WIST Quotations

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (2014-12-19)

Dave — Mon, 22 Dec 2025 16:35:50 +0000

Dishonesty is not the only alternative to honesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (2014-12-19)

Collected in Minding Miss Manners: In an Era of Fake Etiquette (2020), though with a slight rephrasing:

The only alternative to honesty is not dishonesty. There is also the highly underrated virtue of shutting up.

Fuller, Thomas (1654) -- Introductio ad Prudentiam, Vol. 2, # 2214 (1727)

Dave — Wed, 15 Oct 2025 15:47:03 +0000

When thou art in the Company of Ladies behave civilly, and shew good Breeding. They will easily pardon a Man’s Want of Sense, but rarely his Want of Manners.

Thomas Fuller (1654–1734) English physician, preacher, aphorist, writer
Introductio ad Prudentiam, Vol. 2, # 2214 (1727)

Martin, Judith -- Interview (2011-08), “Q and A with Miss Manners,” by Arcynta Ali Childs, Smithsonian magazine

Dave — Mon, 01 Sep 2025 19:18:09 +0000

Q. Is it ever acceptable to be rude?

A. No. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to let people walk all over you. Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did; even I wouldn’t subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Interview (2011-08), “Q and A with Miss Manners,” by Arcynta Ali Childs, Smithsonian magazine

Heinlein, Robert A. -- Friday, ch. 23 [Boss] (1983)

Dave — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 16:28:36 +0000

A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot. […] This symptom is especially serious in that an individual displaying it never thinks of it as a sign of ill health but as proof of his/her strength.

Robert A. Heinlein (1907–1988) American writer
Friday, ch. 23 [Boss] (1983)

Martin, Judith -- Interview (2011-08), “Q and A with Miss Manners,” by Arcynta Ali Childs, Smithsonian magazine

Dave — Mon, 18 Aug 2025 16:57:26 +0000

“Honesty” in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you’re talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Interview (2011-08), “Q and A with Miss Manners,” by Arcynta Ali Childs, Smithsonian magazine

Martin, Judith -- Interview (1995-03-06) by Virginia Shea, “Miss Mannners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Internet Behavior,” Computerworld, Vol. 29, No. 10

Dave — Mon, 04 Aug 2025 17:31:26 +0000

I always presume, because it helps me get up in the morning, that most people are people of goodwill and would like to restrain themselves from offending people if they knew what was offensive.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Interview (1995-03-06) by Virginia Shea, “Miss Mannners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Internet Behavior,” Computerworld, Vol. 29, No. 10

Martin, Judith -- Interview (1995-03-06) by Virginia Shea, “Miss Mannners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Internet Behavior,” Computerworld, Vol. 29, No. 10

Dave — Mon, 21 Jul 2025 17:48:51 +0000

You can deny all you want that there is etiquette, and a lot of people do in everyday life. But if you behave in a way that offends the people you’re trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you.

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (2015-01-27)

Dave — Mon, 23 Jun 2025 18:16:13 +0000

When someone has tried to please you, it is rude, as well as disheartening, to respond by announcing that the effort was a failure.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (2015-01-27)

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1981-03-29)

Dave — Mon, 10 Mar 2025 16:41:01 +0000

Miss Manners is amazed at the number of otherwise gentle souls who turn nasty when they are driving. And they all suffer from the wonderful, ostrich-like delusion that they cannot be identified because they are safely inside their cars. It seems silly to her to have to say what good driving manners are. They are the same as the simplest, most obvious of non-driving manners, except that each person is surrounded by thousands of dollars of treacherous metal.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1981-03-29)

Martin, Judith -- Star-Spangled Manners, ch. 1 (2003)

Dave — Mon, 03 Feb 2025 19:49:12 +0000

Every day we have illustrated for us the paradox that it is the very people who violate and condemn the system of expected behavior codified in etiquette who are most outraged when it is violated by others.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Star-Spangled Manners, ch. 1 (2003)

Billings, Josh -- Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, ch. 155 “Affurisms: Ink Lings” (1874)

Dave — Fri, 18 Oct 2024 15:32:08 +0000

Thare iz a grate deal ov charity in this world so koldly rendered that it fairly hurts, it iz like lifting a drowning man out ov the water bi the hair ov the hed, and then letting him drop on the ground.

