I love America more than any other country in the world and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James Baldwin (1924-1987) American novelist, playwright, activist
Notes of a Native Son (1955)
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
James Baldwin (1924-1987) American novelist, playwright, activist
“As Much Truth as One Can Bear,” New York Times Book Review (14 Jan 1962)
(Source)
I imagine that the reason that people cling to their hate so stubbornly is because they are afraid that if they let go of the hate, they will have to deal with pain.
James Baldwin (1924-1987) American novelist, playwright, activist
“Me and My House,” Harper’s (1955)
Reprinted in Notes of a Native Son (1955)
Ever notice that people never say “It’s only a game” when they’re winning?
Ivern Ball (1926-1992) American writer, aphorist
(Attributed)
Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that’s good taste.
Lucille Ball (1911-1989) American actress, comedian, producer
(Attributed)
quoted in Eleanor Harris, The Real Story of Lucille Ball, 1954
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.
Lucille Ball (1911-1989) American actress, comedian, producer
(Attributed)
Power is not revealed by striking hard or often, but by striking true.
[La puissance ne consiste pas à frapper fort ou souvent, mais à frapper juste.]
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) French novelist, playwright
Physiology of Marriage, Part 1, Meditation 5 “Of the Predestined,” aphorism 43 (1829)
Alt trans.: "Power does not consist in striking with force or with frequency, but in striking true."
An unfulfilled vocation drains the color from a man’s entire existence.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) French novelist, playwright
La Maison Nucingen, Vol. 3, “Scenes de la vie Parisienne” (1838)
It is as absurd to say that a man can’t love one woman all the time as it is to say that a violinist needs several violins to play the same piece of music.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) French novelist, playwright
(Attributed)
Marriage must continually vanquish the monster that devours everything, the monster of habit.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) French novelist, playwright
Physiology of Marriage (1829)
Alt. trans.: "Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine."
To live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals – that is what keeps a man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him.
Honoré de Balzac (1799-1850) French novelist, playwright
(Attributed)
If you wait until you can do everything for everybody, instead of something for somebody, you’ll end up not doing anything for anybody.
Malcolm Bane (contemp.) American Baptist minister
(Attributed)
We forgive once we give up attachment to our wounds.
Russell Banks (b. 1940) American writer
(Attributed)
Television is the first truly democratic culture — the first culture available to everyone and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want.
Clive Barnes (1927-2008) Anglo-American journalist, critic, writer
New York Times (30-Dec-1969)
Every crowd has a silver lining.
P.T. Barnum (1810-1891) American showman [Phineas Taylor Barnum]
(Attributed)
More persons, on the whole, are humbugged by believing in nothing, than by believing too much.
P.T. Barnum (1810-1891) American showman [Phineas Taylor Barnum]
(Attributed)
God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.
J. M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist and dramatist [James Matthew Barrie]
(Misattributed)
Barrie certainly popularized the quotation -- to the extent that everyone attributes it to him. But review his actually use of the phrase in his Rectoral Address, "Courage," at the University of St. Andrews, Scotland (1922-05-03):You have had many rectors here in St. Andrews who will continue in bloom long after the lowly ones such as I am are dead and rotten and forgotten. They are the roses in December; you remember someone said that God gave us memory so that we might have roses in December. But I do not envy the great ones. In my experience -- and you may find in the end it is yours also -- the people I have cared for most and who have seemed most worth caring for -- my December roses -- have been very simple folk.
Barrie himself credits the quotation to "someone said," and trusts that it is familiar enough that others will recognize the reference.
It appears that Barrie is paraphrasing another popular saying of the time, also generally attributed to "someone said" or "Anonymous":Memory was given to mortals that they might have roses in December.
[Source (1920), Source (1905), Source (1902), Source (1900)]
In short, Barrie originated the popular phrasing of the quotation, but the link between gift of "memory" and "roses in December" predates him (as he acknowledges).
The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story and writes another, and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.
J. M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist and dramatist [James Matthew Barrie]
The Little Minister, ch. 1 “The Love-Light” (1891)
(Source)
It is not real work unless you would rather be doing something else.
Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary?
J. M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist and dramatist [James Matthew Barrie]
The Little White Bird, ch. 4 (1902)
To die will be an awfully big adventure.
