WIST Quotations

Hope, Bob -- “95 Years of Hope,” press kit, joke sheet (1998)

Dave — Fri, 30 May 2025 19:28:27 +0000

It feels great to be 95. I mean, for those parts of me that still have feeling.

Bob Hope (1903-2003) American comedian, actor, humanitarian (b. Leslie Townes Hope)
“95 Years of Hope,” press kit, joke sheet (1998)
(Source)

It is unclear if Hope originated the joke, or one of his writers, or even if it was something he picked up from elsewhere. It was attributed to him in the profile "The C. E. O. of Comedy," by John Lahr, New Yorker, Vol. 74 (1998-12-21), and included in the posthumously published Bob Hope: My Life in Jokes, "My Nineties: 1993-2003" (2003) [with Linda Hope].

The same joke (updated) was told by Hope as he approached 100, e.g., BBC News, "Bob Hope's One-Liners" (2003-07-28).

Barry, Dave -- Dave Barry Turns 40, ch. 2 “Your Disintegrating Body” (1990)

Dave — Fri, 19 Jan 2024 23:01:08 +0000

Why do we get older? Why do our bodies wear out? Why can’t we just go on and on and on, accumulating a potentially infinite number of Frequent Flier mileage points? These are the kinds of questions that philosophers have been asking ever since they realized that being a philosopher did not involve any heavy lifting.
And yet the answer is really very simple: Our bodies are mechanical devices, and like all mechanical devices, they break down. Some devices, such as battery-operated toys costing $39.95, break down almost instantly upon exposure to the Earth’s atmosphere. Other devices, such as stereo systems owned by your next-door neighbor’s 13-year-old son who likes to listen to bands with names like “Nerve Damage” at a volume capable of disintegrating limestone, will continue to function perfectly for many years, even if you hit them with an ax. But the fundamental law of physics is that sooner or later every mechanism ceases to function for one reason or another, and it is never covered under the warranty.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist, author, columnist
Dave Barry Turns 40, ch. 2 “Your Disintegrating Body” (1990)
(Source)

Twain, Mark -- The Innocents Abroad, ch. 57 (1869)

Dave — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 15:31:59 +0000

It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing — I used to be a good boy, for that matter. Both of us have lost character of late years.

Mark Twain (1835-1910) American writer [pseud. of Samuel Clemens]
The Innocents Abroad, ch. 57 (1869)
(Source)