[There is a great deal of charity in this world so coldly rendered that it fairly hurts. It is like lifting a drowning man out of the water by the hair of the head, and then letting him drop on the ground.]

Josh Billings (1818–1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, ch. 155 “Affurisms: Ink Lings” (1874)

Martin, Judith -- Miss Manners Rescues Civilization, ch. 13 “Tradition Moves Ahead” (1996)

Dave — Fri, 13 Sep 2024 14:13:02 +0000

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever possible to be too polite?

GENTLE READER: When politeness is used to show up other people, it is reclassified as rudeness. Thus it is technically impossible to be too polite.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Miss Manners Rescues Civilization, ch. 13 “Tradition Moves Ahead” (1996)

"Miss Manners's Parting Shot." Concluding words of the book.

Martin, Judith -- Miss Manners Rescues Civilization, ch. 6 “Etiquette’s Defense System” (1996)

Dave — Mon, 05 Aug 2024 20:04:04 +0000

When people seek to eradicate all forms of shame, Miss Manners gets worried. How are they supposed to feel when they are rude? Proud? A great many do, and Miss Manners thinks they should be ashamed of themselves.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Miss Manners Rescues Civilization, ch. 6 “Etiquette’s Defense System” (1996)

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1987-11-01)

Dave — Mon, 22 Jul 2024 15:18:53 +0000

The challenge of manners is not so much to be nice to someone whose favor and/or person you covet (although more people need to be reminded of that necessity than one would suppose) as to be exposed to the bad manners of others without imitating them.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1987-11-01)

Collected in Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium, Part 1 "Revised Conventions," "Correcting Others" (1989).

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1985-07-10)

Dave — Mon, 15 Jul 2024 17:26:21 +0000

It is not rude to turn off your telephone by switching it on to an answering machine, which is cheaper and less disruptive than ripping it out of the wall. Those who are offended because they cannot always get through when they seek, at their own convenience, to barge in on people are suffering from a rude expectation.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1985-07-10)

Collected in Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium, Part 2 "Home Life," "Communications at Home" (1989).

Martin, Judith -- Common Courtesy, “Those Who Would Change the Country’s Manners Encounter Citizen Resistance” (1985)

Dave — Mon, 17 Jun 2024 15:44:51 +0000

Perhaps the greatest rudenesses of our time come not from the callousness of strangers, but from the solicitousness of intimates who believe that their frank criticisms are always welcome, and who feel free to “be themselves” with those they love, which turns out to mean being their worst selves, while saving their best behavior for strangers.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Common Courtesy, “Those Who Would Change the Country’s Manners Encounter Citizen Resistance” (1985)

Martin, Judith -- Common Courtesy, “In the Quest for Equality, Civilization Itself Is Maligned” (1985)

Dave — Mon, 10 Jun 2024 14:56:29 +0000

We are all born rude. No infant has ever appeared yet with the grace to understand how inconsiderate it is to disturb others in the middle of the night.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Common Courtesy, “In the Quest for Equality, Civilization Itself Is Maligned” (1985)

La Bruyere, Jean de -- The Characters [Les Caractères], ch. 5 “Of Society and Conversation [De la Société et de la Conversation],” § 23 (5.23) (1688) [tr. Van Laun (1885)]

Dave — Tue, 20 Feb 2024 16:45:43 +0000

There are such things as to speak well, to speak easily, to speak correctly, and to speak seasonably. We offend against the last way of speaking if we mention a sumptuous entertainment we have just been present at before people who have not had enough to eat; if we boast of our good health before invalids; if we talk of our riches, our income, and our fine furniture to a man who has not so much as an income or a dwelling; in a word, if we speak of our prosperity before people who are wretched; such a conversation is too much for them, and the comparison which they then make between their condition and ours is very painful.

