Quotations by Billings, Josh


1st Moral – Advice iz good only az corroborating testimony.
2nd Moral – If yu put yureself into the hands ov yure frends, yu must expekt that the kindness ov their hearts iz no protekshun aginst the willfullness ov their judgments.
3rd Moral – Advice iz like a doktor’s pills: it iz often advisabel tew receive them without taking them.
4th Moral – One man kan alwus milk a cow better than 4 kan.

[1st Moral – Advice is good only as corroborating testimony.
2nd Moral – If you put yourself into the hands of your friends, you must expect that the kindness of their hearts is no protection against the willfulness of their judgments.
3rd Moral – Advice is like a doctor’s pills: it is often advisable to receive them without taking them.
4th Moral – One man can always milk a cow better than four can.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
“Josh Billings: Hiz Shade Tree,” Josh Billings on Ice and Other Things (1868)
Added on 20-Mar-13 | Last updated 10-Feb-14
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Faith was given to man to lengthen out his reason.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am most certain of the first time.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Consider the postage stamp: Its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The best cure for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain’t the gout.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Every man has his follies — and often they are the most interesting thing he had got.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

What the moral army needs just now is more rank and file and fewer brigadier generals.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don’t attempt to live in them.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
Added on 29-Oct-12 | Last updated 29-Oct-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of his tail.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)

Attributed in H. Percy Smith, A Dictionary of Terms, Phrases, and Quotations (1895).
Added on 1-Mar-13 | Last updated 1-Mar-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Ambition is like hunger; it obeys no law but its appetite.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)
    (Source)

Attributed in Frank Jenners Wilstach, A Dictionary of Similes (1916).
Added on 11-Mar-15 | Last updated 31-May-17
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

There’s a great power in words, if you don’t hitch too many of them together.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)

Quoted in Donald Day, Uncle Sam's Uncle Josh (1972 ed., 1st pub. 1953).
Added on 1-Apr-16 | Last updated 1-Apr-16
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Life is a grindstone, and whether it grinds a man down or polishes him up, depends on the stuff he’s made of.

Billings - life is a grindstone - wist_info quote

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
(Attributed)

Attributed in Forbes (14 Oct 1922).
Added on 23-Aug-16 | Last updated 23-Aug-16
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.

[The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sometime lay own in this world together for a few minutes, but when the lion comes to get up, the lamb will be missing.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Affurisms: Slips of the Pen – The Complete Works of Josh Billings (1876)

Full text.
Added on 4-Jun-12 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | 2 comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Self-made men are most alwus apt tew be a leetle too proud ov the job.

[Self-made men are almost always apt to be a little too proud of the job.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Billings’ Farmer’s Allminax for the Year of Our Lord 1873, “May 1873” (1872)
    (Source)

Also in Everybody's Friend, Or; Josh Billing's Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, "Koarse Shot" (1874).
Added on 21-May-14 | Last updated 10-Jun-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The trouble with people is not that they don’t know but that they know so much that ain’t so.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor (1874)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

He who don’t luv himself vents hiz spleen bi hating everyboddy else.

[He who doesn’t love himself vents his spleen by hating everybody else.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Bread and Butter” (1874)
Added on 18-Dec-13 | Last updated 18-Dec-13
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Every boddy in this world wants watching, but none more than ourselves.

[Everybody in this world wants watching, but none more than ourselves.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Fus Impressions” (1874)
Added on 2-Nov-16 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Forgiving our enemys haz the same refreshing effekt upon our souls az it duz tew confess our sins.

[Forgiving our enemies has the same refreshing effect upon our souls as it does to confess our sins.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Gnats” (1874)
Added on 6-Sep-10 | Last updated 2-May-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The best way I kno ov tew repent of enny thing is tew do better next time.

[The best way I know of to repent of anything is to do better next time.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Hooks & Eyes” (1874)
Added on 23-Apr-13 | Last updated 23-Apr-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

To be thoroughly good-natured, and yet avoid being imposed upon, shows great strength ov character.

[To be thoroughly good-natured, and yet avoid being imposed upon, shows great strength of character.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Hot Korn” (1874)
Added on 5-Feb-09 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

“Experience iz a good schoolmaster,” but reason iz a better one.

[“Experience is a good schoolmaster,” but reason is a better one.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Ink Brats” (1874)
Added on 6-Jul-10 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

In repenting ov sins, men are apt tew repent ov thoze they hain’t got, and overlook those they hav.

