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Quotations about friendship
Note that not all quotations have been tagged, so the Search function may find additional quotations on this topic.
But I must at the very beginning lay down this principle — friendship can only exist between good men.
[Sed hoc primum sentio, nisi in bonis amicitiam esse non posse]
Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman orator, statesman, philosopher
“Laelius De Amicitia [Laelius on Friendship],” ch. 5 / sec. 18 (44 BC) [tr. Shuckburgh (1909)]
(Source)
Original Latin. Alternate translations:
- "But first of all, I am of opinion, that except among the virtuous, friendship cannot exist." [tr. Edmonds (1871)]
- "But I consider this as a first principle, -- that friendship can exist only between good men." [tr. Peabody (1887)]
- "This, however, I do feel first of all -- that friendship cannot exist except among good men." [tr. Falconer (1923)]
- "But first of all, I think this: except among good people, friendship cannot exist." [Source]
What can be more delightful than to have someone to whom you can say everything with the same absolute confidence as to yourself? Is not prosperity robbed of half its value if you have no one to share your joy?
[Quid dulcius quam habere quicum omnia audeas sic loqui ut tecum? Qui esset tantus fructus in prosperis rebus, nisi haberes, qui illis aeque ac tu ipse gauderet?]
Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman orator, statesman, philosopher
“Laelius De Amicitia [Laelius on Friendship],” ch. 6 / sec. 22 (44 BC) [tr. Shuckburgh (1909)]
(Source)
Original Latin. Peabody (below) attributes the first sentence here to Ennius, whom Cicero quotes in the previous sentence, but nobody else does. Alternate translations:
What can be more delightful than to have one to whom you can speak on all subjects just as to yourself? Where would be the great enjoyment in prosperity if you had not one to rejoice in it equally with yourself?
[tr. Edmonds (1871)]
What sweeter joy than in the kindred soul, whose converse differs not from self-communion? How could you have full enjoyment of prosperity, unless with one whose pleasure in it was equal to your own?
[tr. Peabody (1887)]
What is sweeter than to have someone with whom you may dare discuss anything as if you were communing with yourself? How could your enjoyment in times of prosperity be so great if you did not have someone whose joy in them would be equal to your own?
[tr. Falconer (1923)]
What is sweeter than to have someone with whom you dare to discuss everything, as if with yourself? How could there be great joy in prosperous things, if you did not have someone who would enjoy them equally much as you yourself?
[Source]
A friend is one who rejoices in our good and grieves for our pain, and this purely on our own account.
[τούτων δὲ ὑποκειμένων ἀνάγκη φίλον εἶναι τὸν συνηδόμενον τοῖς ἀγαθοῖς καὶ συναλγοῦντα τοῖς λυπηροῖς μὴ διά τι ἕτερον ἀλλὰ δι᾽ ἐκεῖνον.]
Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher
Rhetoric [Ῥητορική; Ars Rhetorica], Book 2, ch. 4, sec. 3 / 1381a (350 BC) [tr. Jebb (1873)]
(Source)
Original Greek. Alternate translations:
- "He who rejoices with one in prosperity, and sympathises with one in pain, not with a view to anything else but for his friend's sake, is a friend." [Source (1847)]
- "One who participates in another's joy at good fortune, and in his sorry at what aggrieves him, not from any other motive, but simply for his sake, is his friend." [tr. Buckley (1850)]
- "He is a friend who shares our joy in good fortune and our sorrow in affliction, for our own sake and not for any other reason." [tr. Freese (1924)]
- "Your friend is the sort of man who shares your pleasure in what is good and your pain in what is unpleasant, for your sake and for no other reason." [tr. Roberts (1954)]
- "The following people are our friends: those who share our pleasure when good things happen and our distress when bad things happen for no other reason than for our sake." [tr. Waterfield (2018)]
- "A friend is one who shares in the other fellow's pleasure at the good things and his pain at what is grievous, for no other reason than that fellow's sake." [tr. Bartlett (2019)]
- "A friend is someone who is a partner in our happiness and a partner in our sorrow not for any other reason but for friendship." [tr. @sentantiq (2019)]
For friendship adds a brighter radiance to prosperity and lessens the burden of adversity by dividing and sharing it.
