The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover was an engineer. He knew that water trickles down. Put it uphill and let it go and it will reach the driest little spot. But he didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellows hands.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“And Here’s How It All Happened,” St. Petersburg Times (1932-11-27)
(Source)
An abbreviated form, used in memes, omits sentences 2-4, but is often presented in text as the full quotation.
Alternately dated 26 Nov 1932, and Nov 1928, but the newspaper image for the article is clearly dated 27 Nov 1932.
Quotations by:
Rogers, Will
So let’s be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post (1926-07-31)
(Source)
Collected in Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1926).
What is Tradition? It’s the thing we laugh at the English for having, and we beat them practicing it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post (1928-05-26)
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
History ain’t what it is; it’s what some Writer wanted it to be.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post (1931-03-22)
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
It always will seem funny to us United Staters that we are about the only ones that really know how to do everything right. I don’t know how a lot of these other Nations have existed as long as they have till we could get some of our people around and show ’em really how to be Pure and Good like us.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post (1932-02-27)
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
Cowardice or Bravery is never racial. You find both in every Country. No country has a monopoly on Bravery; great deeds of heroism is liable to break out in the most unexpected places.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post (1932-03-12)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I cannot find this in a primary source by Rogers.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Primary source not found.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Variant: "We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, though I cannot find a primary source for it.
There’s no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I don’t even have to exaggerate.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Quoted in P. J. O'Brien, Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom, ch. 9 (1935).
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I was unable to find this in any of Rogers' writing. It is widely attributed to him, but the earliest (uncited) reference I can find is in 1953.
Call me a “rube” and a “hick,” but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, though I cannot find a primary source for it.
Variants:
- "They may call me a rube and a hick ..."
- "Call me a rube ..."
- "You could call me a hick or call me a rube ..."
Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice doggie,’ until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Actually said by Wynn Catlin.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, but I was unable to find it in any published primary source. That's because it appears to have been said by a different Will Rogers.
In The Pathfinder, "Art of Wisecracking Takes on New Significance," Issue 1866 (1929-10-05), the results of "Wisecrack Contest" among the weekly periodical's readers provides the following second place winner (earning it $10).Grandpa Wayback rises to remark: “I never expected to live to see the day when the girls would get sunburned on the places they do now.” Won by Will B. Rogers, Atlanta, Ga
That is not the famous Oklahoman humorist (William Penn Adair Rogers), though the latter is mentioned (along with Ring Lardner) in the text of the story as a famous wisecracker.
This appears to be the origin of the quotation, and an explanation as to why it was quickly associated with the more famous figure by that name, an association that occurred very quickly when the Rogers from Georgia was forgotten.
Variants (mostly attributed to Rogers):I never expected to see the day when the girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[Albert Shaw, ed., Review of Reviews (1935-02)]I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do.
[P.G. Wodehouse & Guy Bolton, Bring on the Girls: The Improbable Story of Our Life in Musical Comedy (1953)]Few men expected to see the day when women would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[Louis T. Stanley, The London Season, "Feminine Wiles" (1956), used without attribution to Rogers]I never expected to see the day when the girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[John Birch Society, American Opinion, Vol. 4 (1961)]
When you have helped raise the standard of cooking, you have helped raise the only thing in the world that really matters anyhow. We only have one or two Wars in a lifetime but we have three meals a day. There is nothing in the world that we do as much of as we do eating.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Fashions in Foods in Beverly Hills, Foreword (1929)
(Source)
More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than were ever elected between Sunup and Sundown.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “Mr. Ford and Other Political Self-Starters” (1924)
(Source)
Now everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “Warning to Jokers: Lay off the Prince” (1924)
(Source)
You know, the more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1922-12-31), “Weekly Article: Breaking into the Writing Game”
(Source)
Reprinted in The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Often paraphrased along the lines of, "The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."
Hunt out and talk about the good that is in the other fellow’s church, not the bad, and you will do away with all this religious hatred you hear so much of nowadays.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-04-07), “Weekly Article: Helping Girls With Their Income Tax”
(Source)
Collected by Rogers in The Illiterate Digest (1924).
