Quotations by Izzard, Eddie


They say guns don’t kill people. Oh, I think they have something to do with it. I mean, if a kid just points his finger and says ‘BANG,’ nothing much happens.

Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian
(June 1999)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
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You have no control over your cat! You can’t say to your cat, “Cat, heel! Stay! Wait! Lie down! Roll over!” ‘Cause the cat’s just gonna be sitting there going, “Interesting words … have you finished?” While you’re shouting all this to your cat, your dog’s next to you, going … [mimes obeying all commands] “What the hell are you doing? I’m talking to the cat!” “Oh, I’m sorry!”

Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian
Unrepeatable (1994)
Added on 27-Dec-11 | Last updated 27-Dec-11
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As long as they’re homophobic behind closed doors, and don’t hurt anyone, I’m fine with it.

Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian
Unrepeatable (1994)
Added on 3-Jan-12 | Last updated 3-Jan-12
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In my first year I was taught about the slide rule. They said, “The slide rule is important. Without it you can do nothing. The slide rule is the modern weapon of efficiency. With the slide rule you can get from here to the stars. Buy it, use it – your slide rule!” Within one year it was, “Burn the slide rule. The calculator can add up with none of this fucking sliding the shit around and working out where that bit in the middle goes. Smash it over your head.”

Eddie Izzard (b. 1962) British comedian
Eddieizzard.com, Biography, ch. 5

Full text.
Added on 20-Dec-11 | Last updated 20-Dec-11
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