As for the duties of marital love that some people consider injured by absence, I do not believe it. On the contrary, it is a relationship that is readily cooled by too continual association, and harmed by assiduity. Every strange woman seems to us an attractive woman. And every man feels by experience that seeing one another continually cannot match the pleasure of parting and being together again at intervals.
[Quant aux devoirs de l’amitié maritale, qu’on pense estre interessez par cette absence: je ne le crois pas. Au rebours, c’est une intelligence, qui se refroidit volontiers par une trop continuelle assistance, & que l’assiduité blesse. Toute femme estrangere nous semble honneste femme: Et chacun sent par experience, que la continuation de se voir, ne peut representer le plaisir que lon sent à se desprendre, & reprendre à secousses.]
Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592) French essayist
Essays, Book 3, ch. 9 (3.9), “Of Vanity [De la vanité]” (1587) [tr. Frame (1943)]
(Source)
First appeared in the second (1588) edition. See also Propertius (c. 20 BC), La Rochefoucauld (1665), Ouida (1878).
(Source (French)). Alternate translations:Concerning dueties of wedlocke-friendship, which some happily imagine to be interressed or prejudiced by the husbands absence, I beleeve it not. Contrariwise, it is a kinde of intelligence, that easily growes colde by an over continuall assistance, and decayeth by assiduitie; for, to stand still at racke and manger breedeth a saciety. Every strange woman seemeth to us an honest woman: And all feele by experience, that a continuall seeing one another, can not possibly represent the pleasure, men take by parting and meeting againe.
[tr. Florio (1603)]As to the Duties of Conjugal Friendship, that some think to be violated by the absence, I am quite of another Opinion; it is on the contrary an Intelligence that easily cools by a too frequent and assiduous Practice. Every strange Woman appears graceful, and every one finds by Experience, that being continually together is not so pleasing, as to part for a time, and meet again.
[tr. Cotton (1686)]As to the duties of conjugal friendship, that some think to be impaired by these absences, I am quite of another opinion. It is, on the contrary, an intelligence that easily cools by a too frequent and assiduous companionship. Every strange woman appears charming, and we all find by experience that being continually together is not so pleasing as to part for a time and meet again.
[tr. Cotton/Hazlitt (1877)]As for the duties of conjugal friendship, which are thought to be wronged by such absences, I do not believe so; on the contrary, it is an intercourse which easily grows cool with too continuous companionship and which assiduity injures. Every woman who is a strange seems to us a worthy woman; and we all know by experience that continually being together cannot equal the pleasure that we feel in parting and meeting by turns.
[tr. Ives (1925)]As for the duties of conjugal love which are thought to be infringed by such absences, I do not believe that they are. On the contrary: such intercourse can easily be cooled by too continuous a presence and impaired by assiduity: every other woman seems charming then! Everyone knows that seeing each other all the time cannot provide the same pleasure as is given by alternately going away and coming together.
[tr. Screech (1987)]
Quotations about:
togetherness
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
Oftentimes, in the evening after they have finished spreading the fertilizer, the writer and his wife sit on the fence — with a wonderful sense of “togetherness” — and listen to the magic symphony of the crickets.
I can understand that. Around our house, we’re pretty busy, and of course we’re not the least bit integrated, but nevertheless my husband and I often sit together in the deepening twilight and listen to the sweet, gentle slosh-click, slosh-click of the dishwasher. He smiles and I smile. Oh, it’s a golden moment.
The faithful all lived together and owned everything in common; they sold their goods and possessions and shared out the proceeds among themselves according to what each one needed.
[πάντες δὲ οἱ πιστεύοντες ἦσαν ἐπὶ τὸ αὐτὸ καὶ εἶχον ἅπαντα κοινὰ καὶ τὰ κτήματα καὶ τὰς ὑπάρξεις ἐπίπρασκον καὶ διεμέριζον αὐτὰ πᾶσιν καθότι ἄν τις χρείαν εἶχεν·]
The Bible (The New Testament) (AD 1st - 2nd C) Christian sacred scripture
Book 5. Acts of the Apostles 2:44ff (Acts 2:44-45) [JB (1966)]
(Source)
(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:And all that believed were together, and had all things common; and sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
[KJV (1611)]And all who shared the faith owned everything in common; they sold their goods and possessions and distributed the proceeds among themselves according to what each one needed.
[NJB (1985)]All the believers continued together in close fellowship and shared their belongings with one another. They would sell their property and possessions, and distribute the money among all, according to what each one needed.
[GNT (1992 ed.)]All the believers were united and shared everything. They would sell pieces of property and possessions and distribute the proceeds to everyone who needed them.
[CEB (2011)]All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need.
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]
Old and young, we are all on our last cruise. If there is a fill of tobacco among the crew, for God’s sake pass it round, and let us have a pipe before we go!
The firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity; as iron is most strongly united by the fiercest flame.
Charles Caleb "C. C." Colton (1780-1832) English cleric, writer, aphorist
Lacon: Or, Many Things in Few Words, Vol. 1, § 365 (1820)
(Source)
The dinner table is the center for the teaching and practicing not just of table manners but of conversation, consideration, tolerance, family feeling, and just about all the other accomplishments of polite society except the minuet.
Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Miss Manners’ Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium, Part 2 “Home Life,” “Parents and Children” (1989)
(Source)
No speed of wind or water rushing by
But you have a speed far greater. You can climb
Back up a stream of radiance to the sky,
And back through history up the stream of time.
And you were given this swiftness, not for haste
Nor chiefly that you may go where you will.
But in the rush of everything to waste,
That you may have the power of standing still—
Off any still or moving thing you say.
Two such as you with a master speed
Cannot be parted nor be swept away
From one another once you are agreed
That life is only life forevermore
Together wing to wing and oar to oar.Robert Frost (1874-1963) American poet
“The Master Speed” (1934)
(Source)
Collected in A Further Range (1937). Frost wrote the poem for his daughter's wedding, and the final line is the epitaph on his wife's portion of their gravestone.
And remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.
Emily Kimbrough (1899-1989) American author and journalist
The Innocents from Indiana, ch. 17 (1950)
(Source)
At the very end of the book, a note from the protagonist's mother, about the protagonist having failed the entrance examination to Bryn Mawr.
I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom, or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.
Lemony Snicket (b. 1970) American author, screenwriter, musician (pseud. for Daniel Handler)
The Beatrice Letters (2006)
Absence is one of the most useful ingredients of family life, and to do it rightly is an art like any other.
Freya Stark (1893-1993) Franco-British explorer, travel writer [Freya Madeline Stark]
The Freya Stark Story (1953)
(Source)
See Propertius.
The longest absence is less perilous to love than the terrible trials of incessant proximity.
