Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Russian proverb
#1597. Everything is deemed possible except that which is impossible in the nature of things.
(Other Authors and Sources)
California Civil Code, “Object of a Contract”
“This sentence is in Spanish when you are not looking.”
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BUFFY: Yeah, but I thought I saw something … I don’t know, I was really out of it, but —
CORDELIA: But you do know that you saw Death.
WILLOW: Did it have an hourglass?
BUFFY: Ooh —
XANDER: If he asks you to play chess, don’t even do it. The guy’s like a whiz.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
GILES: It’s me, it’s me!
CORDELIA: How do we know it’s really you and not Zombie Giles?
GILES: Oh, Cordelia, do stop being tiresome.
CORDELIA: That’s him.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
RIVERA: You know, McCoy, you wanna put the bad guys behind bars you have to get your hands dirty.
McCOY: The problem is, detective, sometimes it doesn’t stop at the hands.(Other Authors and Sources)
Law & Order
“Some people have six pack abdomens. I have a keg.”
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“This gubblick contains many nonsklarkish English flutzpahs, but the overall pluggandisp can be glorked from the context.”
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I don’t believe that humans descended from apes, no. How come there’s still apes running around loose and there are humans? Why did some of them decide to evolve and some did not?
(Other Authors and Sources)
Mary Douglass Brown, Kansas state school board candidate
ANYA: To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice. With pie.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Pangs” (19 Oct 1999)
On Thanksgiving. Episode by Jane Espenson. Text/clip.
“Death is but a doorway. Here, let me hold that for you.”
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HIJACKER (jumping out of seat and waving gun at flight attendant): Take me to Detroit!
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: But we’re going to Detroit already.
HIJACKER (returning to seat): Oh, good.(Other Authors and Sources)
actual situation on a domestic US flight
“I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there’s a decimal point involved.”
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“No one ever says, ‘It’s only a game,’ when their team is winning.”
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“If God had intended for Man to use the metric system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples!”
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“I see your IQ test results were negative.”
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“Dyslexia means never having to say that you’re yrros.”
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“I got a sweater for Christmas … but what I really wanted was a screamer or a moaner.”
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“I live in my own little world, but it’s okay, they know me here.”
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Teach your tongue to say, “I do not know,” lest you err and stumble through your error.
The Talmud (AD 200-500) Collection of Jewish rabbinical writings
(Unreferenced)
It is being treated as a suspicious death.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Detective Chief Inspector Neil Guild
On the finding of a body in a suitcase on a trolley in the parking lot of London's Heathrow airport.
Dig the well before you are thirsty.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
If I die, I forgive you; If I live, we shall see.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Spanish proverb
“Sex on television can’t hurt you — unless you fall off.”
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After three days without reading, talk becomes flavorless.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
A joyful heart helps healing,
but a broken spirit dries up the bones.The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Proverbs 17:22 [CEB (2011)]
Alternate translations:A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
[KJV (1611)]Being cheerful keeps you healthy. It is slow death to be gloomy all the time.
[GNT (1976)]A glad heart is excellent medicine, a depressed spirit wastes the bones away.
[NJB (1985)]A cheerful heart is a good medicine,
but a downcast spirit dries up the bones.
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]A joyful heart makes for good health;
Despondency dries up the bones.
[RJPS (2023 ed.)]
Something is wrong.
(Other Authors and Sources)
ATARI 520ST and 1040ST BASIC error warning
“I didn’t claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.”
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When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Arab proverb
Cave ab homine unius libri.
[Beware of anyone who has just one book.]
(Other Authors and Sources)
Latin proverb
Sometimes attributed to Thomas Aquinas. See also George Herbert.
‘Just say no’ has done as much for drugs and sex as ‘have a nice day’ has for depression.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Dr. E. Tyson, Texas Medical Association
After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Philip Streiffer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, RI
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of the hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our “Easy Sky Diving” book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”
(Other Authors and Sources)
Notice appearing in a Warrenton, Virginia, newspaper
When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Cherokee proverb
“The day Microsoft makes something that doesn’t suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.”
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“I’d change the world but God won’t give me the source code.”
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“Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors.”
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“I’m enduring life’s theater in hopes of a good cast party.”
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“Friends don’t let friends install drivers drunk.”
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It is better to be patient than powerful. It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities.
The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Proverbs 16:32 [GNT (1976)]
(Source)
Alternate translations:He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who ruleth his spirit than he who taketh a city.
[KJV (1611)]Better an equable man than a hero, a man master of himself than one who takes a city.
[JB (1966)]Better an equable person than a hero, someone with self-mastery than one who takes a city.
[NJB (1985)]Better to be patient than a warrior,
[CEB (2011)]One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]Better to be forbearing than mighty,
To have self-control than to conquer a city.
[RJPS (2023 ed.)]
Heterosexual men have an annoying habit of overestimating their own attractiveness.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Joseph Steffan, expelled from US Naval Academy for admitting he was gay
“I do believe that for every door that closes another will open — but these hallways are real drag.”
