My fellow citizens, we live in a great nation. It’s occasional resemblance to a lunatic asylum is purely coincidental and doubtlessly not the intention of the author of us all.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Being an ‘Arthur'”, Mother Jones (Jan/Feb 1992)
Quotations by:
Ivins, Molly
I just finished with nine months of treatment for cancer. First they poison you, then they mutilate you, then they burn you. I’ve had more fun. And when it’s over, you’re so glad that you’re grateful to absolutely everyone. And I am. The trouble is, I’m not a better person. I was in great hopes that confronting my own mortality would make me deeper, more thoughtful. Many lovely people sent books on how to find a more spiritual meaning in life. My response was, “Oh, hell, I can’t go on a spiritual journey — I’m constipated.”
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Cancer, II” The Progressive (Oct 2000)
In a similar vein, Ivins wrote in "Who Needs Breasts, Anyway?", Time (18 Feb 2002): "Having breast cancer is massive amounts of no fun. First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I have been on blind dates better than that."
The single most dangerous thing you can do in politics is shut off information from people who don’t agree with you. Surround yourself with sycophants, listen only to the yea-sayers … then stick a fork in it, you’re done.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Election Denial” (3 Apr. 2001)
There are three things one must not do in the face of electoral disaster. Whine. Despair. Or fall for that specious old radical crap: “Things have to get worse before they can get better.” The only possible response to that one is, “Not with my child’s life.” Nor is it helpful to sit around hoping that given enough rope, the R’s will hang themselves. They’ll hang us along with them. The only thing to do is to fight harder and smarter.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Fight Harder,” The Progressive (Dec 2002)
It’s hard to convince people you are bombing that you’re doing it for their own good.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Foolish Military Strategy,” The Progressive (Dec 2001)
Sunday-morning chatter announced in horror: “People may think the rich can buy their way out of the justice system.” No shit. Been going to Texas prisons for a long time. Seen nobody rich on Death Row yet. You mean MONEY has something to do with justice in this country? … Wake me when impending egalitarianism is a problem. In the meantime, oligarchy is eating our ass, our dreams, our country, our heritage, our democracy, our justice, and our tax code.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Injustice and Inequality,” The Progressive (Apr 2001)
Nice is a pallid virtue. Not like honesty or courage or perseverance. On the other hand, in a nation frequently lacking in civility, there is much to be said for nice.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“My, Oh, My, It’s the Ninth Wonder of the World,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram (15 May 1994)
(Source)
Reprinted in You Go to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998).
Keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don’t you forget to have fun doin’ it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cat, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin’ ass and celebratin’ the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“The Fun’s in the Fight,” Mother Jones (May/Jun 1993)
Full text.
You got to have fun while you’re fightin’ for freedom, ’cause you don’t always win.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“The Fun’s in the Fight,” Mother Jones (May/Jun 1993)
There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity – like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule — that’s what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel — it’s vulgar.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“The Mouth of Texas” People (9 December 1991)
There’s a weird Republican schizophrenia: They want welfare mothers to work and working mothers to stay home.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
“Winning Women” (2 Aug. 2001)
It’s all very well to run around saying regulation is bad, get the government off our backs, etc. Of course our lives are regulated. When you come to a stop sign, you stop; if you want to go fishing, you get a license; if you want to shoot ducks, you can shoot only three ducks. The alternative is dead bodies at the intersection, no fish, and no ducks. OK?
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
(Attributed)
I prefer a man who will burn the flag and then wrap himself in the Constitution to a man who will burn the Constitution and then wrap himself in the flag.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
(Misattributed)
(Source)
While this appeared in her regular syndicated column (1997-06-29), Ivins was actually quoting a comment previously made by Texas state representative Craig Washington on the floor of the Texas Senate. It is frequently misattributed to Ivins herself.
Variant: "I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag."
Experience has taught me that things are likely to get worse, so these will eventually turn out to be the Good Old Days, and think what a fool you’ll feel like later if you don’t enjoy them now.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Bill of Wrongs, Introduction (2007) [with Lou Dubose]
(Source)
This has happened before in our history — in fact, it’s a pretty predictable reaction to fear. We get so rattled by some big Scary Thing — communism or crime or drugs or illegal aliens or terrorism — something that scares us so much, we think we can make ourselves safer by giving up some of our freedom. Now, not only does that not hold a drop of water as a logical proposition but it has consistently proved to be an illusion as a practical matter. Empirically, when you make yourself less free, you are not safe, you are just less free.
