Quotations by ~Other
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
Other Authors and Sources
“Finagle’s Third Law”
In Arthur Bloch, Murphy's Law: And Other Reasons Why Things Go gnorW, "Murphology" (1979)
But though I’m not a spaceman,
Famous and renowned,
I’m just a guy that’s down to earth,
With both feet on the ground.
It’s all imagination,
I’ll never reach the stars.
My heart is still a fireball, a fireball,
Every time I gaze into your starry eyes.Other Authors and Sources
“Fireball XL-5,” st. 3 (1962)
(Source)
Charles Blackwell (lyrics), Barry Gray (music), Don Spencer (vocals).
If you consult enough experts, you can confirm any opinion.
Other Authors and Sources
“Hiram’s Law”
In Arthur Bloch, comp., Murphy's Law: Book Three, "Expertsmanship" (1962)
It is easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of behaving.
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“Kegley’s Principle of Change”
In J. Peers (ed.) 1,001 Logical Laws (1979)
If anything can go wrong, it will.
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“Murphy’s Law” (1949)Direct variants:
- "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."
- "Everything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong."
The history behind Murphy's Law -- and its very similar antecedents -- is long and disputed, unsurprising given its simple sentiments. It is most often attributed (via the name) to Capt. Edward Murphy, a development engineer working on rapid deceleration g-force tests, and first named as such by Dr. John Stapp, a US Air Force colonel and Flight Surgeon overseeing the project. See Wikipedia for a summary, and AIR for more information.
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho!
Aye! But we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho!
Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate’s life for me!Other Authors and Sources
“Pirates of the Caribbean”
The worst thing about stupidity is its insistency.
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“Sam’s Despair,” in John Peers, comp., 1,001 Logical Laws (1979)
Sometimes it is too late to win. But it’s never too late to lose.
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“Warson’s Truth” (Tom Warson)
My friends, each of you is a single cell in the great body of the State. And today, that great body has purged itself of parasites. We have triumphed over the unprincipled dissemination of facts. The thugs and wreckers have been cast out. And the poisonous weeds of disinformation have been consigned to the dustbin of history. Let each and every cell rejoice! For today we celebrate the first, glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directive! We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology, where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of contradictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is a more powerful weapon than any fleet or army on Earth! We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death. And we will bury them with their own confusion! We shall prevail!
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1984 (Apple “Big Brother” commercial, by copy writer Steve Hayden (1983)
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
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A Bit of Frye and Laurie
Greensleeves was all my joy,
Greensleeves was my delight,
Greensleeves was my heart of gold,
And who but Lady Greensleeves?Other Authors and Sources
A Handful of Pleasant Delites, “A New Courtly Sonnet of the Lady Greensleeves, to the new tune of ‘Greensleeves'” (1584)
Consequences, schmonsequences! So long as I’m rich!
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Ali Baba Bunny, Chuck Jones (Daffy Duck) (1957)
If it’s stupid but works, it isn’t stupid.
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Amphibious Warfare Review (Spring 1989)
WESLEY: I’m a rogue demon hunter now.
CORDELIA: What’s a rogue demon?Other Authors and Sources
Angel
The story is told of Picasso that a stranger in a railway carriage accosted him with the challenge, “Why don’t you paint things as they really are.” Picasso demurred, saying that he did not quite understand what the gentleman meant, and the stranger then produced from his wallet a photograph of his wife. “I mean,” he said, “like that. That’s how she is.” Picasso coughed hesitantly and said, “She is rather small, isn’t she. And somewhat flat?”
Other Authors and Sources
Angels Fear, by Gregory and Mary Catherine Bateson
Early to rise, early to bed,
Makes a man healthy but socially dead.Other Authors and Sources
Animaniacs, The Warner Bros.
BARBARELLA: A good many dramatic situations begin with screaming.
Other Authors and Sources
Barbarella (1968)
Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.
