I am not anti-gun. I’m pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife.
In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We’d turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don’t ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.

Molly Ivins (1944–2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1993-03-09), “Get a Knife, Get a Dog, but Get Rid of Guns,” Creators Syndicate column, Fort Worth Star-Telegram
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Collected in Nothin' but Good Times Ahead (1993).