Quotations by Allen, Woody


It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
“Death (A Play)”, Without Feathers (1975)

Sometimes misattributed to Spike Milligan.
Added on 17-Jun-09 | Last updated 9-Jul-15
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , ,
More quotes by Allen, Woody

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
“My Speech to Graduates,” Side Effects (1981)
Added on 13-Feb-12 | Last updated 13-Feb-12
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing “Embraceable You” in spats.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
“On Seeing a Tree in Summer”
Added on 29-Mar-13 | Last updated 29-Mar-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
“Selections from the Allen Notebooks,” New Yorker (5 Nov 1973)

Reprinted in Without Feathers (1976).
Added on 26-Feb-08 | Last updated 26-Feb-08
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Love is the answer; but while you re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
(Attributed)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Sex is like the game of bridge: if you don’t have a good partner, you need a good hand.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
(Attributed)
Added on 30-Nov-07 | Last updated 30-Nov-07
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
(Attributed)
Added on 5-Nov-09 | Last updated 5-Nov-09
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Annie Hall (1977)

Script with Marshall Brickman.
Added on 25-Feb-08 | Last updated 25-Feb-08
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

The three most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you.” They are: “It is benign.”

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Deconstructing Harry (1998)
Added on 11-Feb-16 | Last updated 11-Feb-16
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , , ,
More quotes by Allen, Woody

I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Getting Even (1978)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Interiors (1978)
Added on 19-Feb-13 | Last updated 19-Feb-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Interiors (1978)
Added on 7-Mar-13 | Last updated 7-Mar-13
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
New York Tribune (1975)

(quoted)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
New Yorker, “A Look at Organized Crime” (1970)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Side Effects (1989)

New Yorker Essays, 1970s
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

To YOU I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Stardust Memories (1980)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

I’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
What’s up, Tiger Lily? (1966)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Without Feathers (1975)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Without Feathers (1976)

The Early Essays
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
Comment

Originally attributed to Allen by collaborator Marshall Brickman in Susan Brady, "He's Woody Allen's Not-So-Silent Partner," New York Times (21 Aug 1977) as "Showing up is 80 percent of life." On inquiry, Allen confirmed that he'd said the quotation above in a letter to William Safire (1989). More information here.
Added on 7-Nov-14 | Last updated 7-Nov-14
Link to this post | No comments
Topics: , , , , ,
More quotes by Allen, Woody

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats.

Woody Allen (b. 1935) American comedian, writer, director [b. Allan Steward Konigsberg]
On the KKK Skokie march
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
Link to this post | No comments
More quotes by Allen, Woody