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One of the essential experiences of war is never being able to escape from disgusting smells of human origin.

George Orwell (1903-1950) English journalist, essayist, writer [pseud. of Eric Arthur Blair]
Essay (1942-08), “Looking Back on the Spanish War, ch. 1, New Road (1943-06)
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Added on 12-Sep-25 | Last updated 8-Sep-25
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Thais smells even worse than a fuller’s old crock,
When, set in the street, it succumbs to a knock,
A he-goat when rutting, a lion’s foul breath,
A skin of a dog done by tanners to death,
A chicken gone rotten while still in the shell,
A jar filled with sauce that has not kept too well.
So wishing somehow to disguise this foul reek,
Whenever she comes to the baths in the week,
She’s covered with unguent and vinegared flour
And layers of powder at least three or four.
But spite of these dodges, and do what she will,
The fact is that Thais of Thais smells still.

[Tam male Thais olet, quam non fullonis avari
Testa vetus, media sed modo fracta via,
Non ab amore recens hircus, non ora leonis,
Non detracta cani transtiberina cutis,
5Pullus abortivo nec cum putrescit in ovo,
Amphora corrupto nec vitiata garo.
Virus ut hoc alio fallax permutet odore,
Deposita quotiens balnea veste petit,
Psilothro viret aut acida latet oblita creta
10Aut tegitur pingui terque quaterque faba.
Cum bene se tutam per fraudes mille putavit,
Omnia cum fecit, Thaida Thais olet.]

Marcus Valerius Martial
Martial (AD c.39-c.103) Spanish Roman poet, satirist, epigrammatist [Marcus Valerius Martialis]
Epigrams [Epigrammata], Book 6, epigram 93 (6.93) (AD 91) [tr. Pott & Wright (1921)]
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(Source (Latin)). Alternate translations:

Worse than a fuller's tubb doth Thais stink,
Broke in the streets, and leaking through each chink;
Or lion's belch; or lustfull reeking goats;
Or skin of dogg that dead o' the' bankside floats;
Or half-hatch'd chicken from broke rotten eggs,
Or taynted jarrs of stinking mackrell dreggs.
This vile rank smell with perfumes to disguise,
Whene'er she's in the bath, she doth devise;
She's with pomatum smugg'd, or pain good store,
Or oyle of the bean-flow'r varnishe'd o'er and o'er:
A thousand wayes she tries to make all well;
In vayne, still Thais doth of Thais smell.
[Egerton Manuscript 2982 (16th C)]

Poor Thais so smells, as no ill-fated tray,
Of all-catching scourer, just broke in the way:
No love-leaving goat, and no lion's made maw;
No skin from a dog the Transtiberines draw:
No pullet abortive, that rots in the shell:
No cask, where the brine of anchovy did dwell.
Yet all her contagion, the sly would suppress,
Whene'er, at the bath, she deposits her dress.
She smugs in sweet lotion, or sculks in sour chalk;
In mail of fat bean-meal she wisely will calk.
Thus ev'ry art conjur'd, th' offensive to kill,
Alas! the poor Thais brethes poor Thais still.
[tr. Elphinston (1782), Book 6, Part 3, ep. 28]

Thais smells worse than an old jar of a covetous fuller just broken in the middle of the street; worse than a goat after an amorous encounter; than the belch of a lion; than a hide torn from a dog on the banks of the Tiber; than chick rotting in an abortive egg; than a jar fetid with spoilt pickle. Cunningly wishing to exchange this disagreeable odour for some other, she, on laying aside her garments to enter the bath, makes herself green with a depilatory, or conceals herself beneath a daubing of chalk dissolved in acid, or covers herself with three or four layers of rich bean-unguent. When by a thousand artifices she thinks she has succeeded in making herself safe, Thais, after all, smells of Thais.
[tr. Bohn's Classical (1859)]

Thais smells worse even than a grasping fuller's long-used crock, and that, too, just smashed in the middle of the street; than a he-goat fresh from his amours; than the breath of a lion; than a hide dragged from a dog beyond Tiber; than a chicken when it rots in an abortive egg; than a two-eared jar poisoned by putrid fish-sauce. In order craftily to substitute for such a reek another odour, whenever she strips and enters the bath she is green with depilatory, or is hidden behind a plaster of chalk and vinegar, or is covered with three or four layers of sticky bean-flower. When she imagines that by a thousand dodges she is quite safe, Thais, do what she will, smells of Thais.
[tr. Ker (1919)]