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“Think globally, act locally.”
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“Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.”
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Happiness is someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
Also attributed to T. Bodett, S. Freud, A. Chalmers.
Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250
(Other Authors and Sources)
Harper’s Index (October 1989)
Who can protest and does not, is an accomplice in the act.
The Talmud (AD 200-500) Collection of Jewish rabbinical writings
(Unreferenced)
To thicken the plot.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Sri Ramakrishna, when asked why God allows evil in the world
“Math illiteracy strikes 8 out of 5 people.”
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“God is real, unless declared integer.”
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“Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.”Sig Lines
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At the heart of the First Amendment lies the principle that each person should decide for him or herself the ideas and beliefs deserving of expression, consideration, and adherence. Our political system and cultural life rest upon this ideal. Government action that stifles speech on account of its message, or that requires the utterance of a particular message favored by the Government, contravenes this essential right. Laws of this sort pose the inherent risk that the Government seeks not to advance a legitimate regulatory goal, but to suppress unpopular ideas or information or manipulate the public debate through coercion rather than persuasion.
Anthony Kennedy (b. 1936) US Supreme Court Justice
Turner Broadcasting System v. FCC, 114 S. Ct. 2445, 2458, Unanimous Opinion, sec. II-B (27 Jun 1994)
“Don’t worry — the answer’s at the back of the book.”
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“Oh, no! Not another learning experience!”
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Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Arab proverb
Remember this, my dear brothers: be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to rouse your temper; God’s righteousness is never served by man’s anger.
The Bible (The New Testament) (AD 1st - 2nd C) Christian sacred scripture
James 1:18-19 [JB (1966); 1:19-20]
(Source)
Alternate translations:Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
[KJV (1611)]Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. Human anger does not achieve God's righteous purpose.
[GNT (1976)]Remember this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to human anger; God's saving justice is never served by human anger.
[NJB (1985); 1:19-20]Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry. 20 This is because an angry person doesn’t produce God’s righteousness.
[CEB (2011)]You must understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, for human anger does not produce God’s righteousness.
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]
Time’s fun when you’re having flies.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Kermit the Frog
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.
(Other Authors and Sources)
PS, The Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance; p. 9 (Aug 1993)
“Always try to do things in chronological order; it’s less confusing that way.”
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“Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.”
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Don’t concern yourself with the bullet with your name on it. Watch out for shrapnel marked “Occupant”.
“Edgy” and “icky” are so hard to tell apart these days.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Daria
For certain is death for the born,
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.(Other Authors and Sources)
Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Sec. 27 (500? BC)
As for you, Gilgamesh, fill your belly with good things; day and night, night and day, dance and be merry, feast and rejoice. Let your clothes be fresh, bathe yourself in water, cherish the little child that holds your hand, and make your wife happy in your embrace; for this too is the lot of man.
(Other Authors and Sources)
The Epic of Gilgamesh (3rd Millennium BC)
The beginning of wisdom is the most sincere desire for instruction,
and concern for instruction is love of her,
and love of her is the keeping of her laws,
and giving heed to her laws is assurance of immortality,
and immortality brings one near to God,
so the desire for wisdom leads to a kingdom.The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Wisdom of Solomon 6:17-20 [NRSV (2021 ed.)]
(Source)
Alternate translations:For the very true beginning of her is the desire of discipline; and the care of discipline is love;
And love is the keeping of her laws; and the giving heed unto her laws is the assurance of incorruption;
And incorruption maketh us near unto God:
Therefore the desire of wisdom bringeth to a kingdom.
[KJV (1611)]For the beginning of her is the most true desire of discipline.
And the care of discipline is love: and love is the keeping of her laws: and the keeping of her laws is the firm foundation of incorruption:
And incorruption bringeth near to God.
Therefore the desire of wisdom bringeth to the everlasting kingdom.
[DRA (1899); 6:18-21]Of her the most sure beginning is the desire for discipline, care for discipline means loving her,
loving her means keeping her laws,
obeying her laws guarantees incorruptibility,
incorruptibility brings near to God;
thus desire for Wisdom leads to sovereignty.
[JB (1966)]Wisdom begins when you sincerely want to learn. To desire Wisdom is to love her; to love her is to keep her laws; to keep her laws is to be certain of immortality; immortality will bring you close to God. This desire for Wisdom can prepare you to rule a kingdom.
[GNT (1976)]For Wisdom begins with the sincere desire for instruction, care for instruction means loving her,
loving her means keeping her laws, attention to her laws guarantees incorruptibility,
and incorruptibility brings us near to God;
the desire for Wisdom thus leads to sovereignty.
[NJB (1985)]The real beginning of wisdom is to desire instruction with all your heart. Love for instruction expresses itself in careful reflection. If you love Wisdom, you will keep her laws. If you are attentive to her laws, you can be assured that you will live forever. If you live forever, you will be near to God. If you desire wisdom with all your heart, you will know what good leadership is.
