Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it.
Hannah More (1745-1833) English religious writer, educator
Letter to her sister (1775)
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.
Dudley Moore (1935-2002) Engish actor, comedian, musician. composer
(Attributed)
JOKER: It’s all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for — it’s all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can’t you see the funny side? Why aren’t you laughing?
BATMAN: Because I’ve heard it before. And it wasn’t funny the first time.Alan Moore (b. 1953) British writer
The Killing Joke (1988)
We sneer. We lampoon and ridicule the sniveling little oaf before his peers…. We imply that even to have voiced such a question places him irretrievably in the same category as the common pencil-sharpener…. The reason why we do this is pretty straightforward. Firstly, in the dismal and confused sludge of opinion and half-truth that make up all artistic theory and criticism, it is the only question worth asking. Secondly, we don’t know the answer and we’re scared that somebody will find out.
Alan Moore (b. 1953) British writer
Behind the Painted Smile (1983)
(on writers being asked "Where do you get you get your ideas from?")
Character is what you are in the dark.
Dwight Lyman "D. L." Moody (1837-1899) American evangelist and publisher
Sermon
Attributed by his son in William R. Moody, D. L. Moody, ch. 66 (1930), but quoted without citation before that (e.g., in Saint Andrew's Cross (Nov 1907), and The Outlook (6 Jun 1917)).
I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. I’m certainly not! But I’m sick and tired of being told that I am!
Monty Python (contemp.) British comedy troupe
(Attributed)
‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
Monty Python (contemp.) British comedy troupe
And Now for Something Completely Different (1971)
KING ARTHUR: I am your king.
WOMAN: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
KING ARTHUR: You don’t vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well how’d you become king then?
KING ARTHUR: [angelic music plays] The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.
DENNIS: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Life’s a dance you learn as you go,
Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow,
Don’t worry ’bout what you don’t know,
Life’s a dance you learn as you go.John Michael Montgomery (b. 1965) American country musician
(Attributed)
The tyranny of a prince in an oligarchy is not so dangerous to the public welfare as the apathy of a citizen in a democracy.
Charles-Lewis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu (1689-1755) French political philosopher
The Spirit of the Laws (1748)
If we only wanted to be happy, it would be easy; but we want to be happier than other people, which is difficult, since we think them happier than they are.
Charles-Lewis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu (1689-1755) French political philosopher
(Attributed)
Useless laws weaken necessary laws.
Charles-Lewis de Secondat, Baron de Montesquieu (1689-1755) French political philosopher
(Attributed)
There is no man so good that if he placed all his actions and thoughts under the scrutiny of the laws, he would not deserve hanging ten times in his life.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
“Of Vanity,” Essays (1588) [tr. Frame (1958)]
Alt. trans.: "No man is so exquisitely honest or upright in living but that ten times in his life he might not lawfully be hanged."
I, who am a very earthy person, loathe that inhuman teaching which would make us despise and dislike the care of the body. I consider it just as wrong to reject natural pleasures as to set too much store by them.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
Essays
Don’t discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise yourself, you are disbelieved.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
There is no conversation more boring than the one where everybody agrees.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
Necessity is a violent school-mistress and teacheth strange lessons.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
Hath God obliged himself not to exceed the bounds of our knowledge?
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
Whosoever lies shows that he despises God and fears men.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
Confidence in others’ honesty is no light testimony of one’s own integrity.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
Nothing is as firmly held as what man knows least.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
If you don’t know how to die, don’t worry; Nature will tell you what to do on the spot, fully and adequately. She will do this job perfectly for you; don’t bother your head about it.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
He who imposes his argument by bravado and command shows that it is weak in reason.
[Qui establit son discours par braverie et commandement, montre que la raison y est foible.]
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
Essays, Book 3, ch. 11 “Of Cripples [Des Boyteux]” (1587) (3.11) (1595) [tr. Frame (1943)]
(Source)
(Source (French)). Alternate translations:
He that with braverie and by comaundement will establish his discourse, declareth his reason to be weake.
[tr. Florio (1603), "Of the Lame or Cripple"]
Who will establish his Discourse by Authority and Huffing, discovers his Reason to be very weak.
[tr. Cotton (1686)]
He who will establish this proposition by authority and huffing discovers his reason to be very weak.
[tr. Cotton/Hazlitt (1877), "On the Lame"]
He who establishes his argument by defiance and by command shews that his reasoning is weak.
[tr. Ives (1925)]
Any man who supports his opinion with challenges and commands demonstrates that his reasons for it are weak.
[tr. Screech (1987), "On the Lame"]
He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.
