To answer before listening —
This is foolish and disgraceful.[מֵשִׁ֣יב דָּ֭בָר בְּטֶ֣רֶם יִשְׁמָ֑ע אִוֶּ֥לֶת הִיא־ל֝֗וֹ וּכְלִמָּֽה׃]
The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Book 20. Proverbs 18:13 (Prov 18:13) [tr. RJPS (2023 ed.)]
(Source)
See La Rochefoucauld (1665).
(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:He that answereth a matter before he heareth it,
it is folly and shame unto him.
[KJV (1611)]To retort without first listening is folly to work one's own confusion.
[JB (1966)]To retort without first listening is both foolish and embarrassing.
[NJB (1985)]Listen before you answer. If you don't, you are being stupid and insulting.
[GNT (1992 ed.)]Those who answer before they listen
are foolish and disgraceful.
[CEB (2011)]If one gives answer before hearing,
it is folly and shame.
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]
Quotations about:
response
Note not all quotations have been tagged, so Search may find additional quotes on this topic.
THE DOCTOR: Oh, marvelous. You’re going to kill me. What a finely-tuned response to the situation.
Doctor Who (1963-1989) British science fiction television series, original run (BBC)
21×03 “Frontios,” Part 2 (1984-01-27) [w. Christopher Bidmead]
(Source)
One of the reasons why there are so few reasonable and pleasant conversationalists is that almost everyone concentrates on what he wishes to say, rather than attempting to give accurate and clear replies to what is said to him.
[Une des choses qui fait que l’on trouve si peu de gens qui paroissent raisonnables et agréables dans la conversation, c’est qu’il n’y a presque personne qui ne pense plutôt à ce qu’il veut dire qu’à répondre précisément à ce qu’on lui dit.]
François VI, duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French epigrammatist, memoirist, noble
Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales [Reflections; or Sentences and Moral Maxims], ¶139 (1665-1678) [tr. FitzGibbon (1957), ¶139]
(Source)
Present in the 1st (1665) edition. A 1665 variant read "quasi personne" rather than "presque personne."
See also Proverbs 18:13.
(Source (French)). Other translations:There may be several causes assigned why we meet with so few persons, whom we allow to be rational and divertive in conversation. Of which this is one, that there is hardly any body, whose thoughts are not rather taken up with what he hath a mind to say himself, than in precisely answering what had been said to him; and that persons of greatest abilities and complaisance think it.
[tr. Davies (1669), ¶186]One reason, why we find so very few Men of Sense and agreeable Conversation, is, That almost every bodies mind is more intent upon what he himself hath a mind to say, than upon making pertinent Replies to what the rest of the Company say to him.
[tr. Stanhope (1694), ¶140]One reason why we meet with so few people who are reasonable and agreeable in conversation is, that there is scarce any body who does not think more of what he has to say, than of answering what is said to him.
[pub. Donaldson (1783), ¶64; ed. Lepoittevin-Lacroix (1797), ¶134]We meet with few men who are agreeable in conversation: the reason is, we think more of what we have to advance, than of what they have to answer.
[ed. Carvill (1835), ¶53]One thing which makes us find so few people who appear reasonable and agreeable in conversation is, that there is scarcely any one who does not think more of what he is about to say than of answering precisely what is said to him.
[ed. Gowens (1851), ¶142]One of the reasons that we find so few persons rational and agreeable in conversation is there is hardly a person who does not think more of what he wants to say than of his answer to what is said.
[tr. Bund/Friswell (1871), ¶139]One reason why so few people converse agreeably or logically is that a man pays more attention to his own utterances than to giving an exact answer to questions put to him.
[tr. Heard (1917), ¶139]One of the reasons why so few people show themselves intelligent and agreeable in conversation is that almost every one is intent on what he wants to say himself rather than on replying with exactness to what is said to him.
[tr. Stevens (1939), ¶139]One reason why so few people are intelligent and attractive in conversation is that almost everybody thinks of what he wants to say instead of how to answer properly what has been said to him.
[tr. Kronenberger (1959), ¶139]One of the reasons so few people are to be found who seem sensible and pleasant in conversation is that almost everybody is thinking about what he wants to say himself rather than about answering clearly what is being said to him.
[tr. Tancock (1959), ¶139]One reason why we find so few people who appear reasonable and agreeable in conversation, is that there is almost no one who does not think more about what he wishes to say than about pertinently replying to what is said to him.
[tr. Whichello (2016) ¶139]
Why? Because. The most terrible of motives, the most unanswerable of retorts — Because.
[Pourquoi ? Parce que. Le plus terrible des motifs et la plus indiscutable des réponses: Parce que.]
Victor Hugo (1802-1885) French writer
Les Misérables, Part 4 “Saint Denis,” Book 6 “Little Gavroche,” ch. 1 (4.6.1) (1862) [tr. Hapgood (1887)]
(Source)
On Mme Thenardier hating her sons.