J. M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist and dramatist [James Matthew Barrie]
Peter Pan, Act III, final sentence (1905)The following passage was in the 1911 book (ch. 8 "The Mermaid's Lagoon"); the scene was added to the 1905 edition of the play:
Peter was alone on the lagoon.
The rock was very small now; soon it would be submerged. Pale rays of light tiptoed across the waters; and by and by there was to be heard a sound at once the most musical and the most melancholy in the world: the mermaids calling to the moon.
Peter was not quite like other boys; but he was afraid at last. A tremor ran through him, like a shudder passing over the sea; but on the sea one shudder follows another till there are hundreds of them, and Peter felt just the one. Next moment he was standing erect on the rock again, with that smile on his face and a drum beating within him. It was saying, "To die will be an awfully big adventure."Sometimes quoted as "To die would be an awfully great adventure," "To die will be a great adventure," and "To die would be a great adventure."
The useless men are those who never change with the years. Many views that I held to in my youth and long afterwards are a pain to me now, and I am carrying away from Thrums memories of errors into which I fell at every stage of my ministry. When you are older you will know that life is a long lesson in humility.
J. M. Barrie (1860-1937) Scottish novelist and dramatist [James Matthew Barrie]
The Little Minister, ch. 3 [Mr. Carfrae] (1891)
(Source)
The Internet [is] a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, “people without lives.” We don’t care. We have each other
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald, “Only a Real Stud Hombre CyberMuffin Can Handle ‘Windows'” (1994)
The refusal to choose is a form of choice; disbelief is a form of belief.
Frank X. Barron (1922-2002) American psychologist, philosopher, researcher
(Attributed)
Facts aren’t the truth. They only indicate where the truth may lie.
Clarence Barron (1855-1928) American editor and publisher
(Attributed)
quoted in Mary Bancroft, Autobiography
I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar. What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: “Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America,” or “Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.”
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar”
Gradually, without noticing it, you turn into a Republican and judge everything on the basis of whether or not it will increase your taxes.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Nothing is ever really buried in a meeting. An idea may look dead, but it will always reappear at another meeting later on. If you have ever seen the movie Night of the Living Dead, you have a rough idea how modern corporations and organizations operate, with projects and proposals that everybody thought were killed constantly rising from their graves to stagger back into meetings and eat the brains of the living.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Claw Your Way to the Top (1986)
The function of RAM is to give us guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest, most tumescent MEMORY. This is important, because with today’s complex software, the more memory a computer has, the faster it can produce error messages. So the bottom line is, if you’re a guy, you cannot have enough RAM.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Dave Barry in Cyberspace (1996)
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Dave Barry’s Bad Habits (1993)
Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
If you were standing in the middle of a bridge spanning a wilderness gorge, at the bottom of which was a spectacular white-water river, what would you do?
FEMALE RESPONSE: Admire the view.
MALE RESPONSE: Spit.Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald (12 May 1996)
A Harris survey was released showing that 70 percent of men do not view birth control as their responsibility. This resulted in the usual round of male-bashing by the usual critics, who as usual failed to note the many areas in which men take on MORE than their fair share of responsibility; such as spider-killing, channel-changing, referee-critiquing, scratching, and traffic gestures.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald, “A Year That Felt Like a Century” (13 Jan. 1996)
In 1995, at the Citadel — the South Carolina military academy where courageous specimens of Southern manhood receive the rigorous training and character development they need to be able to fight any enemy, meet any challenge, and face any danger — many courageous manhood specimens became extremely upset when, for a little while, they had to go to school with — Yikes! — a girl! Oh no! Cooties!
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald, “A Year That Felt Like a Century” (13 Jan. 1996)
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald
We don’t know where the digital revolution is taking us, only that when we get there we will not have enough RAM.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #17 (1997)
No matter how much you love your spouse, eventually the smooth unblemished surface of your relationship will be marred by a small pimple of anger, which, if ignored, can grow into a major festering zit of rage that will explode and spew forth a really disgusting metaphor that I don’t wish to pursue any further here.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald, “To Love, Honor, and Ask for Directions” (31 Jan. 1994)
There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #11 (1997)
Women often ask, “What do men really want, deep in their souls?” The best answer — based on in-depth analysis of the complex and subtle interplay of thought, instinct, and emotion that constitutes the male psyche — is that, deep in their souls, men want to watch stuff go “bang.”
