“A waist is a terrible thing to mind.”
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“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
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Good deeds are the best prayer.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Serbian proverb
I’d rather be rich than stupid.
Jack Handey (b. 1949) American humorist
Deep Thoughts
THE DOCTOR: I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Doctor Who
We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Louis Nel, Deputy Minister of Information, South Africa
One does evil enough when one does nothing good.
(Other Authors and Sources)
German proverb
PRIZE WINNING HANDMADE SAUSAGES: ONCE TASTED YOU’LL NEVER WANT ANOTHER
(Other Authors and Sources)
Sign in the Oxhey Lane Farm Shop, UK
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS
(Other Authors and Sources)
Sign in Bangkok dry cleaners
Ask a question and you’re a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you’re a fool for the rest of your life.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Scottish proverb
“It’s not just the ups and downs that make life difficult; it’s the jerks.”
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Miso with the smell of miso is not good miso.
Enlightenment with the smell of enlightenment is not real enlightenment.(Other Authors and Sources)
Zen proverb
Hate not the people, but the crime.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Japanese saying
“You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.”
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You can’t keep trouble from coming, but you don’t have to give it a chair to sit in.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Vermont proverb
“Any ship can be a minesweeper … once.”
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SPENCER: I suppose you can make an explosive out of chewing gum?
MACGYVER: Why? Got some?”(Other Authors and Sources)
MacGyver (1985)
WILLOW: So, how did it go?
XANDER: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
It is important to realize that any lock can be picked with a big enough hammer.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Sun System & Network Admin manual
#3537. Superfluity does not vitiate.
(Other Authors and Sources)
California Civil Code, “Maxims of
No matter how far you have gone on the wrong road, turn back.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Turkish proverb
ANYA: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
XANDER: Then why are you talking to me?
ANYA: I don’t have a date for the prom.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “The Prom”
SPIKE: She wouldn’t even kill me. She just left. She didn’t even care enough to cut off my head, or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared?
(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Lover’s Walk”
The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
Quoted in W. C. Wilson, ed., The Teacher's Visitor (1846).
Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped.
(Other Authors and Sources)
African proverb
Charm is more than beauty.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Yiddish proverb
A rabbi spoke with God about heaven and hell.
“I will show you hell,” God said, and they went into a room which had a large pot of stew in the middle. The smell was delicious, but around the pot sat people who were famished and desperate. All were holding spoons with very long handles which reached to the pot, but, because the handles were longer than their arms, it was impossible to get the stew back into their mouths.
“Now I will show you heaven,” God said, and they went into an identical room. there was a similar pot of stew, the smell was delicious, and the people had identical spoons, but they were well-nourished and happy.
“It’s simple,” God said. “You see, they have learned to feed one another.”(Other Authors and Sources)
Medieval Jewish story
It ain’t so much a matter of not knowing as it is knowing so much that ain’t so.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Ozark proverb
Don’t discount flying pigs before you have good air defense.
(Other Authors and Sources)
jvh[@]clinet.fi
“Well,” Brahma said, “even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred.”
(Other Authors and Sources)
Mahabharata
When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
He was so mean, if you cut him open you’d find your grandma!
(Other Authors and Sources)
Jim Rockford
“Never trust a stockbroker who’s married to a travel agent.”
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“Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you’d make a nice sandwich.”
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PERRY COMO’S CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: The members of a Greek family are murdered systematically in a bizarre fashion.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Toronto Sun, TV page listing
“Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous.'”
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Early to rise, early to bed,
Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
“Joan of Arc heard voices, too.”
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A loyal friend is a powerful defense: whoever finds one has indeed found a treasure.
The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Sirach (Ecclesiasticus) 6:14 [NJB (1985)]
(Source)
Alternate translations:A faithful friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found him, hath found a treasure.
[DRA (1899)]A faithfull friend is a strong defence: and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure.
[KJV (1611)]A loyal friend is like a safe shelter; find one, and you have found a treasure.
