If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I cannot find this in a primary source by Rogers.
Quotations by:
Rogers, Will
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Primary source not found.
We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Variant: "We all can't be heroes, for someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."
No citations found, and not found in primary sources of Rogers' works.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, though I cannot find a primary source for it.
There’s no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I don’t even have to exaggerate.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Quoted in P. J. O'Brien, Will Rogers, Ambassador of Good Will, Prince of Wit and Wisdom, ch. 9 (1935).
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
I was unable to find this in any of Rogers' writing. It is widely attributed to him, but the earliest (uncited) reference I can find is in 1953.
Call me a “rube” and a “hick,” but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Attributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, though I cannot find a primary source for it.
Variants:
- "They may call me a rube and a hick ..."
- "Call me a rube ..."
- "You could call me a hick or call me a rube ..."
Diplomacy is the art of saying, “Nice doggie,” until you can find a rock.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Actually said by Wynn Catlin.
For more information on the background of this quotation, see Quote Origin: Diplomacy Frequently Consists in Soothingly Saying “Nice Doggie” Until You Have a Chance to Pick Up a Rock – Quote Investigator®.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Misattributed)
Widely attributed to Rogers, but I was unable to find it in any published primary source. That's because it appears to have been said by a different Will Rogers.
In The Pathfinder, "Art of Wisecracking Takes on New Significance," Issue 1866 (1929-10-05), the results of "Wisecrack Contest" among the weekly periodical's readers provides the following second place winner (earning it $10).Grandpa Wayback rises to remark: “I never expected to live to see the day when the girls would get sunburned on the places they do now.” Won by Will B. Rogers, Atlanta, Ga
That is not the famous Oklahoman humorist (William Penn Adair Rogers), though the latter is mentioned (along with Ring Lardner) in the text of the story as a famous wisecracker.
This appears to be the origin of the quotation, and an explanation as to why it was quickly associated with the more famous figure by that name, an association that occurred very quickly when the Rogers from Georgia was forgotten.
Variants (mostly attributed to Rogers):I never expected to see the day when the girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[Albert Shaw, ed., Review of Reviews (1935-02)]I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do.
[P.G. Wodehouse & Guy Bolton, Bring on the Girls: The Improbable Story of Our Life in Musical Comedy (1953)]Few men expected to see the day when women would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[Louis T. Stanley, The London Season, "Feminine Wiles" (1956), used without attribution to Rogers]I never expected to see the day when the girls would get sunburned in the places they do now.
[John Birch Society, American Opinion, Vol. 4 (1961)]
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
(Spurious)
Not found in any of his works. Not attributed to Rogers until the mid-1960s.
For more information on the possible origins of this quotation, see Quote Origin: Thank Goodness We Don’t Get As Much Government As We Pay For – Quote Investigator®.
When you have helped raise the standard of cooking, you have helped raise the only thing in the world that really matters anyhow. We only have one or two Wars in a lifetime but we have three meals a day. There is nothing in the world that we do as much of as we do eating.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Fashions in Foods in Beverly Hills, Foreword (1929)
(Source)
The building is literally lined with flags. I could never understand the exact connection between the flag and a bunch of politicians.
Why a political speaker’s platform should be draped in flags, any more than a factory where men work, or an office building, is beyond me.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1924-06-25), “Rogers Sees Harrison as Rival Monologuist,” New York Times, Democratic Convention Article 3, New York City
(Source)
Variant (labeled 1924-06-23):I could never understand the exact connection between the flag and a bunch of politicians. It's beyond me why a political speaker's platform should be draped in flags, any more than a factory where honest men work.
So let’s be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1926-07-31), “Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post
(Source)
Collected in Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1926).
What is Tradition? It’s the thing we laugh at the English for having, and we beat them practicing it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1928-05-26), “Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
You know, it don’t take near as good a man to be a Candidate as it does to hold the office. That’s why we wisely defeat more than we elect.
History ain’t what it is; it’s what some Writer wanted it to be.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1931-03-22), “Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
It always will seem funny to us United Staters that we are about the only ones that really know how to do everything right. I don’t know how a lot of these other Nations have existed as long as they have till we could get some of our people around and show ’em really how to be Pure and Good like us.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1932-02-27), “Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post
(Source)
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
Cowardice or Bravery is never racial. You find both in every Country. No country has a monopoly on Bravery; great deeds of heroism is liable to break out in the most unexpected places.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Article (1932-03-12), “Letter of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post
Collected in More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President (1928) [ed. Steven Gragert].
