The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men — were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.
Quotations by:
Bierce, Ambrose
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
(Attributed)
One-sentence book review. First attributed to Bierce in 1923, but showing up in anonymous humor as early as 1899. See here for more information.
The most intolerant advocate is he who is trying to convince himself.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
If public opinion were determined by a throw of the dice, it would in the long run be half the time right.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
Grief and discomfiture are coals that cool:
Why keep them glowing with thy sighs, poor fool?Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
“There’s no free will,” says the philosopher;
“To hang is most unjust.”
“There is no free will,” assents the officer;
“We hang because we must.”Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
A slight is less easily forgiven than an injury, because it implies something of contempt, indifference, an overlooking of our importance; whereas an injury presupposes some degree of consideration. “The black-guards!” said a traveler whom Sicilian brigands had released without ransom; “did they think me a person of no consequence?”
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
(Source)
In childhood we expect, in youth demand, in manhood hope, and in age beseech.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
To parents only, death brings an inconsolable sorrow. When the young die and the old live, nature’s machinery is working with the friction that we name grief.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Collected Works of Ambrose Bierce, Vol. 8, “Epigrams” (1911)
Full text.
BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think.
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and “intimate” when he is rich or famous.
ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A Total Abstainer is one who abstains from everything, but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
ABSURDITY, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
Apologize, v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offense.
CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.
MARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
POLITENESS, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.
POSITIVE, adj. Mistaken at the top of one’s voice.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Devil’s Dictionary, “Positive” (1911)
(Source)
QUOTATION, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914?) American writer and journalist
The Devil’s Dictionary, “Quotation” (1911)
(Source)
In religion we believe only what we do not understand, except in the instance of an intelligible doctrine that contradicts an incomprehensible one. In that case we believe the former as a part of the latter.