I met a new girl at a barbecue, very pretty, a blond I think. I don’t know, her hair was on fire, and all she talked about was herself. You know these kind of girls: ‘I’m hot. I’m on fire. Me, me, me.’ You know. ‘Help me, put me out.’ Come on, could we talk about me just a little bit?
Garry Shandling (1949-2016) American comedian
(Attributed)
REGAN: Jesters do oft prove prophets.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
King Lear, Act 5, sc. 3, l. 83 (5.3.83) (1606)
(Source)
Frequently misattributed (with "often" for "oft") to Joseph Addison.
HENRY: Are these things then necessities?
Then let us meet them like necessities.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry IV, Part 2, Act 3, sc. 1, l. 94ff (3.1.94-95) (c. 1598)
(Source)
DUKE: The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Othello, Act 1, sc. 3, l. 238 (1.3.238) (1603)
(Source)
GONZALO: Beseech you, sir, be merry. You have cause —
So have we all — of joy, for our escape
Is much beyond our loss. Our hint of woe
Is common; every day some sailor’s wife,
The masters of some merchant, and the merchant
Have just our theme of woe. But for the miracle —
I mean our preservation — few in millions
Can speak like us. Then wisely, good sir, weigh
Our sorrow with our comfort.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Tempest, Act 2, sc. 1, l. 1ff (2.1.1-9) (1611)
(Source)
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belie with false compare.
HECTOR: Modest doubt is called
The beacon of the wise.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Troilus and Cressida, Act 2, sc. 2, l. 15ff (2,2,15-16) (1602)
(Source)
SHYLOCK: Thou call’dst me dog before thou hadst a cause,
But since I am a dog, beware my fangs.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Merchant of Venice, Act 3, sc. 3, l. 7ff (3.3.7-8) (1597)
(Source)
THESEUS: Lovers and madmen have seething brains,
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 4 (5.1.4-6) (1605)
(Source)
IAGO: Poor and content is rich, and rich enough;
But riches fineless is as poor as winter
To him that ever fears he shall be poor.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Othello, Act 3, sc. 3, l. 202ff (3.3.202-204) (1603)
(Source)
LUCIO: Our doubts are traitors
And make us lose the good we oft might win,
By fearing to attempt.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Measure for Measure, Act 1, sc. 4, l. 85ff (1.4.85-87) (1604)
(Source)
DAUPHIN: Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin
As self-neglecting.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry V, Act 2, sc. 4, l. 80ff (2.4.80-81) (1599)
(Source)
LEAR: Through tattered clothes small vices do appear.
Robes and furred gowns hide all. Plate sin with gold,
And the strong lance of justice hurtless breaks.
Arm it in rags, a pygmy’s straw does pierce it.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
King Lear, Act 4, sc. 6, l. 180ff (4.6.180-183) (1606)
(Source)
FRIAR LAWRENCE: Virtue itself turns vice, being misapplied,
And vice sometime by action dignified.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, sc. 2, l. 21ff (2.2.21-22) (c. 1594)
(Source)
IMOGEN: Society is not comfort
To one not sociable.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Cymbeline, Act 4, sc. 2, l. 14ff (4.2.14-15) (1611)
(Source)
DUKE: O, what may man within him hide,
Though angel on the outward side!William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Measure for Measure, Act 3, sc. 2, l. 271ff (3.2.271-272) (1604)
(Source)
MARGARET: Now ’tis the spring, and weeds are shallow-rooted;
Suffer them now, and they’ll o’ergrow the garden
And choke the herbs for want of husbandry.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry VI, Part 2, Act 3, sc. 1, l. 31ff (3.1.31-33) (1591)
(Source)
DUKE SENIOR: Thou seest we are not all alone unhappy.
This wide and universal theater
Presents more woeful pageants than the scene
Wherein we play in.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
As You Like It, Act 2, sc. 7, l. 142ff (2.7.142-145) (1599)
(Source)
ULYSSES: O, when degree is shaked,
Which is the ladder of all high designs,
The enterprise is sick. How could communities,
Degrees in schools and brotherhoods in cities,
Peaceful commerce from dividable shores,
The primogeneity and due of birth,
Prerogative of age, crowns, scepters, laurels,
But by degree stand in authentic place?
Take but degree away, untune that string,
And hark what discord follows.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Troilus and Cressida, Act 1, sc. 3, l. 105ff (1.3.105-114) (1602)
(Source)
LORENZO: The man that hath no music in himself,
Nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds,
Is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils;
The motions of his spirit are dull as night,
And his affections dark as Erebus.
Let no such man be trusted. Mark the music.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Merchant of Venice, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 92ff (5.1.92-97) (1597)
(Source)
ALBANY: Wisdom and goodness to the vile seem vile.
Filths savor but themselves.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
King Lear, Act 4, sc. 2, l. 47ff (4.2.47-48) (1606)
(Source)
BRUTUS: O, that a man might know
The end of this day’s business ere it come!
But it sufficeth that the day will end,
And then the end is known.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Julius Caesar, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 133ff (5.1.133-136) (1599)
(Source)
FIRST LORD: The web of our life is a mingled yarn,
good and ill together.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 4, sc. 3, l. 73ff (4.3.73-74) (1602?)
(Source)
BOLINGBROKE: Grief makes one hour ten.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Richard II, Act 1, sc. 2, l. 267 (1.2.267) (1595)
(Source)
LEONATO: For there was never a philosopher
That could endure the toothache patiently.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Much Ado About Nothing, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 37ff (5.1.37-38) (1598)
(Source)
Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
In William Jaggard, ed., The Passionate Pilgrim, Part 2 “Sonnets to Sundry Notes of Music,” No. 19 “When as thine eye hath chose the dame,” l. 345-46 (1599)
(Source)
Though Jaggard claimed all the poems in the collection were by Shakespeare, most of them (including this one) are not generally considered to actually be by him.