You know, the more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that’s out always looks the best.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1922-12-31), “Weekly Article: Breaking into the Writing Game”
(Source)
Reprinted in The Illiterate Digest (1924)
Often paraphrased along the lines of, "The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."
Hunt out and talk about the good that is in the other fellow’s church, not the bad, and you will do away with all this religious hatred you hear so much of nowadays.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make one out on the level, you don’t know when it’s through if you are a crook or a martyr.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-04-08), “Weekly Article: How To Stop the Bootleggin'” [No. 17]
(Source)
Collected in The Illiterate Digest, "Helping the Girls With Their Income Taxes" (1924).
For more discussion of this quote's origins and variants, see Quote Origin: The Income Tax Has Made More Liars Out of the American People Than Golf Has – Quote Investigator®.
I am only an ignorant cowpuncher, but there ain’t nobody on earth, I don’t care how smart they are, ever going to make me believe they will ever stop wars.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-07-22), “Weekly Article: Rogers Praises Spirit of Tulsa” [No. 32]
(Source)
I don’t think I ever hurt any man’s feelings by my little gags. I know I never willfully did it. When I have to do that to make a living I will quit.
You take a Democrat and a Republican and you keep them both out of office and I bet you they will turn out to be good friends and maybe make useful citizens, and devote their time to some work instead of lectioneering all the time.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-11-11), “Weekly Article: Come On, Boys, Let’s Rescue the Politicians” [No. 48]
(Source)
I think the best insurance in the world against another war is to take care of the boys who fought in the last one. YOU MAY WANT TO USE THEM AGAIN.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1923-12-30), “Weekly Article: Will Rogers for the Bonus: Has Scheme to Raise Funds” [No. 55]
(Source)
If some of those Birds would spend their time following His example instead of trying to figure out His mode of arrival and departure, they would come nearer getting confidence in their Church.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-01-20), “Weekly Article: Send Mexico Our Wooden Ships, Too” [No. 58]
(Source)
Commenting on some sort of theological conflict in the American Episcopal Church going on at the time.
Variant:If some of these birds would follow His example instead of trying to figure out His mode of arrival and departure, they would come nearer getting confidence in their church.
There is no argument in the World carries the hatred that a Religious belief one does.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-01-20), “Weekly Article: Send Mexico Our Wooden Ships, Too” [No. 58]
(Source)
Commenting on some sort of theological conflict in the American Episcopal Church going on at the time.
For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity.
Now everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody Else, but when it happens to you, why it seems to lose some of its Humor, and if it keeps on happening, why the entire laughter kinder Fades out of it.
If you have a radio, the next three months is a good time to have it get out of fix. All you will hear from now until the 4th of November will be: “We must get our government out of the hands of predatory wealth.” “The good people of this great country are burdened to death with taxes; now what I intend to do is ….”
What he intends to do is try and get elected. That’s all any of them intend to do.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-08-03), “Weekly Article: Random Shots at the News of a Week” [No. 86]
(Source)
I don’t care how smart you are, if you say something you are liable to say something foolish, and the smarter you are, and the longer you talk, the more foolish things you will say.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-08-24), “Weekly Article: About Peggy, the Prince, Candidates, and Coolidge” [No. 89]
(Source)
There are two things that I don’t care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist’s [psychiatrist’s] testimony, and the other is a railroad time table.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-08-24), “Weekly Article: About Peggy, the Prince, Candidates, and Coolidge” [No. 89]
(Source)
You can’t beat an Administration by attacking it. You have to show some plan of improving on it.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-11-16), “Weekly Article: A Political Autopsy” [No. 101]
(Source)
I see a lot in the Papers about this 20th or Child Labor Amendment, and I have been asked how I stand on that. If Congress or the States would just pass one law, as follows, they wouldn’t need any Amendment: “EVERY CHILD, REGARDLESS OF AGE, SHALL RECEIVE THE SAME WAGE AS A GROWN PERSON.” That will stop your child labor.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1924-12-28), “Weekly Article: Aviation is 20 Years Old but Congress Never Heard of It” [No. 107]
(Source)
You know that’s the tough part about a hero. He has to eat. We take care of them with too much newspaper space and not enough permanent endowment. We have great fellows back from the War that can show you two medals for every sack of flour they have in the house. They’ve got a foreign decoration for every American dollar they have. Heroing is one of the shortest-lifed professions there is.
