STEVE: (at the furniture store; holds up a decorative furniture pillow) What — is this?
SUSAN: It’s a cushion.
STEVE: Right! Yes! It’s a cushion! Thank you for that, very informative. (to Jeff) Have you got any of these?
JEFF: No.
STEVE: Of course you haven’t. (to clerk) — You. You married? Living with anyone?
JUNIOR SHOP ASSISTANT: No.
STEVE: Got any of these?
JUNIOR SHOP ASSISTANT: No.
STEVE: Of course not! Okay. (looking at Susan and her female friends) You bring these things into our homes. They sit on our chairs. They watch our televisions! Now, I just need to know, on behalf of all men, everywhere — I just need to ask, please, what are they for? I mean, look, look at the chubby little bastards, just sitting around everywhere. What are they? Pets for chairs? (to senior clerk) Come on, you sell them — what are they for?
SENIOR SHOP ASSISTANT: Well — you sit on them.
STEVE: Aha! I see! That’s where you’re wrong! Nobody sits on them. Ok, watch this! Here’s the cushion. I’m putting it on the sofa. Now, watch me! I’m sitting down, and what do I do on my final approach? I — (he moves the cushion from the seat) — oop! — Move the cushion! You see? It’s not involved! It’s not part of the whole sitting process! It just lies there. It’s fat litter! It’s a sofa parasite!
JANE: It’s — you know, padding.
STEVE: Oh, padding! Oh now that’s interesting. See, I like padding. You know, if I was, say, an American football player with all those big bastards running at me, I would say, you know, “Give me some of that padding and be quick about it!” You know, if my job involved bouncing down jagged rocks, I would say, “In view of those jagged rocks down there, I’ll have some of that padding, thank you very much!” But Susan, Sally, Jane, this — is a sofa. It is designed by clever scientists in such a way so is to shield the unprotected user from the way of skin abrasions, serious head trauma, and of course — (he dives behind the sofa and reemerges) — Daleks! You lot trust me, girls, trust me on this one, you do not need padding to tackle upholstery! So please, once and for all, tell me, why on Earth you would want me to sit on one of these?
SUSAN: Because, if you pressed it firmly against your bottom it might stop you talking!
Steven Moffat (b. 1961) Scottish television writer, producer
Coupling, 02×03 “Her Best Friend’s Bottom” (2001-09-17)
(Source)
(Source (video); dialog confirmed.)
Quotations about:
decor
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
I have never been in any rich man’s house which would not have looked the better for having a bonfire made outside of it of nine-tenths of all that it held.
William Morris (1834-1896) British textile designer, writer, socialist activist
“The Art of the People,” speech, Birmingham Society of Arts (1879-02-19)
(Source)
One sure way to lose another woman’s friendship is to try to improve her flower arrangements.
Marcelene Cox (1900-1998) American writer, columnist, aphorist
“Ask Any Woman” column, Ladies’ Home Journal (1948-02)
(Source)
This was a regularly revisited aphorism for Cox:One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve her husband.
(1955-12)The quickest way to lose another woman's friendship is to endeavor to improve her husband, her children, or her flower arrangements.
(1959-05)One sure way to lose another woman's friendship is to try to improve either her children or her flower arrangements.
(1961-07)
When I was writing a column for Family Circle, I had planned one in praise of shabbiness. A house that does not have one worn, comfy chair in it is soulless. It all comes back to the fact that we are not asked to be perfect, only human.
May Sarton (1912-1995) Belgian-American poet, novelist, memoirist [pen name of Eleanore Marie Sarton]
Journal of a Solitude (1973)
(Source)
Our golden rule: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.
William Morris (1834-1896) British textile designer, writer, socialist activist
“The Beauty of Life,” lecture, Birmingham Society of Arts and School of Design (19 Feb 1880)
(Source)
There are persons who honestly do not see the use of books in the home, either for information — have they not radio and even television? — or for decoration — is there not the wallpaper?
Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973) American writer
“In Search of Readers,” in Helen Hull, The Writer’s Book (1950)
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.
Jean Kerr (1922-2003) American author and playwright [b. Bridget Jean Collins]
“The Ten Worst Things about a Man,” The Snake Has All the Lines (1960)
Nothing is more frightful than imagination without taste.
[Es ist nichts furchterlicher als Einbildungskraft ohne Geschmack.]
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832) German poet, statesman, scientist
Sprüche in Prosa: Maximen und Reflexionen [Proverbs in Prose: Maxims and Reflections] (1833) [tr. Saunders (1893), #489]
(Source)
From Wilhelm Meister's Journeyman Years (1829). (Source (German)). Alternate translations:There is nothing so horrible as imagination devoid of taste.
[tr. Rönnfeldt (1900)]There is nothing more awful than imagination devoid of taste.
[tr. Stopp (1995), #507]There is nothing more fearful than imagination without taste.
[E.g. (1868)]
