WIST Quotations

Adams, Douglas -- Dirk Gently No. 2, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, ch. 4 (1988)

Dave — Tue, 16 Sep 2025 16:02:05 +0000

He had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when driving. This was largely because of his “Zen” method of navigation, which was simply to find any car that looked as if it knew where it was going and follow it. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both.

Douglas Adams (1952–2001) English author, humorist, screenwriter
Dirk Gently No. 2, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, ch. 4 (1988)

Dirk describes this again later, in ch. 13:

My own strategy is to find a car, or the nearest equivalent, which looks as if it knows where it's going and follow it. I rarely end up where I was intending to go, but often I end up somewhere I needed to be.

And again at the end of ch. 13:

My methods of navigation have their advantage. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1981-03-29)

Dave — Mon, 10 Mar 2025 16:41:01 +0000

Miss Manners is amazed at the number of otherwise gentle souls who turn nasty when they are driving. And they all suffer from the wonderful, ostrich-like delusion that they cannot be identified because they are safely inside their cars. It seems silly to her to have to say what good driving manners are. They are the same as the simplest, most obvious of non-driving manners, except that each person is surrounded by thousands of dollars of treacherous metal.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1981-03-29)

Bukowski, Charles -- Factotum, ch. 72 (1975)

Dave — Wed, 05 Jan 2022 16:36:34 +0000

I’m no preacher but I can tell you this — the lives that people lead are driving them crazy and their insanity comes out in the way they drive.

Charles Bukowski (1920–1994) German-American author, poet
Factotum, ch. 72 (1975)

Pratchett, Terry -- Post, alt.fan.pratchett (20 Jun 2002)

Dave — Fri, 27 Mar 2020 22:39:02 +0000

However, you do need rules. Driving on the left (or the right or, in parts of Europe, on the left and the right as the mood takes you) is a rule which works, since following it means you’re more likely to reach your intended rather than your final destination.

Terry Pratchett (1948–2015) English author
Post, alt.fan.pratchett (20 Jun 2002)

~Other -- Burma-Shave sign

Dave — Wed, 11 Nov 2015 14:07:38 +0000

Altho insured
Remember, kiddo
They don’t pay you
They pay
Your widow
Burma-Shave

(Other Authors and Sources)
Burma-Shave sign

Peter, Lawrence J. -- Peter’s People, ch. 8, “Peter’s Theory of Relativity” (1979)

Dave — Wed, 23 May 2012 12:13:10 +0000

The red light is always longer than the green light.

Lawrence J. Peter (1919–1990) American educator, management theorist
Peter’s People, ch. 8, “Peter’s Theory of Relativity” (1979)

Barry, Dave -- “25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” # 9 (1997)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist, author, columnist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” # 9 (1997)

~Other -- Paul Wiley

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

I have a theory that all traffic lights are secretly synchronized — you just have to drive fast enough. Testing this theory has lead me to develop a second theory: Most police officers are NOT men of science.

(Other Authors and Sources)
Paul Wiley

Carlin, George -- Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed when driving that anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot? And anyone driving faster than you is a maniac? “Say, look at this idiot here! Will you just look at this idiot, just creeping along — whoa, look at that maniac go!” I mean, it’s a wonder we ever get anywhere at all, with all the idiots and maniacs there are.

George Carlin (1937–2008) American comedian
Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

(Source (Video); dialog verified)

This skit was put in text in Napalm & Silly Putty, "Cars and Driving, Part 1," "Idiots and Maniacs" (2001):

Have you ever noticed when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac? "Will you look at this idiot!" [points right] "Look at him! Just creepin' along!" [swings head left] "Holy shit! Look at that maniac go!" Why, I tell ya, folks, it's a wonder we ever get anywhere at all these days, what with all the idiots and maniacs out there.

Which was in turn recorded as an audiobook by Carlin. Note the audio version of the book adds "Whoa!" in front of "Holy shit!" and omits the words "these days."