[Nam et secundas res splendidiores facit amicitia et adversas partiens communicansque leviores.]
Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman orator, statesman, philosopher
“Laelius De Amicitia [Laelius on Friendship],” ch. 6 / sec. 22 (44 BC) [tr. Falconer (1923)]
(Source)
Alternate translations:
- "Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief." [tr. Addison (1711), Spectator, #68 (18 May 1711)]
- "For prosperity, friendship renders more brilliant, and adversity more supportable, by dividing and communicating it." [tr. Edmonds (1871)]
- "Such friendship at once enhances the lustre of prosperity, and by dividing and sharing adversity lessens its burden." [tr. Peabody (1887)]
- "For friendship both makes favourable things more splendid and disasters lighter, by splitting and sharing them." [Source]
A Friend, that you buy with Presents, will be bought from you.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English writer, physician
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, # 121 (1732)
(Source)
When the conduct of men is designed to be influenced, persuasion, kind, unassuming persuasion, should ever be adopted. It is an old and true maxim “that aa drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what you will, is the great high-road to his reason, and which, when once gained, you will find but little trouble in convincing his judgement of the justice of your cause, if indeed that cause really be a just one.
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) American lawyer, politician, US President (1861-65)
Speech, Washingtonian Temperance Society, Springfield, Illinois (22 Feb 1842)
(Source)
Dear George:
Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.
Thanks for the wings!
Love, Clarence.Frank Capra 1897-1991) Italian-American film director, producer, writer [b. Francesco Rosario Capra]
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) [with Frances Goodrich, Albert Hackett]
(Source)
One hardly dares to say that love is the core of the relationship, though love is sought for and created in relationship; love is rather the marvel when it is there, but it is not always there, and to know another and to be known by another — that is everything.
Florida Scott-Maxwell (1883-1979) American-British playwright, author, psychologist
Women and Sometimes Men (1957)
(Source)
I like friends who, when you tell them you need a moment alone, know enough not to stray too far.
Robert Brault (b. c. 1945) American aphorist, programmer
(Attributed)
A friend is someone who listens to your bullshit, tells you that it is bullshit, and listens some more.
Robin Williams (1951-2014) American comedian and actor
(Attributed)
Misfortune shows those who are not friends really but only because of some casual utility.
One odd thing about foreign-policy professionals is that for all their sophistication, they tend to think the way to communicate with allies and potential allies is to compliment and sooth, compliment and soothe. But that isn’t polite, it’s patronizing, and to patronize is to insult. Candor is a compliment; it implies equality. It’s how true friends talk.
The person who is sick in the body needs a doctor;
someone who is sick in the mind needs a friend
For a well-meaning friend knows how to treat grief.[Τῷ μὲν τὸ σῶμα διατεθειμένῳ κακῶς
χρεία ‘στ’ ἰατροῦ, τῷ δὲ τὴν ψυχὴν φίλου·
λύπην γὰρ εὔνους οἶδε θεραπεύειν φίλος.]Menander (c. 341 - c. 290 BC) Greek comedic dramatist
Fragment 591 K., in Stobaeus, Anthology [tr. @sentantiq]
(Source)
Alt. trans.:
- "For him who is ill at ease in his body there is need of a physician, but need of a friend for him whose soul is ill. For loyal words have the secret of healing grief." [tr. Allinson (1921)]
- "Sick bodies need a doctor, minds a friend; / Kind words have skill the mourner's pain to mend." [tr. Edmonds]
We are each the star of our own situation comedy, and, with luck, the screwball friend in someone else’s.
