If gouty pangs, or a rank goatish smell,
Did ever with poor mortal justly dwell;
Thy rival, Virro, to console thy care,
Hath got of each disease an ample share:
For, when in hot embrace the lovers burn,
She's choak'd with stench, and he with gout is torn.
[tr. Nott (1795) #68]

An of a goat-stink damned from armpits fusty one suffer,
Or if a crippling gout worthily any one rack,
'Tis that rival o' thine who lief in loves of you meddles,
And, by a wondrous fate, gains him the twain of such ills.
For that, oft as he ..., so oft that penance be two-fold;
Stifles her stench of goat, he too is kilt by his gout.
[tr. Burton (1893)]

If ever anyone was deservedly cursed with an atrocious goat-stench from armpits, or if limping gout did justly gnaw one, it is your rival, who occupies himself with your love, and who wondrously has obtained each these ills from you. For as often as he takes his pleasure, he just as often takes vengeance on both; herself he prostrates by his stink, he is slain by his gout.
[tr. Smithers (1894)]

If there ever was a good fellow afflicted with rankness, or one who was racked for his sins with the gout, your rival who shares your privileges has got both from you to a marvel. Whenever they meet, they both pay dear for it; she is overwhelmed with the gust, he half dead with the gout.
[tr. Warre Cornish (1913)]

If ever honest fellow was afflicted
With goatish armpits, or a worthy dame
In all her limbs by gout was held constricted,
Then, my good Virro, Mr. What's his name,
Who shares your mistress with you, now must see
That he in both is made your legatee.
He pays a double price for every bout:
His smell offends her, she gives him her gout.
[tr. Wright (1926)]

My friend, your rival (if anyone) deserves the curses that have fallen upon him,
for the smell of a goat leaps from his armpits and he is woe fully lamed by fiery sciatica.
But here's a double miracle: since he has inherited your diseases
when he sleeps with your lady she faints away (killed maybe) by the vicious
goat hidden in his arms, while he, poor bastard, lies impotent, weak with the frantic pain
rising from his sciatica.
[tr. Gregory (1931)]

If anyone ever deserved such underarm goatodor
or ever merited gout's terrible swellings,
it's that rival of yours, who's sharing not only your mistress
but -- quite miraculously -- your diseases also!
Whenever he fucks her, both of them suffer your vengeance:
she gets your goat & he's the one that your gout gets.
[tr. C. Martin (1979)]

If a goat’s smell under the arms rightly prevents anyone,
or if a slow gout deservedly cripples them,
your rival, who keeps your lover busy,
is discovered by you to be wonderfully sick with both.
Now whenever he fucks her, you’re revenged on the pair:
she’s troubled by the smell, he’s ruined by the gout.
[tr. Kline (2001)]

If the damnable goat in the armpits justly hurt anyone,
or limping gout ever rightfully caused pain,
that rival of yours, busy humping your shared lover,
by contracting both maladies wonderfully fits the bill:
Every time that he fucks, he punishes both parties:
the odor sickens her, the gout slays him.
[tr. Green (2005)]