If we did not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could do us no harm.
[Si nous ne nous flattions point nous-mêmes, la flatterie des autres ne nous pourroit nuire.]
François VI, duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French epigrammatist, memoirist, noble
Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales [Reflections; or Sentences and Moral Maxims], ¶152 (1665-1678) [tr. Kronenberger (1959)]
(Source)
Present in the 1st (1665) edition, where it ended with "... ne nous feroit jamais de mal." See also maxim ¶158.
(Source (French)). Other translations:If we did not Flatter our selves, all the Flatteries of other People could never hurt us.
[tr. Stanhope (1694), ¶153]Did we not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could never hurt us.
[pub. Donaldson (1783), ¶144; ed. Lepoittevin-Lacroix (1797), ¶146]Were we not to flatter ourselves, the flattery of others would never hurt us.
[ed. Carvill (1835), ¶127]If we did not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others would be very harmless.
[ed. Gowens (1851), ¶155]If we never flattered ourselves the flattery of others would not hurt us.
[tr. Bund/Friswell (1871), ¶152]Did we not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could not harm us.
[tr. Heard (1917), ¶152]Flattery would do us no harm if we did not flatter ourselves.
[tr. Stevens (1939), ¶152]If we never flattered ourselves, we would be immune to the flattery of others
[tr. FitzGibbon (1957), ¶152]If we never flattered ourselves the flattery of others could do us no harm.
[tr. Tancock (1959), ¶152]If we did not flatter ourselves, the flattery of others could never harm us.
[tr. Whichello (2016) ¶152]
Quotations about:
self-esteem
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
Dare not to be guilty of ill Things, tho’ thou wert sure to be secret and unpunished. Conscience will sit upon it, and that is Witness, Jury, Judge, and Executioner.
Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English physician, preacher, aphorist, writer
Introductio ad Prudentiam, Vol. 2, # 2216 (1727)
(Source)
The man who underestimates himself is perpetually being surprised by success, whereas the man who overestimates himself is just as often surprised by failure. The former kind of surprise is pleasant, the latter unpleasant. It is therefore wise to be not unduly conceited, though also not too modest to be enterprising.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) English mathematician and philosopher
Conquest of Happiness, Part 2, ch. 10 “Is Happiness Still Possible?” (1930)
(Source)
Q. Is it ever acceptable to be rude?
A. No. Now, that doesn’t mean you have to let people walk all over you. Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did; even I wouldn’t subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world.
Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
Interview (2011-08), “Q and A with Miss Manners,” by Arcynta Ali Childs, Smithsonian magazine
(Source)
The proud man can learn humility, but he will be proud of it.
Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983) American journalist and author
The Neurotic’s Notebook, ch. 3 (1963)
(Source)
When a man boasts, it is an indication he holds his listener in higher esteem than he does himself.
Marcelene Cox (1900-1998) American writer, columnist, aphorist
“Ask Any Woman” column, Ladies’ Home Journal (1955-06)
(Source)
All violence is an attempt to replace shame with self-esteem.
James Gilligan (b. c. 1936) American psychiatrist and author
(Attributed)
(Source)
Quoted by Jon Ronson in "Jon Ronson: By the Book," New York Times (9 Apr 2015). When asked what one book he would require a US President to read, he named Gilligan's Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic, and then, having said he's talked with Gilligan, Ronson gives the quotation above, and this is the form it's usually given, often then cited to the book.
In the actual book, Violence: Reflections on a National Epidemic, ch. 5 (1997), Gilligan has:The different forms of violence, whether toward individuals or entire populations, are motivated (caused) by the feeling of shame. The purpose of violence is to diminish the intensity of shame and replace it as far as possible with its opposite, pride, thus preventing the individual from being overwhelmed by the feeling of shame. Violence toward others, such as homicide, is an attempt to replace shame with pride.
[The right wing] believe that their prestige in the community, even indeed their self-esteem, depends on having these values honored in public. Besides their economic expectations, people have deep emotional commitments in other spheres — religion, morals, culture, race relations — which they also hope to see realized in political action. Status politics seeks not to advance perceived material interests but to express grievances and resentments about such matters, to press claims upon society to give deference to non-economic values.
Douglas R. Hofstadter (b. 1945) American academic, cognitive scientist, author
“Pseudo-Conservatism Revisited — 1965,” sec. 4 (1965)
(Source)
Often have I marvelled how each one of us loves himself above all men, yet sets less store by his own opinion of himself than by that of everyone else.
[Πολλάκις ἐθαύμασα πῶς ἑαυτὸν μὲν ἕκαστος μᾶλλον πάντων φιλεῖ, τὴν δὲ ἑαυτοῦ περὶ αὑτοῦ ὑπόληψιν ἐν ἐλάττονι λόγῳ τίθεται ἢ τὴν τῶν ἄλλων.]
