WIST Quotations

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Abattoir,” “Demon’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco News Letter (1875-12-11)

Dave — Tue, 27 Jan 2026 22:09:35 +0000

ABATTOIR, n. A place where cattle slaughter kine. It is commonly placed at some distance from the haunts of our species, in order that they who devour the flesh may not be shocked by the site of blood.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Abattoir,” “Demon’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco News Letter (1875-12-11)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Abstainer,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 21:41:48 +0000

ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A Total Abstainer is one who abstains from everything, but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Abstainer,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Absurdity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 12:51:12 +0000

ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Absurdity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-07-09) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-07-17.).

An earlier definition for this word appeared in the "Demon's Dictionary" column, San Francisco News Letter (1875-12-11).

The argument of an opponent. A belief in which one has not had the misfortune to be instructed.

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Accountability,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 26 Sep 2023 05:59:57 +0000

ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Accountability,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in his "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-07-09) and "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-07-17) as "the mother of remorse and great first cause of penitence."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Accuse,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 03 Oct 2023 17:19:32 +0000

ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another’s guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Accuse,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column, New York American (1904-07-09) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column, San Francisco Examiner (1904-07-17).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Acquaintance,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 24 Jan 2013 15:27:28 +0000

ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and “intimate” when he is rich or famous.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Acquaintance,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Adage,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-03-05)

Dave — Tue, 03 Feb 2026 20:16:43 +0000

ADAGE, n. A hoary-headed platitude that is kicked along the centuries until nothing is left of it but its clothes. A “saw” which has worn out its teeth on the human understanding.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Adage,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-03-05)
(Source)

Not collected in later books. Instead, in The Cynic's Word Book (1906), he changed it to "Boned wisdom for weak teeth."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Adam’s Apple,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-05)

Dave — Tue, 10 Feb 2026 22:11:01 +0000

ADAM’S APPLE, n. A protuberance on the throat of a man, thoughtfully provided by Nature to keep the rope in place.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Adam’s Apple,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-05)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Admirability,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 24 Oct 2023 19:15:13 +0000

ADMIRABILITY, n. My kind of ability, as distinguished from your kind of ability.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Admirability,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Not included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-12)

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Admiration,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Admiration,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Age,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 19 Dec 2023 20:35:20 +0000

AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Age,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-02-12).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Ambition,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 01:01:38 +0000

AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Ambition,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp, where the entry read:

An overmastering desire to be abused by the newspapers during life, and have an epitaph by Hector A. Stuart after death.

Bierce frequently mocked the verse of Stuart, a San Francisco poet.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Apologize,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sat, 02 Feb 2019 23:31:48 +0000

APOLOGIZE, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offense.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Apologize,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Architect,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 09 Jan 2014 13:47:55 +0000

ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money; who estimates the whole cost, and himself costs the whole estimate.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Architect,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911), but just the first clause.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Authentic,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-09)

Dave — Tue, 24 Feb 2026 21:43:14 +0000

AUTHENTIC, adj. Indubitably true — in someone’s opinion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Authentic,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-09)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Bacchus,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 07 Nov 2023 23:28:32 +0000

BACCHUS, n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Bacchus,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Bait,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Wed, 03 Jun 2020 23:17:35 +0000

BAIT, n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Bait,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Ballot,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-23)

Dave — Tue, 03 Mar 2026 19:35:56 +0000

BALLOT, n. A simple device by which a majority proves to a minority the folly of resistance. Many worthy persons of imperfect thinking apparatus believe that majorities govern through some inherent right; and minorities submit, not because they must, but because they ought.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Ballot,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-23)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Beard,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 14 Nov 2023 16:53:47 +0000

BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Beard,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-04-30).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Bigot,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

BIGOT, n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you don’t entertain.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Bigot,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Blank-verse,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 28 Nov 2023 19:22:57 +0000

BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters — the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Blank-verse,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-14). In that version, it included the final sentence:

