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Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.

Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“Peace on Earth, but No Parking”
Added on 23-Dec-16 | Last updated 23-Dec-16
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Bicycles are good exercise. And so is swinging through trees on your tail. Mankind has invested more than four million years of evolution in the attempt to avoid physical exertion. Now a group of backward-thinking atavists mounted on foot-powered pairs of Hula-Hoops would have us pumping our legs, gritting our teeth, and searing our lungs as though we were being chased across the Pleistocene savanna by saber-toothed tigers. Think of the hopes, the dreams, the effort, the brilliance, the pure force of will that, over the eons, has gone into the creation of the Cadillac Coupe de Ville. Bicycle riders would have us throw all this on the ash heap of history.

P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
“A Cool and Logical Analysis of the Bicycle Menace,” Republican Party Reptile (1987)
Added on 2-Feb-15 | Last updated 2-Feb-15
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There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Porsche 911 Cabriolet.

P.J. O'Rourke (b. 1947) American humorist, editor
Modern Manners (1989 ed.)
Added on 6-Nov-14 | Last updated 6-Nov-14
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Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

Other Authors and Sources
Mary Ellen Kelley
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 3-Apr-14
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If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Robert X. Cringely (contemp.) American technology columnist [pseud. for Mark Stephens and others]
“Notes from the Field,” InfoWorld (6 Mar 1989)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 26-Nov-18
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