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Miami Herald, “It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s a . . . BONK!” (2 Oct. 1994)
Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #25 (1997)
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #23 (1997)
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #22 (1997)
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #21 (1997)
You should not confuse your career with your life.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #20 (1997)
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” # 9 (1997)
Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television’s message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“Kids Today: They Don’t Know Dum Diddly Do”
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“25 Things I Have Learned In 50 Years,” #12 (1997)
Williamsburg is an authentic colonial restored place in Virginia where people in authentic uncomfortable clothing demonstrate how horrible it was to live in historical colonial times.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, “My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!”
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Pornography is like tooth decay, eating slowly away at the molars of our morals, and if it is not stopped we will wind up as a toothless nation, gumming at the raw meat of international competition while the drool of decadence dribbles down our collective chin and messes up the clean tablecloth of our children’s futures.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
An entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary to what you may have heard, the Internet does not operate at the speed of light; it operates at the speed of the DMV.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
(Attributed)
Probably the question asked most often is: Do one-celled animals have orgasms? The answer is yes, they have orgasms almost constantly, which is why they don’t mind living in pools of warm slime.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“Sex and the Single Amoeba”
Puns are little ‘plays on words’ that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead, when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
“Why Humor is Funny”
If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
Dave Barry (b. 1947) American humorist
Dave Barry Turns 50, “Sixteen Things That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn” (1998)
If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile.
Lynda Barry (b. 1956) American cartoonist, author, teacher
Big Ideas (1983)
People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president’s. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are.
Marion Barry (1936-2014) American politician
Attributed
What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?
Marion Barry (1936-2014) American politician
Attributed
People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn’t break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!
Marion Barry (1936-2014) American politician
Attributed
First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I’m a night owl.
Marion Barry (1936-2014) American politician
Comment to reporters after traffic accident (1988)
I’m one of those mayors whose management style is to allow free and unlimited debate up to a point.
Marion Barry (1936-2014) American politician
Attributed
Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
John Barrymore (1882-1942) American actor
Attributed
A man must properly pay the fiddler. In my case it so happened that a whole symphony orchestra had to be subsidized.
John Barrymore (1882-1942) American actor
(Attributed)
Those who so glibly dismiss as “mere legal technicalities” the procedural guarantees of the Constitution limiting law-enforcement activities forget that nothing is more basic to civil liberty than freedom from arbitrary arrest and imprisonment by policemen who are masters, not servants, of the law. The most characteristic symbol of the police state is the ominous rap on the door at night. Freedom from the fear of that rap is the basic condition for the exercise of every other form of freedom.
Alan Barth (1906-1979) American journalist
The Rights of Free Men (1984)
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
John Barrymore (1882-1942) American actor
(Attributed)
Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts.
Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) American businessman and statesman
(Attributed)
In Alfred Montapert (ed.), Distilled Wisdom (1964).
We didn’t all come over on the same ship, but we’re all in the same boat.
Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) American businessman and statesman
(Attributed)
The test and use of a man’s education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind.
Jacques Barzun (1907-2012) French-American historian, educator, polymath
Saturday Evening Post, “Science vs the Humanities” (3 May 1958)
The greatest blessing of our democracy is freedom. But in the last analysis, our only freedom is the freedom to discipline ourselves.
Bernard Baruch (1870-1965) American businessman and statesman
Baruch, The Public Years (1960)
The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.
Orlando A. Battista (1917-1995) Canadian-American chemist, aphorist
(Attributed)
One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely forgive an enemy
Orlando A. Battista (1917-1995) Canadian-American chemist, aphorist
(Attributed)
An error doesn’t become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.
Orlando A. Battista (1917-1995) Canadian-American chemist, aphorist
How to Enjoy Work and Get More Fun Out of Life (1957)
The fellow who says he’ll meet you halfway usually thinks he’s standing on the dividing line.
Orlando A. Battista (1917-1995) Canadian-American chemist, aphorist
(Attributed)
In necessary things, unity; in disputed things, liberty; in all things, charity.
