WIST Quotations

O'Rourke, P. J. -- “A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace,” Republican Party Reptile (1987)

Dave — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 13:28:21 +0000

Bicycles are good exercise. And so is swinging through trees on your tail. Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
“A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace,” Republican Party Reptile (1987)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- “Second Thoughts about the Sixties,” speech, Second Thoughts Conference, Washington (1987); Give War a Chance (1992)

Dave — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 14:26:26 +0000

I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a “learning experience.” Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I’ve done as a “learning experience.” It makes me feel less stupid.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
“Second Thoughts about the Sixties,” speech, Second Thoughts Conference, Washington (1987); Give War a Chance (1992)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- “The Liberty Manifesto,” speech, Cato Institute, Washington, DC (1993-05-06)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
“The Liberty Manifesto,” speech, Cato Institute, Washington, DC (1993-05-06)
(Source)

Reprinted in Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut (1995).

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we’re looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn’t test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- (Attributed)

Dave — Wed, 08 Jan 2014 13:48:24 +0000

America wasn’t founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so that we could all be anything we damn well pleased.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
(Attributed)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Eat the Rich, ch. 10 (1998)

Dave — Wed, 04 May 2016 14:01:47 +0000

Omnipresent amid all the frenzy of Shanghai is that famous portrait, that modern icon. The faintly smiling, bland, yet somehow threatening visage appears in brilliant red hues on placards and posters, and is painted huge on the sides of buildings. Some call him a genius. Others blame him for the deaths of millions. There are those who say his military reputation is inflated, yet he conquered the mainland in short order. Yes, it’s Colonel Sanders.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Eat the Rich, ch. 10 (1998)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Give War a Chance (1992)

Dave — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 12:29:24 +0000

The weirder you are going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Give War a Chance (1992)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Holidays in Hell (1989)

Dave — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:41:35 +0000

It’s always hard to see hope with a hangover.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Holidays in Hell (1989)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People, ch. 1 (1984)

Dave — Fri, 10 Aug 2018 03:37:25 +0000

Good manners are a combination of intelligence, education, taste, and style mixed together so that you don’t need any of those things.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People, ch. 1 (1984)
(Source)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Modern Manners (1989 ed.)

Dave — Thu, 06 Nov 2014 13:01:17 +0000

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Porsche 911 Cabriolet.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Modern Manners (1989 ed.)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Parliament of Whores, “At Home in the Parliament of Whores” (1991)

Dave — Tue, 19 Jul 2022 17:01:59 +0000

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race. All through history mankind has been bullied by scum. Those who lord it over their fellows and toss commands in every direction and would boss the grass in the meadows about which way to bend in the wind are the most depraved kind of prostitutes. They will submit to any indignity, perform any vile act, do anything to achieve power. The worst off-sloughings of the planet are the ingredients of sovereignty. Every government is a parliament of whores.
The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Parliament of Whores, “At Home in the Parliament of Whores” (1991)
(Source)

Concluding words of the book.

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Parliament of Whores, “The President” (1991)

Dave — Mon, 08 Aug 2016 23:48:14 +0000

In our brief national history, we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their characters.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Parliament of Whores, “The President” (1991)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Parliament of Whores, Preface (1991)

Dave — Wed, 28 Jul 2021 20:32:17 +0000

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Parliament of Whores, Preface (1991)
(Source)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Rolling Stone (30 Nov 1989)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

One of the annoying things about believing in free will and individual responsibility is the difficulty in finding someone to blame your troubles on. And when you do find someone, it’s remarkable how often their picture turns up on your driver’s license.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Rolling Stone (30 Nov 1989)