Of all English and American poets not a half-dozen have been able to write good blank-verse; and the six hundred Californian poets are not among them.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Bologna-sausage,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-14)

Dave — Tue, 17 Mar 2026 19:55:34 +0000

BALOGNA-SAUSAGE, n. A dead dog that is better than a living lion, but not to eat.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Bologna-sausage,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-14)
(Source)

Not collected in later books. A play on Ecclesiastes 9:4.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Book-learning,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-14)

Dave — Tue, 24 Mar 2026 17:01:28 +0000

BOOK-LEARNING, n. The dunce’s derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impenitent ignorance.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Book-learning,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-05-14)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Bore,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

BORE, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Bore,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Brain,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Brain,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Calamity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 03 Mar 2016 15:42:56 +0000

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Calamity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Christian,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 13:05:10 +0000

CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Christian,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Commendation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 26 Dec 2023 22:23:59 +0000

COMMENDATION, n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Commendation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-05).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Competitor,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-05)

Dave — Tue, 31 Mar 2026 22:17:14 +0000

COMPETITOR, n. A scoundrel who desires that which we desire.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Competitor,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-05)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Compromise,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 02 Jan 2024 23:54:01 +0000

COMPROMISE, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Compromise,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Conceit,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12)

Dave — Tue, 07 Apr 2026 17:51:05 +0000

CONCEIT, n. Self-respect in one whom we dislike.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Conceit,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Congratulation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 23:31:50 +0000

CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Congratulation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Congregation,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12)

Dave — Tue, 21 Apr 2026 21:42:39 +0000

CONGREGATION, n. The subjects of an experiment in hypnotism.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Congregation,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-12)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Conservative,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

CONSERVATIVE, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Conservative,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Consult,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 16 Jan 2024 22:20:43 +0000

CONSULT, v.t. To seek another’s approval to a course already decided on.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Consult,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-26).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Conversation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 05 Dec 2023 17:23:11 +0000

CONVERSATION, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Conversation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-26).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Corporation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

CORPORATION, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Corporation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Corrupt,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-07)

Dave — Tue, 28 Apr 2026 20:54:32 +0000

CORRUPT, adj. In politics, holding an office of trust or profit.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Corrupt,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-07)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Covet,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-07)

Dave — Tue, 05 May 2026 17:55:38 +0000

COVET, v.i. To desire that which the owner wickedly withholds.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Covet,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-07)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Culprit,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-28)

Dave — Tue, 26 May 2026 17:08:44 +0000

CULPRIT, n. The other fellow.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Culprit,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-28)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Cynic,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

CYNIC, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things the way they are, and not as they ought to be.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Cynic,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally appeared in his "The Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-10-28).

In his "Town Crier" column in the News Letter (1872-03-09), he wrapped up his personal philosophy so: "And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Dawn,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 16:29:25 +0000

DAWN, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk, with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Dawn,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-12-02).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Debauchee,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DEBAUCHEE, n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Debauchee,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-12-02).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Decalogue,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 06 Feb 2024 18:21:16 +0000

Thou shalt no God but me adore:
‘Twere too expensive to have more.
No images nor idols make
For Robert Ingersoll to break.
Take not God’s name in vain; select
A time when it will have effect.
Work not on Sabbath days at all,
But go to see the teams play ball.
Honor thy parents. That creates
For life insurance lower rates.
Kill not, abet not those who kill;
Thou shalt not pay thy butcher’s bill.
Kiss not thy neighbor’s wife, unless
Thine own thy neighbor doth caress.
Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete
Successfully in business. Cheat.
Bear not false witness — that is low —
But “hear ’tis rumored so and so.”
Covet thou naught that thou hast not
By hook or crook, or somehow, got.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Decalogue,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-12-02).

