WIST Quotations

Pratchett, Terry -- Discworld No. 14, Lords and Ladies (1992)

Dave — Sat, 28 Feb 2026 23:23:48 +0000

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.

Terry Pratchett (1948-2015) English author
Discworld No. 14, Lords and Ladies (1992)
(Source)

~Other -- Paul Wiley

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

I have a theory that all traffic lights are secretly synchronized — you just have to drive fast enough. Testing this theory has lead me to develop a second theory: Most police officers are NOT men of science.

(Other Authors and Sources)
Paul Wiley

Carlin, George -- Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 16:00:00 +0000

Have you ever noticed when driving that anyone who is driving slower than you is an idiot? And anyone driving faster than you is a maniac? “Say, look at this idiot here! Will you just look at this idiot, just creeping along — whoa, look at that maniac go!” I mean, it’s a wonder we ever get anywhere at all, with all the idiots and maniacs there are.

George Carlin (1937-2008) American comedian
Show (1984-04-19), On Campus, “Cars and Driving,” University of California, Los Angeles

(Source (Video); dialog verified)

This skit was put in text in Napalm & Silly Putty, "Cars and Driving, Part 1," "Idiots and Maniacs" (2001):

Have you ever noticed when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac? "Will you look at this idiot!" [points right] "Look at him! Just creepin' along!" [swings head left] "Holy shit! Look at that maniac go!" Why, I tell ya, folks, it's a wonder we ever get anywhere at all these days, what with all the idiots and maniacs out there.

Which was in turn recorded as an audiobook by Carlin. Note the audio version of the book adds "Whoa!" in front of "Holy shit!" and omits the words "these days."