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Bhagavad Gita (500? BC)
Though a man be soiled
With the sins of a lifetime,
Let him but love me,
Rightly resolved,
In utter devotion:
I see no sinner,
That man is holy.Other Authors and Sources
Bhagavad Gita (6th C BC), 9 [tr. Prabhavananda & Isherwood (1954)]
If the radiance of a thousand suns
Were to burst at once into the sky
That would be like the splendor of the Mighty One —
I am become Death,
The shatterer of Worlds.Other Authors and Sources
Bhagavad Gita ch. 11, sec. 12, 32 (500? BC)
Above cited as translation recalled by J. Robert Openheimer during first A-bomb test (16 May 1945) (Current Biography Yearbook, 1964) Swami Nikhilananda (1944) translated as: "If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst forth at once in the sky, that would be like the splendour of the Mighty One. I am mighty, world-destroying Time …"
For certain is death for the born,
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.Other Authors and Sources
Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Sec. 27 (500? BC)
ZOE BALL (host): So tell us what this is exactly …
GUEST: It’s a matchstick model of Cardiff Arms Park.
ZOE BALL: Wow! That’s amazing. What’s it made out of?
GUEST: Er … matchsticks.Other Authors and Sources
Big Breakfast morning show (UK)
Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church?
Other Authors and Sources
Black Adder II
We have left undone those things which we ought to have done, and we have done those things we ought not to have done.
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Book of Common Prayer, “Morning Prayer (General Confession)” (1662)
Prayer is responding to God, by thought and by deeds, with or without words.
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Book of Common Prayer, (Episcopal) Catechism – “What is prayer?” (1979)
Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this Table for solace only, and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal.
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Book of Common Prayer, p. 327, Eucharistic Prayer C (1979)
ANYA: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice. With pie.
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Pangs” (19 Oct 1999)
On Thanksgiving. Episode by Jane Espenson. Text/clip.
WILLOW: So, how did it go?
XANDER: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
GILES: It’s me, it’s me!
CORDELIA: How do we know it’s really you and not Zombie Giles?
GILES: Oh, Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
CORDELIA: That’s him.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: Yeah, but I thought I saw something … I don’t know, I was really out of it, but —
CORDELIA: But you do know that you saw Death.
WILLOW: Did it have an hourglass?
BUFFY: Ooh —
XANDER: If he asks you to play chess, don’t even do it. The guy’s like a whiz.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
MAYOR: I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. “Miniature.” “Golf.”
Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
CORDELIA: So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
XANDER: I’m 17. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: Vampires are creeps.
GILES: Yes. That’s why one slays them.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
XANDER: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse?
GILES: How about the end of the world?
BUFFY: Knew I could count on you.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
FAITH: When I’m fighting, it’s like the whole world goes away. I only know one thing: that I’m gonna win, and they’re gonna lose. I like that feeling.
BUFFY: Well sure, beats that “dead” feeling you get when they win and you lose.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?
WILLOW: Every nightmare I have that doesn’t revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
SPIKE: Where have you been pet?
DRUSILLA: I went for a walk. I met an old man. I didn’t like him, he got stuck in my teeth.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
WILLOW: Ass-kicking always makes a good Plan B.
Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
XANDER: You’re considered somewhat cool.
OZ: I am?
XANDER: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in short, non-committal sentences?
OZ: Could be.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
BUFFY: I’m gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.
Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
STUDENT: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
BUFFY: You know I meant to, and then I just got really busy…Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
MAYOR: There’s more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that’s factually true.
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer
MAYOR: Be careful not put someone’s eye out with that thing … until I tell you to.
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer
GILES: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression.
XANDER: I resent that! Or possibly, thank you.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
XANDER: You up for a little reconnaissance?
BUFFY: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
XANDER: No, that was the Renaissance.
BUFFY: Oh. I’ve had a really long week.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
ANYA: Look, I know you find me attractive; I’ve seen you looking at my breasts.
XANDER: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
WILLOW: Well, we try not to get killed. That’s part of our whole mission statement: ‘Don’t get killed.’
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Anne”
SMART GUY 1: The thing that the modern-day pundits fail to realize is that all the socioeconomic and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer.
