The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover was an engineer. He knew that water trickles down. Put it uphill and let it go and it will reach the driest little spot. But he didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellows hands.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“And Here’s How It All Happened,” St. Petersburg Times (27 Nov 1932)
(Source)
An abbreviated form, used in memes, omits sentences 2-4, but is often presented in text as the full quotation.
Alternately dated 26 Nov 1932, and Nov 1928, but the newspaper image for the article is clearly dated 27 Nov 1932.
Quotations by:
Rogers, Will
For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.
All we hear is “What’s the matter with the country?” “What’s the matter with the world?” There ain’t but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world, and that’s selfishness.
When the judgment day comes, civilization will have an alibi: “I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men that it ever made.
Peace is like a beautiful woman — it’s wonderful, but has been known to bear watching.
The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes. They speak of it almost like a national calamity. I really believe if it come to a vote whether to go to war with England, France and Germany combined, or raise the rate on incomes of over $100,000, they would vote war.
A statesman is a man that can do what the politician would like to do but can’t, because he is afraid of not being elected.
One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Helping Girls With Their Income Tax,” syndicated column (7 Apr 1923)
(Source)
Collected by Rogers as "Helping the Girls with Their Income Taxes," The Illiterate Digest (1924).
It always will seem funny to us United Staters that we are about the only ones that really know how to do everything right. I don’t know how a lot of these other Nations have existed as long as they have till we could get some of our people around and show ’em really how to be Pure and Good like us.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat,” Saturday Evening Post (27 Feb 1932)
(Source)
Cowardice or Bravery is never racial. You find both in every Country. No country has a monopoly on Bravery; great deeds of heroism is liable to break out in the most unexpected places.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat,” Saturday Evening Post (1932-03-12)
(Source)
More men have been elected between Sundown and Sunup than were ever elected between Sunup and Sundown.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Mr. Ford and Other Political Self-Starters,” The Illiterate Digest (1924)
A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t always have plenty of money.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“We’re Off to a Flying Start,” Column #535 (26 Mar 1933)
(Source)
Collected in Steven Grager, ed., Will Rogers' Weekly Articles, Vol. 6 "The Roosevelt Years, 1933-1935" (2011 ed.). Also reprinted in abbreviated format, in Donald Day, ed., The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949).
I don’t think I ever hurt any man’s feelings by my little gags. I know I never willfully did it. When I have to do that to make a living I will quit.
You know, the more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
“Weekly Article” column (1922-12-31)
(Source)
Reprinted in The Illiterate Digest, "Breaking into the Writing Game" (1924)
Often paraphrased along the lines of, "The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."
Hunt out and talk about the good that is in the other fellow’s church, not the bad, and you will do away with all this religious hatred you hear so much of nowadays.
There ain’t nobody on earth, I don’t care how smart they are, ever going to make me believe they will ever stop wars.
You take a Democrat and a Republican and you keep them both out of office and I bet you they will turn out to be good friends and maybe make useful citizens, and devote their time to some work instead of electioneering all the time.
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
I think the best insurance in the world against another war is to take care of the boys who fought in the last one. YOU MAY WANT TO USE THEM AGAIN.
You can’t beat an Administration by attacking it. You have to show some plan of improving on it.
The last few days I have read various addresses made on Lincoln’s Birthday. Every Politician always talks about him, but none of them ever imitate him.
All Doctors should make enough out of those who are well able to pay, to be able to do all work for the poor free. That is one thing that a poor person should never be even expected to pay for is medical attention, and not from an organized Charity, but from our best Doctors. But your Doctor bill should be paid like your Income tax, according to what you have. There’s nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying Doctor bills.
Machines are a great thing, but if one replaces a hundred men, it don’t buy anything, it don’t eat anything, while the hundred men spend theirs back for food, shelter, and hundreds of various commodities for them and their families.
Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.
Those were great old days, (but darn it any old days are great old days. Even the tough ones, after they are over, you can look back with great memories.)
I don’t care how smart you are, if you say something you are liable to say something foolish, and the smarter you are, and the longer you talk, the more foolish things you will say.
