Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
Steven Wright (b. 1955) Canadian-American humorist
(Attributed)
Factorials were somebody’s attempt to make math look exciting.
Steven Wright (b. 1955) Canadian-American humorist
(Attributed)
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
Steven Wright (b. 1955) Canadian-American humorist
(Attributed)
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Steven Wright (b. 1955) Canadian-American humorist
(Attributed)
In relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.
Steven Wright (b. 1955) Canadian-American humorist
(Attributed)
That best portion of a good man’s life,
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and love.
William Wordsworth (1770-1850) English poet
“Lines Composed a few Miles above Tintern Abbey” (13 Jul 1798)
(Source)
Often paraphrased into a sentence, e.g., "The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love."
Do not permit what you cannot do to interfere with what you can do.
John Wooden (1910-2010) American basketball player and coach
Coach Wooden One-on-One, “Day 25” (2003) [with Jay Carty]
(Source)
Variant: "Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
If you can’t have faith in what is held up to you for faith, you must find things to believe in yourself, for a life without faith in something is too narrow a space to live.
George Edward Woodberry (1855-1930) American man of letters
(Attributed)
Ya gots to work with what you gots to work with.
Stevie Wonder (b. 1950) American musician and songwriter [b. Stevland Hardaway Morris]
(Attributed)
It’s important to remember that just because there are crooks, zealots and morons supporting a position, it does not automatically follow that the position is wrong.
Jan D. Wolter (1959-2015) American computer science professional
(Attributed)
It is justice, not charity, that is wanting in the world!
Mary Wollstonecraft (1759-1797) English social philosopher, feminist, writer
A Vindication of the Rights of Women, ch. 4 (1792)
(Source)
Faith is not knowledge of what the mystery of the universe is, but the conviction that there is a mystery and that it is greater than us.
David Wolfe-Blank (1951-1998) American religious teacher, rabbi
(Attributed)
If there were a verb meaning ‘to believe falsely,’ it would not have any significant first person, present indicative.
Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian-English philosopher
(Attributed)
The limits of my language mark the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian-English philosopher
Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, 5.6 (1921)
Alt. trans:
- "The boundary of my language is the boundary of my world." [tr. Kolak]
- "The limits of my language mean the limits of my world." [tr. Pears and McGuinness]
- "The limits of my language stand for the limits of my world."
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889-1951) Austrian-English philosopher
(Attributed)
Demand perfection of yourself and you’ll seldom attain it. Fear of making a mistake is the biggest single cause of making one. Relax — pursue excellence, not perfection.
Lloyd "Bud" Winter (1909-1985) American track coach
(Attributed)
Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.
Oprah Winfrey (b. 1954) American TV personality, actress
(Attributed)
Life is about becoming more than we are.
Oprah Winfrey (b. 1954) American TV personality, actress
Charlie Rose TV interview, PBS (29-Oct-1998)
Life is about becoming more than we are.
Oprah Winfrey (b. 1954) American TV personality, actress
Charlie Rose TV interview, PBS (29-Oct-1998)
People tell me that the movies should be more like real life. I disagree. It is real life that should be more like the movies.
Walter Winchell (1856-1972) American journalist
(Attributed)
When a network changes a show, it’s like brain surgery with a baseball bat.
Stephanie A. Wiltse (contemp.) American graphic designer, fanzine publisher
(Attributed)
It is just as hard to do your duty when men are sneering at you as when they are shooting at you.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
(Attributed)
Liberty does not consist in mere declarations of the rights of man. It consists in the translations of those declarations into definite action.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
(Attributed)
Ere I close, you will let me add my emphasis to the fact that it is in our life and conduct that we must show our devotion to Christ. The silent Gospel reaches further than the grandest rhetoric.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
(Attributed)
Do you covet honor? You will never get it by serving yourself. Do you covet distinction? You will get it only as you serve mankind. Do not forget, then, as you walk these classic places, why you are here. You are not here merely to prepare to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
Speech, Swarthmore College (25 Oct 1913)
(Source)
A conservative is a man who sits and thinks, mostly sits.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
(Attributed)
I have always been among those who believe that the greatest freedom of speech is the greatest safety, because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking. It cannot be so easily discovered if you allow him to remain silent and look wise, but if you let him speak, the secret is out and the world knows that he is a fool. So it is by the exposure of folly that it is defeated; not by the seclusion of folly, and in this free air of free speech men get into that sort of communication with one another which constitutes the basis of all common achievement.