Marcus Aurelius (AD 121-180) Roman emperor (161-180), Stoic philosopher
Meditations [To Himself; Τὰ εἰς ἑαυτόν], Book 12, ch. 4 (12.4) (AD 161-180) [tr. Haines (Loeb) (1916)]
(Source)
(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:I have often wondered how it should come to pass, that every man loving himself best, should more regard other men's opinions concerning himself than his own.
[tr. Casaubon (1634), 12.3]I have often wonder'd how it comes to pass, that every Body should love themselves best, and yet value their Neighbours Opinion about themselves, more than their own.
[tr. Collier (1701)]I have often wondered how each man should love himself more than any other; and yet make less account of his own opinion concerning himself, than of the opinions of others.
[tr. Hutcheson/Moor (1742)]I have often wondered, whence it comes to pass, that although every one loves himself more than he does any other man, he should yet pay a greater regard to the opinion of other people concerning him than to his own.
[tr. Graves (1792)]I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others.
[tr. Long (1862)]I have often wondered how it comes to pass that everybody should love themselves best, and yet value their neighbor's opinion about themselves more than their own.
[tr. Collier/Zimmern (1887)]How strange it is, that every one loves himself above all others, yet attaches less weight to his own view of himself, than to that of other men.
[tr. Rendall (1898)]I have wondered often how it comes that, while every man loves himself beyond all others, yet he holds his own opinion of himself in less esteem than the opinion of others.
[tr. Hutcheson/Chrystal (1902)]I often wonder how it is that every one loves himself more than all the world and yet takes less account of his own judgement of himself than of the judgement of the world.
[tr. Farquharson (1944)]I often marvel how it is that though each man loves himself beyond all else, he should yet value his own opinion of himself less than that of others.
[tr. Staniforth (1964)]I have often marvelled at how everyone loves himself above all others, yet places less value on his own opinion of himself than that of everyone else.
[tr. Hard (1997 ed.); Hard (2011 ed.)]It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own.
[tr. Hays (2003)]I have often wondered how it is that everyone loves himself more than anyone else, but rates his own judgement of himself below that of others.
[tr. Hammond (2006)]I have often been amazed at how every person loves himself more than he loves others yet places less value on his own judgment of himself than of the judgments of others concerning him.
[tr. Needleman/Piazza (2008)]How is it that every person loves themselves more than any other person, yet still gives more value to the opinions of others than the opinion they hold of themselves?
[tr. McNeill (2019)]
We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told that we are wrong we resent the imputation and harden our hearts. We are incredibly heedless in the formation of our beliefs, but find ourselves filled with an illicit passion for them when anyone proposes to rob us of their companionship. It is obviously not the ideas themselves that are dear to us, but our self-esteem which is threatened.
James Harvey Robinson (1863-1936) American historian and educator
The Mind in the Making, ch. 4 “Rationalizing” (1921)
(Source)
I think I am very cold and reserved to people, but I cannot ever realise to myself that anyone loves me. I believe that is partly the reason, or I dare realise it.
John Henry Newman (1801-1890) English prelate, Catholic Cardinal, theologian
Letter to Rev. J. Keble (27 Aug 1837)
(Source)
It would be hard to name a more certain sign of poor self-esteem than the need to perceive some other group as inferior.
Nathaniel Branden (1930-2014) Canadian-American psychotherapist, writer (b. Nathan Blumenthal)
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (1994)
Alcohol is nicissary f’r a man so that now an’ thin he can have a good opinion iv himsilf, ondisturbed be th’ facts.
[Alcohol is necessary for a man so that now and then he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.]
Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Mr. Dooley on Alcohol,” Chicago Tribune (26 Apr 1914)
Power multiplies flatterers, and flatterers multiply our delusions by hiding us from ourselves.
Charles Caleb "C. C." Colton (1780-1832) English cleric, writer, aphorist
Lacon: Or, Many Things in Few Words, Vol. 2, § 25 (1822)
(Source)
I have now come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason: I can never be satisfied with any one who would be block-head enough to have me.
Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) American lawyer, politician, US President (1861-65)
Letter (1838-04-01) to Mrs. Orville H. Browning
(Source)
A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his.
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American essayist, lecturer, poet
Essay (1841), “Self-Reliance,” Essays: First Series, No. 2
(Source)
This essay was inspired by his reading of Walter Savage Landor in 1833, with passages pulled from his lecture "Individualism," last in his course on "The Philosophy of History" (1836–1837), with other passages from the lectures "School," "Genius," and "Duty" in his course on "Human Life" (1838–1839).