There ain’t nobody on earth, I don’t care how smart they are, ever going to make me believe they will ever stop wars.
I don’t think I ever hurt any man’s feelings by my little gags. I know I never willfully did it. When I have to do that to make a living I will quit.
You take a Democrat and a Republican and you keep them both out of office and I bet you they will turn out to be good friends and maybe make useful citizens, and devote their time to some work instead of electioneering all the time.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-11-28), “Weekly Article: The World Tomorrow (After the Manner of Great Journalists)”
(Source)
Reprinted in The Illiterate Digest (1924).
I think the best insurance in the world against another war is to take care of the boys who fought in the last one. YOU MAY WANT TO USE THEM AGAIN.
For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.
I don’t care how smart you are, if you say something you are liable to say something foolish, and the smarter you are, and the longer you talk, the more foolish things you will say.
You can’t beat an Administration by attacking it. You have to show some plan of improving on it.
You know that’s the tough part about a hero. He has to eat. We take care of them with too much newspaper space and not enough permanent endowment. We have great fellows back from the War that can show you two medals for every sack of flour they have in the house. They’ve got a foreign decoration for every American dollar they have. Heroing is one of the shortest-lifed professions there is.
The last few days I have read various addresses made on Lincoln’s Birthday. Every Politician always talks about him, but none of them ever imitate him.
Nobody wants to be called Common People, especially common people.
Boys, have you been following those appropriations? Well, Secretary Mellon has asked Congress to please wait till after March 15, when the new income taxes come in, before passing any legislation, as he don’t know how much there will be, if any. But Congress says: No, we are going to divide it up now, whether there is any to divide or not. What do you suppose we are in Congress for, if it ain’t to split up the swag? Please pass the gravy.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1928-01-01), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Numerous shortened variants of this can be found online. Written while in Beverly Hills.
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men that it ever made.
That’s all there is to success is satisfaction.
No man is great if he thinks he is.
When the judgment day comes, civilization will have an alibi: “I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”
Peace is like a beautiful woman — it’s wonderful, but has been known to bear watching.
You can’t say civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1929-12-23), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Has An Idea About Disarmament Plans”
(Source)
Last year we said, Things can’t go on like this,” and they didn’t, they got worse.
It’s great to be great but it’s great to be human.
That’s the characteristic of our country. We can get all lathering at the time over some political campaign promise, or some conference pledge, but if the thing just drags along long enough we forget what it was that originally promised. The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as we do when the baby gets hold of a hammer. It’s just a question of how much damage he can do with it before you can take it away from him.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1930-07-04), “Daily Telegram: Congress Session, Rogers Says, Is Like Baby Getting a Hammer”
(Source)
Written from Minneapolis. Also collected, in a slightly shorter form, in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 15 (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
All Doctors should make enough out of those who are well able to pay, to be able to do all work for the poor free. That is one thing that a poor person should never be even expected to pay for is medical attention, and not from an organized Charity, but from our best Doctors. But your Doctor bill should be paid like your Income tax, according to what you have. There’s nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying Doctor bills.
You know no Nation has a monopoly on good things, each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes. They speak of it almost like a national calamity. I really believe if it come to a vote whether to go to war with England, France and Germany combined, or raise the rate on incomes of over $100,000, they would vote war.
Politics has got so expensive it takes lots of money to even get beat with nowadays.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1931-06-28), “Daily Telegram: The First Good News of the 1932 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run for Anything”
(Source)
Written in Santa Monica, California.
I certainly know a comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious, and I don’t want either one of those things to happen to me till I am dead (if then).
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1931-06-28), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Rejecting the idea of running for President.
Machines are a great thing, but if one replaces a hundred men, it don’t buy anything, it don’t eat anything, while the hundred men spend theirs back for food, shelter, and hundreds of various commodities for them and their families.
You can’t have a picnic lunch unless the party carrying the basket comes.
One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.
The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-02-24), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Written while in Beverly Hills. Collected in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 18 (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t always have plenty of money.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-03-26), “Weekly Article: We’re Off to a Flying Start”
(Source)
Collected in Steven Grager, ed., Will Rogers' Weekly Articles, Vol. 6 "The Roosevelt Years, 1933-1935" (2011 ed.). Also reprinted in abbreviated format, in Donald Day, ed., The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949).