Woodrow Wilson (1856-1924) US President (1913-20), educator, political scientist
“That Quick Comradeship of Letters,” address at Institute of France, Paris (10 May 1919)
No amount of sophistication is going to allay the fact that all your knowledge is about the past and all your decisions are about the future.
Ian E. Wilson (b. 1943) Canadian archivist, historian
(Attributed)
Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure!
Earl Wilson (1907-1987) American columnist
(Attributed)
Reader's Digest "Quotable Quotes," Sep-1966
If you won’t write it and sign it, don’t say it.
Earl Wilson (1907-1987) American columnist
(Attributed)
No plan can prevent a stupid person from doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time — but a good plan should keep a concentration from forming.
Charles E. Wilson (1890-1961) US Secretary of Defense; engineer, industrialist
(Attributed)
Propaganda … becomes at last more credible to its disseminators than to its targets.
Garry Wills (b. 1934) American author, journalist, historian
The Kennedy Imprisonment: A Meditation on Power, ch. 18 (1981)
If people behaved in the way nations do they would all be put in straitjackets.
Tennessee Williams (1911-1983) American playwright
(Attributed)
There is a time for departure even when there’s no certain place to go.
We tell lies when we are afraid, … afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.
Robert Paul "Tad" Williams (b. 1957) American writer
To Green Angel Tower (1993)
We find not in the Gospel, that Christ hath anywhere provided for the uniformity of churches, but only for their unity.
Roger Williams (1603?-1683) American clergyman and reformer
(Attributed)
Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.
Robin Williams (1951-2014) American comedian and actor
(Attributed)
I’m sorry. I’d agree with you if you were right.
Robin Williams (1951-2014) American comedian and actor
(Attributed)
Ah, yes, “divorce,” from the Latin word meaning “to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams (1951-2014) American comedian and actor
(Attributed)
Washington loves the ones who grease its gears. But history only remembers the ones who shift them.
Marjorie Williams (1958-2005) American journalist, columnist, author
(Attributed)
I like the word ‘indolence’. It makes my laziness seem classy.
Bernard J. "Bern" Williams (1913-2004) American columnist radio host, aphorist
(Attributed)
We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.
Bernard J. "Bern" Williams (1913-2004) American columnist radio host, aphorist
(Attributed)
Greed is envy with its sleeves rolled up.
George Will (b. 1941) American political commentator
(Attributed)
We know next to nothing about virtually everything. It is not necessary to know the origin of the universe; it is necessary to want to know. Civilization depends not on any particular knowledge, but on the disposition to crave knowledge.
George Will (b. 1941) American political commentator
(Attributed)
Whenever we take away the liberties of those whom we hate we are opening the way to loss of liberty for those we love.
Wendell Willkie (1892-1994) American businessman, politician
(Attributed)
I wish I were telepathic. Not just to read people’s minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my cellular phone bill.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Paul Wiley
I have a theory that all traffic lights are secretly synchronized — you just have to drive fast enough. Testing this theory has lead me to develop a second theory: Most police officers are NOT men of science.
(Other Authors and Sources)
Paul Wiley
My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it’s on your plate.
Thornton Wilder (1897-1975) American novelist and playwright
(Attributed)
Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.
Thornton Wilder (1897-1975) American novelist and playwright
The Matchmaker (1954)
I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all.