[Il y a parler bien, parler aisément, parler juste, parler à propos. C’est pécher contre ce dernier genre que de s’étendre sur un repas magnifique que l’on vient de faire, devant des gens qui sont réduits à épargner leur pain; de dire merveilles de sa santé devant des infirmes; d’entretenir de ses richesses, de ses revenus et de ses ameublements un homme qui n’a ni rentes ni domicile; en un mot, de parler de son bonheur devant des misérables: cette conversation est trop forte pour eux, et la comparaison qu’ils font alors de leur état au vôtre est odieuse.]

Jean de La Bruyère (1645–1696) French essayist, moralist
The Characters [Les Caractères], ch. 5 “Of Society and Conversation [De la Société et de la Conversation],” § 23 (5.23) (1688) [tr. Van Laun (1885)]

(Source (French)). Other translations:

Some men talk well, easily, justly, and to the purpose: those offend in the last kind, who speak of the Banquets they are to be at, before such as are reduc'd to spare their Bread; of sound Limbs, before the Infirm; of Demesnes and Revenues, before the Poor and Needy; of fine Houses and Furniture, before such as have neither Dwelling or Moveables: in a word, who speak of Prosperity, before the Miserable. This conversation is too strong for 'em, and the comparison you make between their condition and yours is odious.
[Bullord ed. (1696)]

There is speaking well, speaking easily, speaking justly, and speaking seasonably: 'Tis transgressing the last rule, to speak ofthe sumptuous Entertainments you have made, before such as are reduc'd to want of Bread; of a healthy Constitution of Body, before the Infirm; of Demesnes, Revenues and Furniture, before a Man who has neither Dwelling, Rents, nor Movables; in a word, to speak of your Prosperity before the Miserable: this Conversation is too strong from them, and the Comparison they make between their Condition and yours is odious.
[Curll ed. (1713)]

There is speaking well, speaking easily, speaking justly, and speaking seasonably: It is offending against the last, to speak of Entertainments before the Indigent; of sound Limbs and Health before the Infirm; of Houses and Lands before one who has not so much as a Dwelling; in a Word, to speak of your Prosperity before the Miserable; this Conversation is cruel, and the Comparison which naturally rises in them betwixt their Condition and yours is excruciating.
[Browne ed. (1752)]

There is a difference between speaking well, speaking easily, speaking with judgement and speaking opportunely. We fail in this last respect when we enlarge upon the splendid meal we have just enjoyed in front of people who have to be thrifty of their bread; or boast of our health in the presence of invalids; or talk about our wealth, our fortune and property to a man who has neither home nor income; in a word, when we speak of our happiness in front of those who are wretched; such conversation is too painful for them, and the comparison they are bound to make between your state and their own is intolerable.
[tr. Stewart (1970)]

Martin, Judith -- Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Introduction (1983)

Dave — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 17:14:26 +0000

Miss Manners corrects only upon request. Then she does it from a distance, with no names attached, and no personal relationship, however distant, between the corrector and the correctee. She does not search out errors like a policeman leaping out of a speed trap. When Miss Manners observes people behaving rudely, she behaves politely to them, and then goes home and snickers about them afterward.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Introduction (1983)

Baring, Maurice -- The Coat Without Seam, ch. 8 [Countess Felsen] (1929)

Dave — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 17:51:30 +0000

Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.

Maurice Baring (1874–1945) English man of letters, writer, essayist, translator
The Coat Without Seam, ch. 8 [Countess Felsen] (1929)

Rothfuss, Patrick -- The Name of the Wind, ch. 60 [Threpe] (2007)

Dave — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 17:21:26 +0000

Etiquette is a set of rules people use so they can be rude to each other in public.