The last few days I have read various addresses made on Lincoln’s Birthday. Every Politician always talks about him, but none of them ever imitate him.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1925-02-22), “Weekly Article: These Reds Are Like the Exhaust to an Automobile, All Noise and Smell” [No. 115]
(Source)
All you would have to do to make some men Atheists is just to tell them that the Lord belonged to the opposition Political Party. After that they could never see any good in Him.
And be careful about calling them Common People. Nobody wants to be called Common People, especially common people.
We owe more money than any Nation in the World, and we are LOWERING TAXES. When is the time to pay off a debt if it is not when you are doing well? […] Will you tell me any good reason (OUTSIDE OF POLITICS) why Taxes should be lowered this year? I know it’s good politics to lower taxes. In fact, did you ever figure it out Taxes is all there is to Politics? I bet you tomorrow if you started a Political Party and had this as its platform , “No taxes are to be paid at all. We will borrow money on our National resources for all current expenses. Remember the Slogan. No Taxes as long as we can borrow.” Well I will bet you you would have the biggest Political party in America.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1926-01-10), “Weekly Article”
(Source)
Present in an elided form in his The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
Then [President Coolidge] said he wished I had the time to go up into Canada and see what kind of deal I could make in the way of annexation, that Canada was just about on the verge of seeing the advantage of having a working connection with some live growing concern. […]
Now from what I can see, there don’t seem to be any demand in Canada to join in with us and be murdered or run over with us. They strike me as entirely too sane a nation to fit in our scheme of things down home. Why, you can still buy a drink without having to take a whole case, and can believe in Evolution. You can do both of these things and not be considered an Atheist up here.
They have the queerest ideas of what is right and wrong that way. Now I have no idea but what we could take them over and make a paying proposition out of them, for the country now is supplying about everything we use in the way of raw materials. But I hate to interrupt a friendship that has been going on now pretty steady since the battle of Lake Erie. You see they don’t owe us and they still think we are pretty good neighbors, so if we can just keep from annexing them, and keep from loaning them anything in the way of a government debt, why we ought to be friends for years to come. […]
What we need is some good country to annex us.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1926-10-17), “Weekly Article: Will Rogers Back in U. S. Wants To Hear About Your Vote” [No. 201]
(Source)
Shorter versions of this are given in Bryan Sterling (ed.), Will Rogers Speaks (2023):
If a bank fails in China, they behead the man at the top of it that was responsible. If one fails over here, we write the men up in the magazines as how: They started poor, worked hard, took advantage of their opportunities (and Depositors) and today they are rated as “up in the millions.” If we beheaded all of ours that were responsible for bank failures, we wouldn’t have enough people left to bury the heads.
The trouble with the farmer up to now has been that every time somebody has thought of relief for him it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. That’s what’s the matter with him now. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1927-02-27), “Weekly Article: Big Bouts for Farm Relief”
(Source)
The Washington Post used "Big Bouts in Congress" as its headline.
The above text is how it was worded both as published and as catalogued in Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Coolidge Years, 1925-1927, No. 220 (1973). When generally quoted, however, it is frequently in a more condensed form:Every time somebody has thought of relief for the farmer it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.
Well, here in California, people were thinking and voting on whether to keep a governor four years or eight. I think a good, honest governor should get four years, and the others life!
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1927-11-08), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Has An Idea About Terms for Governors” [No. 405]
(Source)
Boys, have you been following those appropriations? Well, Secretary Mellon has asked Congress to please wait till after March 15, when the new income taxes come in, before passing any legislation, as he don’t know how much there will be, if any. But Congress says: No, we are going to divide it up now, whether there is any to divide or not. What do you suppose we are in Congress for, if it ain’t to split up the swag? Please pass the gravy.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1928-01-01), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Numerous shortened variants of this can be found online. Written while in Beverly Hills.
Personally I think the Camera has done more harm for Politics than any other one faction. Everybody would rather get their picture than their ideas in the paper. What does the platform of a Political party amount to compared to the photography?
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1928-07-08), “Weekly Article: Where Are the Eyes of the World Now?” [No. 289]
(Source)
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. Prolonged life has ruined more men that it ever made.
