WIST Quotations

Ward, Artemus -- “Is Introduced at the Club,” The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (1898)

Dave — Tue, 02 Sep 2014 12:22:28 +0000

I believe we are descendid from the Puritins, who nobly fled from a land of despitism to a land of freedim, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but prevent everybody else from enjoyin his.

[I believe we are descended from the Puritans, who nobly fled from a land of despotism to a land of freedom, where they could not only enjoy their own religion, but prevent everybody else from enjoying his.]

Artemus Ward (1834-1867) American humorist, editor, lecturer [pseud. of Charles Farrar Browne]
“Is Introduced at the Club,” The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (1898)

Ward, Artemus -- “The Tower of London,” The Complete Works of Atermus Ward (1898)

Dave — Tue, 04 Mar 2014 14:06:26 +0000

Traters, I will here remark, are a onfortnit class of peple. If they wasn’t, they wouldn’t be traters. They conspire to bust up a country — they fail, and they’re traters. They bust her, and they become statesmen and heroes.

[Traitors, I will here remark, are an unfortunate class of people. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be traitors. They conspire to bust up a country — they fail, and they’re traitors. They bust her, and they become statesmen and heroes.]

Artemus Ward (1834-1867) American humorist, editor, lecturer [pseud. of Charles Farrar Browne]
“The Tower of London,” The Complete Works of Atermus Ward (1898)

Ward, Artemus -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Trouble will come soon enough, and when he does come, receive him as pleasantly as possible. Like the tax collector, he is a disagreeable chap to have in one’s house, but the more amiably you greet him the sooner he will go away.

Artemus Ward (1834-1867) American humorist, editor, lecturer [pseud. of Charles Farrar Browne]
(Attributed)

Ward, Artemus -- Shakespeare Up-to-Date

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

“Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just” —
And four times he who gets his fist in fust.

Artemus Ward (1834-1867) American humorist, editor, lecturer [pseud. of Charles Farrar Browne]
Shakespeare Up-to-Date

See Shakespeare. Also attributed to Josh Billings in Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865), and sometimes oddly credited to Romans 13:7.