[In repenting of sins, men are apt to repent of those they haven’t got, and overlook those they have.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Ink Lings” (1874)
Added on 16-Apr-13 | Last updated 16-Apr-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Repentanse should be the effekt ov love — not fear.

[Repentance should be the effect of love — not fear.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Ink Lings” (1874)
Added on 30-Apr-13 | Last updated 30-Apr-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

It iz an actewal fackt that most ov us work harder, tew seem happy, than we should have to, to be happy.

[It is an actual fact that most of us work harder, to seem happy, than we should have to, to be happy.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Josh Settles Up with His Correspondents Summarily” (1874)
Added on 27-Feb-09 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The man who never makes enny blunders seldum makes enny good hits.

[The man who never makes any blunders seldom makes any good hits.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Kindling Wood” (1874)
Added on 30-Dec-08 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

A wize man never enjoys himself so mutch, nor a phool so little, az when alone.

[A wise man never enjoys himself so much, nor a fool so little, as when alone.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Koarse Shot” (1874)
Added on 10-Feb-14 | Last updated 10-Feb-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics:
More quotes by Billings, Josh

A weak man wants az mutch watching as a bad one.

[A weak man wants as much watching as a bad.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Koarse Shot” (1874)
Added on 14-Dec-16 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Laff every good chance ya kan git, but don’t laff unless yu feal like it, for there ain’t nothing in this world more harty than a good honest laff, nor nothing more hoollow than a hartless one.

[Laugh every good chance you can get, but don’t laugh unless you feel like it, for there ain’t nothing in this world more hearty than a good, honest laugh, nor nothing more hollow than a heartless one.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Laffing” (1874)
Added on 10-May-11 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Success don’t konsist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one the seckond time.

[Success doesn’t consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one the second time.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Molassis Kandy” (1874)
    (Source)

More discussion of this quotation here.
Added on 5-May-19 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Before yu undertaik tew change a man’s politiks or religion, be sure yu have got a beter one to offer him.

[Before you undertake to change a man’s politics or religion, be sure you have got a better one to offer him.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Nosegays” (1874)
Added on 12-Apr-13 | Last updated 12-Apr-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The best reformers the world haz ever seen are thoze who commense on themselves.

[The best reformers the world has ever seen are those who commence on themselves.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Nosegays” (1874)
Added on 22-Aug-13 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.

[As in a game of cards, so in the game of life, we must play what is dealt to us, and the glory consists, not so much in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Ods and Ens” (1874)

Full text.

Added on 2-Dec-09 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy.

[We are happy in this world just in proportion as we make others happy.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Parboils” (1874)
Added on 21-Apr-11 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu hav.

[Human happiness consists in having what you want, and wanting what you have.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Plum Pits” (1874)
Added on 5-May-11 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Trusting to luck is only another name for trusting to laziness.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Plum Pits” (1874)
Added on 14-Jul-11 | Last updated 14-Jul-11
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

It ain’t bekauze lovers are so sensitiff that they quarrel so often, it iz bekauze there iz so much phun in making up.

[It ain’t because lovers are so sensitive that they quarrel so often, it is because there is so much fun in making up.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Plum Pits” (1874)
Added on 27-Nov-12 | Last updated 27-Nov-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I never knu a man trubbled with melankolly, who had plenty to dew, and did it.

[I never knew a man troubled with melancholy, who had plenty to do, and did it.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Puddin and Milk” (1874)
Added on 24-Aug-11 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Every man haz a perfekt right tew hiz opinyun, provided it agrees with ours.

[Every man has a perfect right to his opinion, provided it agrees with ours.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Ramrods” (1874)
Added on 15-Jul-10 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Conversashun should be enlivened with wit, not compozed ov it.

[Conversation should be enlivened with wit, not composed of it.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Sollum Thoughts” (1874)
Added on 20-Nov-09 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

It iz better tew know nothing than two know what ain’t so.

[It is better to know nothing than to know what ain’t so.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Sollum Thoughts” (1874)
Added on 26-Jan-11 | Last updated 10-Feb-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Accepting praize that iz not our due iz not mutch better than tew be a receiver of stolen goods.