Robert Brault (b. c. 1945) American aphorist, programmer
(Attributed)
Thou canst not joke an Enemy into a Friend; but thou may’st a Friend into an Enemy.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American statesman, scientist, philosopher
Poor Richard’s Almanack (Apr 1739)
(Source)
CHARLIE ANDERSON: There’s some difference between lovin’ and likin’. When I married Jennie’s mother, I — I didn’t love her — I liked her — I liked her a lot. I liked Martha for at least three years after we were married and then one day it just dawned on me I loved her. I still do … still do. You see, Sam, when you love a woman without likin’ her, the night can be long and cold, and contempt comes up with the sun.
We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.
Orson Welles (1915-1985) American writer, director, actor
In Someone to Love, film (1987) [written and directed by Henry Jaglom]
Ad libbed by Welles, in his last film appearance.
A novel which survives, which withstands and outlives time, does do something more than merely survive. It does not stand still. It accumulates round itself the understanding of all these persons who bring to it something of their own. It acquires associations, it becomes a form of experience in itself, so that two people who meet can often make friends, find an approach to each other, because of this one great common experience they have had.
There is no fellowship inviolate,
no faith is kept, when kingship is concerned.[Nulla sancta societas
Nec fides regni est.]Quintus Ennius (239-169 BC) Roman poet, writer
Fragment 402-3 [tr. Miller]
(Source)
Quoted in Cicero, De Officiis, Book 1, ch. 8, sec. 26 (scaen. 404 Vahlen), speaking of Julius Caesar.
Alt. trans.:
- "To kingship belongs neither sacred fellowship nor faith."
- "No society is sacred, nor faith of empire." [tr. Johnson (1828)]
- "There is no holy bond, and no fidelity / 'Twixt those who share a throne." [Source]
- "Where the throne's shared, there cannot be good faith." [Source]
A sure friend is known in unsure times.
[Amicus certus in re incerta cernitur.]
Quintus Ennius (239-169 BC) Roman poet, writer
Fragment, Scaenica 210 [Vahlen]
As quoted in Cicero, On Friendship [De Amicitia], ch. 17. sec. 64.
Alt. trans.:
- "In unsure fortune a sure friend is seen." [tr. Peabody (1884)]
- "When things get iffy, you find out who your true friends are." [tr. Ehrlich (1995)]
- "A sure friend is tried in doubtful matters." [Source]
- "A friend is never known until one have need." [Source]
- "A friend is never known 'till a man have need." [Source]
- "A true friend is discerned during an uncertain matter." [Source]
- "A certain friend is discerned in an uncertain time." [Source]
If you want to know who your friends are, get yourself a jail sentence.
We pick our friends not only because they are kind and enjoyable company, but also, perhaps more importantly, because they understand us for who we think we are.
Alain de Botton (b. 1969) Swiss-British author
The Consolations of Philosophy, ch. 4 “Consolation for Inadequacy” (2000)
(Source)
Ultimately, the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or friendship, is conversation.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
De Profundis, “Epistola: In Carcere et Vinculis” (1897)
(Source)
One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life, and it is therefore essential that they should not let one down. They often do. The moral of which is that I must, myself, be as reliable as possible, and this I try to be. But reliability is not a matter of contract — that is the main difference between the world of personal relationships and the world of business relationships. It is a matter for the heart, which signs no documents. In other words, reliability is impossible unless there is a natural warmth. Most men possess this warmth, though they often have bad luck and get chilled. Most of them, even when they are politicians, want to keep faith. And one can, at all events, show one’s own little light here, one’s own poor little trembling flame, with the knowledge that it is not the only light that is shining in the darkness, and not the only one which the darkness does not comprehend.
E. M. Forster (1879-1970) English novelist, essayist, critic, librettist [Edward Morgan Forster]
“What I Believe,” The Nation (16 Jul 1938)
(Source)
We don’t exist unless there is someone who can see us existing, what we say has no meaning until someone can understand, while to be surrounded by friends is constantly to have our identity confirmed; their knowledge and care for us have the power to pull us from our numbness. In small comments, many of them teasing, they reveal they know our foibles and accept them and so, in turn, accept that we have a place in the world.