[GNT (1976)]
We’d like to offer our affection as a gift by the white bird on sky to every genuinely go the same may together with you. This is our only requite to you.
(Other Authors and Sources)
In-flight magazine of Xiamen Airlines
Sorry: No talking to cashier. No smoking. No fighting. No credit. No outside food. No sitting long. No talking loud. No spitting. No bargaining. No water to outsiders. No change. No telephone. No match sticks. No discussing gambling. No newspaper. No combing. No beef. No leg on chair. No hard liquor allowed. No address enquiry.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Sign outside Bastani Café, Bombay, India
“Lord, grant me the patience to suffer fools, or, alternatively, a chainsaw.”
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Perseverance alone does not assure success. No amount of stalking will lead to game in a field that has none.
(Other Authors and Sources)
I Ching
The very purpose of a Bill of Rights was to withdraw certain subjects from the vicissitudes of political controversy, to place them beyond the reach of majorities and officials and establish them as legal principles to be applied by the courts. One’s rights to life, liberty, and property, to free speech, a free press, freedom of worship and assembly, and other fundamental rights may not be submitted to vote; they depend on the outcome of no elections.
Robert H. Jackson (1892-1954) US Supreme Court Justice (1941-54), lawyer, jurist, politician
West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette, 319 U.S. 624 (1943) [majority opinion]
Full decision
I don’t have problems with things I can’t see. God and Jesus and Heaven, I believe in all those things. It’s the things I can see that I have trouble accepting.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Anonymous Psych Patient
http://crazytracy.com/blog/archives/000467.html
Moving is a lot like drinking too much. I have all these bruises I can’t explain, and I don’t know where any of my sh*t is.
(Other Authors and Sources)
JillMatrix.com (29 Aug. 2002)
The fact that [someone is] an unattractive character with followers holding rather odd theology, does not mean that they have no civil, legal or constitutional rights. Calling such a group a “cult” should not deprive them of their rights.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Alex McColl, in Soldier of Fortune (1993)
on the Branch Davidian ATF raid
One of the advantages of being captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it.
(Other Authors and Sources)
James T. Kirk
“Strangely enough, this is the past that somebody in the future is longing to go back to.”
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Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
The Bible (The New Testament) (AD 1st - 2nd C) Christian sacred scripture
Matthew 7:1-2 (KJV)
Alt. trans.:
- "Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get."(NRSV)
- "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (NIV)
- "Do not judge others, so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you in the same way you judge others, and he will apply to you the same rules you apply to others." (GNT)
There is many a good man to be found under a shabby hat.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.
(Other Authors and Sources)
French proverb
If something is boring after two minutes, try it for four. If still boring, try it for eight, sixteen, thirty-two, and so on. Eventually, one discovers that it is not boring but very interesting.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Zen proverb
“It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.”
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“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
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“The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.”
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“Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
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“I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.”
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A civilization flourishes when people plant trees under whose shade they will never sit.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Greek saying
WILLOW: She’s like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going, “Ooh, check me out. I’m wicked cool. I’m five-by-five.”
TARA: Five-by-five? Five what by five what?
WILLOW: See, that’s the thing. No one knows.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “This Year’s Girl”
GILES: I have a friend who’s coming to town, and I’d like us to be alone.
ANYA: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
GILES: Yes, that’s exactly the most appalling thing you could have said.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Hush”
Preserve civilization — write on walls.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Graffiti in the British Museum men’s room
XANDER: And was there a lesson in all this, huh? What did we learn about beer?
BUFFY: Foamy!
XANDER: Good. Just as long as that’s clear.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Beer Bad”
SMART GUY 1: The thing that the modern-day pundits fail to realize is that all the socioeconomic and psychological problems inherent in modern society can be solved by the judicious application of way too much beer.
BUFFY: My mother always said beer is evil.
SMART GUY 1: Evil, good — these are moral absolutes that predate the fermentation of malt and fine hops.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Beer Bad”
[On the nutritiousness of McDonalds food:] Coca-Cola is providing water, and I think that is part of a balanced diet.