When you are satisfied, you are successful. For that’s all there is to success is satisfaction.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1928-07-29), “Weekly Article: Politics, Jackie, and a Certain Humorist”
(Source)
Hoover would like to live in the White House. Smith is not adverse to living in the White House. In order to get in there either one will promise the voters anything from perpetual motion to eternal salvation.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1928-11-04), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Referring to the 1928 Republican and Democratic presidential nominees Herbert Hoover and Al Smith. Also included in The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
Variant:Fellows would like to live in the White House, and in order to get there they will promise the voters anything from perpetual motion to eternal salvation.
No man is great if he thinks he is.
When the judgment day comes, civilization will have an alibi: “I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.”
The more ignorant you are, the quicker you fight.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1929-08-11), “Daily Telegram: Praise to Russia and China”
(Source)
Peace is like a beautiful woman — it’s wonderful, but has been known to bear watching.
There is only one form of employment in our country that I can think of, but what has no bright spots, and that’s coal mining. There is generally an overproduction and they are out of work; if not that, it’s a strike. Then when they do go to work, the mine blows up. Then if none of these three things happen, they still have the worst job in the world.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1929-12-19), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Enters A Plea For Families Of Lost Miners” [No. 1061]
(Source)
Following a mining disaster in McAlester, Oklahoma.
You can’t say civilization don’t advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1929-12-23), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Has An Idea About Disarmament Plans”
(Source)
It’s almost been worth this depression to find out how little our big men know.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1930-01-11)
(Source)
Variant: "It's almost worth the Great Depression to learn how little our big men know.
Collected in Sanity Is Where You Find It, ch. 8 (1955) [ed. Donald Day].
Last year we said, “Things can’t go on like this,” and they didn’t, they got worse.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1930-01-11)
(Source)
Collected in Sanity Is Where You Find It, ch. 8 (1955) [ed. Donald Day].
It’s great to be great but it’s great to be human.
That’s the characteristic of our country. We can get all lathering at the time over some political campaign promise, or some conference pledge, but if the thing just drags along long enough we forget what it was that originally promised. The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
We are a good natured bunch of saps in this country. […] When a bank fails, we let the guy go start another one.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1930-06-30), “Daily Telegram: Mr. Rogers Virtually Agrees with Barnum’s Famous View” [No. 1226]
(Source)
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as we do when the baby gets hold of a hammer. It’s just a question of how much damage he can do with it before you can take it away from him.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1930-07-04), “Daily Telegram: Congress Session, Rogers Says, Is Like Baby Getting a Hammer”
(Source)
Written from Minneapolis. Also collected, in a slightly shorter form, in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 15 (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
All Doctors should make enough out of those who are well able to pay, to be able to do all work for the poor free. That is one thing that a poor person should never be even expected to pay for is medical attention, and not from an organized Charity, but from our best Doctors. But your Doctor bill should be paid like your Income tax, according to what you have. There’s nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying Doctor bills.
You know no Nation has a monopoly on good things, each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
The Senate passed a bill appropriating 15 million for food, but the House of Representatives (up to today) had not approved it. They said no.
They seem to think that’s a bad precedent, to appropriate money for food — it’s too much like the “dole.” They must think it would encourage hunger.
The way things look, hunger doesn’t need much encouragement. It’s just coming around naturally.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1931-01-07), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Says Hunger Needs No Encouragement”
(Source)
The whole trouble with the Republicans is their fear of an increase in income tax, especially on higher incomes. They speak of it almost like a national calamity. I really believe if it come to a vote whether to go to war with England, France and Germany combined, or raise the rate on incomes of over $100,000, they would vote war.
Politics has got so expensive it takes lots of money to even get beat with nowadays.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1931-06-28), “Daily Telegram: The First Good News of the 1932 Campaign! Mr. Rogers Says He Will Not Run for Anything”
(Source)
Written in Santa Monica, California.
I certainly know a comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious, and I don’t want either one of those things to happen to me till I am dead (if then).
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1931-06-28), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Rejecting the idea of running for President.
Machines are a great thing, but if one replaces a hundred men, it don’t buy anything, it don’t eat anything, while the hundred men spend theirs back for food, shelter, and hundreds of various commodities for them and their families.
You can’t have a picnic lunch unless the party carrying the basket comes.
See where Congress passed a two billion dollar bill to relieve bankers’ mistakes and loan to new industries. You can always count on us helping those who have lost part of their fortune, but our whole history records nary a case where the loan was for the man who had absolutely nothing.
Our theory is to help those along who can get along even if they don’t get it.
With the election coming on, you are going to be fed a lot of hooey about a lot of things. Naturally both sides are going to put their best side forward.
