit integrated, but nevertheless my husband and I often sit together in the deepening twilight and listen to the sweet, gentle slosh-click, slosh-click of the dishwasher. He smiles and I smile. Oh, it’s a golden moment.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1955-08-01), “Greenwich, Anyone?” Vogue Magazine
(Source)

Collected in Please Don't Eat the Daisies (1957).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1955-11), “Our Gingerbread Dream House,” Ladies Home Journal

Dave — Mon, 20 Apr 2026 19:48:11 +0000

In the beginning, we made the usual mistake of looking at houses we could afford. I am working on a proposition, hereafter to be known as Kerr’s law, which states in essence: All the houses you can afford to buy are depressing.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1955-11), “Our Gingerbread Dream House,” Ladies Home Journal
(Source)

Reprinted as "The Kerr-Hilton" in Please Don't Eat the Daisies (1957).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957-07-27), “Children Really Are Not People,” Saturday Evening Post

Dave — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 12:29:32 +0000

Children are different — mentally, physically, spiritually, quantitatively, qualitatively; and furthermore, they’re all a little bit nuts.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957-07-27), “Children Really Are Not People,” Saturday Evening Post
(Source)

Collected as "Where Did You Put the Aspirin?" in Please Don't Eat the Daisies (1957).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957-08), “Aunt Jean’s Marshmallow Fudge Diet,” Harper’s Magazine, Vol. 215, No. 1287

Dave — Mon, 09 Mar 2026 19:08:53 +0000

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957-08), “Aunt Jean’s Marshmallow Fudge Diet,” Harper’s Magazine, Vol. 215, No. 1287
(Source)

Collected in Please Don’t Eat the Daisies (1957).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “How to Get the Best of Your Children,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 14:27:41 +0000

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “How to Get the Best of Your Children,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Original magazine publication unknown.

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:04:15 +0000

If you can keep your head when about you are losing theirs, it’s just possible you haven’t grasped the situation.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

See Kipling, "If --".

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 16 Mar 2026 18:39:31 +0000

Dearer to me than the evening star
A Packard car
A Hershey bar
Or a bride in her rich adorning
Dearer than any of these by far
Is to lie in bed in the morning.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 16 Feb 2026 18:22:48 +0000

You can’t sleep until noon with the proper élan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don’t count).

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Wed, 27 May 2020 17:00:11 +0000

Now the thing about having a baby — and I can’t be the first person to have noticed this — is that thereafter you have it.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 23 Feb 2026 20:39:13 +0000

I do have a compulsion to read in out-of-the-way places, and it is often a blessing; on the other hand, it sometimes comes between me and what I tell the children is “my work.” As a matter of fact, I will read anything rather than work. And I don’t mean interesting things like the yellow section of the telephone book or the enclosures that come with the Bloomingdale bill about McKettrick classics in sizes 12 to 20, blue, brown, or navy @ 12.95 (by the way, did you know that colored facial tissue is now on sale at the unbelievably low price of 7.85 a carton? ). The truth is that, rather than put a word on paper, I will spend a whole half hour reading the label on a milk-of-magnesia bottle. “Philips’ Milk of Magnesia,” I read with the absolute absorption of someone just stumbling on Congreve, “is prepared only by the Charles H. Philips Co., division of Sterling Drug, Inc. Not to be used when abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, or other symptoms of appendicitis are present, etc.”

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Introduction,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “One Half of Two on the Aisle,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 22:15:06 +0000

An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “One Half of Two on the Aisle,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

No earlier magazine publication found.

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “One Half of Two on the Aisle,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 13 Apr 2026 20:26:08 +0000

While in some quarters it is felt that the critic is just a necessary evil, most serious-minded, decent, talented theater people agree that the critic is an unnecessary evil.

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1957), “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies

Dave — Mon, 02 Mar 2026 19:29:40 +0000

We are being very careful with our children. They’ll never have to pay a psychiatrist twenty-five dollars an hour to find out why we rejected them. We’ll tell them why we rejected them. Because they’re impossible, that’s why.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1957), “Please Don’t Eat the Daisies,” Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1958-07), “Hand Me My Dark Glasses,” McCall’s Magazine

Dave — Tue, 12 May 2026 14:34:15 +0000

I make mistakes — I’ll be the second to admit it.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1958-07), “Hand Me My Dark Glasses,” McCall’s Magazine
(Source)

Collected in her The Snake Has All the Lines (1960) as "I Was a Sand Crab."

The original in McCall's has what I suspect is an incorrect "correction" from an editor, reading "I'll be the first to admit it," which is not particularly funny. The "second" text appears in the book.

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1959-03), “The Ten Worst Things About a Man,” McCall’s, Vol. 87, No. 6

Dave — Mon, 07 Sep 2015 16:36:23 +0000

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1959-03), “The Ten Worst Things About a Man,” McCall’s, Vol. 87, No. 6
(Source)

Collected in her The Snake Has All the Lines (1960).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1960-02), “Air Travel Is Definitely Not for Me,” McCall’s Magazine, Vol. 87, No. 6

Dave — Mon, 28 Sep 2015 14:05:51 +0000

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1960-02), “Air Travel Is Definitely Not for Me,” McCall’s Magazine, Vol. 87, No. 6
(Source)

Collected as "Go, Josephine in Your Flying Machine," in The Snake Has All the Lines (1960).

Kerr, Jean -- Essay (1960-11), “Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, I Don’t Want to Hear One Word Out of You,” Ladies’ Home Journal, Vol. 77, No. 4

Dave — Mon, 04 May 2026 19:38:37 +0000

I’m tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That’s deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? Personally, I find that it’s work, work, work just trying to keep this top half inch in shape.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Essay (1960-11), “Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, I Don’t Want to Hear One Word Out of You,” Ladies’ Home Journal, Vol. 77, No. 4
(Source)

Collected in The Snake Has All The Lines (1960).

See Adams (1615).

Kerr, Jean -- Interview (1955-07), Theatre Arts magazine

Dave — Mon, 29 Jun 2026 18:29:49 +0000

I have two trifling ambitions in the theater: to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Interview (1955-07), Theatre Arts magazine
(Source)

Kerr, Jean -- Interview, Time (14 Apr 1961)

Dave — Mon, 21 Sep 2015 13:49:56 +0000

The most important thing about me is that I am a Catholic. It’s a superstructure within which you can work, like a sonnet.

Jean Kerr (1922–2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
Interview, Time (14 Apr 1961)