[CEB (2011)]
Rabbi Jannai said: “It is beyond our power to explain either the prosperity of the wicked or the afflictions of the righteous.”
The Talmud (AD 200-500) Collection of Jewish rabbinical writings
The Mishnah (c. AD 200)
Know thyself.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Inscription at the Oracle of Delphi
Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly, it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
Jack Handey (b. 1949) American humorist
Deep Thoughts
GOOD APPEARANCE PLEASE.
NO WATERMELON PLEASE.(Other Authors and Sources)
Sign in Fragrant Hills Hotel, Beijing
Life is not holding a good hand; life is playing a poor hand well.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Danish proverb
If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Spanish proverb
In the midst of great joy, do not promise anyone anything. In the midst of great anger, do not answer anyone’s letter.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
All sunshine makes a desert.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Arab proverb
“It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And they’re short on napkins.”
Sig Lines
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Life … is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you’re stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there’s nothing else to eat while you’re watching the game. Sure, once in a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it’s gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you’re left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth shattering nuts, which if you are desperate enough to eat leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper wrappers.
(Other Authors and Sources)
X-Files (Cigarette Smoking Man)
Tanzan and Ekido were traveling together down a muddy road. They came upon a lovely girl in a silk kimono, unable to cross at an intersection. “Come on, girl,” said Tanzan at once. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud.
Ekido did not speak until that night. Then he could no longer restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he said, “especially not young and lovely ones. It is dangerous. Why did you do that?”
“I left the girl there,” said Tanzan. “Are you still carrying her?”(Other Authors and Sources)
Zen koan
A soldier came to Hakuin and asked “Is there really a paradise and a hell?”
“Who are you?” inquired Hakuin. “I am a samurai,” the warrior replied.
“You, a samurai!” exclaimed Hakuin. “What kind of ruler would have you as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar!”
The soldier became so angry that he began to draw his sword, but Hakuin continued. “So you have a sword! Your weapon is probably as dull as your head!”
As the soldier drew his sword Hakuin remarked “Here open the gates of hell!”
At these words, the samurai, perceiving the discipline of the master, sheathed his sword and bowed.
“Here open the gates of paradise,” said Hakuin.(Other Authors and Sources)
Zen koan
Every cask smells of the wine it contains.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Spanish proverb
“This message is the official opinion of the voices in my head.”
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“I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.”
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“42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.”
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A man’s true wealth hereafter, is the good he does in this world to his fellow-man. When he dies, people will say, “What property has he left behind him?” But the angels will ask, “What good deeds has he sent before him?”
(Other Authors and Sources)
Qur’an
Every good act is charity. Your smiling in your brother’s face, is charity; an exhortation of your fellow-man to virtuous deeds, is equal to alms-giving; your putting a wanderer in the right road, is charity; your assisting the blind, is charity; your removing stones, and thorns, and other obstructions from the road, is charity; your giving water to the thirsty, is charity.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Qur’an
A walk through the Visitors Center provides you with a close look at the work being done in Unit 2. Cleanup … decontamination … waste handling … all are performed with the safety of the workers and the public foremost in mind. And, weather permitting, you’re welcome to have your picnic lunch at the tables behind the Center. Enjoy your stay.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Tourist brochure for Three Mile Island nuclear power plant, Harrisburg, PA
The White House has always attracted the mentally ill.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Secret Serviceman Vincent Charles, on increased White House security
We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister
The B-52 has been an effective war machine. It’s killed a lot of people.
[speech in Congress]
The B-52 has been an effective war machine, which has unfortunately killed a lot of people.
[as edited in the Congressional Record](Other Authors and Sources)
Congressman Bill Young
I’m sexy. Admire Me. Touch Me. Taste Me. And Take Me Home.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Words on a Holiday Inn coaster in Colombo, Sri Lanka
Recently, when the standoff in Waco, Tex., turned ugly and the cult members set fire to their compound, “Guiding Light”, which had been on for about 15 minutes, was interrupted by a news break, which took up the rest of the hour. Couldn’t the networks have waited until 3 p.m. to tell the world about this terrible happening? I was very annoyed by this interruption.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Los Angeles Times “TV Times”, Letter from L. Wengard, Northridge, CA (22 May 1993)
WESLEY: I’m a rogue demon hunter now.
CORDELIA: What’s a rogue demon?(Other Authors and Sources)
Angel
Q: Do you recall the time you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the
Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 P.M.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No … he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy!(Other Authors and Sources)
Court record testimony
“The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.”
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With virtue you cannot be entirely poor. Without it you cannot be really rich.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equipped with 18,000 vacuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vacuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1-1/2 tons.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Popular Mechanics (1949)
“This sig line was typed before a live studio audience.”
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“Too many freaks, not enough circuses.”
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God gives every bird his worm, but He does not throw it into the nest.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Swedish proverb
“I can’t go to work today. The voices said, ‘Stay home and clean the guns.'”
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“Guns don’t kill people — they just make it real easy.”
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