There really are things you can do to keep your body looking healthy and youthful for years to come. But before I discuss these things, I want you to answer the following questions honestly: Are you willing to make the hard sacrifices needed to be really healthy? Are you willing to commit yourself totally to a program of regular exercise, close medical supervision, and the elimination of all caffeine, alcohol, and rich foods, to be replaced by a strict diet of nutrition-rich, kelp-like plant growths so unappetizing that they will make you actually lust for tofu?
Or are you the kind of shallow, irresponsible person who wants a purely cosmetic change, a “quick and dirty” surface gloss that may make you look young and healthy, but actually has no long-term value? Me too.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist, author, columnist

Dave Barry Turns 40, ch. 2 “Your Disintegrating Body” (1990)
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