Old Thais is so rank, shed reeks to heaven,
Like greedy fuller's crock in pieces riven.
No hot he-goat, no lion's breath so rare
Or over-Tiber dog-skin out to air.
An ancient pickle-jar describes her best
Or unhatched chicken in forsaken nest.
To mask her odour by another stench
She doffs her robe and bathes, the dainty wench.
She's green with ointment, smeared with biting clay,
And coats of oily bean her charms array.
Let Thais play what tricks and turns she will,
The scent's breast high; she's the old vixen still.
[tr. Francis & Tatum (1924)]

Worse than a fuller’s crock full of stale piss
Smashed in the gutter by the slaughterhouse;
Worse than a he-goat straight from rut, and worse
Than a lion’s breath or chicken when it rots
In an aborted egg, or hide of a dog
Dragged from the Tiber, or a two-eared jar
Of poisonous fish sauce -- so Thais smells
Of Thais, when she steps fresh from the bath.
[tr. O'Connell (1991)]

Thais smells worse than the veteran crock of a stingy fuller, recently broken in the middle of the road, or a billy goat fresh from his amours, or a linon's mouth, or a hide from behind Tiber torn from a dog, or a chicken rotting in an aborted egg, or a jar polluted with putrid garum. In order to exchange this stench for a differnet odor, whenever she takes off ehr clothse to get into the bath, the crafty lady is green with depilatory or lurks under a lining of chalk and vnegar, or is coated with three or four layers of thick bean meal. A thousand tricks, and she thinks she's safe. But when all's done, Thais smells of Thais.
[tr. Shackleton Bailey (1993)]

Thais smells worse than caustic oil,
Or corpses rotting in the soil,
Or rotten eggs, or rutting goats,
Or swill that's vomited by stoats.
To hide the odor, Thais drenches
Her body with distracting stenches.
But worse than ointments on her shelf,
The smell most dreadful is -- herself.
[tr. Wills (2007), 6.98]

 
Added on 10-Dec-21 | Last updated 27-Nov-23
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Do unsavoury armpits and bad breath make you angry? What good will it do you? Given the mouth and armpits the man has got, that condition is bound to produce those odours.
“After all, though, the fellow is endowed with reason, and he is perfectly able to understand what is offensive if he gives any thought to it.”
Well and good: but you yourself are also endowed with reason; so apply your reasonableness to move him to a like reasonableness; expound, admonish. If he pays attention, you will have worked a cure, and there will be no need for passion; leave that to actors and streetwalkers.

[Τῷ γράσωνι μήτι ὀργίζῃ, μήτι τῷ ὀζοστόμῳ ὀργίζῃ; τί σοι ποιήσει; τοιοῦτον στόμα ἔχει, τοιαύτας μάλας ἔχει, ἀνάγκη τοιαύτην ἀποφορὰν ἀπὸ τοιούτων γίνεσθαι.
— ἀλλ̓ ὁ ἄνθρωπος λόγον ἔχει, φησί, καὶ δύναται συννοεῖν ἐφιστάνων τί πλημμελεῖ.
— εὖ σοι γένοιτο: τοιγαροῦν καὶ σὺ λόγον ἔχεις, κίνησον λογικῇ διαθέσει λογικὴν διάθεσιν, δεῖξον, ὑπόμνησον: εἰ γὰρ ἐπαίει, θεραπεύσεις καὶ οὐ χρεία ὀργῆς.
Οὔτε τραγῳδὸς οὔτε πόρνη.]

Marcus Aurelius (AD 121-180) Roman emperor (161-180), Stoic philosopher
Meditations [To Himself; Τὰ εἰς ἑαυτόν], Book 5, ch. 28 (2.5) (AD 161-180) [tr. Staniforth (1964)]
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This chapter can be interpreted a couple of different ways, as the various translations indicate. The most straightforward is to not be angry over an offense that cannot be avoided; if someone can be reasoned out of being offensive, then use reason, not anger. Don't be a drama queen.