BUFFY: My mother always said beer is evil.
SMART GUY 1: Evil, good — these are moral absolutes that predate the fermentation of malt and fine hops.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Beer Bad”
XANDER: And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer?
BUFFY: Foamy!
XANDER: Good. Just as long as that’s clear.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Beer Bad”
XANDER: Who’s the little fear demon? Come on, who’s the little fear demon?
GILES: Don’t taunt the fear demon.
XANDER: Why, can he hurt me?
GILES: No. It’s just … tacky.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Fear, Itself”
MAYOR: My god, what a feeling. The power of these creatures. It suffuses my being. I can feel the changes begin. My organs are shifting, merging, making ready for the Ascension. Plus these babies are high in fiber, and what’s the fun of becoming an immortal demon if you’re not regular, am I right?
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Graduation, Part 1”
GILES: I have a friend who’s coming to town, and I’d like us to be alone.
ANYA: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
GILES: Yes, that’s exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Hush”
SPIKE: She wouldn’t even kill me. She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head, or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Lover’s Walk”
MAYOR: I swear, I would sell my soul for a decent short game. Of course, it’s a little late for that. I don’t suppose I could offer your soul, huh? Really help me on the green.
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Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Lover’s Walk”
WILLOW: Doesn’t it make you wonder what else is there, right under our feet?
BUFFY: Mostly, I’ve just found sewers full of demons.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Pangs”
ANYA: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
XANDER: Then why are you talking to me?
ANYA: I don’t have a date for the prom.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “The Prom”
WILLOW: She’s like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going, “Ooh, check me out. I’m wicked cool. I’m five-by-five.”
TARA: Five-by-five? Five what by five what?
WILLOW: See, that’s the thing. No one knows.Other Authors and Sources
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “This Year’s Girl”
Risk more than others think is safe.
Care more than others think is wise.
Dream more than others think is practical.
Expect more than others think is possible.Other Authors and Sources
Cadet Maxim, West Point Military Academy
#3537. Superfluity does not vitiate.
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California Civil Code, “Maxims of
#1597. Everything is deemed possible except that which is impossible in the nature of things.
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California Civil Code, “Object of a Contract”
MR. MATSUNAGA: Mr. President.
MR. ROBERT C. BYRD: I see my good and dear and true friend from Hawaii, a man who wears a perpetual smile —
MR. JESSE HELMS: And who is also generous.
MR. ROBERT C. BYRD: Not only generous, but also a gentleman. A man who is clean on the inside, a man who is clean on the outside, a man who neither looks up to the rich nor down on the poor, a man whose compassionate heart goes out to the young, the old, the maimed; a man who is too honest to cheat and too honorable to lie: that man is a gentleman. I speak of none other than my friend from Hawaii.
MR. JESSE HELMS: Mr. President, I say if that does not gain for the majority leader a case of fine pineapple, nothing will.Other Authors and Sources
Congressional Record (9 Feb 1979)
We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
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Constitution of the United States, preamble (17 Sep 1787)
“Edgy” and “icky” are so hard to tell apart these days.
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Daria
Liberty is the capacity to do anything that does no harm to others.
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Declaration of the Rights of Man and the Citizen, France, Article IV (26 Aug. 1789)
Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you’ve never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It’s not love I’m describing. I’m thinking of a monorail.
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Deep Thoughts
THE DOCTOR: I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
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Doctor Who
THE BRIGADIER: Naturally enough, the only country that could be trusted with such a role was Great Britain.
THE DOCTOR: Naturally. I mean, the rest were all foreigners.Other Authors and Sources
Doctor Who
JAMIE: Have you thought up some clever plan, Doctor?
THE DOCTOR: Yes, Jamie, I believe I have.
JAMIE: What are you going to do?
THE DOCTOR: Bung a rock at it.Other Authors and Sources
Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: Logic, my dear Zoë, merely enables one to be wrong with authority.