I know it’s difficult for you to understand this now, Pete. But you’ve got the majority of your life ahead of you — and one day you’ll find that these high school years will be a tiny, distant memory. The scars, of course, are yours to keep forever.
Tom Batiuk (b. 1947) American cartoonist
Funky Winkerbean (2 Jun 2001)
Dangers bring fears, and fears more dangers bring.
Richard Baxter (1615-1691) English Puritan clergyman and writer
Love Breathing Thanks and Praise (1681)
Bilbo thought to kill the creature, but pity stayed his hand.
‘It’s a pity I’ve run out of bullets,’ he thought.Henry N. Beard (b. 1945) American writer and humorist
Bored of the Rings, with Douglas C. Kenney
I am convinced that the world is not a mere bog in which men and women trample themselves and die. Something magnificent is taking place here amidst the cruelties and tragedies, and the supreme challenge to intelligence is that of making the noblest and best in our curious heritage prevail.
Charles Beard (1874-1948) American historian
(Attributed)
In Will Durant, On the Meaning of Life (1932)
Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad with power;
The mills of God grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly small;
The bee fertilizes the flower it robs;
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.Charles Beard (1874-1948) American historian
Summary of human history, in reply to George S. Counts
Half the work that is done in this world is to make things appear what they are not.
Elias Root Beadle (1812-1879) American cleric, philosopher
(Attributed)
Perennial: Any plant which, had it lived, would have bloomed year after year.
Henry N. Beard (b. 1945) American writer and humorist
Gardening: A Gardener’s Dictionary (1982)
with Roy McKie
Boggies are an unattractive but annoying people whose numbers have increased rather precipitously since the bottom fell out of the fairy-tale market. Slow and sullen, and yet dull, they prefer to lead simple lives of pastoral squalor. They don’t like machines more complicated than a garrote, a blackjack, or a Luger, and they have always been shy of the ‘big folk’ or ‘biggers’ as they call us. As a rule they avoid us, except on rare occasions when a hundred or so will get together to dry-gulch a lone farmer or hunter. They seldom exceed three feet in height, but are fully capable of overpowering creatures half their size when they get the drop on them. … Their beginnings lie far back in the Good Ole Days when the planet was populated with the kind of colorful creatures you have to drink a quart of Old Overcoat to see nowadays.
Henry N. Beard (b. 1945) American writer and humorist
Bored of the Rings (1969) [with Douglas C. Kenney]
I believe that, if ever I had to practice cannibalism, I might manage if there were enough tarragon around.
James Beard (1903-1985) American gastronome and writer
( 23 Jan. 1985)
Recalled on his death
We cannot expect you to be with us all the time, but perhaps you could be good enough to keep in touch now and again.
Sir Thomas Beecham (1879-1961) British conductor
To a musician during a rehearsal
ESTRAGON: I can’t go on like this.
VLADIMIR: That’s what you think.Samuel Beckett (1906-1989) American playwright
Waiting for Godot (1952)
You cannot avoid paradise. You can only avoid seeing it.
Charlotte Joko Beck (1917-2011) American Zen teacher
Everyday Zen (1989)
Full text.
You’ve achieved success in your field when you don’t know whether what you’re doing is work or play.
Warren Beatty (b. 1937) American actor
(Attributed)
Vigilance is not only the price of liberty, but of success of any sort.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
(Attributed)
If men had wings and bore black feathers, few of them would be clever enough to be crows.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
(Attributed)
Doctrine is nothing but the skin of truth set up and stuffed.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Life Thoughts (1858)
The ignorant classes are the dangerous classes. Ignorance is the womb of monsters.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit (1859)
Young love is a flame; very pretty, often very hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. The love of the older and disciplined heart is as coals, deep burning, unquenchable.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Notes from Plymouth Pulpit (1859)
Mirth is God’s medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it. Grim care, moroseness, anxiety — all this rust of life ought to be scoured off by the oil of mirth. It is better than emery. Every man ought to rub himself with it.
Happiness is not the end of life, character is.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Life Thoughts: Gathered from the Extemporaneous Discourses of Henry Ward Beecher (1858)
Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anyone else expects of you.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
(Attributed)
Riches are not an end of life, but an instrument of life.
Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit (1887)