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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, especially if you tell him how flat it is.

Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983) American journalist and author
The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, ch. 3 (1966)
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Added on 11-Oct-23 | Last updated 11-Oct-23
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Here lie I, Martin Elginbrodde:
Hae mercy o’ my soul, Lord God;
As I wad do, were I Lord God,
And ye were Martin Elginbrodde.

George MacDonald (1824-1905) Scottish novelist, poet
David Elginbrod, ch. 13 (1863)
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Added on 6-Jan-20 | Last updated 6-Jan-20
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Don’t consider how many you can please, but whom.

Publilius Syrus (d. 42 BC) Assyrian slave, writer, philosopher [less correctly Publius Syrus]
Sententiae [Moral Sayings], # 599 [tr. Lyman, Jr. (1862)]
 
Added on 28-Aug-15 | Last updated 20-Feb-17
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We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our necessities but of their advantages.

Adam Smith (1723-1790) Scottish economist
The Wealth of Nations, 1.2 (1776)
 
Added on 13-Aug-15 | Last updated 13-Aug-15
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Anything I like is either illegal or immoral or fattening.

Alexander Woollcott (1887-1943) American critic, commentator, journalist, wit
(Attributed)

Apparently a gag attributed by Woollcott to a Frank Rand of St. Louis on his radio show in September 1933; it was then directly attributed to Woollcott in Reader's Digest in Dec. 1933. It is sometimes cited to Woollcott's essay "The Knock at the Stage Door," The North American Review (Sep 1922), but not found there.

Variants:
  • "All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening."
  • "All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening."
  • "Everything I want to do is either illegal, immoral or fattening."
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Added on 20-Mar-15 | Last updated 25-Feb-22
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But more Euryalus finds grace:
So well the tears beseem his face,
And worth appears with brighter shine
When lodged within a lovely shrine.

[Tutatur favor Euryalum, lacrimaeque decorae,
gratior et pulchro veniens in corpore virtus.]

Virgil the Poet
Virgil (70-19 BC) Roman poet [b. Publius Vergilius Maro; also Vergil]
The Aeneid [Ænē̆is], Book 5, l. 343ff (5.343-344) (29-19 BC) [tr. Conington (1866)]
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Why the spectators at the Funeral Games race support Eurayalus as winner, despite the shenanigans at the finish line: because he's pretty.

(Source (Latin)). Alternate translations:

Beauty, sweat tears defend Euryalus:
Vertue with beauty joyn'd more gratefull is.
[tr. Ogilby (1649)]

But favor for Euryalus appears;
His blooming beauty, with his tender tears,
Had brib'd the judges for the promis'd prize.
[tr. Dryden (1697)]

The favor [of the spectators] befriends Euryalus, and his graceful tears, and merit that appears more lovely in a comely person.
[tr. Davidson/Buckley (1854)]

But favor smiles
For Euryalus, and his becoming tears;
And worth seems worthier in a lovely form.
[tr. Cranch (1872), l. 407ff]

Even virtue is fairer when it appears in a beautiful person.
[ed. Ward/Hoyt (1882)]

Euryalus is strong in favour, and beauty in tears, and the merit that gains grace from so fair a form.
[tr. Mackail (1885)]

But safe goodwill and goodly tears Euryalus do bear,
And lovelier seemeth valour set in body wrought so fair.
[tr. Morris (1900)]

Tears aid Euryalus, and favour pleads
His worth, more winsome in a form so sweet
[tr. Taylor (1907)]

But general favor smiles
upon Euryalus, whose beauteous tears
commend him much, and nobler seems the worth
of valor clothed in youthful shape so fair.
[tr. Williams (1910)]

Goodwill befriends Euryalus, and his seemly tears and worth, that shows more winsome in a fair form.
[tr. Fairclough (1916)]

But all the popular favor
Sides with Euryalus, who is young, and weeping,
And better-looking.
[tr. Humphries (1951)]

Popular feeling sided with Euryalus -- there was also
His manly distress, and that worth which is made the more winning by good looks.
[tr. Day-Lewis (1952)]

But popularity
protects Euryalus, together with
his graceful tears and worth that please the more
since they appear in such a handsome body.
[tr. Mandelbaum (1971), l. 451ff]

The crowd's support and his own quiet tears
Were in Euryalus's favor: prowess
Ever more winning for a handsome form.
[tr. Fitzgerald (1981)]

On the side of Euryalus were the favour in which he was held, his beauty as he stood there weeping and the manly spirit growing in that lovely body.
[tr. West (1990)]

His popularity protects Euryalus, and fitting tears,
and ability is more pleasing in a beautiful body.
[tr. Kline (2002)]

But Euryalus has the people on his side,
plus modest tears and his own gallant ways,
favored all the more for his handsome build.
[tr. Fagles (2006), l. 379ff]

Euryalus' popularity and graceful tears protected him and his purity, so lovely in a lovely boy.
[tr. Bartsch (2021)]

 
Added on 4-Feb-13 | Last updated 21-Jun-23
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For an idea ever to be fashionable is ominous, since it must afterwards be always old-fashioned.

George Santayana (1863-1952) Spanish-American poet and philosopher [Jorge Agustín Nicolás Ruíz de Santayana y Borrás]
Winds of Doctrine (1913)
 
Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 16-Mar-20
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I bid you strike at the passions; and if you do, you too will prevail. If you can once engage people’s pride, love, pity, ambition (or whichever is their prevailing passion) on your side, you need not fear what their reason can do against you.

Lord Chesterfield (1694-1773) English statesman, wit [Philip Dormer Stanhope]
Letter to his son, #105 (8 Feb 1746)
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Added on 1-Feb-04 | Last updated 18-Oct-22
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