I notiss that when a man runs hiz hed aginst a post, he cusses the post fust, all kreashun next, and sumthing else last, and never thinks ov cussing himself.

[I notice that when a man runs his head against a post, he cusses the post first, all creation next, and something else last, and never thinks of cussing himself.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]

Josh Billings’ Trump Kards, ch. 7 “When I waz a Boy” (1874)
    (Source)

He returned to this theme a few years later in Josh Billings' Farmer's Allminax, 1876-03 (1876 ed.):

I notiss one thing, when a man stubs his toe he cussess all kreashun fust, then the toe, but never himself.
 
[I notice one thing, when a man stubs his toe he cusses all creation first, then the toe, but never himself.]