To make things more clear, I have added the paragraph breaks that a couple of the translators used to the original and all the translations.

Long notes the last part of this passage (about "actors and harlots") is corrupted in some way and cannot be rendered sensibly. Farquharson calls the four words "one of the unsolved enigmas of our book," and notes Gataker's interpretation that a good man neither dramatically lauds it over a bad one, nor panders to them. Some translators leave the passage out; others try to find a meaningful way to integrate it; most modern ones simply quote it translate it and leave it as a fragment.

(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:

Be not angry neither with him whose breath, neither with him whose arm holes, are offensive. What can he do? such is his breath naturally, and such are his arm holes; and from such, such an effect, and such a smell must of necessity proceed.
"O, but the man (sayest thou) hath understanding in him, and might of himself know, that he by standing near, cannot choose but offend."
And thou also (God bless thee!) hast understanding. Let thy reasonable faculty, work upon his reasonable faculty; show him his fault, admonish him. If he hearken unto thee, thou hast cured him, and there will be no more occasion of anger.
[tr. Casaubon (1634), 5.22]

Are you angry at a Rank Smell, or an ill scented Breath? Why if a Man's Lungs, or Stomach, are ulcerated, or his Arm-pits out of Order, how can he help it.
But you'll say, the case is not parallel, between an ill Action, and an ill Breath; the one is Choice, and the other Necessity.
Well, If you think Mankind so full of Reason, pray make use of your own: Argue the Case with the Faulty Person, and show him his Error: If your Advice prevails, he is what you would have him; and then there is no need of being angry: And lastly, Don't mismanage either by your Haughtiness, or Servility.
[tr. Collier (1701)]

Can you be angry at one, whose arm-pits or whose breath are disagreeable? How can the man help it, who has such a mouth or such armpits? They must have a smell.
But, says one, man has reason: he could by attention, discern what is injurious in his actions; [these may justly raise anger.]
Well, God bless you, you have this reason too. Rouse then his rational dispositions, by your rational dispositions; instruct, suggest to him, what is right. If he listens to you, you have cured him, and then there is no occasion for anger. Let us have no tragical exclamations against the vices and injuries of others; nor a base concurrence with them, like that of harlots.
[tr. Hutcheson/Moor (1742)]

Would you quarrel with a man who had the misfortune to have a bad breath, or any other natural infirmity? If his lungs or his constitution necessarily produce those effects, how can he avoid it?
But, you will say, "It is not a parallel case between a bad breath and an ill action. The man, in the latter case, being endued with reason, might know and avoid acting ill."
Well, Sir, you are a happy man; and, as you always act rationally, endeavour to excite the same laudable disposition in your friend: Shew him his error, and admonish him; if he listens to your advice, you will cure him of his fault, and there will be no room for your anger. Do not make too serious an affair of it; nor yet encourage him in his faults by a meretricious compliance.
[tr. Graves (1792)]

Art thou angry with him whose armpits stink? art thou angry with him whose mouth smells foul? What good will this anger do thee? He has such a mouth, he has such armpits: it is necessary that such an emanation must come from such things:
but the man has reason, it will be said, and he is able, if he takes pains, to discover wherein he offends;
I wish thee well of thy discovery. Well then, and thou hast reason: by thy rational faculty stir up his rational faculty; show him his error, admonish him. For if he listens, thou wilt cure him, and there is no need of anger.
[Neither tragic actor nor whore.]
[tr. Long (1862)]

Are you angry at a rank smell or an ill-scented breath? What good will this anger do you?
But you will say, the man has reason, and can, if he takes pains, discover where in he offends.
I wish you joy of your discovery. Well, if you think mankind is so full of reason, pray make use of your own. Argue the case with the faulty person, and show him his error. If your advice prevails, he is what you would have him; and then there is no need of being angry.
[tr. Collier/Zimmern (1887)]

Do you get angry at rank armpits? or at foul breath? What would be the good? Mouth, armpits are what they are, and being so, the given effluvia must results.
-- "Yes, but nature has given man reason, man can comprehend and understand what offends!"
-- "Very good! Ergo you too have reason; use your moral reason to move his; show him his error, admonish him. If he attends, you will amend him; no need for anger -- you are not a ranter, or a whore."
[tr. Rendall (1898)]