[Accepting praise that is not our due is not much better than to be a receiver of stolen goods.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Stray Children” (1874)
Added on 29-Apr-15 | Last updated 29-Apr-15
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

While we are poor, the necessarys ov life are the luxurys; after we git ritch, the luxurys are the necessarys.

[While we are poor, the necessaries of life are the luxuries; after we get rich, the luxuries are the necessaries.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, “Mollassis Kandy” (1874)
    (Source)
Added on 9-Jun-19 | Last updated 9-Jun-19
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

It aint often that a man’s reputashun outlasts his munny.

[It ain’t often that a man’s reputation outlasts his money.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
His Sayings, ch. 39 (1867)
Added on 12-Jun-13 | Last updated 5-May-19
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

The only wa tu pleze evra boddy, is tu make evry boddy think yu ar a bigger fule than tha ar.

[The only way to please everybody is to make everybody think you are a bigger fool than they are.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
His Sayings, ch. 45 (1867)
Added on 7-Aug-15 | Last updated 7-Aug-15
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Education is a good thing generally, but most folks educate their prejudices.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia (1874)
Added on 3-Jan-08 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

About the most originality that enny writer kan hope tew arrive at honestly, now-a-days, is tew steal with good judgment.

[About the most originality that any writer can hope to arrive at honestly, nowadays, is to steal with good judgment.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings on Ice, and Other Things, ch. 41 “Orphan Children” (1868)
    (Source)

Variant: "About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment."
Added on 3-Jun-14 | Last updated 3-Jun-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Politeness haz won more viktorys than logick ever haz.

[Politeness has won more victories than logic ever has.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 2-May-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Flattery iz like Kolone water, tew be smelt ov, not swallowed.

[Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 2-May-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Nature never makes any blunders; when she makes a fool she means it.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings (1865)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 2-May-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I don’t care how much a man talks, if he only says it in a few words.

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings, “Affurisms” (1865)
Added on 18-Mar-16 | Last updated 18-Mar-16
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Tew bring up a child in the wa he should go — travel that wa yourself.

[To bring up a child in the way he should go — travel that way yourself.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Sayings, 78 (1865)
Added on 20-Dec-11 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I don’t kno az i want tew bet enny money, and giv odds, on the man, who iz alwus anxious tew pray out loud, every chance he kan git.

[I don’t know as I want to bet any money, and give odds, on the man, who is always anxious to pray out loud, every chance he can get.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 2-Jul-12 | Last updated 29-Jun-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Dangers are sum like a kold bath, very dangerous while you stand stripped on the bank, but often not only harmless, but invigorating, if you pitch into them.

[Dangers are some like a cold bath ….]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 11-Jun-12 | Last updated 11-Jun-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

“Familiarity breeds kontempt.” This only applies tew men, not tew hot bukwheat slapkakes, well buttered and sugared.

[“Familiarity breeds contempt.” This only applies to men, not to hot buckwheat slapcakes, well buttered and sugared.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 18-Jun-12 | Last updated 18-Jun-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I don’t beleave in fighting; i am solemly aginst it; but if a man gits teu fighting, i am also solemly aginst hiz gitting licked. After a fight iz once opened, all the virtew thare iz in it iz tew lick the other party.

[I don’t believe in fighting; I am solemnly against it; but if a man gets to fighting, I am also solemnly against his getting licked. After a fight is once opened, all the virtue there is in it is to lick the other party.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 25-Jun-12 | Last updated 21-Jun-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

It iz a darned sight eazier tew find six men who kan tell exactly how a thing ought tew be did than tew find one who will do it.

[It is a darned sight easier to find six men who can tell exactly how a thing ought to be done than to find one who will do it.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 9-Jul-12 | Last updated 29-Jun-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

If we giv up our minds tew little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could ketch more flies with one swoop ov his hand than enny boddy else could, and he want good at ennything else.

[If we give up our minds to little things we never shall be fit for big ones. I knew a man once who could catch more flies with one swoop of his hand than anybody else could, and he wasn’t good at anything else.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 16-Jul-12 | Last updated 16-Jul-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

If we would all ov us take kare ov our own souls, and let our nabors alone, thare would be less time lost, and more souls saved.

[If we would all of us take care of our own souls, and let our neighbors alone, there would be less time lost and more souls saved.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 23-Jul-12 | Last updated 12-Dec-17
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

If thare iz enny human being that i thoroughly loath, it iz the one who haz nothing tew boast ov but hiz money — a mere pimp tew hiz welth.

