Friends are like windows through which you see out into the world and back into yourself. If you don’t have friends you see much less than you otherwise might.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
(Attributed)
Quotations by:
Shain, Merle
There are really only two ways to approach life — as victim or as gallant fighter — and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don’t decide which way to play with life, it always plays with you.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
(Attributed)
Life is like fording a river, stepping from one slippery stone to another, and you must rejoice every time you don’t lose your balance, and learn to laugh at all the times you do.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
(Attributed)
Cynicism is a form of cowardice, a failure of courage to hope.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Hearts That We Broke Long Ago, ch. 11 (1983)
(Source)
Anger is a passion, so it makes people feel alive and makes them feel they matter and are in charge of their lives. So people often need to renew their anger a long time after the cause of it has died, because it is a protection against helplessness and emptiness just like howling in the night. And it makes them feel less vulnerable for a little while.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Hearts That We Broke Long Ago, ch. 5 (1983)
(Source)
But this I can tell you true — until you divest yourself of the notion that you are a collection of needs, an empty vessel that someone else must fill up, there will be no safe place to harbor yourself, no safe shore to reach. As long as you think mostly of getting, you will have nothing real to give.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Hearts That We Broke Long Ago, ch. 8 (1985)
(Source)
The conflict between what one is and who one is expected to be touches all of us. And sometimes, rather than reach for what one could be, we choose the comfort of the failed role, preferring to be the victim of circumstance, the person who didn’t have a chance.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Hearts That We Broke Long Ago, Part 3, ch. 7 (1983)
(Source)
Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find that want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men are More Perfect Than Others (1973)
In When Lovers Are Friends (1978), Shain wrote it as "Caring can cost a lot, but not caring always costs more."
Good marriages seem to function something like a buddy system — the people in them swim in their own waters but keep a protective eye on each other, and should the whistle blow, turn up quickly to hold each other’s hand.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men are More Perfect Than Others (1973)
It is not possible for one person to meet all of another’s needs and marriage partners who expect this soon find each other wanting.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men Are More Perfect than Others (1973)
It’s very important to decode your own messages, like saying “I feel angry” instead of kicking the cat, and people who learn to do this find they are misunderstood less often and, as a fringe benefit, are clawed by fewer cats.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men Are More Perfect than Others (1973)
Divorce is very expensive, both economically and psychologically as well, but it probably isn’t any more so than living with someone who isn’t really on your side.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men Are More Perfect than Others (1973)
(Source)
It’s impossible for men and women who love each other not to hurt each other now and then, but most women would settle happily for a man who tried not to cause the same hurt twice.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men Are More Perfect than Others (1973)
I’m not sure there can be loving without commitment, although commitment takes all kinds of forms, and there can be commitment for the moment as well as commitment for all time. The kind that is essential for loving marriages — and love affairs, as well — is a commitment to preserving the essential quality of your partner’s soul, adding to them as a person rather than taking away.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
Some Men are More Perfect Than Others, ch. 9 “Being True” (1973)
(Source)
Friendship is the gift that goes on giving and is a gift to both the person given to and to the giver as well. But to really make it work, it isn’t enough to give to another person. You also have to let them give to you.
You have to be very careful when you give to others that you don’t tell them how great you are rather than how much you value them.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
When Lovers Are Friends, ch. 9 (1980)
(Source)
It is easy when you’ve been hurt by love to give it up as a bad job and make independence your new god, taking the love you had to give and turning it in upon yourself. And most of us have had to protect ourselves so much at times that we’ve given up the high road and taken the low. But independence carried to the furthest extreme is just loneliness and death, nothing more than another defense, and there is no growth in it, only a safe harbor for a while. The answer doesn’t lie in learning how to protect ourselves from life — it lies in learning how to become strong enough to let a bit more of it in.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
When Lovers Are Friends, ch. 1 (1978)
(Source)
The job of a friend is not to decide what should be done, not to run interference or pick up the slack. The job of a friend is to understand, and to supply energy and hope, and in doing so to keep those they value on their feet a little longer, so that they can fight another round and grow strong in themselves.
Merle Shain (1935-1989) Canadian journalist and author
When Lovers Are Friends, ch. 9 (1980)
(Source)