[Source]
There never were in the world two opinions alike, no more than two hairs or two grains; the most universal quality is diversity.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
(Attributed)
No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately.
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
Essays (1580-1588)
I endeavor to be wise when I cannot be merry, easy when I cannot be glad, content when I cannot be mended and patient when there be no redress.
Elizabeth Montagu (1720-1800) English intellectual, conversationalist
Letter (c. 1739)
A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing.
Marilyn Monroe (1926-1962) American actress, sex symbol
(Attributed)
If you’re sure you understand everything that’s going on, you’re hopelessly confused.
Walter Mondale (1928-2021) American politician
(Attributed)
It is not only for what we do that we are held responsible, but also for what we do not do.
Molière (1622-1673) French playwright, actor [stage name for Jean-Baptiste Poquelin]
(Attributed)
Alt. trans.: "It is not what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable."
It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I’m right.
Molière (1622-1673) French playwright, actor [stage name for Jean-Baptiste Poquelin]
(Attributed)
Kindness is the mark of faith; and whoever has not kindness has not faith.
Muhammad (570-632) Arabian merchant, prophet, founder of Islam [Mohammed]
The Sayings of Mohammed, #254 [tr. Abdullah Al-Suhrawardy (1941)]
Patience is the key to contentment.
Muhammad (570-632) Arabian merchant, prophet, founder of Islam [Mohammed]
(Attributed)
I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) American screenwriter and wit
(Attributed)
quoted in H L Mencken's Dictionary of Quotations (1942)
Life’s a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) American screenwriter and wit
(Attributed)
I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) American screenwriter and wit
(Attributed)
The worst-tempered people I’ve ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) American screenwriter and wit
(Attributed)
I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
Wilson Mizner (1876-1933) American screenwriter and wit
(Attributed)
We especially need imagination in science. It is not all mathematics, nor all logic, but it is somewhat beauty and poetry.
Maria Mitchell (1818-1889) American astronomer, educator
(Attributed)
The world of learning is so broad, and the human soul is so limited in power! We reach forth and strain every nerve, but we seize only a bit of the curtain that hides the infinite from us.
Maria Mitchell (1818-1889) American astronomer, educator
(Attributed)
When we are chafed and fretted by small cares, a look at the stars will show us the littleness of our own interests.
Maria Mitchell (1818-1889) American astronomer, educator
(Attributed)
Every formula which expresses a law of nature is a hymn of praise to God.
Maria Mitchell (1818-1889) American astronomer, educator
Inscription on bust in American Academy of Arts & Sciences Hall of Fame (1905)
Who overcomes
By force, hath overcome but half his foe.John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Paradise Lost, 1.648 (1667)
The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heav’n of Hell, a Hell of Heav’n.John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Paradise Lost, 1.254 (1667)
A man may be heretic to the truth if he believes things only because his pastor says so, or the assembly so determines, without knowing other reason; though his belief be true, yet the very truth he holds becomes his heresy.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Areopagitica
Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye nam’d not good.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Tetrachordon
As good almost kill a man as kill a good book: who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God’s image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were in the eye.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Areopagitica: a Speech for the Liberty of Unlicensed Printing to the Parliament of England (1644),
These two
Imparadis’d in one another’s arms.John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Paradise Lost, 4.505 (1667)
Knowledge cannot defile, nor consequently the books, if the will and conscience be not defiled …. Wholesome meats to a vitiated stomach differ little or nothing from unwholesome; and best books to a naughty mind are not unappliable to occasions of evil.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
Areopagitica
It is only to the individual faith of each that the Deity has opened the way to salvation.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
De Doctrina Cristana, Preface
Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.
John Milton (1608-1674) English poet
(Attributed)
A cow may be drained dry; and if the Chancellors of the Exchequer persist in meeting every deficiency that occurs by taxing the brewing and distilling industries, they will inevitably kill the cow that lays the golden milk.
Frederick Milner (1849-1931) British politician
(Attributed)
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
A. A. Milne (1882-1956) English poet and playwright [Alan Alexander Milne]
(Attributed)
“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.
“So it is.”
“And freezing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”A. A. Milne (1882-1956) English poet and playwright [Alan Alexander Milne]
The House at Pooh Corner
Written down, it doesn’t seem a very good song, but coming through pale fawn fluff at about half-past eleven on a very sunny morning, it seemed to Pooh to be one of the best songs he had ever sung. So he went on singing it.
A. A. Milne (1882-1956) English poet and playwright [Alan Alexander Milne]
The House at Pooh Corner
Pooh wondered if being a faithful Knight meant that you just went on being faithful without being told things.
A. A. Milne (1882-1956) English poet and playwright [Alan Alexander Milne]
The House at Pooh Corner