The poem is signed "G.J." in reference to Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J., a (fake) Jesuit priest Bierce often "cited" for poetry on religious topics. In his preface to The Devil's Dictionary (1911), he includes the note:

A conspicuous, and it is hoped not unpleasant, feature of the book is its abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets, chief of whom is that learned and ingenious cleric, Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J., whose lines bear his initials. To Father Jape's kindly encouragement and assistance the author of the prose text is greatly indebted.

Robert Ingersoll was a famous agnostic and lecturer, frequently defended by Bierce in his newspaper columns.

In the original Wasp version, the Fourth Commandment read "Work not on Sabbath days at all, / Nor dare to read the Sunday Call." Bierce crowed in the next (1881-12-09) issue that at the same time as the poem was written, a newsdealer in Watsonville, Calif., was convicted of an infraction of the "Sunday Law" in selling that paper on the day of its publication. "We could hardly have hoped that our revised Decalogue would so soon be adopted as the law of the land."

Bierce returned to the theme in "The New Decalogue" (1887).

Have but one God: thy knees were sore
If bent in prayer to three or four.
Adore no images save those
The coinage of thy country shows.
Take not the Name in vain. Direct
Thy swearing unto some effect.
Thy hand from Sunday work be held --
Work not at all unless compelled.
Honor thy parents, and perchance
Their wills thy fortunes may advance.
Kill not -- death liberates thy foe
From persecution’s constant woe.
Kiss not thy neighbor’s wife. Of course
There’s no objection to divorce.
To steal were folly, for ’tis plain
In cheating there is greater gain.
Bear not false witness. Shake your head
And say that you have “heard it said.”
Who stays to covet ne’er will catch
An opportunity to snatch.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Deluge,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 12 Mar 2024 16:05:22 +0000

DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Deluge,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-01-20).

The original Wasp entry included a second sentence: "Since then it has been deemed advisable to let the sinners remain on their good behavior."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Demagogue,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1882-01-20)

Dave — Tue, 12 May 2026 19:25:50 +0000

DEMAGOGUE, n. A political opponent.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Demagogue,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1882-01-20)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Dentist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 21 Mar 2024 03:27:35 +0000

DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Dentist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-02-17).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Destiny,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DESTINY, n. A tyrant’s authority for crime, and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Destiny,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

In the original entry, published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-03-03), the definition was given as:

A force alleged to control affairs, principally quoted by erring human beings to excuse their failures.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Diary,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one’s life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Diary,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-05-24).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Diplomacy,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one’s country.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Diplomacy,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-03-24).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Discussion,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Discussion,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-04-02).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Disobedience,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 16 Apr 2024 23:41:54 +0000

DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Disobedience,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-04-02).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Distance,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

DISTANCE, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs, and keep.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Distance,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-04-02).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Edible,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 23 Apr 2024 15:27:52 +0000

EDIBLE, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Edible,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-12-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Education,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Education,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1882-12-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Egotist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

EGOTIST, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Egotist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-05-17).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Evangelist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 21 May 2024 14:32:05 +0000

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation, and the damnation of our neighbors.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Evangelist,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-05-24).

The original entry in the Wasp concluded: “The evangelists proper are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John; the evangelists improper are the parsons."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Experience,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 28 May 2024 14:36:06 +0000

EXPERIENCE, n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Experience,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-06-07).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Faith,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 18 Jun 2024 22:38:54 +0000

FAITH, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge of things without parallel.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Faith,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-06-07).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Famous,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 14:06:27 +0000

FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Famous,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-06-28).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Fashion,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 25 Jun 2024 14:03:50 +0000

FASHION, n. A deity whom the wise ridicule, yet the discreet obey.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Fashion,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

In The Devil's Dictionary (1911), it is defined as: "FASHION, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey."

Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1884-06-28).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Future,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 02 Jul 2024 14:29:47 +0000

FUTURE, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Future,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-02-21).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Genealogy,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 09 Jul 2024 16:49:48 +0000

GENEALOGY, n. An account of one’s descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Genealogy,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-02-21).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Ghost,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 14:47:31 +0000

GHOST, n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Ghost,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

A play on the traditional Christian (from St Augustine) definition of sacrament: "an outward and visible sign of inward and spiritual grace."

