WIST Quotations

Barry, Dave -- “Peace on Earth, but No Parking”

Dave — Fri, 23 Dec 2016 21:31:08 +0000

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist, author, columnist
“Peace on Earth, but No Parking”

O'Rourke, P. J. -- “A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace,” Republican Party Reptile (1987)

Dave — Mon, 02 Feb 2015 13:28:21 +0000

Bicycles are good exercise. And so is swinging through trees on your tail. Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
“A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace,” Republican Party Reptile (1987)

O'Rourke, P. J. -- Modern Manners (1989 ed.)

Dave — Thu, 06 Nov 2014 13:01:17 +0000

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Porsche 911 Cabriolet.

P. J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Modern Manners (1989 ed.)

~Other -- Mary Ellen Kelley

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

(Other Authors and Sources)
Mary Ellen Kelley

Cringely, Robert X. -- “Notes from the Field,” InfoWorld (6 Mar 1989)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Robert X. Cringely (contemp.) American technology columnist [pseud. for Mark Stephens and others]
“Notes from the Field,” InfoWorld (6 Mar 1989)

Carlin, George -- Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed when driving that anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot? And anyone driving faster than you is a maniac? “Say, look at this idiot here! Will you just look at this idiot, just creeping along — whoa, look at that maniac go!” I mean, it’s a wonder we ever get anywhere at all, with all the idiots and maniacs there are.

George Carlin (1937-2008) American comedian
Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

(Source (Video); dialog verified)

This skit was put in text in Napalm & Silly Putty, "Cars and Driving, Part 1," "Idiots and Maniacs" (2001):

Have you ever noticed when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac? "Will you look at this idiot!" [points right] "Look at him! Just creepin' along!" [swings head left] "Holy shit! Look at that maniac go!" Why, I tell ya, folks, it's a wonder we ever get anywhere at all these days, what with all the idiots and maniacs out there.

Which was in turn recorded as an audiobook by Carlin. Note the audio version of the book adds "Whoa!" in front of "Holy shit!" and omits the words "these days."