Listen, a populist is someone who is for the people and against the powerful, and so a populist is generally the same as a liberal — except we tend to have more fun.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
The Progressive (Jan 2007)
Things are not getting worse; things have always been this bad. Nothing is more consoling than the long perspective of history. It will perk you up no end to go back and read the works of progressives past. You will learn therein that things back then were also terrible, and what’s more, they were always getting worse. This is most inspiriting.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
The Progressive (Mar 1986)
(Source)
I do not believe the President’s sex life is any of our business. After thirty years of political reporting, I have been unable to establish a link between marital fidelity and high performance in public office. It really doesn’t matter who they screw in private, as long as they don’t screw the public.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
The Progressive (Mar 1998)
This is a column for everyone who ever said, “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in politics,” or, “There’s nothing I can do about it,” or, “Hey, they’re all crooks anyway.” … I’ve got one word for all of you: Katrina. … This, friends, is why we need to pay attention to government policies, not political personalities, and to know whereon we vote. It is about our lives.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
The Progressive (Oct 2005)
The only thing that smells worse than an oil refinery is a feedlot. Texas has a lot of both.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1972), “Texas Observed,” Place
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
I believe that ignorance is the root of all evil. And that no one knows the truth. I believe that the people is not dumb. Ignorant, bigoted, and mean-minded, maybe, but not stupid. I just think it helps, anything and everything, if the people know. Know what the hell is going on. What they do about it once they know is not my problem.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Her journalistic credo. Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
It’s a damn sight simpler to criticize other people’s ideas than it is to set forth your own. One is never in so much danger of making an ass of one’s self as when one is engaged in saying, “This I believe …”
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
That’s why it’s called Establishment journalism. You concentrate on the people at the top, the people with power; you watch, you study how they make their moves, you get fascinated by it, and pretty soon you can’t see anything else — just the top, just the power. And the others, the people, the readers, matter so little that you don’t even bother to let them know what’s going on. You start to think like the people you cover. It can happen on any beat — business, police, politics, education. The stuff you want is from the top — you want to quote the chief, the superintendent, the chairman of the board. There are no reliable sources who earn less than $10,000 a year.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
Being a cynic is so contemptibly easy. If you let yourself think that nothing you’re working on is ever going to make any difference, why bust your tail over it? Why care? If you’re a cynic, you don’t have to invest anything in your work. No effort, no pride, no compassion, no sense of excellence, nothing.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
Whatever you do, don’t give up. Because all you can do once you’ve given up is bitch.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
There’s no excuse for spreading misinformation just because it comes from someone in a high place.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1973-01), “Pitfalls of Reporting in the Lone Star State,” Houston Journalism Review
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
They used to say that Texas was hell on women and horses — I don’t know why they stopped.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1986), “Texas Women: True Grit and All the Rest,” Texas Celebrates! commemorative magazine
(Source)
The odd thing about these television discussions designed to “get all sides of the issue” is that they do not feature a spectrum of people with different views on reality. Rather, they frequently give us a face-off between those who see reality and those who have missed it entirely. In the name of objectivity, we are getting fantasy-land.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1987-03), “Killing the Messenger,” The Progressive
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
In my opinion, there’s not a thing wrong with the ideals and mechanisms outlined and the liberties set forth in the Constitution of the United States. The only problem was, the founders left a lot of people out of the Constitution. They left out poor people and black people and female people. It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America. And it still goes on today.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1987-09-11), “We the People,” Texas Observer
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
What’s really astounding about these brickheads who claim to be in touch with the original intent of the founders is (1) none of them seem to have read what the founders wrote, from Thomas Jefferson’s essays to Jamie Madison’s notes, and (2) you know damn well if they had been alive at the time of the American Revolution, they all would have been Tories.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1987-09-11), “We the People,” Texas Observer
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
The great quadrennial national circus is upon us: three rings, cast of thousands, red, white, and blue balloons by the ton, red, white, and blue bullshit by the hour, confusion, exhaustion, alcohol, and the fate of the nation.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1988-08), “Unconventional Wisdom,” Ms magazine
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
Legislators do not merely mix metaphors: they are the Waring blenders of metaphors, the Cuisinarts of the field. By the time you let the head of the camel into the tent, opening a loophole big enough to drive a truck through, you may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater by putting a Band-Aid on an open wound, and then you have to turn over the first rock in order to find a sacred cow.
The most disturbing development among the Washington press corps is a collective amnesia about the purpose of a newspaper — which is to gather news. The mortal sins of the press have always been our sins of omission, not our sins of commission, no matter what you may have heard about bias, hubris, or anything else. It is the stories we don’t get, the ones we miss, pass over, fail to recognize, don’t pick up on, that will send us to hell.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1990-02), “Mimic Men,” Mother Jones
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
The War on Drugs is the perfect substitute for the Cold War. We can continue to pursue policies that don’t work on the cheerful assumption that if we just do more of what doesn’t work, it will solve the problem.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1990-02), “The Czar is Hooked,” The Progressive
(Source)
Collected in Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She? (1991).