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Doctor Who
THE BRIGADIER: You know, just once I’d like to meet an alien menace that wasn’t immune to bullets.
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Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.
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Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t be childish sometimes.
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Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: What’s the use of a good quotation if you can’t change it?
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Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: The very powerful and the very stupid have one thing in common. They don’t alter their views to the facts, they alter the facts to fit their views.
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Doctor Who
THE DOCTOR: To the rational mind, nothing is inexplicable; only unexplained.
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Doctor Who (1963)
THE DOCTOR: Would you like a jelly baby?
LEELA: It’s true then! They say the Evil One eats babies.
THE DOCTOR: You mustn’t believe all they say.Other Authors and Sources
Doctor Who, “The Face of Evil”
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
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Harper’s Index (October 1989)
The time and effort required to complete a project are always more than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law.
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Hofstadtler’s Law
At the third cup, wine drinks the man.
[Literally, “Man drinks wine. Wine drinks wine. Wine drinks man.”]
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Hokekyō Sho, a Buddhist Sanskrit text (c. 12th Century)
In Kojikotowaza Jiten [Dictionary of Traditions and Proverbs]. See also this Spanish proverb.Referenced by Edward Rowland Sill (1841—1887) in "An Adage from the Orient":At the punch-bowl's brink,
Let the thirsty think
What they say in Japan:
'First the man takes a drink,'
Then the drink takes a drink,
Then the drink takes the man!'
Perseverance alone does not assure success. No amount of stalking will lead to game in a field that has none.
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I Ching
Moving is a lot like drinking too much. I have all these bruises I can’t explain, and I don’t know where any of my sh*t is.
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JillMatrix.com (29 Aug. 2002)
Just as too much charity is the handiwork of a fool, so too much patience is the hallmark of a coward.
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Kabala (1200? BC – AD 700?)
SEÑOR SENIOR, SR.: World-class villains are defined by disproportionate revenge!
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Kim Possible, “Animal Attraction,” (10 Jan 2003) [w. Robin Riordan, Gary Sperling]
RIVERA: You know, McCoy, you wanna put the bad guys behind bars you have to get your hands dirty.
McCOY: The problem is, detective, sometimes it doesn’t stop at the hands.Other Authors and Sources
Law & Order
Recently, when the standoff in Waco, Tex., turned ugly and the cult members set fire to their compound, “Guiding Light”, which had been on for about 15 minutes, was interrupted by a news break, which took up the rest of the hour. Couldn’t the networks have waited until 3 p.m. to tell the world about this terrible happening? I was very annoyed by this interruption.
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Los Angeles Times “TV Times”, Letter from L. Wengard, Northridge, CA (22 May 1993)
SPENCER: I suppose you can make an explosive out of chewing gum?
MACGYVER: Why? Got some?”Other Authors and Sources
MacGyver (1985)
No free man shall be taken or imprisoned or dispossessed, or outlawed or exiled, or in any way destroyed, nor will we go upon him, no will we send against him except by the lawful judgement of his peers or by the law of the land.
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Magna Carta, Clause 39 (1215)
To no man will we sell, or deny, or delay, right or justice.
[Nulli vendemus, nulli negabimus, aut differimus rectum aut justiciam.]
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Magna Carta, Clause 40 (1215)
Alt. trans.:
- "To no one will we sell, to no one will we refuse or delay, right or justice."
- "To none will we sell, to none will we deny, to none will we delay right or justice."
“Well,” Brahma said, “even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred.”
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Mahabharata
If I am inclined to doubt, steady my faith.
If I am tempted, make me strong to resist.
If I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again.Other Authors and Sources
Marine Corps Prayer
http://www.uspharmd.com/usmc/marineprayer.html
MARY: I’m an experienced woman. I’ve been around. Well, all right, I might not’ve been around, but I’ve been … nearby.
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Mary Tyler Moore Show
There are no experimental failures — there are only more data.
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Max Headroom
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was one of 10 winners of the 1992 Horatio Alger award, given to Americans who overcome adversity to achieve success. Bond was set for $100,000 and trial scheduled for May 4.
