I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.

[I don’t never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks straight is what bothers me.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]

Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)