Patrick Rothfuss (b. 1973) American author
The Name of the Wind, ch. 60 [Threpe] (2007)

Gracián, Baltasar -- The Art of Worldly Wisdom [Oráculo Manual y Arte de Prudencia], § 183 (1647) [tr. Maurer (1992)]

Dave — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 16:32:27 +0000

Even when you are right, it is good to make concessions: people will recognize you were right but admire your courtesy. More is lost through holding on than can be won by defeating others. One defends not truth but rudeness.

[Aun en caso de evidencia, es ingenuidad el ceder, que no se ignora la razón que tuvo y se conoce la galantería que tiene. Más se pierde con el arrimamiento que se puede ganar con el vencimiento; no es defender la verdad, sino la grosería.]

Baltasar Gracián y Morales (1601–1658) Spanish Jesuit priest, writer, philosopher
The Art of Worldly Wisdom [Oráculo Manual y Arte de Prudencia], § 183 (1647) [tr. Maurer (1992)]

(Source (Spanish)). Other translations:

It is civil to yield, even in those things wherein we have greatest reason and certainty: for then all know, who had reason on their side: and besides the reason, Gallantry is also discovered in the procedure. There is more esteem lost, by a wilfull resistence, then there is got by carrying it by open force. For that is not so much a defending of truth, as a demonstration of Clownishness.
[Flesher ed. (1685)]

Even in cases of obvious certainty it is fine to yield: our reasons for holding the view cannot escape notice, our courtesy in yielding must be the more recognised. Our obstinacy loses more than our victory yields: that is not to champion truth but rather rudeness.
[tr. Jacobs (1892)]

Even with the proof on your side, it is well to make concession, for your reasons are known and your gentlemanliness is recognized; more is lost in contention than can be gained in consummation, for such does not defend the truth, but only exhibits bad manners.
[tr. Fischer (1937)]

Schopenhauer, Arthur -- Parerga and Paralipomena, Vol. 1, “Aphorisms on the Wisdom of Life [Aphorismen zur Lebensweisheit],” ch. 5 “Counsels and Maxims [Paränesen und Maximen],” § 3.36 (1851) [tr. Payne (1974)]

Dave — Mon, 25 Apr 2022 17:16:48 +0000

Politeness is prudence and consequently rudeness is folly. To make enemies by being wantonly and unnecessarily rude is as crazy as setting one’s house on fire.

[Höflichkeit ist Klugheit; folglich ist Unhöflichkeit Dummheit: sich mittelst ihrer unnötiger und mutwilliger Weise Feinde machen ist Raserei, wie wenn man sein Haus in Brand steckt.]

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788–1860) German philosopher
Parerga and Paralipomena, Vol. 1, “Aphorisms on the Wisdom of Life [Aphorismen zur Lebensweisheit],” ch. 5 “Counsels and Maxims [Paränesen und Maximen],” § 3.36 (1851) [tr. Payne (1974)]

Source (German). Another translation:

It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire.
[tr. Saunders (1890)]

La Bruyere, Jean de -- The Characters [Les Caractères], ch. 11 “Of Mankind [De l’Homme],” § 8 (11.8) (1688) [tr. Stewart (1970)]

Dave — Tue, 18 Jan 2022 16:49:00 +0000

Discourtesy is not one specific vice of the soul but the result of several vices: foolish vanity, ignorance of one’s duties, laziness, stupidity, thoughtlessness, contempt for others, and jealousy.

[L’incivilité n’est pas un vice de l’âme, elle est l’effet de plusieurs vices: de la sotte vanité, de l’ignorance de ses devoirs, de la paresse, de la stupidité, de la distraction, du mépris des autres, de la jalousie.]