[If there is any human being that I thoroughly loathe, it is the one who has nothing to boast of but his money — a mere pimp to his wealth.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 30-Jul-12 | Last updated 30-Jul-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Pedantry iz the science ov investing what little yu know in one kind ov perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man’s knose whom you meet.

[Pedantry is the science of investing what little you know in one kind of perfumery, and insisting upon sticking that under every man’s nose whom you meet.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 6-Aug-12 | Last updated 6-Aug-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Politeness iz often wasted, but it iz a good and cheap mistake tew make.

[Politeness is often wasted, but it is a good and cheap mistake to make.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 13-Aug-12 | Last updated 13-Aug-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

About one haff the pitty in this world iz not the result ov sorrow, but satisfackshun that it aint our hoss that haz had hiz leg broke.

[About one half the pity in this world is not the result of sorrow, but satisfaction that it ain’t our hoss that has his leg broke.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 20-Aug-12 | Last updated 20-Aug-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I wouldn’t undertake tew korrekt a mans sektarian views enny quicker than i would tell him which road tew take at a 4 corners, when i didn’t know miself which waz the right one.

[I wouldn’t undertake to correct a man’s sectarian views any quicker than I would tell him which road to take at a four corners, when I didn’t know myself which was the right one.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 27-Aug-12 | Last updated 27-Aug-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Truth dont require the aid ov elegant and high stepping words, tew express its force, or buty, it iz like water, tastes better out ov a wooden bucket, than it duz out ov a golden goblet.

[Truth don’t require the aid of elegant and high-stepping words, to express its force, or beauty; it is like water, tastes better out of a wooden bucket, than it does out of a golden goblet.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 3-Sep-12 | Last updated 3-Sep-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Too mutch religion iz wuss than none at all. Yu kant sho me a kuntry that haz existed yet, whare the people, all ov them, professed one religion and persekuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.

[Too much religion is worse than none at all. You can’t show me a country that has existed yet, where the people, all of them, professed one religion and persecuted all other kinds, but what the religion ruined the country.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 10-Sep-12 | Last updated 10-Sep-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Poor human natur iz too full ov its own grievances tew have enny pitty to spare, — if yu show a man a big bile on yure arm, he will tell yu he had one twice az big az that, on the same spot, last year.

[Poor human nature is too full of its own grievances to have any pity to spare, — if you show a man a big boil on your arm, he will tell you he had one twice as big as that, on the same spot, last year.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 24-Sep-12 | Last updated 24-Sep-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Giv every one you meet, my boy, the time ov day and halff the road, and if that dont make him civil dont waste enny more fragrance on the cuss.

[Give everyone you meet, my boy, the time of day and half the road, and if that don’t make him civil don’t waste any more fragrance on the cuss.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 1-Oct-12 | Last updated 1-Oct-12
Link to this post | 1 comment
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I dont never hav enny trouble in regulating mi own kondukt, but tew keep other pholks straight iz what bothers me.

[I don’t never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks straight is what bothers me.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 8-Oct-12 | Last updated 8-Oct-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

I hope i shall never hav so much reputashun that i shan’t feel obliged to be alwus civil.

[I hope I shall never have so much reputation that I shan’t feel obliged to be always civil.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 15-Oct-12 | Last updated 15-Oct-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

We are happy in this world just in proporshun as we make others happy — i stand reddy tew bet 50 dollars on this saying.

[We are happy in this world just in proportion as we make others happy — I stand ready to bet 50 dollars on this saying.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Josh Billings: His Works, Complete (1873)
Added on 22-Oct-12 | Last updated 22-Oct-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Billings, Josh

Those who retire from the world on akount ov its sin and peskyness must not forgit that they hav got tew keep kompany with a person who wants just as much watching as ennyboddy else.

[Those who retire from the world on account of its sin and peskiness must not forget that they have got to keep company with a person who wants just as much watching as anybody else.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
On Ice: and Other Things, 60 (1868)
Added on 17-Mar-14 | Last updated 17-Mar-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh

What the world wants iz good examples, not so mutch advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.

[What the world wants is good examples, not so much advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.]

Billings - good examples - wist_info quote

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
The Complete Works of Josh Billings, “PUDDIN AND MILK” (1842)
Added on 24-Aug-16 | Last updated 24-Aug-16
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , ,
More quotes by Billings, Josh