They are now trying to figure out which side is their best.
I love to stroll down in the old parts of Beverly Hills because I know of old places that have been built for four or five years.
One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.
And, when the votes are counted, let everybody, including the candidates, get into a good humor as quick as they got into a bad one.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1932-11-07), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
On the elections to be held the following day, which included the presidential race between Herbert Hoover and Franklin Roosevelt.
The money was all appropriated for the top in the hopes that it would trickle down to the needy. Mr. Hoover was an engineer. He knew that water trickled down. Put it uphill and let it go and it will reach the dryest little spot. But he didn’t know that money trickled up. Give it to the people at the bottom and the people at the top will have it before night, anyhow. But it will at least have passed through the poor fellow’s hands.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1932-11-25), “Weekly Article: And Here’s How It All Happened” [No. 518]
(Source)
An abbreviated form, used in memes, omits sentences 2-4, but is often presented in text as the full quotation.
What do you think of Technocracy?
Nothing you can’t spell will ever work.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-01-04), “Daily Telegram: Will Rogers Interviews Forgotten Man”
(Source)
In later collections, only the answer is given.
California is happy today. It’s raining! It’s raining!
That might mean just another mud hole to some places, but brother, when you haven’t seen a drop of water that hasn’t come through a faucet in ten months, why rain looks like a miracle from the government. Give California two months of rain in the year, and nothing can stop us but a lack of adjectives.Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-01-16), “Daily Telegram: Mr. Rogers, Singing in the Rain, Sounds a Warning to Florida” [No. 2013]
(Source)
The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-02-24), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Written while in Beverly Hills. Collected in The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 18 (1949) [ed. Donald Day].
A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t always have plenty of money.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-03-26), “Weekly Article: We’re Off to a Flying Start”
(Source)
Collected in Steven Grager, ed., Will Rogers' Weekly Articles, Vol. 6 "The Roosevelt Years, 1933-1935" (2011 ed.). Also reprinted in abbreviated format, in Donald Day, ed., The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949).
If you want to know when a war is coming, you just watch the United States and see when they start cutting down on their defense. It’s the surest barometer in the world.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-05-16), “Daily Telegram”
(Source)
Written while in Beverly Hills. Reprinted in his Autobiography, Donald Day ed. (1949), in a slightly different form:If you want to know when a war is coming, just watch the U.S. and see when they start cutting down on their defense. It's the surest barometer in the world.
Another variant can be found in Bryan B. Sterling, ed., The Best of Will Rogers (1990):If you want to know when a war might be coming, you just watch the U.S. and see when it starts cutting down on its defenses. It's the surest barometer in the world.
Advice can get you into more trouble than a gun can.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-08-20), “Weekly Article: Don’t Get Excited” [No. 556]
(Source)
On American political and diplomatic intervention in Latin America.
If we could ever get vacations down to where you wasn’t any more tired on the day one was over than on our regular work day it would be wonderful.
Trouble with a lot of these biographers is, they go and lower the moral of character with a lot of facts. Nothing will spoil a big man’s life like too much truth.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1933-10-29), “Weekly Articles: How Writers Write” [No. 566]
(Source)
You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1934-03-16) “Daily Telegram: Rogers Doubts We Want Insull Back Very Much”
(Source)
The Will Rogers Museum also cites it as a quotation, but in a pair of sentences; the second sentence was not in this column:You can’t legislate intelligence and common sense into people. You can’t broaden a man’s vision if he wasn’t born with one.
A statesman is a man that can do what the politician would like to do but can’t, because he is afraid of not being elected.
Nobody wants his cause near as bad as he wants to talk about his cause.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1934-09-11), “Daily Telegram”
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Written while in London.
Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now if nobody is around we use our fingers.
Quite a few of the editorials have shown what the court ought to have done. We are always saying let the law take its course but what we really mean is “Let the law take our course.”
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1935-02-19), “Daily Telegram: Mr. Rogers Saw Warning in the Decision on Gold”
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Referring to the Supreme Court "Gold Clause" cases, particularly Perry v. U.S., which allowed the federal government to not pay its debts in gold.
All we hear is “What’s the matter with the country?” “What’s the matter with the world?” There ain’t but one thing wrong with every one of us in the world, and that’s selfishness.
Those were great old days, (but darn it any old days are great old days. Even the tough ones, after they are over, you can look back with great memories.)