Jean de La Bruyère (1645–1696) French essayist, moralist
The Characters [Les Caractères], ch. 11 “Of Mankind [De l’Homme],” § 8 (11.8) (1688) [tr. Stewart (1970)]

(Source (French)). Other translations:

Incivility is not a Vice of the Soul, but the effect of several Vices; of Vanity, Ignorance of Duty, Laziness, Stupidity, Distraction, Contempt of others and Jealousie.
[Bullord ed. (1696); Curll ed. (1713); Browne ed. (1752)]

Impoliteness is not a vice of the mind, but the consequence of several vices; of foolish vanity, of ignorance of one’s duties, of idleness, of stupidity, of absence of mind, of contempt for others, and of jealousy.
[tr. Van Laun (1885)]

Bourdain, Anthony -- (Attributed)

Dave — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 15:25:41 +0000

If you’re a cheap tipper, by the way, or rude to your server, you are dead to me. You are lower than whale feces.

Anthony Bourdain (1956–2018) American chef, author, travel documentarian
(Attributed)

Doyle, Arthur Conan -- “The Adventure of the Creeping Man,” Strand Magazine (Mar 1923)

Dave — Thu, 11 Mar 2021 22:50:12 +0000

It was one Sunday evening early in September of the year 1903 that I received one of Holmes’s laconic messages: “Come at once if convenient — if inconvenient come all the same. S.H.'”

Arthur Conan Doyle (1859–1930) British writer and physician
“The Adventure of the Creeping Man,” Strand Magazine (Mar 1923)

Reprinted in The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes (1927).

Gallico, Paul -- In the New York Times (14 Jan 1962)

Dave — Fri, 20 Sep 2019 21:48:40 +0000

No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute.

Paul Gallico (1897–1976) American author, sports journalist
In the New York Times (14 Jan 1962)

Johnson, Samuel -- Essay (1750-09-25), The Rambler, No. 50

Dave — Mon, 20 Feb 2017 20:09:39 +0000

When once the forms of civility are violated, there remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.

Samuel Johnson (1709–1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Essay (1750-09-25), The Rambler, No. 50

Couched as a letter to the paper from a woman.

Johnson, Lyndon -- Quoted in Leslie Carpenter, “Whip from Texas,” Collier’s (1951-02-17)

Dave — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 13:29:14 +0000

There are no favorites in my office. I treat them all with the same general inconsideration.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908–1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963–69)
Quoted in Leslie Carpenter, “Whip from Texas,” Collier’s (1951-02-17)

When asked, as a freshman US Senator, about favoritism among his staff.

Hoffer, Eric -- Passionate State of Mind, Aphorism 241 (1955)

Dave — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 14:40:33 +0000

Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.

Eric Hoffer (1902–1983) American writer, philosopher, longshoreman
Passionate State of Mind, Aphorism 241 (1955)

Halifax, George Savile, Marquis of -- “Of Caution and Suspicion,” Political, Moral and Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections (1750)

Dave — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 12:05:23 +0000

A Man that should call everything by its right Name, would hardly pass the Streets without being knock’d down as a common Enemy.

George Savile, Marquis of Halifax (1633–1695) English politician and essayist
“Of Caution and Suspicion,” Political, Moral and Miscellaneous Thoughts and Reflections (1750)

Martin, Judith -- “Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1978-10-08)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Ideological differences are no excuse for rudeness.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Miss Manners,” syndicated column (1978-10-08)

On interactions between the general public and picketers, though she has used the phrase on other occasions.

Reprinted in Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Part 3 "Basic Civilization," "Common Courtesy for All Ages" (1983).

Barry, Dave -- “25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #21 (1997)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist, author, columnist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #21 (1997)

Martin, Judith -- Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Introduction (1983)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

When Miss Manners observes people behaving rudely, she never steps in to correct them. She behaves politely to them, and then goes home and snickers about them afterward. That is what the well-bred person does.

Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Introduction (1983)

Watterson, Bill -- Calvin and Hobbes (1992-08-08)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

CALVIN: A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

Bill Watterson (b. 1958) American cartoonist
Calvin and Hobbes (1992-08-08)