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-02-28).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Heaven,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 30 Jul 2024 14:55:46 +0000

HEAVEN, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Heaven,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-05-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “History,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 15:06:04 +0000

HISTORY, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“History,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-05-23).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Hypocrite,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 13 Aug 2024 16:55:21 +0000

HYPOCRITE, n. One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Hypocrite,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-08-22).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Idiot,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 20 Aug 2024 18:00:55 +0000

IDIOT, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot’s activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but “pervades and regulates the whole.” He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions of opinion and taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Idiot,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-08-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Idleness,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Fri, 13 Sep 2024 14:28:24 +0000

IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of untried vices.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Idleness,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-08-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Ignoramus,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 03 Sep 2024 22:06:08 +0000

IGNORAMUS, n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Ignoramus,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-08-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Imagination,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 30 Dec 2025 20:34:45 +0000

IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Imagination,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-08-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Impartial,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 17 Sep 2024 22:17:21 +0000

IMPARTIAL, adj. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Impartial,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-09-12).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Impiety,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

IMPIETY, n. Your irreverence toward my deity.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Impiety,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-09-12).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Impunity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 24 Sep 2024 20:54:10 +0000

IMPUNITY, n. Wealth.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Impunity,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-09-19).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Incorporation,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1885-10-03)

Dave — Tue, 20 Jan 2026 22:26:19 +0000

INCORPORATION, n. The act of uniting several persons into one fiction called a corporation, in order that they may be no longer responsible for its actions. A, B and C are a corporation. A robs, B steals and C (it is necessary that there be one gentleman in the concern) cheats. It is a plundering, thieving, swindling corporation. But A, B and C, who have jointly determined and severally executed every crime of the corporation, are blameless. It is wrong to mention them by name when censuring their acts as a corporation, but right when praising.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Incorporation,” “Devil’s Dictionary” column, San Francisco Wasp (1885-10-03)
(Source)

Not collected in later books.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Infidel,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 01 Oct 2024 13:42:39 +0000

INFIDEL, n. […] A kind of scoundrel imperfectly reverent of, and niggardly contributory to, divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mollahs, voodoos, presbyters, hierophants, prelates, obeah-men, abbés, nuns, missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hadjis, high-priests, muezzins, brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders, primates, prebendaries, pilgrims, prophets, imaums, beneficiaries, clerks, vicars-choral, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors, preachers, padres, abbotesses, caloyers, palmers, curates, patriarchs, bonzes, santons, beadsmen, canonesses, residentiaries, diocesans, deans, subdeans, rural deans, abdals, charm-sellers, archdeacons, hierarchs, class-leaders, incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins, postulants, scribes, gooroos, precentors, beadles, fakeers, sextons, reverences, revivalists, cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains, mudjoes, readers, novices, vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas, sacristans, vergers, dervises, lecturers, churchwardens, cardinals, prioresses, suffragans, acolytes, rectors, curés, sophis, muftis, and pumpums.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Infidel,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-10-10).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Innate,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 08 Oct 2024 21:51:30 +0000

INNATE, adj. Natural; inherent — as, innate ideas, that is to say, ideas that we are born with, having had them previously imparted to us. The doctrine of innate ideas is one of the most admirable faiths of philosophy, being itself an innate idea and therefore inaccessible to disproof, though Locke foolishly supposed himself to have given it “a black eye.” Among innate ideas may be mentioned the belief in one’s ability to conduct a newspaper, in the greatness of one’s country, in the superiority of one’s civilization, in the importance of one’s personal affairs, and in the interesting nature of one’s diseases.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Innate,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Referencing English philosopher John Locke (1632-1704) who argued against the notion of innate ideas in An Esssay Concerning Human Understanding, Book 1 (1690).

