Fight fair but don’t f’rget th’ other la-ad may not know where th’ belt line is.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Americans Abroad,” Mr. Dooley’s Philosophy (1900)
Quotations by:
Dunne, Finley Peter
A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks th’ Lord wud do if He knew th’ facts iv the case.
[A fanatic is a man who does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Casual Observations,” Mr. Dooley’s Opinions (1901)
Most vigitaryans I iver see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.
[Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classed as cannibals.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Casual Observations,” Mr. Dooley’s Philosophy (1900)
When ye build yer triumphal arch to yer conquerin’ hero, Hinnisssey, build it out of bricks so the people will have somethin’ convanient to throw at him as he passes through.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Fame”
“It looks to me,” he went on in a melancholy tone, “as if they was too much noise an’ smoke about pathritism in America f’r the good ib th’ country.”
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Freedom and the Fourth of July” (1897)
(Source)
Alcohol is nicissary f’r a man so that now an’ thin he can have a good opinion iv himsilf, ondisturbed be th’ facts.
[Alcohol is necessary for a man so that now and then he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Mr. Dooley on Alcohol,” Chicago Tribune (26 Apr 1914)
It’s much more comfortable to feel that we’re a slight improvement on a monkey thin such a fallin’ off fr’m th’ angels.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“On the Descent of Man,” Mr. Dooley on Making a Will and Other Necessary Evils (1919)
Don’t ask f’r rights. Take thim. An’ don’t let anny wan give thim to ye. A right that is handed to ye f’r nawthin’ has somethin’ th’ matter with it.
[Don’t ask for rights. Take them. And don’t let anyone give them to you. A right that is handed to you for nothing has something the matter with it.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“On Woman Suffrage,” American Magazine (1906)
An’ th’ rayformer spinds th’ rest iv his life tellin’ us where we are wrong. He’s good at that. On’y he don’t undherstand that people wud rather be wrong an’ comfortable thin right in jail.
[And the reformer spends the rest of his life telling us where we are wrong. He’s good at that. Only he doesn’t understand that people would rather be wrong and comfortable than right in jail.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Reform Administration,” Chicago Post (Oct 1902)
“Vice,” said Mr. Dooley, “is a creature of such heejous mein, as Hogan says, that th’ more ye see it th’ betther ye like it.”
[“Vice,” said Mr. Dooley, “is a creature of such hideous mien, as Hogan says, that the more you see it the better you like it.”]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“The Crusade Against Vice,” Mr. Dooley’s Opinions (1901)
(Source)
What’s wan man’s news is another man’s throubles.
[What’s one man’s news is another man’s troubles.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“The News of a Week,” Observations by Mr. Dooley (1902)
I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill and you can never read his prescription.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
(Attributed)
There are no friends at cards or world politics
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
(Attributed)
“Do you think the world is growing worse?” Mr. Hennessy asked.
“I do not,” said Mr. Dooley.
“Do you think it’s growing better?”
“No,” said Mr. Dooley. “If it’s doing anything, it’s just turning around as usual.”Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
(Attributed)
Usually paraphrased as "The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual."
There ain’t any news in being good. You might write the doings of all the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room to spare.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
(Attributed)
Th’ past always looks better thin it was. It’s only pleasant because it isn’t here.
[The past always looks better than it was. It’s only pleasant because it isn’t here.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
A Family Union, “Mr. Dooley”
Trust everyone, but cut the cards.
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
Mr. Dooley’s Opinions, “Casual Observations” (1901)
‘Twas founded be th’ Puritans to give thanks f’r bein’ presarved fr’m th’ Indyans, an’ … we keep it to give thanks we are presarved fr’m th’ Puritans.
[It was founded by the Puritans to give thanks for being preserved from the Indians, and … we keep it to give thanks we are preserved from the Puritans.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
Mr. Dooley’s Opinions, “Thanksgiving” (1900)
I don’t think we injye other people’s suffin’, Hinnissy. It isn’t acshally injyement. But we feel betther f’r it.
[I don’t think we enjoy other people’s suffering, Hennessy. It isn’t actually enjoyment. But we feel better for it.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
Observations by Mr. Dooley, “Enjoyment” (1902)
(Source)
It must be a good thing to be good or ivrybody wudden’t be pretendin’ he was.
[It must be a good thing to be good, or everybody wouldn’t be pretending he was.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
Observations by Mr. Dooley, “Hypocrisy” (1902)