(Source (French)). Alternate translations:Why? Because. The most terrible of motives and the most unanswerable of responses: Because.
[tr. Wilbour (1862)]Why? because she did. The most terrible of motives and most indisputable of answers is, Because.
[tr. Wraxall (1862)]Why? Because. The most terrible and unanswerable of reasons.
[tr. Denny (1976)]Why? Because. The most terrible of motives and the most unanswerable of responses: Because.
[tr. Wilbour/Fahnestock/MacAfee (1987)]Why? Because. The most terrible of motives, the most indisputable of responses. Because.
[tr. Donougher (2013)]
Dean Swift’s rule is as good for women as for men — never to talk above a half minute without pausing, and giving others an opportunity to strike in.
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding.
Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) Lebanese-American poet, writer, painter [Gibran Khalil Gibran]
The Prophet, “Giving” (1923)
(Source)
Let not these things thy least concern engage;
For though thou fret, they will not mind thy rage.
Him only good and happy we may call
Who rightly useth what doth him befall.
[τοῖς πράγμασιν γὰρ οὐχὶ θυμοῦσθαι χρεών:
μέλει γὰρ αὐτοῖς οὐδέν: ἀλλ᾽ οὑντυγχάνων
τὰ πράγματ᾽ ὀρθῶς ἂν τιθῇ, πράσσει καλῶς]Euripides (485?-406? BC) Greek tragic dramatist
Bellerophon [Βελλεροφῶν], frag. 287 (TGF) (c. 430 BC) [Morgan (1718)]
(Source)
Quoted in Plutarch, "De Tranquilitate Animi [On the Contentedness of the Mind]," sec. 4. (467a). Nauck frag. 287, Barnes frag. 132, Musgrave frag. 24.
(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:Nor ought we to be angry at Events;
For they our anger heed not: but the man
Who best to each emergency adapts
His conduct, will assuredly act right.
[tr. Wodhull (1809)]Events will take their course, it is no good
Our being angry at them; he is happiest
Who wisely turns them to the best account.
[tr. Shilleto (1888), frag. 298]It does no good to rage at circumstance;
Events will take their course with no regard
For us. but he who makes the best of those
Events he lights upon will not fare ill.
[tr. Helmbold (1939)]There is no point in getting angry at circumstances. They are uncaring, utterly unconcerned.
But a man who responds to them in the right way, he fares well.
[tr. Stevens (2012)]One should not get angry with affairs, for they show no concern; but if a man handles affairs correctly as he encounters them, he fares well.
[tr. Collard, Hargreaves, Cropp (1995)]
Why would we worry what others think of us if their opinions did not change us?
James Richardson (b. 1950) American poet
Vectors: Aphorisms and Ten-Second Essays, #387 (2001)
There are silences harder to take back than words.
James Richardson (b. 1950) American poet
“Vectors: 56 Aphorisms and Ten-second Essays,” Michigan Quarterly Review, # 3 (Spring 1999)
(Source)
If you can’t change your fate, change your attitude.
Reason allows us to determine when our wishes are in irrevocable conflict with reality, and then bids us to submit ourselves willingly, rather than angrily or bitterly, to necessities. We may be powerless to alter certain events, but we remain free to choose our attitude towards them, and it is in our spontaneous acceptance of necessity that we find our distinctive freedom.
Alain de Botton (b. 1969) Swiss-British author
The Consolations of Philosophy, ch. 3 “Consolation for Frustration”(2000)
(Source)
Don’t agonize, organize.
Florynce "Flo" Kennedy (1916-2000) American lawyer, feminist, civil rights activist
(Attributed)
(Source)
Quoted in Gloria Steinem, "The Verbal Karate of Florynce R. Kennedy, Esq.," Ms. (Mar 1973).
“My lord,” said Lar, falling back upon the single statement that a servant may always rely upon when any other response is fraught with peril.
Steven Brust (b. 1955) American writer, systems programmer
The Lord of Castle Black (2003)
To persevere in one’s duty and be silent is the best answer to calumny.
George Washington (1732–1799) American military leader, Founding Father, US President (1789–1797)
Letter to William Livingston (7 Dec 1779)
There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.
Alexandre Dumas, père (1802-1870) French novelist and dramatist
The Black Tulip [La Tulipe Noire], ch. 28 (1850)
Never complain and never explain.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881) English politician and author
(Attributed)
(Source)
Most often cited to John Morley, Life of William Ewart Gladstone, Vol. 1, Book 2, ch. 2, sec. 1 (1903). This was Disraeli's distillation of advice that Lord High Chancellor John Copley, Lord Lyndhurst, gave at a January 1835 dinner attended both a young Gladstone and Disraeli:Never defend yourself before a popular assemblage, except with and by retorting the attack; the hearers, in the pleasure which the assault gives them, will forget the previous charge.