Laura Ingalls Wilder (1867-1957) American writer
(Attributed)
Trust your instincts. Your mistakes might as well be your own instead of someone else’s.
Billy Wilder (1906-2002) Austrian-American film producer, director, screenwriter [b. Samuel Wilder]
(Attributed)
If you want to tell people the truth, you’d better make them laugh or they’ll kill you.
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) British playwright and critic
Quoted in “Ideas on Film,” Saturday Review (1951)
The line has been used by (and so misattributed to) Billy Wilder, Charles Ludlam, Richard Pryor, Dustin Hoffman, and James L. Brooks. It is sometimes misattributed to Oscar Wilde, though he'd been dead fifty years before its first recorded appearance.
Variants:More discussion on this quotation and some of its predecessors: If You Want To Tell People the Truth, You’d Better Make Them Laugh or They’ll Kill You – Quote Investigator.
- If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
- If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
Lady Windemere’s Fan, Act 1 [Lord Darlington] (1892)
(Source)
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live. It is asking other people to live as one wishes to live.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Ordinary riches can be stolen, real riches cannot. In your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
GWENDOLYN: On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one’s mind. It becomes a pleasure.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
The Importance of Being Earnest, Act 2 (1895)
(Source)
A true friend stabs you in the front.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
Sebastian Melmoth
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
Who, being loved, is poor?
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
The truth is rarely plain and never simple.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Put your talent into your work, but your genius into your life.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Nothing is so aggravating as calmness.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
WILDE: I wish I had said that.
WHISTLER: You will, Oscar, you will.Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
An anecdotal exchange between Wilde and James Whistler, associated with how Wilde was known for reusing epigrams and witticisms from various folk, usually not crediting them.
References to the exchange date back, in various sources and forms, as far as 1886, with the specific language varying, and the original bon mot from (usually) Whistler not mentioned. More details and discussion: “I Wish I Had Said That” “You Will, Oscar, You Will” – Quote Investigator®.
No great artist ever sees things as they really are. If he did, he would cease to be an artist.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane. I cannot prove to him that he is insane, because you never can prove anything to a lunatic — for that is a part of his insanity and the evidence of it. He cannot prove to me that I am insane, for my mind has the same defect that afflicts his. All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the Republicans and Mugwumps know it. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats and Mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
Mark Twain (1835-1910) American writer [pseud. of Samuel Clemens]
Christian Science, ch. 5 (1907)
(Source)
Often misattributed to Oscar Wilde.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
Lady Windermere’s Fan
Simple pleasures are the last refuge of the complex.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) Irish poet, wit, dramatist
(Attributed)
Progress always involves risk. You can’t steal second base and keep one foot on first base.
Robert Quillen (1887-1948) American journalist and humorist
“Editorial Epigrams,” The Evening Repository (Canton, OH) (27 Mar 1924)
Also noted by him in the column "Corks and Curls," Herald-Journal (Spartanburg, SC) (11 Aug 1927): "Every big venture involves some risks. You can’t steal second and keep one foot on first."
This quotation is frequently attributed to Frederick B. Wilcox, who was the editor of A Little Book of Aphorisms (1947) where this was included, uncited.
More discussion about this quotation: The Big Apple: “You can’t steal second base while your foot is on first base”.
It is indeed a most lamentable consequence of the practice of regarding religion as a compilation of statutes, and not as an internal principle, that it soon comes to be considered as being conversant about external actions rather than about habits of mind. … The expedient, indeed, of attaining to superiority in practice by not wasting any of the attention on the internal principles from which alone practice can flow, is about as reasonable, and will answer about as well, as the economy of an architect who should account it mere prodigality to expend any of his materials in laying foundation, from an idea that they might be more usefully applied to the raising of the superstructure. We know what would be the fate of such an edifice.
William Wilberforce (1759-1833) English philanthropist and politician
A Practical View
There is one right I would not grant anyone. And that is the right to be indifferent.
Elie Wiesel (1928-2016) Romanian-American novelist, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate.
