Were a historian like Tacitus to write a history of the best of our kings, giving an exact account of all the tyrannical acts and abuses of authority, the majority of which lie buried in the profoundest obscurity, there would be few reigns which would not inspire us with the same horror as that of Tiberius.
[Si un historien, tel que Tacite, eût écrit l’histoire de nos meilleurs rois, en faisant un relevé exact de tous les actes tyranniques, de tous les abus d’autorité, dont la plupart sont ensevelis dans l’obscurité la plus profonde, il y a peu de règnes qui ne nous inspirassent la même horreur que celui de Tibère.]
Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794) French writer, epigrammist (b. Nicolas-Sébastien Roch)
Products of Perfected Civilization [Produits de la Civilisation Perfectionée], Part 1 “Maxims and Thoughts [Maximes et Pensées],” ch. 8, ¶ 482 (1795) [tr. Hutchinson (1902)]
(Source)
(Source (French)). Alternate translations:If such an historian as Tacitus had written the chronicle of our nobler kings, making an exact statement of all those tyrannical actions and abuses of authority which are now for the most part buried in deep darkness, few of their reigns would inspire less horror than that of Tiberius.
[tr. Mathers (1926)]If a historian such as Tacitus had written the histories of our best kings, with precise accounts of their tyrannical actions, and all their abuses of authority, most of which have been buried in the deepest obscurity, there are few reigns that would not arouse in us the same horror as that of Tiberius.
[tr. Merwin (1969)]If a chronicler such as Tacitus had written the history of our best kings, preparing an exact amount of all tyrannical acts, of all the abuses of authority, of which the majority are concealed by fathomless obscurity, there would be few reigns which would [not?] inspire us with the same horror as that of Tiberius.
[tr. Pearson (1973)]
Quotations about:
royalty
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Princes like to be helped, but not surpassed. When you counsel someone, you should appear to be reminding him of something he had forgotten, not of the light he was unable to see.
[Gustan de ser ayudados los príncipes, pero no excedidos, y que el aviso haga antes viso de recuerdo de lo que olvidaba que de luz de lo que no alcanzó.]
Baltasar Gracián y Morales (1601-1658) Spanish Jesuit priest, writer, philosopher
The Art of Worldly Wisdom [Oráculo Manual y Arte de Prudencia], § 7 (1647) [tr. Maurer (1992)]
(Source)
(Source (Spanish)). Alternate translations:Princes are willing to be assisted, but not surpassed. Those who advise them ought to speak as if they put them in mind of what they forgot, and not as teaching them what they knew not.
[Flesher ed. (1685)]They [princes] will allow a man to help them but not to surpass them, and will have any advice tendered them appear like a recollection of something they have forgotten rather than as a guide to something they cannot find.
[tr. Jacobs (1892)]They [kings] may abide being helped, but not surpassed, wherefore let advice given them appear more a jog to what they forgot, than a light to what they could not find.
[tr. Fischer (1937)]
Punctuality is the politeness of kings.
[L’exactitude est la politesse des rois.]
Louis XVIII (1755-1824) French monarch (1814-1824) ["Louis the Desired"]
(Attributed)
Attributed in Souvenirs de J. Lafitte (1844)
LARGE MAN WITH DEAD BODY: Who’s that then?
THE DEAD COLLECTOR: I dunno, must be a king.
LARGE MAN WITH DEAD BODY: Why?
THE DEAD COLLECTOR: He hasn’t got shit all over him.
Monty Python (b. 1969) British comedy troupe [Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin]
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
When I was a fighting man, the kettle-drum they beat,
The people scattered gold-dust before my horse’s feet;
But now I am a great king, the people hound my track
With poison in my wine-cup, and daggers at my back.Robert E. Howard (1906-1936) American author
“The Phoenix on the Sword” (1932)
Sail, quoth the King; hold, saith the Wind.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English physician, preacher, aphorist, writer
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs (compiler), # 4064 (1732)
(Source)
And his hands would plait the priest’s entrails,
For want of a rope, to strangle kings.[Et ses mains ourdiraient les entrailles du prêtre,
Au défaut d’un cordon pour étrangler les rois.]Denis Diderot (1713-1784) French editor, philosopher
Poésies Diverses, “Les Éleuthéromanes” (1875)
Alt. trans. "His hands would plait the priest’s guts, if he had no rope, to strangle kings."
Derived from a statement attributed (but not confirmed) to Jean Meslier: "I would like — and this would be the last and most ardent of my wishes — I would like the last of the kings to be strangled by the guts of the last priest."
Variant: "Let us strangle the last king with the guts of the last priest."
[Et des boyaux du dernier prêtre / Serrons le cou du dernier roi.]
This version was attributed to Diderot in Jean-François de La Harpe, Cours de Littérature Ancienne et Moderne (1840)
Sometimes paraphrased as, ""Men will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest," etc.
ARTHUR: I am your king.
WOMAN: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don’t vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well how’d you become king then?
ARTHUR: (angelic music plays) The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. (angelic music stops) That is why I am your king.
DENNIS: (interrupting) Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
ARTHUR: (grabbing him by the collar) Shut up! Will you shut up!
Monty Python (b. 1969) British comedy troupe [Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin]
Monty Python and the Holy Grail, sc. 3 (1975)
(Source)
(Source (Video); dialog verified)
I shall be an autocrat: that’s my trade. And the good Lord will forgive me: that’s his.
[Moi, je serai autocrate: c’est mon metier. Et le bon Dieu me pardonnnera: c’est son metier.]
Catherine II (1762-1796) Russian empress [Catherine the Great; b. Sophie of Anhalt-Zerbst]
(Attributed)