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Minneapolis Star-Tribune, news story
The map of Europe, Northern Africa, and the Arab nations published in Monday’s editions contained the following errors: Libya was labeled as the Ukraine; Bulgaria and Romania were transposed; Bosnia-Herzegovina was identified as Bosnia; Montenegro should have been identified as a separate state bordering Serbia; Cyprus and the West Bank were not labeled; Andorra, a country between France and Spain, was not labeled; the Crimean Peninsula appeared twice on the Black Sea; Kuwait was not identified by name — instead, the initials of the Knight-Ridder News Service were in its place.
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Norfolk (Va.) Virginian-Pilot (correction)
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1-1/2 tons.
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Popular Mechanics (1949)
MOJO JOJO: You’ve got to be kidding! I’m wet! I’m naked! Your sister is wearing my clothes! And this is all part of some evil plot to RULE THE WORLD AS A SOGGY CHIMP IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT!
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Power Puff Girls
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.
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PS, The Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance; p. 9 (Aug 1993)
Every good act is charity. Your smiling in your brother’s face, is charity; an exhortation of your fellow-man to virtuous deeds, is equal to alms-giving; your putting a wanderer in the right road, is charity; your assisting the blind, is charity; your removing stones, and thorns, and other obstructions from the road, is charity; your giving water to the thirsty, is charity.
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Qur’an
A man’s true wealth hereafter, is the good he does in this world to his fellow-man. When he dies, people will say, “What property has he left behind him?” But the angels will ask, “What good deeds has he sent before him?”
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Qur’an
If you disclose your alms, even then it is well done, but if you keep them secret, and give them to the poor, then that is better still for you; and this wipes off from you some of your evil deeds.
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Qur’an
He deserves Paradise who makes his companions laugh.
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Qur’an
BLUE: So just remember: the Internet can be a very scary place if you’re not prepared.
RED: How do you recommend they prepare?
BLUE: I dunno. Try going to your local middle school chess club, hand out crystal meth and guns. That might be good practice.Other Authors and Sources
Red vs. Blue: “Real Life vs. the Internet” (2005)
http://files.redvsblue.com/NYC2/RvB_NYC2.mov
You are properly exhausted after journey or business work. Worthily divert yourself from boredom and create new sense of perception that makes you completely relaxed & happy, please call on LONGMAN HOTEL where our multifunctional recreations will surely feast your tastes. YOU ARE ADDED WITH FUN …
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Relaxation & happiness, a new sense perception a day, brochure for the Longman Hotel, Shanghai, China
It’s as if all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
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Saturday Night Live
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
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Soviet Weekly, article
Knowing others is wisdom; Knowing the self is enlightenment;
Mastering others requires force; Mastering the self needs strength.Other Authors and Sources
Tao te Ching
We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.
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Tao te Ching
Inaction in a deed of mercy becomes an action in a deadly sin.
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The Book of the Golden Precepts, 2.17 [tr.Blavatsky (1889)]
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.
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The Creation of the Universe, television show sponsorship credits (PBS)
The final end of every political institution is the preservation of the natural and imprescribable rights of man. These rights are those of liberty, property, security, and resistance to oppression.
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The Declaration of the Rights of Man and the Citizen, France, Article 2 (26 Aug 1789)
As for you, Gilgamesh, fill your belly with good things; day and night, night and day, dance and be merry, feast and rejoice. Let your clothes be fresh, bathe yourself in water, cherish the little child that holds your hand, and make your wife happy in your embrace; for this too is the lot of man.
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The Epic of Gilgamesh (3rd Millennium BC)
HOMER: The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!
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The Simpsons
BURNS: Dammit, Smithers, this isn’t rocket science, it’s brain surgery!
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The Simpsons
APU: I used to think karma was baloney, but now I’m not so sure.
HOMER: Mmmmm … caramel baloney!Other Authors and Sources
The Simpsons
BART: Why do we need church shoes? Jesus wore sandals.