The phrase is also attributed to Benjamin Jowett, Henry Ford II, and Charles Stewart Parnell.
Calumny is like a wasp which harasses you. Raise no hand against it unless you’re sure of killing it, for otherwise it will return to the charge more furious than ever.
[La calomnie est comme la guêpe qui vous importune, et contre laquelle il ne faut faire aucun mouvement, à moins qu’on ne soit sûr de la tuer, sans quoi elle revient à la charge, plus furieuse que jamais.]
Nicolas Chamfort (1741-1794) French writer, epigrammist (b. Nicolas-Sébastien Roch)
Products of Perfected Civilization [Produits de la Civilisation Perfectionée], Part 1 “Maxims and Thoughts [Maximes et Pensées],” ch. 5, ¶ 302 (1795) [tr. Dusinberre (1992)]
(Source)
(Source (French)). Alternate translations:Calumny is like the wasp which worries you, which it were best not to try to get rid of unless you are sure of slaying it; for otherwise it will return to the charge more furious than ever.
[Source (1872)]Scandal is an importunate wasp, against which we must make no movement unless we are quite sure that we can kill it; otherwise it will return to the attack more furious than ever.
[tr. Mathers (1926)]Calumny is like some annoying wasp, against which one must make no move unless one is sure of killing it, or else it will return to the charge more furiously than ever.
[tr. Merwin (1969)]Calumny is a wasp that bothers you, and against which you mustn't make any movement unless you are sure to kill it; otherwise it will attack you more furiously than before.
[tr. Siniscalchi (1994)]Slander is like a wasp which is pestering you but which you mustn't take any action against unless he happens to turn round.
[tr. Parmée (2003), ¶ 182]
Silence is the unbearable repartee.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) English journalist and writer
The Illustrated London News (30 Sep 1933)
To listen closely and reply well is the highest perfection we are able to attain in the art of conversation.
François VI, duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French epigrammatist, memoirist, noble
Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales [Maxims] (1665-1678)
If a donkey bray at you, don’t bray at him.
Proverbs, Sayings, and Adages
English proverb
If a donkey bray at you, don’t bray at him.
George Herbert (1593-1633) Welsh priest, orator, poet.
(Attributed)
Often attributed to Herbert, but not found in his works. Elsewhere listed simply as a proverb.
It is always easier to hear an insult and not retaliate than have the courage to fight back against someone stronger than yourself; we can always say we’re not hurt by the stones others throw at us, and it’s only at night — when we’re alone and our wife or our husband or our school friend is asleep — that we can silently grieve over our own cowardice.
Paulo Coelho (b. 1947) Brazilian spiritual writer
The Devil and Miss Prym (2000)
Sir, calumnies are answer’d best with silence.
HENRY: Are these things then necessities?
Then let us meet them like necessities.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry IV, Part 2, Act 3, sc. 1, l. 94ff (3.1.94-95) (c. 1598)
(Source)
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
Viktor Frankl (1905-1997) German-American psychologist, writer
Man’s Search for Meaning, Part 1 (1959)
(Source)
Remember this, my dear brothers: be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to rouse your temper; God’s righteousness is never served by man’s anger.
[Ἴστε ἀδελφοί μου ἀγαπητοί ἔστω δὲ πᾶς ἄνθρωπος ταχὺς εἰς τὸ ἀκοῦσαι βραδὺς εἰς τὸ λαλῆσαι βραδὺς εἰς ὀργήν ὀργὴ γὰρ ἀνδρὸς δικαιοσύνην Θεοῦ οὐκ ἐργάζεται.]
The Bible (The New Testament) (AD 1st - 2nd C) Christian sacred scripture
James 1: 19-20 [JB (1966)]
(Source)
(Source (Greek)). Alternate translations:Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:
For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
[KJV (1611)]Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. Human anger does not achieve God's righteous purpose.
[GNT (1976)]Remember this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to listen but slow to speak and slow to human anger; God's saving justice is never served by human anger.
[NJB (1985); 1:19-20]Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry. 20 This is because an angry person doesn’t produce God’s righteousness.
[CEB (2011)]You must understand this, my beloved brothers and sisters: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger, for human anger does not produce God’s righteousness.
[NRSV (2021 ed.)]
In the midst of great joy, do not promise anyone anything. In the midst of great anger, do not answer anyone’s letter.
Proverbs, Sayings, and Adages
Chinese proverb
We cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over our heads, but we can refuse to let them build their nests in our hair.
Proverbs, Sayings, and Adages
Chinese proverb
Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it.
Irving Berlin (1888-1989) American songwriter [b. Isidore Beilin]
(Attributed)
(Source)
Attributed as a comment made by Berlin during a performance of the show This is the Army, Mr. Jones at the Palladium in London in 1943.
Also sometimes attributed to Benjamin Franklin.