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1885-10-17).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Joss-sticks,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 14:16:55 +0000

JOSS-STICKS, n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Joss-sticks,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1886-01-09).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Justice,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 22 Oct 2024 16:12:16 +0000

JUSTICE, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes, and personal service.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Justice,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1886-01-09).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Lap,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 15:38:53 +0000

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system — an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males. The male of our species has a rudimentary lap, imperfectly developed and in no way contributing to the animal’s substantial welfare.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Lap,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1886-03-06).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Laughter,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Thu, 30 Mar 2023 21:03:28 +0000

LAUGHTER, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. Liability to attacks of laughter is one of the characteristics distinguishing man from the animals — these being not only inaccessible to the provocation of his example, but impregnable to the microbes having original jurisdiction in bestowal of the disease. Whether laughter could be imparted to animals by inoculation from the human patient is a question that has not been answered by experimentation. Dr. Meir Witchell holds that the infection character of laughter is due to the instantaneous fermentation of sputa diffused in a spray. From this peculiarity he names the disorder Convulsio spargens.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Laughter,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1886-05-01).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Lawful,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 20:24:26 +0000

LAWFUL, adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Lawful,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Learning,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Fri, 29 Nov 2024 19:01:12 +0000

LEARNING, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Learning,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Liberty,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 03 Dec 2024 20:27:44 +0000

LIBERTY, n. One of Imagination’s most precious possessions.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Liberty,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1886-08-14).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Logic,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)

Dave — Tue, 10 Dec 2024 19:32:52 +0000

LOGIC, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basis of logic is the syllogism, consisting of a major and a minor premise and a conclusion — thus:
Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.
Minor Premise: One man can dig a post-hole in sixty seconds; therefore —
Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a post-hole in one second.
This may be called the syllogism arithmetical, in which, by combining logic and mathematics, we obtain a double certainty and are twice blessed.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Logic,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)

Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1887-09-04).

See Kettering.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Loquacity,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 17 Dec 2024 18:59:11 +0000

LOQUACITY, n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Loquacity,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1888-04-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Malefactor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 24 Dec 2024 19:02:44 +0000

MALEFACTOR, n. The chief factor in the progress of the human race.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Malefactor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-08-06) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-08-19).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Marriage,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Wed, 01 Nov 2017 16:11:46 +0000

MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Marriage,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-08-13), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-11-15).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Misfortune,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

MISFORTUNE, n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Misfortune,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-08-30).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Monday,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Mon, 13 Jan 2025 15:19:12 +0000

MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Monday,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-09-03) and the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-09-09).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Neighbor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 21 Jan 2025 22:18:25 +0000

NEIGHBOR, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Neighbor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-09-23) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-10-04).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Oblivion,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 06 Jan 2026 20:09:50 +0000

OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame’s eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Oblivion,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-09-27), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1903-10-28).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Obstinate,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 28 Jan 2025 21:03:04 +0000

OBSTINATE, adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Obstinate,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-10-05) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-10-31).

See "Resolute."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Patience,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 04 Feb 2025 19:49:26 +0000

PATIENCE, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Patience,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-12-26), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1905-01-03).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Patriot,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 11 Feb 2025 18:41:01 +0000

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Patriot,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-12-26) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-01-03).

Those newspaper versions also included:

A person whose zeal for the defense of his country’s altars and fires is not inconsistent with a fierce desire to cross the border to overturn the altars and extinguish the fires of another land.

See Bierce's definition of "Patriotism."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Patriotism,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 18 Feb 2025 17:54:53 +0000

PATRIOTISM, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson’s famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Patriotism,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

See Johnson. See Bierce's definition of "Patriot."