HOMER: Well, if he’d had proper arch support, maybe they might not have caught him.Other Authors and Sources
The Simpsons
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets, then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again.
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The Wizard of Oz, TV listing in a Marin, Calif. newspaper
PERRY COMO’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: The members of a Greek family are murdered systematically in a bizarre fashion.
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Toronto Sun, TV page listing
Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care, and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age, or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control.
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Universal Declaration of Human Rights, United Nations, Article 25.1 (10 Dec 1948)
If you bought our course, “How to Fly Solo in Six Easy Lessons,” we apologize for any inconvenience caused by our failure to include the last chapter, “How to Land Your Plane Safely.” Send us your name and address and we will send you the last chapter posthaste. Requests by estates also honored.
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World Magazine, Correction in a 1973 issue
MULDER: If my Miss Manners serves me right, that protrusion from his left cornea is a salad fork.
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X-Files
Life … is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you’re stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there’s nothing else to eat while you’re watching the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it’s gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you’re left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper wrappers.
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X-Files (Cigarette Smoking Man)
JIM HACKER: So they insult me and then expect me to give them more money?
SIR HUMPHREY: Yes, I must say it’s a rather undignified posture. But it is what artists always do: crawling towards the government on their knees, shaking their fists.Other Authors and Sources
Yes, Prime Minister
JIM HACKER: Don’t tell me about the press. I know exactly who reads the papers:
The Daily Mirror is read by people who think they run the country;
The Guardian is read by people who think they ought to run the country;
The Times is read by people who actually do run the country;
The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country;
The Financial Times is read by people who own the country;
The Morning Star is read by people who think the country ought to be run by another country;
And the Daily Telegraph is read by people who think it is.
SIR HUMPHREY: Prime Minister, what about the people who read the Sun?
BERNARD WOOLLEY: Sun readers don’t care who runs the country, as long as she’s got big tits.Other Authors and Sources
Yes, Prime Minister
In Brighton she was Brenda,
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of all the bunch,
But down on his expenses,
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch.Other Authors and Sources
~
“One World, One Web, One Program” — Microsoft Promotional Ad
“Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer” — Adolph HitlerOther Authors and Sources
~
The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
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A FORTRAN manual for Xerox computers
I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller’s parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
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A New York City police detective
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
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A. Kindsvater, “MIST’s Law” [Man in the Street]
[Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.
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Abdulla Ahmar, speaker of the Yemeni parliament
HIJACKER (jumping out of seat and waving gun at flight attendant): Take me to Detroit!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: But we’re going to Detroit already.
HIJACKER (returning to seat): Oh, good.Other Authors and Sources
actual situation on a domestic US flight
Never ascribe something to another cause that can be fully explained by stupidity and mediocrity.
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Aerospace proverb
Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
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African proverb
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
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African proverb
If you do not have patience, you cannot make beer.
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African proverb
If you want to go fast, go alone.
If you want to go far, go together.Other Authors and Sources
African proverb
Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.
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Agnes Allen, “Agnes Allen’s Law,” in S.Morris, “You Make the Laws,” Omni (May 1979)
Perfectionist: One who takes infinite pains and gives them to others.
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Alan Benner (Attributed)
The fact that [someone is] an unattractive character with followers holding rather odd theology, does not mean that they have no civil, legal or constitutional rights. Calling such a group a “cult” should not deprive them of their rights.
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Alex McColl, in Soldier of Fortune (1993)
on the Branch Davidian ATF raid
The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.
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Alexander Penney
I am a strict vegetarian. That is, I consume no meat from carnivorous animals. Chicken, however, is simply a rapid form of corn, while cows are grass, reprocessed for our convenience.
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Allan Hjerpe, RelHumor-L (4 Jan 1999)
The quickest way to do many things is to do one thing at a time.
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American proverb (New England)
No one was ever ruined by taking a profit.
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American proverb (Wall Street)
Everyone lives downstream from someone else.
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American saying
There is no saint without a past, no sinner without a future.
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Ancient Persian Mass
Frequently quoted as such, or sometimes "A Persian Rosary".