Alain de Botton (b. 1969) Swiss-British author
The Consolations of Philosophy, ch. 2 “Consolation For Not having Enough Money” (2000)
(Source)
Friendship, like love, is destroyed by long absence, though it may be increased by short intermissions.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
The Idler #23 (23 Sep 1758)
(Source)
The moral of it is, that if we would build on a sure foundation in friendship, we must love our friends for THEIR sakes rather than OUR OWN; we must look at their truth to THEMSELVES, full as much as their truth to US. In the latter case, every wound to self-love would be a cause of coldness; in the former, only some painful change in the friend’s character and disposition — some frightful breach in his allegiance to his better self — could alienate the heart.
Charlotte Brontë (1816-1855) British novelist [pseud. Currer Bell]
Letter to W S. Williams (21 Jul 1851)
(Source)
It’s no good trying to keep up old friendships. It’s painful for both sides. The fact is, one grows out of people, and the only thing is to face it.
W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965) English novelist and playwright [William Somerset Maugham]
Cakes and Ale (1930)
A friend in power is a friend lost.
Henry Adams (1838-1918) American journalist, historian, academic, novelist
The Education of Henry Adams, ch. 7 (1907)
You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal.
Elizabeth Taylor (b. 1932) American actress
Comment (1961)
When in Rome during the filming of Cleopatra and a highly publicized adulterous love affair with Richard Burton.
Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing.
Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American statesman, scientist, philosopher
Poor Richard’s Almanack
That is what trust is, you know: if we never had secrets from our friends and loved ones, there would never be any need for them to trust us.
Steven Brust (b. 1955) American writer, systems programmer
Orca [Kiera] (1996)
There is nothing we like to see so much as the gleam of pleasure in a person’s eye when he feels that we have sympathized with him, understood him, interested ourself in his welfare. At these moments something fine and spiritual passes between two friends. These moments are the moments worth living.
Don Marquis (1878-1937) American journalist and humorist
Prefaces, “Preface to a Memorandum Book” (1919)
There are no friends at cards or world politics
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
(Attributed)
When my friend does something stupid, he is just my friend doing something stupid. When I do something stupid, I have deeply betrayed myself.
James Richardson (b. 1950) American poet
Vectors: Aphorisms and Ten-Second Essays (2001)
PETRI: We cannot make peace with people we detest.
KIRK: Stop trying to kill each other. Then worry about being friendly.
John Meredyth Lucas (1919-2002) American screenwriter
Star Trek, 3×13 “Elaan of Troyius” (20 Dec 1968)
Would you have a friend who talks to you the way you talk to yourself?
Carolyn Ann "Callie" Khouri (b. 1957) American screenwriter, producer, director, feminist
Commencement Address, Sweet Briar College (22 May 1994)
(Source)
Speak well of your friend in public, admonish him in secret.
Publilius Syrus (d. 42 BC) Assyrian slave, writer, philosopher [less correctly Publius Syrus]
Sententiae [Moral Sayings], # 870 [tr. Lyman, Jr (1862)]
Being honest may not get you many friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.
John Lennon (1940-1980) English rock musician, singer, songwriter
(Attributed)
Frequently attributed to Lennon, but with no actual source ever provided.
In giving advice, seek to help, not please, your friend.
Solon (c. 638 BC - 558 BC) Athenian statesman, lawmaker, poet
(Attributed)
Praise your friends, and let your friends praise you.
James Burgh (1714-1775) British politician and writer
The Dignity of Human Nature, Sec. 5 “Miscellaneous Thoughts on Prudence in Conversation” (1754)
(Source)
Agreement in likes and dislikes — this, and this only, is what constitutes true friendship.
[Nam idem velle atque idem nolle, ea demum firma amicitia est.]
Catiline (108-62 BC) Roman politician [Lucius Sergius Catilina]
Quoted in Sallust, Catiline’s War [Bellum Catilinae], 20.4 (42 BC) [tr. Rolf]
Alt. trans.: "For to like the same things and to dislike the same things, only this is a strong friendship."
No good thing is pleasant to possess without friends to share it.