Seems to me it’s a simple concept — the concentration of wealth is a Bad Idea. Since capital tends to concentrate, it is one of the functions of government to oppose this tendency. That’s why we used to have antimonopoly laws and the like.
When you see government encouraging the concentration of wealth, check your wallet.Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1991-02), “Season of Drear,” The Progressive
(Source)
Me, I think government is a tool, like a hammer. You can use a hammer to build with or you can use a hammer to destroy with. Whether government is good or bad depends on what you use it for and how well you use it. On the whole, it’s a poor idea to put people in charge of government who don’t believe in using it.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1992-03-01), “Good morning, Fort Worth! Glad to be here,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram
(Source)
Responding to Ronald Reagan's famous quip, "Government is not the solution; government is the problem." Collected in Nothin' But Good Times Ahead (1993).
Ivins used a similar comment in her essay, "Wiggy Republicans," Mother Jones (1992-09/10) (also collected in Nothin' but Good Times Ahead (1993)):Government is just a tool, like a hammer. There’s nothing intrinsically good or evil about the hammer; it all depends on what it’s used for and the skill with which it is used.
She reworked this in the introduction to her book You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You, (1998):Personally, I think government is a tool, like a hammer. You can use a hammer to build or you can use a hammer to destroy; there is nothing intrinsically good or evil about the hammer itself. It is the purposes to which it is put and the skill with which it is used that determine whether the hammer's work is good or bad.
I believe politics is the finest form of entertainment in the state of Texas: better than the zoo, better than the circus, rougher than football, and even more aesthetically satisfying than baseball. Becoming a fan of this arcane art form will yield a body endless joy — besides, they make you pay for it whether you pay attention or not.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1992-03-01), “Good morning, Fort Worth! Glad to be here,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram
(Source)
Collected in Nothin' but Good Times Ahead (1993)
I am not anti-gun. I’m pro-knife. Consider the merits of the knife.
In the first place, you have to catch up with someone in order to stab him. A general substitution of knives for guns would promote physical fitness. We’d turn into a whole nation of great runners. Plus, knives don’t ricochet. And people are seldom killed while cleaning their knives.
How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion. In the meantime, real children — kids who get earaches and like Big Bird and are crabby when they aren’t fed and whose eyes widen in wonder when they meet Santa Claus — will pay the price for this pernicious folly.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1995-12-24), “Look to the Children of the Poor in This Season of Budget-Slashing,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram
(Source)
Collected in You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998).
I’ve never had much use for management myself. I’ve worked for a wide variety of managements, and the result is that I always join a union if there’s one available. When management was the art of getting a whole bunch of people together to do something in the best way possible, I had some interest in it. But now that it has become an endless quest for increased quarterly profits, I find it boring and a menace to quality.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1997-01-30), “Dumped by Disney,” Fort Worth Star-Telegram
(Source)
Collected in You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998).
Yes, the bad-lawyer felony is the leading cause of the death penalty in Texas. The single most dangerous thing you can be in Texas is poor.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1997-06-10), Creators Syndicate column
Our political system has been thoroughly corrupted, and by the usual suspect — money, what else? The corruption is open, obscene, and unmistakable. The way campaigns are financed is a system of legalized bribery. We have a government of special interests, by special interests, and for special interests. And that will not change until we change the way campaigns are financed.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1998-01), “Introduction,” You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998)
(Source)
Our politicians have truly made a pact with the Devil. One watches them spend more and more of their time and energy grubbing, coaxing, flattering, and whoring for money. Terrified of being cut off from the mother’s milk, they stand like morons in the rising sea of contempt that threatens to drown the whole system. Then they wonder why no one likes them anymore.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (1998-01), “Introduction,” You Got to Dance with Them What Brung You (1998)
(Source)
The problem with those who choose received Authority over fact and logic is how they choose which part of Authority to obey. The Bible famously contradicts itself at many points (I have never understood why any Christian would choose the Old Testament over the New), and the Koran can be read as a wonderfully compassionate and humanistic document. Which suggests that the problem of fundamentalism lies not with authority, but with ourselves.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (2000-06-27), Creators Syndicate column
(Source)
It’s like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you’re wrong.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (2000-07-23), “Is ‘Republican Tax Break For the Rich’ Simply Redundant?” Creators Syndicate column
There is a batty degree of triumphalism loose in this country right now. We are brushing off world opinion as though it mattered not a whit what other people think of us.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (2002-11-19), “Blast from the Past,” Creators Syndicate column
(Source)
The way one solves problems obviously influences not only the outcome, but the kinds of problems one faces after the immediate problem is settled.
Molly Ivins (1944-2007) American writer, political columnist [Mary Tyler Ivins]
Essay (2002-11-19), “Blast from the Past,” Creators Syndicate column
(Source)
On use of war and military force to fight terrorism.