Fond as we are of our loved ones, there comes at times during their absence an unexplained peace.
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Anne Shaw, But Such Is Life (1931)
Liberty is always unfinished business.
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Annual Report, American Civil Liberties Union (1955/56)
If it works, it’s obsolete.
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Anonymous
Quoted in Marshall McLuhan, Understanding Media: The Extension of Man, ch. 1 (1964)
Let’s get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.
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Anonymous
Line coined by Robert Benchley's press agent in the 1920s and used by Mae West in the film Every Day's a Holiday (1937).
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
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Anonymous
Inscribed on a cannon near the grave of John Bradshaw, in Jamaica. Bradshaw presided over the 1649 trial of King Charles I, and sentenced him to death.
When thinking about life, remember this: no amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.
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Anonymous
It’s not the bullet with my name on it that worries me. It’s the one that says “To whom it may concern.”
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Anonymous Belfast resident, quoted in The London Guardian (1991)
See also this.
I don’t have problems with things I can’t see. God and Jesus and Heaven, I believe in all those things. It’s the things I can see that I have trouble accepting.
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Anonymous Psych Patient
http://crazytracy.com/blog/archives/000467.html
O God, if there be a God, save my soul, if I have a soul!
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Anonymous Soldier, Battle of Blenheim (31 Aug 1704)
Also given as "Oh, God, if there is one, save my soul, if I have one."
The original printed source for this quote appears to be in William King (1685-1763), Political and Literary Anecdotes of His Own Times (1761), who quotes William Wyndham (1688-1740) claiming it "the shortest prayer he had ever heard," given by a common soldier prior to the Battle of Blenheim.
Also attributed to:
- Robert Ingersoll (1833-1899), without citation, supposedly on his deathbed, sometimes with the final phrase "... from hell, if there be a hell!"
- Ernest Renan (1823-1892) as "The Agnostic's Prayer" or "Prayer of a Skeptic [Prière d'un sceptique]" ("Ô Seigneur, s'il y a un Seigneur; sauvez mon âme, si j'ai une âme.")
- Frederick the Great (1712-1786), in M. Goldsmith, Frederick the Great (1929), without citation.
- Voltaire (1694-1778), without citation.
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
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Anthony’s Law of the Workshop
It became necessary to destroy the town to save it.
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AP report on Ben Tre, Vietnam, New York Times (8 Feb 1968)Attributed to an unidentified US Army Major.
All sunshine makes a desert.
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Arab proverb
Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.
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Arab proverb
When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.
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Arab proverb
Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
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Arab proverb
The hasty and the slow meet at the ferry.
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Arab proverb
The worst things:
To try to sleep and sleep not.
To wait for one who comes not.
To try to please and please not.Other Authors and Sources
Arab proverb
The angels break into song at the sight of the throne and all the songs fit together as part of a greater song, but people seem to have to search to find the right song to sing. It is a matter of finding our proper nature.
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Arn Lesikar, Belief-L listserv (6 Jun 1998)
Something is wrong.
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ATARI 520ST and 1040ST BASIC error warning
It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.
Conscience is that still small voice that is sometimes too loud for comfort.
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Bert Murray
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
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Blore’s Razor
When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?”
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Brady’s First Law of Problem Solving
Who dares wins.
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British Special Air Service (SAS) World War II motto
Let’s never forget that we ALL have aspects about us which could cause us to find ourselves on the sharp-edged side of the razorwired fence should the winds of mass hysteria, whipped up from public opinion by demagogues, shift.
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Bruce Little, Belief-L
He tried
To cross
As fast train neared
Death didn’t draft him
He volunteered
Burma-ShaveOther Authors and Sources
Burma-Shave sign
Altho insured
Remember, kiddo
They don’t pay you
They pay
Your widow
Burma-ShaveOther Authors and Sources
Burma-Shave sign
Rare is the person who can weigh the faults of others without putting his thumb on the scales.
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Byron J. Langenfeld
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
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Cannon’s Comment