(Other Authors and Sources)
David Green, Sr. Marketing VP for McDonalds, testimony
WILLOW: Doesn’t it make you wonder what else is there, right under our feet?
BUFFY: Mostly, I’ve just found sewers full of demons.(Other Authors and Sources)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Pangs”
We’re beggars and blighters and ne’er-do-well cads,
Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho!
Aye! But we’re loved by our mommies and dads,
Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho!
Yo-ho, yo-ho, a pirate’s life for me!(Other Authors and Sources)
“Pirates of the Caribbean”
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.
(Other Authors and Sources)
The Creation of the Universe, television show sponsorship credits (PBS)
A stupid man stays awake all night pondering his problems; he’s all worn out when morning comes, and whatever was, still is.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Viking proverb
Just as water reflects the face,
so one human heart reflects another.The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Proverbs 27:19 [NRSV (2021 ed.)]
(Source)
Alternate translations:As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man to man.
[KJV (1611)]As no two faces are ever alike, unlike, too, are the hearts of men.
[JB (1966)]A mirror reflects a man’s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.
[TLB (1971)]It is your own face that you see reflected in the water and it is your own self that you see in your heart.
[GNT (1976)]As water reflects face back to face, so one human heart reflects another.
[NJB (1985)]As water reflects the face,
so one’s life reflects the heart.
[NIV (2011 ed.)]As water reflects the face,
so others reflect your heart back to you.
[NIV (2011 ed.), alternate]As water reflects the face,
so the heart reflects one person to another.
[CEB (2011)]As face answers to face in water,
So does one’s heart to another’s.
[RJPS (2023 ed.)]
THE PSI CORPS IS YOUR FRIEND. TRUST THE CORPS.
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“I can only conclude that I’m paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate.”
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In Brighton she was Brenda,
She was Patsy up in Perth,
In Cambridge she was Candida
The sweetest girl on earth.
In Stafford she was Stella,
The pick of all the bunch,
But down on his expenses,
She was Petrol, Oil and Lunch.(Other Authors and Sources)
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The autumn leaves are falling like rain.
Though my neighbors are all barbarians,
And you, you are a thousand miles away,
There are always two cups at my table.(Other Authors and Sources)
T’ang Dynasty (7th – 10th C. AD) poem
The road leading to a goal does not separate you from your destination; it is essentially a part of it.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Romany proverb
“Don’t think of it as being outnumbered, think of it as unlimited target selection!”
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Never ascribe something to another cause that can be fully explained by stupidity and mediocrity.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Aerospace proverb
“I always wanted to write a little program that would pop up a window saying, ‘I’m going to amputate a limb at random from you now,’ to see how many people would instinctively click ‘OK’.”
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Q: How many user support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have?Sig Lines
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“Physics and Law Enforcement — if it weren’t for those two, I’d be unstoppable.”
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“Mine is not to wonder why, Mine is but to look and say ‘Here We Go Again…'”
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It’s as if all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Saturday Night Live
“Practically everyone on sci.physics has a theory that is far superior to special relativity, general relativity, quantum mechanics and the standard model. Around here, it’s only a small clique of arrogant young members of the physics establishment who fail to recognize these revolutionary theories. I’d explain why, but I have to go finish designing my faster-than-light vacuum energy perpetual motion telekinetic aether-powered time machine.”
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“I couldn’t think of anything else to do with it, so I put it on the Web.”
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“ERROR 155 – You can’t do that.”
(Other Authors and Sources)
Data General S200 FORTRAN error code list
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live.”
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No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats — approximately 1.5 billion Chinese couldn’t care less.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Lazlo’s Chinese Relativity Axiom
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.Sig Lines
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Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A: Because it was on the other side.Sig Lines
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“Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.”
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“Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.”
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“Old programmers never die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.”
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“Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.”
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“Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.”
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“Southern DOS: Y’all reckon? (Yep/Nope)”
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“Why doesn’t DOS ever say ‘EXCELLENT command or filename!'”
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“BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!”
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“BREAKFAST.COM Halted. Cereal Port Not Responding”
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