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-12-26) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1904-01-03).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Peace,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

PEACE, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Peace,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1904-12-26), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1905-01-03).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Philosophy,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 25 Feb 2025 23:57:02 +0000

PHILOSOPHY, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Philosophy,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1905-01-11), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1905-03-18).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Physiognomy,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 11 Mar 2025 17:52:26 +0000

PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Physiognomy,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1905-01-11) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1905-03-18).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Piety,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 18 Mar 2025 18:18:33 +0000

PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Piety,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

See Voltaire.

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1905-01-27) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1905-02-05).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Plan,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 25 Mar 2025 19:17:55 +0000

PLAN, v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Plan,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-02-22).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Politeness,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 10 May 2022 16:48:30 +0000

POLITENESS, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Politeness,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-03-16) and the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1906-03-21).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Politics,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Politics,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-03-16), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-03-21).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Positive,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Positive,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-03-16) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-03-21).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Pray,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Pray,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-04-06) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-04-11).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Precedent,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 22 Apr 2025 20:26:42 +0000

PRECEDENT, n. In Law, a previous decision, rule or practice which, in the absence of a definite statute, has whatever force and authority a Judge may choose to give it, thereby greatly simplifying his task of doing as he pleases. As there are precedents for everything, he has only to ignore those that make against his interest and accentuate those in the line of his desire.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Precedent,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-04-06), and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-04-11).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Prejudice,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Prejudice,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-05-30) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-06-20).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Present,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 06 May 2025 22:50:09 +0000

PRESENT, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Present,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-05-30) and the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner (1906-06-20).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “President,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Mon, 16 May 2016 15:27:48 +0000

PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“President,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-06-14).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Proof,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 13 May 2025 17:05:17 +0000

PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Proof,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-06-27).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Quotation,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

QUOTATION, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Quotation,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-06-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Rack,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 03 Jun 2025 15:51:49 +0000

RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Rack,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-06-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Radicalism,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Radicalism,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Word Book" column in the New York American (1906-06-29).

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Rash,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

RASH, adj. Insensible to the value of our advice.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Rash,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Rational,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 10 Jun 2025 15:00:20 +0000

RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Rational,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Reality,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 17:33:58 +0000

REALITY, n. The dream of a mad philosopher.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Reality,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Really,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 08 Jul 2025 18:46:00 +0000

REALLY, adv. Apparently.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Really,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Reason,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 15 Jul 2025 18:40:38 +0000

REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Reason,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Reasonable,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 19:07:12 +0000

REASONABLE, adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion, dissuasion and evasion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Reasonable,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the "Cynic's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Examiner.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Reconsider,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

RECONSIDER, v. To seek a justification for a decision already made.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Reconsider,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in the The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Redemption,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 05 Aug 2025 18:15:43 +0000

REDEMPTION, n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin, through their murder of the deity against whom they sinned. The doctrine of Redemption is the fundamental mystery of our holy religion, and whoso believeth in it shall not perish, but have everlasting life in which to try to understand it.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Redemption,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Referendum,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Referendum,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Regalia,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 19 Aug 2025 17:24:19 +0000

REGALIA, n. Distinguishing insignia, jewels and costume of such ancient and honorable orders as Knights of Adam; Visionaries of Detectable Bosh; the Ancient Order of Modern Troglodytes; the League of Holy Humbug; the Golden Phalanx of Phalangers; the Genteel Society of Expurgated Hoodlums; the Mystic Alliances of Georgeous Regalians; Knights and Ladies of the Yellow Dog; the Oriental Order of Sons of the West; the Blatherhood of Insufferable Stuff; Warriors of the Long Bow; Guardians of the Great Horn Spoon; the Band of Brutes; the Impenitent Order of Wife-Beaters; the Sublime Legion of Flamboyant Conspicuants; Worshipers at the Electroplated Shrine; Shining Inaccessibles; Fee-Faw-Fummers of the Inimitable Grip; Jannissaries of the Broad-Blown Peacock; Plumed Increscencies of the Magic Temple; the Grand Cabal of Able-Bodied Sedentarians; Associated Deities of the Butter Trade; the Garden of Galoots; the Affectionate Fraternity of Men Similarly Warted; the Flashing Astonishers; Ladies of Horror; Cooperative Association for Breaking into the Spotlight; Dukes of Eden; Disciples Militant of the Hidden Faith; Knights-Champions of the Domestic Dog; the Holy Gregarians; the Resolute Optimists; the Ancient Sodality of Inhospitable Hogs; Associated Sovereigns of Mendacity; Dukes-Guardian of the Mystic Cess-Pool; the Society for Prevention of Prevalence; Kings of Drink; Polite Federation of Gents-Consequential; the Mysterious Order of the Undecipherable Scroll; Uniformed Rank of Lousy Cats; Monarchs of Worth and Hunger; Sons of the South Star; Prelates of the Tub-and-Sword.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Regalia,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Religion,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Fri, 14 Mar 2014 12:08:20 +0000

RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Religion,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Resolute,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

RESOLUTE, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Resolute,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works

See "Obstinate."

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Responsibility,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 05 Jan 2016 20:46:48 +0000

RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Responsibility,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Reverence,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Reverence,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Rumor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Rumor,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Saint,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 17:09:43 +0000

SAINT, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Saint,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

This seems to have been a revision of:

CANONIZE, v.t.. To make a saint out of a dead sinner.

That entry first appeared in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-06-11), but was never collected in book form.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Scriptures,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

SCRIPTURES, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Scriptures,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Self-Evident,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

SELF-EVIDENT, adj. Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Self-Evident,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Selfish,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

SELFISH, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Selfish,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Success,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 18 Nov 2025 16:51:06 +0000

SUCCESS, n. The one unpardonable sin against one’s fellows.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Success,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Telephone,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 20:49:44 +0000

TELEPHONE, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Telephone,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Trinity,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

TRINITY, n. […] The Trinity is one of the most sublime mysteries of our holy religion. In rejecting it because it is incomprehensible, Unitarians betray their inadequate sense of theological fundamentals. In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Trinity,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- “Turkey,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

Dave — Tue, 02 Dec 2025 20:32:56 +0000

TURKEY, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally, it is pretty good eating.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Turkey,” The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
(Source)

Originally published in The Devil's Dictionary [A-Z] as Vol. 7 of his Collected Works.

Bierce, Ambrose -- (Attributed)

Dave — Sun, 01 Feb 2004 18:00:00 +0000

There’s nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don’t know.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
(Attributed)

Bierce, Ambrose -- (Attributed)

Dave — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 13:33:28 +0000

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
(Attributed)

One-sentence book review. First attributed to Bierce in 1923, but showing up in anonymous humor as early as 1899. See here for more information.

Bierce, Ambrose -- San Francisco News-Letter, “Town Crier” column (c. 1870)

Dave — Wed, 23 Dec 2015 19:03:31 +0000

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men — were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
San Francisco News-Letter, “Town Crier” column (c. 1870)

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 11:44:59 +0000

The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 11:54:37 +0000

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:45:08 +0000

If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:19:04 +0000

Grief and discomfiture are coals that cool:
Why keep them glowing with thy sighs, poor fool?

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 14:20:45 +0000

“There’s no free will,” says the philosopher;
“To hang is most unjust.”
“There is no free will,” assents the officer;
“We hang because we must.”

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 19:53:20 +0000

A slight is less easily forgiven than an injury, because it implies something of contempt, indifference, an overlooking of our importance; whereas an injury presupposes some degree of consideration. “The black-guards!” said a traveler whom Sicilian brigands had released without ransom; “did they think me a person of no consequence?”

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:06:03 +0000

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
(Source)

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:07:49 +0000

In childhood we expect, in youth demand, in manhood hope, and in age beseech.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.

Bierce, Ambrose -- The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Dave — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:37:46 +0000

To parents only, death brings an inconsolable sorrow. When the young die and the old live, nature’s machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)

Full text.