Most of the time we aren’t really present one to another, we just bump masks.
William Sloane Coffin, Jr. (1924-2006) American minister, social activist
“Spirituality,” sermon, Riverside Church, New York City (1986-10-26)
(Source)
Sermon on Psalm 46, Galatians 5:16-26.
Like most writers of sermons, Coffin used the phrase on multiple occasions, e.g., in A Passion for the Possible, ch. 6 "Sexism" (1993):
Vulnerability is a great virtue, as Paul realized when he said, "Whenever I am weak, then I am strong." Without it there can be neither honesty nor intimacy. Without vulnerability we don't really meet each other, we just bump masks.
(Referencing 2 Corinthians 12:10.)
Quotations about:
interaction
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
CONVERSATION, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
“Conversation,” The Cynic’s Word Book (1906)
(Source)
Included in The Devil's Dictionary (1911). Originally published in the "Devil's Dictionary" column in the San Francisco Wasp (1881-08-26).
There is no arena in which vanity displays itself under such a variety of forms as in conversation.
[Il n’est point d’arène où la vanité se montre sous des formes plus variées que dans la conversation.]
Germaine de Staël (1766-1817) Swiss-French writer, woman of letters, critic, salonist [Anne Louise Germaine de Staël-Holstein, Madame de Staël, Madame Necker]
Germany [L’Allemagne], Part 1, ch. 11 “Of the Spirit of Conversation” (1813)
(Source)
(Source (French)).
Sometimes misattributed to Marguerite Gardiner (Lady Blessington), due to this quote (there attributed to de Stael) being included in the Preface to R. R. Madden, The Literary Life and Correspondence of the Countess of Blessington, Vol. 1 (1855).
If you want to go off by yourself and be a hermit, you can do whatever you want. But if you want interaction with other people, then by definition you have to buy into the social contract and restrain some of your behavior some of the time.
Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Polite Company,” interview by Hara Estroff Marano, Psychology Today (1998-03)
(Source)
Teacup formality is a part of etiquette, but an infinitesimal part. How about fast-food informality? That is as much a part of etiquette as the teacup. It is all of our behavior and not simply the formal occasion behavior. And, in fact, the more informal the circumstances, usually the more you need etiquette.
Judith Martin (b. 1938) American author, journalist, etiquette expert [a.k.a. Miss Manners]
“Polite Company,” interview by Hara Estroff Marano, Psychology Today (1998-03)
(Source)
You believe someone not because you have no doubts about them. Belief is not the absence of doubt. You believe someone because you don’t have enough doubts about them.
Malcolm Gladwell (b. 1963) Anglo-Canadian journalist, author, public speaker
Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know (2019)
(Source)
One of the most disconcerting things about infants is that they only smile when they are pleased. They stare at visitors with round grave eyes, and when the visitors try to amuse them, they display astonishment at the foolish antics of adults. But as soon as possible, their parents teach them to seem pleased by the company of people to whom they are utterly indifferent.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) English mathematician and philosopher
“On smiling,” New York American (1932-08-17)
(Source)
I prefer to interact with people one-on-one. Any more than that, and the dynamic becomes competitive and then I get bored easily when I’m not directly participating in the exchange.
Laurie Helgoe (b. 1960) American psychologist and author
Introvert Power (2008)
(Source)
Quoting "Suzanne".
Gossip isn’t scandal and it’s not merely malicious. It’s chatter about the human race by lovers of the same. Gossip is the tool of the poet, the shop-talk of the scientist, and the consolation of the housewife, wit, tycoon and intellectual. It begins in the nursery and ends when speech is past.
Phyllis McGinley (1905-1978) American author, poet
“A New Year and No Resolutions,” Woman’s Home Companion (Jan 1957)
(Source)
No one can be happy in eternal solitude.
Anne Brontë (1820-1849) British novelist, poet [pseud. Acton Bell]
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, ch. 7 “The Excursion” [Helen] (1848)
(Source)
Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as “empty,” “meaningless,” or “dishonest,” and scorn to use them. No matter how “pure” their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.
Robert A. Heinlein (1907-1988) American writer
Time Enough for Love, “Notebooks of Lazarus Long” (1973)
Good judgment in our dealings with others consists not in seeing through deceptions and evil intentions but in being able to waken the decency dormant in every person.
Eric Hoffer (1902-1983) American writer, philosopher, longshoreman
The Passionate State of Mind, Aphorism 141 (1955)
(Source)
Men of genius are often dull and inert in society, as a blazing meteor, when it descends to earth, is only a stone.