(Attributed)
Whatever you say about God you should be able to say standing over a pit full of burning babies.
Elie Wiesel (1928-2016) Romanian-American novelist, professor, political activist, Nobel Laureate.
(Attributed)
Nonconformity is an empty goal, and rebellion against prevailing opinion merely because it is prevailing should no more be praised than acquiescence to it. Indeed, it is often a mask for cowardice, and few are more pathetic than those who flaunt outer differences to expiate their inner surrender.
William Hollingsworth "Holly" Whyte, Jr. (1917-1999) American sociologist, journalist, and civic planner
The Organization Man, ch. 1 (1956)
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf (1897-1941) American linguist, anthropologist
(Attributed)
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Dennis Wholey (b. 1939) American writer, television personality, producer
(Attributed)
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought of half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Charlotte Whitton (1896-1975) Canadian politician
Canada Month (Jun. 1963)
comment after being elected mayor of Ottawa (1951)
Damn all expurgated books; the dirtiest book of all is the expurgated book.
Walt Whitman (1819-1892) American poet
(Attributed)
Paraphrase of a comment by Whitman to Horace Traubel, in Traubel's memoir With Walt Whitman in Camden (1906), entry dated 9 May 1999: "Damn the expurgated books! I say damn 'em! The dirtiest book in all the world is the expurgated book." This was in discussion about William Rossetti, who had published an bowdlerized version of Whitman's Leaves of Grass. See here for more discussion.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)Walt Whitman (1819-1892) American poet
“Song of Myself,” sec. 51, ll. 1324-26, Leaves of Grass, Book 3 (1855)
(Source)
No nice men are good at getting taxis.
Katharine Whitehorn (1928-2021) English writer, journalist, radio presenter
(Attributed)
Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) English mathematician and philosopher
(Attributed)
There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.
Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) English mathematician and philosopher
(Attributed)
We think in generalities, but we live in details.
Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) English mathematician and philosopher
(Attributed)
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change, and to preserve change amid order.
Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) English mathematician and philosopher
Process and Reality: An Essay in Cosmology (1929)
(Source)
Based on his Gifford Lectures, University of Edinburgh (1927-28), on process philosophy.
The function of University is to enable you to shed details in favor of principles.
Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) English mathematician and philosopher
The Aims of Education and Other Essays, II (1929)
Liberty is the only thing you cannot have unless you are willing to give it to others.
William Allen White (1868-1944) American writer and journalist
“A Free Press in a Machine Age,” speech, U. of Pennsylvania (2 May 1938)
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.
T. H. White (1906-1964) English writer [Terence Hanbury White]
(Attributed)
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have.
T. H. White (1906-1964) English writer [Terence Hanbury White]
(Attributed)
AMBASSADOR: What happens when the crack reaches all the way around the world?
RAMPION: At that time, the oceans will be sucked in. The colossal pressure generated by the steam will produce a tremendous explosion, ripping the Earth in half.
AMBASSADOR: So it will mean the end of the world?
RAMPION: As we know it, yes.Jon Manchip White (1924-2013) Welsh-American writer
Crack in the World (1965)
(with Julian Zimet)
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.
E. B. White (1899-1985) American author, critic, humorist [Elwyn Brooks White]
“Notes and Comments,” New Yorker (3 Jul 1943)
(Source)
Weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed.
E. B. White (1899-1985) American author, critic, humorist [Elwyn Brooks White]
(Attributed)
I have one share in corporate Earth, and I am nervous about the management.
E. B. White (1899-1985) American author, critic, humorist [Elwyn Brooks White]
(Attributed)
We should all do what, in the long run, gives us joy, even if it is only picking grapes or sorting laundry.
E. B. White (1899-1985) American author, critic, humorist [Elwyn Brooks White]
(Attributed)
If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world, and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
E. B. White (1899-1985) American author, critic, humorist [Elwyn Brooks White]
(Attributed)