POLONIUS: Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Hamlet, Act 2, sc. 2, l. 223 (2.2.223) (c. 1600)
(Source)
SON: Ill blows the wind that profits nobody.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry VI, Part 3, Act 2, sc. 5, l. 55 (2.5.55) (1591)
(Source)
HORATIO: Season your admiration for a while
With an attent ear, till I may deliver
Upon the witness of these gentlemen
This marvel to you.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Hamlet, Act 1, sc. 1, l. 201ff (1.1.201-204) (c. 1600)
(Source)
ANTONIO: Mark you this, Bassanio,
The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
An evil soul, producing holy witness,
Is like a villain with a smiling cheek,
A goodly apple rotten at the heart.
O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Merchant of Venice, Act 1, sc. 3, l. 106ff (1.3.106-111) (1597)
(Source)
JAQUES:All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts ….William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
As You Like It, Act 2, sc. 7, l. 146ff (2.7.146-149) (1599)
(Source)
ALCIBIADES: To be in anger is impiety;
But who is man that is not angry?William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Timon of Athens, Act 3, sc. 5, l. 58ff [Alcibiades] (1606) [with Thomas Middleton]
(Source)
HAL: If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work,
But when they seldom come, they wished-for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry IV, Part 1, Act 1, sc. 2, l. 211ff (1.2.211-212) (1597)
(Source)
PAULINA: What’s gone and what’s past help
Should be past grief.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Winter’s Tale, Act 3, sc. 2, l. 246ff (3.2.246-247) (1611)
(Source)
HENRY: God almighty,
There is some soul of goodness in things evil,
Would men observingly distill it out.
For our bad neighbor makes us early stirrers,
Which is both healthful and good husbandry.
Besides, they are our outward consciences
And preachers to us all, admonishing
That we should dress us fairly for our end.
Thus may we gather honey from the weed
And make a moral of the devil himself.
PISANIO: Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Cymbeline, Act 4, sc. 3, l. 54 (4.3.54) (1611)
(Source)
HAMLET: O villain, villain, smiling, damnèd villain!
My tables — meet it is I set it down
That one may smile and smile and be a villain.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Hamlet, Act 1, sc. 5, l. 113ff (1.5.113-115) (c. 1600)
(Source)
FLUELLEN: There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all things.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry V, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 3ff (5.1.3) (1599)
(Source)
LADY MACBETH: Things without all remedy
Should be without regard: what’s done is done.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Macbeth, Act 3, sc. 2, l. 13ff [Lady Macbeth] (1606)
(Source)
ROSALIND:O,
how full of briers is this working-day world!William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
As You Like It, Act 1, sc. 3, l. 11ff (1.3.11-12) (1599)
(Source)
PERDITA: Daffodils,
That come before the swallow dares, and take
The winds of March with beauty.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Winter’s Tale, Act 4, sc. 4, l. 141ff (4.4.141-143) (1611)
(Source)
BISHOP OF ELY: The strawberry grows underneath the nettle.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry V, Act 1, sc. 1, l. 63 (1.1.63) (1599)
(Source)
LADY MACBETH: What’s done cannot be undone.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Macbeth, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 71 (5.1.71) (1606)
(Source)
See previously.
EDGAR: Know thou this: that men
Are as the time is; to be tender-minded
Does not become a sword.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
King Lear, Act 5, sc. 3, l. 35ff (5.3.35-37) (1606)
(Source)
ORSINO: … these most brisk and giddy-pacèd times …
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Twelfth Night, Act 2, sc. 4, l. 7 (2.4.7) (1601)
(Source)
MALCOLM: Wife and child,
Those precious motives, those strong knots of love.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Macbeth, Act 4, sc. 3, l. 33ff (4.3.33-34) (1606)
(Source)
OLIVER: Kindness, nobler ever than revenge.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
As You Like It, Act 4, sc. 3, l. 135 (4.3.135) (1599)
(Source)
CLAUDIO: The miserable have no other medicine
But only hope.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Measure for Measure, Act 3, sc. 1, l. 2ff (3.1.2-3) (1604)
(Source)
EDMUND: This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune, — often the surfeit of our own behavior, — we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars: as if we were villains by necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treachers, by spherical predominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers, by an enforced obedience of planetary influence; and all that we are evil in, by a divine thrusting on: an admirable evasion of whoremaster man, to lay his goatish disposition to the charge of a star!
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
King Lear, Act 1, sc. 2, l. 125ff (1.2.125) (1606)
(Source)
DUKE: To mourn a mischief that is past and gone
Is the next way to draw new mischief on.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Othello, Act 1, sc. 3, l. 234ff (1.3.234-235) (1603)
(Source)
JULIET: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Romeo and Juliet, Act 2, sc. 2, l. 46ff (2.2.46-47) (c. 1594)
(Source)
FOOL: There is no darkness but ignorance.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Twelfth Night, Act 4, sc. 2, l. 44 (4.2.44) (1601)
(Source)
THIRD CITIZEN: Ingratitude is monstrous.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Coriolanus, Act 2, sc. 3, l. 10 (2.3.10) (c. 1608)
(Source)
ROSENCRANTZ: Many wearing rapiers are afraid of goosequills.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Hamlet, Act 2, sc. 2, l. 366ff (2.2.366) (c. 1600)
(Source)
NORFOLK: Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot
That it do singe yourself.William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Henry VIII, Act 1, sc. 1, l. 168ff (1.1.168-169) (1613)
(Source)