You know no Nation has a monopoly on good things, each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
That’s the problem with a Politician’s life, somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I would rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the one who sold it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Alt.: "We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
When the Judgment Day comes civilization will have an alibi, “I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Quoted in P.G. Wodehouse & Guy Bolton, Bring on the Girls: The Improbable Story of Our Life in Musical Comedy (1953).
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
There’s no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I don’t even have to exaggerate.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
In P.J. O'Brien, Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom, ch. 9 (1935)
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It’s the surest barometer in the world.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Quoted in Bryan B. Sterling, ed., The Best of Will Rogers (1990).
Call me a “rube” and a “hick,” but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice doggie,’ until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Actually said by Wynn Catlin.
When you have helped raise the standard of cooking, you have helped raise the only thing in the world that really matters anyhow. We only have one or two Wars in a lifetime but we have three meals a day. There is nothing in the world that we do as much of as we do eating.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Fashions in Foods in Beverly Hills, Foreword (1929)
(Source)
Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
New York Times (15 Feb 1925)
You can’t say civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
New York Times (23 Dec 1929)
Boys, have you been following those appropriations? Well, the Secretary of the Treasury has asked Congress to please wait before passing any more appropriations. But Congress says: No! We are going to divide it up now. What do you suppose we are in Congress for, if it ain’t to split up the swag? Please pass the gravy.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Autobiography of Will Rogers, 1 Jan 1928 [ed. Donald Day (1949)]
Often paraphrased as "What do you suppose they are in the Congress for, if it ain't to split up the swag?"
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “The World Tomorrow (After the Manner of Great Journalists)” (1924)
Now everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The Illiterate Digest, “Warning to Jokers: Lay off the Prince” (1924)
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
The New York Times (29 Apr 1930)
Politics has got so expensive it takes lots of money to even get beat with.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Comment (28 Jun 1931) in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ed. D. Day (1949)
You’ve got to be optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Good Gulf radio show (24 June 1934)
We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Inscription on Will Rogers Memorial Building, Clarence, Oklahoma
Unsourced. Variants: "We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can." "We are all here for a short spell; so get all the good laughs you can."
I never met a man I didn’t like.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Motto
(Source)
Rogers' first use of the phrase in writing comes from "Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President," Saturday Evening Post (1926-11-06):
I bet you if I had met him and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I dident like. When you meet people, no matter what opinion you might have formed about them beforehand, why, after you meet them and see their angle and their personality, why, you can see a lot of good in all of them.
(Misspelling of "didn't" in the original.) Rogers was writing of his regrets over not having met Leon Trotsky while visiting the Soviet Union. The article was incorporated into a book Rogers published about the trip, "There's Not a Bathing Suit in Russia & Other Bare Facts, ch. 4 (1927).
Two other early references, the first from his "Weekly Article" column (1930-06-29):
You know I have often said in answer to inquiries as to how I got away with kidding some of our public men, that it was because I liked all of them personally, and that if there was no malice in your heart there could be none in your "Gags," and I have always said I never met a man I didn't like.
And from a speech at a Boston church, the same month:
I’ve got my epitaph all worked out. When I’m tucked away in the old graveyard west of Oologah [Oklahoma], I hope they will cut this epitaph -- or whatever you call them signs they put over gravestones -- on it, 'Here lies Will Rogers. He joked about every prominent man in his time, but he never met a man he didn’t like.'
That reference was picked up in AP news stories, and Rogers used the phrase for the rest of his life.
More info on Rogers' motto and the above quotations: here, here, and here.
A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Newspaper column (28 Jun 1931)
Rejecting the idea of running for President.
I suggested a plan one time to shorten the Senate debating. Every time a Senator tells all he knows, make him sit down. That will shorten it. Some of them wouldn’t be able to answer roll call.
Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a little baby. Well, the next most beautiful thing is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a picture.
An economist is a man that can tell you anything about — he’ll tell you what can happen under any given conditions, and his guess is liable to be just as good as anybody else’s, too.
Well, you know how Congress is. They’ll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
In this country, people don’t vote for, they vote against.
Well, we cuss the lawmakers. But I notice we’re always perfectly willin’ to share in any of the sums of money that they might distribute.
No Nation has a monopoly on good things. Each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Weekly column (30 Nov 1930)
There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Weekly column (5 Jul 1931)