Quotations by Martin, Steve


REARDON: I hadn’t seen a body put together like that since I solved the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982)

(with Carl Reiner, George Gipe)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
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REARDON: Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982)

(with Carl Reiner, George Gipe)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
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REARDON: That’s one thing I’ve learned about clients. Dead ones don’t pay their bills.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) [with Carl Reiner, George Gipe]
Added on 23-May-12 | Last updated 23-May-12
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JULIET: If you need me, just call. You know how to dial, don’t you? You just put your finger in the hole and make tiny little circles.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid (1982) [with Carl Reiner, George Gipe]
Added on 30-May-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: Ordinarily, I don’t like to be around interesting people because it means I have to be interesting too.
SARA: Are you saying I’m interesting?
HARRIS: All I’m saying is that, when I’m around you, I find myself showing off, which is the idiot’s version of being interesting.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 14-Mar-12
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HARRIS: There’s someone out there for everyone — even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: I could never be a woman. If I were, I would do nothing but sit at home all day playing with my breasts.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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TOM: I’ll have a decaf coffee.
TRUDI: I’ll have a decaf espresso.
MORRIS: I’ll have a double decaf cappuccino.
TED: Give me decaffeinated coffee ice cream.
HARRIS: I’ll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon.
TRUDI: I’ll have a twist of lemon.
TOM: I’ll have a twist of lemon.
MORRIS: I’ll have a twist of lemon.
CYNTHIA: I’ll have a twist of lemon.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 29-Feb-12 | Last updated 29-Feb-12
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HARRIS: Why is it that we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 7-Mar-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: Forget for this moment the smog and the cars and the restaurant and the skating and remember only this. A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 21-Mar-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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SARA: Roland thinks L.A. is a place for the brain-dead. He says, if you turned off the sprinklers, it would turn into a desert. But I think — I don’t know, it’s not what I expected. It’s a place where they’ve taken a desert and turned it into their dreams. I’ve seen a lot of L.A. and I think it’s also a place of secrets: secret houses, secret lives, secret pleasures. And no one is looking to the outside for verification that what they’re doing is all right. So what do you say, Roland?

ROLAND: I still say it’s a place for the brain-dead.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 11-Apr-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: Sitting there at that moment I thought of something else Shakespeare said. He said, “Hey … life is pretty stupid; with lots of hubbub to keep you busy, but really not amounting to much.” Of course I’m paraphrasing: “Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)

See Shakespeare.
Added on 18-Apr-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: You know, you’re really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 25-Apr-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: When I really analyze it, Trudi wasn’t for me anyway. The only good times we had were having sex and laying in bed watching TV.
ARIEL: I hate to tell you this, Harris, but if you can find somebody you can have sex with and lie in bed and watch TV, you’ve really got something.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 2-May-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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HARRIS: I’ve been thinking about myself and I think I can become the kind of person that’s worth you staying for. First of all, I’m a man who can cry. Now it’s true, it’s usually when I’ve hurt myself, but it’s a start.

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
L.A. Story (1991)
Added on 16-May-12 | Last updated 23-Jul-21
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INSPECTOR: You are playing God!
HFUHRUHURR: Somebody has to!

Steve Martin (b. 1945) American comedian
The Man with Two Brains (1983)

(with George Gipe)
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 1-Feb-04
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