WIST Quotations

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Telephone,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 20:49:44 +0000

TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Ambrose Bierce (1842–1914?) American writer and journalist
“Telephone,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Orde-Lees, Thomas -- Diary, aboard HMS Endurance (1915-01-10)

Dave — Tue, 13 Oct 2020 23:12:01 +0000

I do so wish sometimes, that I could just pop home for an hour or two as easily in the flesh as in the spirit. No doubt the explorers of 2015, if there is anything left to explore, will not only carry their pocket wireless telephones fitted with wireless telescopes but will also receive their nourishment and warmth by wireless means & also their power to drive their motor sledges, but, of course, there will be an aerial daily excursion to both Poles then & it will be the bottom of the Atlantic, if not the centre of the earth, that will form the goal in those days.

Thomas Orde-Lees (1877–1948) British naval officer, arctic explorer, mountaineer, writer
Diary, aboard HMS Endurance (1915-01-10)

Written while the ship was trapped in the ice during Ernest Shackleton's ill-fated Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition. Some versions of the quotation refer to "2012," rather than 2015.

While the reference to "pocket wireless telephones" makes this quotation suspect, Orde-Lees has extensive diary material published, and this appears to be genuine.

Gaiman, Neil -- Neverwhere, ch. 4 (1996)

Dave — Thu, 26 Jun 2014 12:00:19 +0000

There was an old telephone in the corner of the room, an antique, two-part telephone, unused in the hospital since the 1920s, made of wood and Bakelite. Mr. Croup picked up the earpiece, which was on a long, cloth-wrapped cord, and spoke into the mouthpiece, which was attached to the base. “Croup and Vandemar,” he said, smoothly, “the Old Firm. Obstacles obliterated, nuisances eradicated, bothersome limbs removed, and tutelary dentistry.”

Neil Gaiman (b. 1960) British author, screenwriter, fabulist
Neverwhere, ch. 4 (1996)

Lebowitz, Fran -- “Tips for Teens,” Social Studies (1981)

Dave — Wed, 04 Dec 2013 13:49:48 +0000

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Fran Lebowitz (b. 1950) American journalist, essayist
“Tips for Teens,” Social Studies (1981)

Martin, Steve -- Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) [with Carl Reiner, George Gipe]

Dave — Wed, 30 May 2012 13:04:07 +0000

JULIET: If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don’t you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian, actor, writer, producer, musician
Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) [with Carl Reiner, George Gipe]

Watterson, Bill -- Calvin and Hobbes (1986-09-27)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

CALVIN: I try to make everyone’s day a little more surreal.

Bill Watterson (b. 1958) American cartoonist
Calvin and Hobbes (1986-09-27)

~Other -- John Maguire, “The Law of Social Inertia”

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

A person on hold tends to remain on hold.

(Other Authors and Sources)
John Maguire, “The Law of Social Inertia”

Twain, Mark -- Letter to the Editor of the New York World (23 Dec 1890)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

It is my heart-warm and world-embracing Christmas hope and aspiration that all of us — the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the admired, the despised, the loved, the hated, the civilized, the savage — may eventually be gathered together in a heaven of everlasting rest and peace and bliss — except the inventor of the telephone.

Mark Twain (1835–1910) American writer [pseud. of Samuel Clemens]
Letter to the Editor of the New York World (23 Dec 1890)