Seneca the Younger (c. 4 BC-AD 65) Roman statesman, philosopher, playwright [Lucius Annaeus Seneca]
Moral Letters to Lucilius [Epistulae morales ad Lucilium], letter 6 “On Sharing Knowledge,” sec. 4 [tr. Gummere (1918)]
Do not choose for your wife any woman you would not choose for a friend if she were a man.
Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist
Pensées (1838) [ed. Auster (1983)]
A person who is never duped cannot be a friend.
Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist
Pensées (1838) [ed. Auster (1983)]
A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist
Pensées (1838) [ed. Auster (1983)]
The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
Clara Lucas Balfour (1808-1878) English novelist, lecturer, temperance campaigner
Sunbeams for All Seasons: Counsels, Cautions, and Precepts (1861 ed.)
Promises may get Friends, but ’tis Performances that keep them.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English writer, physician
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, #3957 (1732)
(Source)
Their mistakes are always due to lack of moderation and taking things too far, contrary to Chilon’s saying. That is, they do everything to excess: they love excessively, they hate excessively, and so on and so forth.
καὶ ἅπαντα ἐπὶ τὸ μᾶλλον καὶ σφοδρότερον ἁμαρτάνουσι, παρὰ τὸ Χιλώνειον （πάντα γὰρ ἄγαν πράττουσιν: φιλοῦσι γὰρ ἄγαν καὶ μισοῦσιν ἄγαν καὶ τἆλλα πάντα ὁμοίως）, καὶ εἰδέναι ἅπαντα οἴονται καὶ διισχυρίζονται （τοῦτο γὰρ αἴτιόν ἐστιν καὶ τοῦ πάντα ἄγαν）
Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher
Rhetoric, Book 2, ch. 12, sec. 14 / 1389b (350 BC) [tr. Waterfield (2018)]
(Source)
Speaking of youth.
Chilon was one of "the Seven Wise Men" of Greece. His maxim was "Μηδὲν ἄγαν" ["Never go to extremes."] (Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers, 1.41)
Original Greek. Alternate translations:
- "And all their errors are on the side of excess, and too much zeal, contrary to Chilo's rule; for they carry every thing too far. For they are extreme in their friendships, and in their hates, and in all other their actions are similarly excessive." [Source (1847)]
- "And all their errors are on the side of excess and too great earnestness, in contravention of Chilo's rule; for the young carry everything to an excess; for their friendships are in excess, their hatreds are in excess, and they do everything else with the same degree of earnestness." [tr. Buckley (1850)]
- "All their mistakes are on the side of excess or vehemence -- against the maxim of Chilon; they do everything too much; they loe to much, hate too much, and so in all else." [tr. Jebb (1873)]
- "All their errors are due to excess and vehemence and their neglect of the maxim of Chilon, for they do everything to excess, love, hate, and everything else." [tr. Freese (1924)]
- "All their mistakes are in the direction of doing things excessively and vehemently. They disobey Chilon's precept by overdoing everything, they love too much and hate too much, and the same thing with everything else." [tr. Roberts (1954)]
- "And quite all the mistakes they make tend in the direction of excess and vehemence, in violation of the saying of Chilon, for they do all things excessively: they feel friendly affection to excess and hatred to excess, and all else similarly." [tr. Bartlett (2019)]
To keep up and improve Friendship, thou must be willing to receive a Kindness, as well as to do one.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English writer, physician
Introductio ad Prudentiam, #1187 (1725)
(Source)
Be a Friend to thyself, and others will be so too.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English writer, physician
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, # 847 (1732)
(Source)
A crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.
Francis Bacon (1561-1626) English philosopher, scientist, author, statesman
“Of Friendship,” Essays, No. 27 (1625)
Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship after the substance is gone — but part, while you can part friends. Bury the carcass of friendship: it is not worth embalming.
All love that has not friendship for its base
Is like a mansion built upon the sand.
For though we love both the truth and our friends, piety requires us to honor the truth first.
Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher
Nicomachean Ethics, Book 1, ch. 6 (I.1096a16) [tr. T. Irwin (1985)]
Alt trans.: "Piety requires us to honor truth above our friends."