Are you angry with one whose armpits smell or whose breath is foul? What is the use? His mouth or his arm-pits are so, and the consequence must follow.
But, you say, man is a reasonable being, and could by attention discern in what he offends.
Very well, you too have reason. Use your reason to move his; instruct, admonish him. If he listens, you will cure him, and there will be no reason for anger. You are neither actor nor harlot.
[tr. Hutcheson/Chrystal (1902)]

If a man's armpits are unpleasant, art thou angry with him? If he has foul breath? What would be the use? The man has such a mouth, he has such armpits. Some such effluvium was bound to come from such a source.
But the man has sense, quotha! With a little attention he could see wherein he offends.
I congratulate thee! Well, thou too hast sense. By a rational attitude, then, in thyself evoke a rational attitude in him, enlighten him, admonish him. If he listen, thou shalt cure him, and have no need of anger.
Neither tragedian nor harlot.
[tr. Haines (Loeb) (1916)]

Are you angry with the man whose person or whose breath is rank? What will anger profit you? He has a foul mouth, he has foul armpits; there is a necessary connexion between the effluvia and its causes.
"Well, but the creature has reason, and can, if he stops to think, understand why he is offensive."
Bless you! and so too have you reason; let reasonable disposition move reasonable disposition; point it out, remind him; for if he hearkens, you will cure him and anger will be superfluous. You are neither play-actor nor harlot.
[tr. Farquharson (1944)]

You are angry with a man if he smells of stale sweat, or has bad breath? What good will it do you? He has such a mouth, he has such armpits; and being as they are, such exhalations are bound to arise from them.
"Yes, but the man is endowed with reason, and if he would only think, he could see why he is out of line."
Gracious me, you have reason too, so set his powers of reason to work by making use of your own! Show him his fault, call it to his attention; for if he listens, you will cure him, and there will be no need for anger.
Neither a play-actor nor a prostitute.
[tr. Hard (1997 ed.)]

Don’t be irritated at people’s smell or bad breath. What’s the point? With that mouth, with those armpits, they’re going to produce that odor.
— But they have a brain! Can’t they figure it out? Can’t they recognize the problem?
So you have a brain as well. Good for you. Then use your logic to awaken his. Show him Make him realize it. If he’ll listen, then you’ll have solved the problem Without anger.
Neither player-king nor prostitute.
[tr. Hays (2003)]

Are you angry with the man who smells like a goat, or the one with foul breath? What will you have him do? That’s the way his mouth is, that’s the way his armpits are, so it is inevitable that they should give out odours to match.
"But the man is endowed with reason," you say, "and if he puts his mind to it he can work out why he causes offence."
Well, good for you! So you too are no less endowed with reason: bring your rationality, then, to bear on his rationality -- show him, tell him. If he listens, you will cure him, and no need for anger.
Neither hypocrite nor whore.
[tr. Hammond (2006)]

You are angry with a man if he smells of stale sweat, or has bad breath? What good will it do you? He has such a mouth, he has such armpits; and being as they are, such exhalations are bound to arise from them.
"Yes, but the man is endowed with reason, and if he would only think, he could recognize his fault."
Gracious me, you have reason too, so set his powers of reason to work by making use of your own! Show him his fault, call it to his attention; for if he listens, you will cure him, and there will be no need for anger.
Neither a play-actor nor a prostitute!
[tr. Hard (2011 ed.)]

Surely you aren't angry with someone who smells of stale sweat? Surely you aren't angry with someone with stale breath? What good will that do? That's the kind of mouth he has; that's the kind of armpit he has; and there is a necessary connection between the smells and those factors.
"But this person possesses rationality, and if he gives it thought he can work out why he is offensive."
Well done! So you have rationality too. Activate one rational disposition by another: show him, tell him. If he listens, you will cure him and there will be no need for anger.
Neither a play-actor nor a prostitute.
[tr. Gill (2013)]

 
Added on 8-Nov-13 | Last updated 23-Jul-25
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It’s starting to smell a little like danger in here — or heavily fried food.

Ben Edlund (b. 1968) American cartoonist, writer, producer
The Tick, Ep. 12, “The Tick vs. Proto Clown” (1995)
 
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 4-Sep-14
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