If you want to know when a war is coming, you just watch the United States and see when they start cutting down on their defense. It’s the surest barometer in the world.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-05-16), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Written while in Beverly Hills. Reprinted in his Autobiography, Donald Day ed. (1949), in a slightly different form:If you want to know when a war is coming, just watch the U.S. and see when they start cutting down on their defense. It's the surest barometer in the world.
Another variant can be found in Bryan B. Sterling, ed., The Best of Will Rogers (1990):If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.
If we could ever get vacations down to where you wasn’t any more tired on the day one was over than on our regular work day it would be wonderful.
Trouble with a lot of these biographers is, they go and lower the moral of character with a lot of facts. Nothing will spoil a big man’s life like too much truth.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-10-29), “Weekly Articles: How Writers Write” (No. 566)
(Source)
You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1934-03-16) “Daily Telegram: Rogers Doubts We Want Insull Back Very Much”
(Source)
The Will Rogers Museum also cites it as a quotation, but in a pair of sentences; the second sentence was not in this column:You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people. You can’t broaden a man’s vision if he wasn’t born with one.
A statesman is a man that can do what the politician would like to do but can’t, because he is afraid of not being elected.
Nobody wants his cause near as bad as he wants to talk about his cause.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1934-09-11), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Written while in London.
Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.
All we hear is “What’s the matter with the country?” “What’s the matter with the world?” There ain’t but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world, and that’s selfishness.
Those were great old days, (but darn it any old days are great old days. Even the tough ones, after they are over, you can look back with great memories.)
There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don’t take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.
That’s the problem with a Politician’s life, somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Inscription on Will Rogers Memorial Building, Clarence, OklahomaUnsourced. Variants: "We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can." "We are all here for a short spell; so get all the good laughs you can."
I never met a man I didn’t like.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Motto
(Source)
Rogers' first use of the phrase in writing comes from "Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President," Saturday Evening Post (1926-11-06):I bet you if I had met him and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I dident like. When you meet people, no matter what opinion you might have formed about them beforehand, why, after you meet them and see their angle and their personality, why, you can see a lot of good in all of them.
(Misspelling of "didn't" in the original.) Rogers was writing of his regrets over not having met Leon Trotsky while visiting the Soviet Union. The article was incorporated into a book Rogers published about the trip, "There's Not a Bathing Suit in Russia & Other Bare Facts, ch. 4 (1927).
Two other early references, the first from his "Weekly Article" column (1930-06-29):You know I have often said in answer to inquiries as to how I got away with kidding some of our public men, that it was because I liked all of them personally, and that if there was no malice in your heart there could be none in your "Gags," and I have always said I never met a man I didn't like.
And from a speech at a Boston church, the same month:I’ve got my epitaph all worked out. When I’m tucked away in the old graveyard west of Oologah [Oklahoma], I hope they will cut this epitaph -- or whatever you call them signs they put over gravestones -- on it, 'Here lies Will Rogers. He joked about every prominent man in his time, but he never met a man he didn’t like.'
That reference was picked up in AP news stories, and Rogers used the phrase for the rest of his life.
More info on Rogers' motto and the above quotations: here, here, and here.
I suggested a plan one time to shorten the Senate debate. Every time a Senator tells all he knows, make him sit down. That will shorten it. Some of them wouldn’t be able to answer roll call.
Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a little baby. Well, the next most beautiful thing is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a picture.
Popularity is the easiest thing in the world to gain and it is the hardest thing to hold.
A fanatic is always the fellow that is on the opposite side.
Their greatest trait — the greatest thing to recommend the Democrats is optimism and humor, you know. You’ve got to be optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.
Well, we cuss the lawmakers. But I notice we’re always perfectly willin’ to share in any of the sums of money that they might distribute.
An economist is a man that can tell you anything about — he’ll tell you what can happen under any given conditions, and his guess is liable to be just as good as anybody else’s, too.
Well, you know how Congress is. They’ll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
In this country, people don’t vote for, they vote against.