There is nothing as easy as denouncing. […] It don’t take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Column (1935-07-28), “Weekly Article: The Lawyers Talking”
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That’s the problem with a Politician’s life, somebody is always interrupting it with an election.
So we started in to pay some attention to our neighbors to the south. Up to now our calling card to Mexico or Central America had been a gunboat or a bunch of Violets shaped like Marines. We could never understand why Mexico wasent just crazy about us; for we always had their good-will, and Oil and coffee and minerals, at heart.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Essay (1928-05-12), “More Letters from a Self-Made Diplomat to His President,” Saturday Evening Post, Vol. 200, No. 46
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Excerpted in Donald Day (ed.), The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 14 (1949), which indicates Rogers' trip to Mexico was in December 1927. The text there is the same except at the very beginning, where it reads "We've started in to pay ..."
Shortened variant:I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us, for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do — well, that’s Memoirs.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Essay (1932-03-12), “Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to Senator Borah,” Saturday Evening Post
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William Borah (1885-1940) was a US Senator from Idaho (1907-1940). He was progressive politically, but an isolationist, a key figure in blocking US approval of the Versailles Treaty or joining the League of Nations.
Collected in Donald Day (ed.), The Autobiography of Will Rogers (1949), and Steven K Gragert (ed.), More Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat (1982).
We are here just for a spell and then pass on … So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Inscription, Oklahoma Route 66 Museum, Clinton, Oklahoma
This appears to be condensed form of one of his Weekly Article columns (1931-06-28), collected in Donald Day (ed.), The Autobiography of Will Rogers, ch. 16 (1948), where he responds to Will Durant's request to him (and others) to write about his Philosophy of Life (emphasis mine):What all of us know put together dont mean anything. Nothing dont mean anything. We are just here for a spell and pass on. Any man that thinks that Civilization has advanced is an egotist. Fords and bathtubs have moved you and cleaned you, but you was just as ignorant when you got there. We know lots of things we used to dident know but we dont know any way to prevent em happening. Confucius perspired out more knowledge than the U.S. Senate has vocalized out in the last 50 years.
We have got more tooth paste on the market, and more misery in our Courts than at any time in our existence. There aint nothing to life but satisfaction. If you want to ship off fat beef cattle at the end of their existence, you got to have em satisfied on the range. Indians and primitive races were the highest civilized, because they were more satisfied, and they depended less on each other, and took less from each other. We couldent live a day without depending on everybody. So our civilization has given us no Liberty or Independence.
Suppose the other Guy quits feeding us. The whole thing is a "Racket," so get a few laughs, do the best you can, take nothing serious, for nothing is certainly depending on this generation. Each one lives in spite of the previous one and not because of it. And dont start “seeking knowledge” for the more you seek the nearer the “Booby Hatch” you get. And dont have an ideal to work for. Thats like riding towards a Mirage of a lake. When you get there it aint there. Believe in something for another World, but dont be too set on what it is, and then you wont start out that life with a disappointment. Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.
I never met a man I didn’t like.
Will Rogers (1879-1935) American humorist
Motto
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Rogers' first use of the phrase in writing comes from "Letters of a Self-Made Diplomat to His President," Saturday Evening Post (1926-11-06):I bet you if I had met him and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I dident like. When you meet people, no matter what opinion you might have formed about them beforehand, why, after you meet them and see their angle and their personality, why, you can see a lot of good in all of them.
(Misspelling of "didn't" in the original.) Rogers was writing of his regrets over not having met Leon Trotsky while visiting the Soviet Union. The article was incorporated into a book Rogers published about the trip, "There's Not a Bathing Suit in Russia & Other Bare Facts, ch. 4 (1927).
Two other early references, the first from his "Weekly Article" column (1930-06-29):You know I have often said in answer to inquiries as to how I got away with kidding some of our public men, that it was because I liked all of them personally, and that if there was no malice in your heart there could be none in your "Gags," and I have always said I never met a man I didn't like.
And from a speech at a Boston church, the same month:I’ve got my epitaph all worked out. When I’m tucked away in the old graveyard west of Oologah [Oklahoma], I hope they will cut this epitaph -- or whatever you call them signs they put over gravestones -- on it, 'Here lies Will Rogers. He joked about every prominent man in his time, but he never met a man he didn’t like.'
That reference was picked up in AP news stories, and Rogers used the phrase for the rest of his life.
More info on Rogers' motto and the above quotations: here, here, and here.
I suggested a plan one time to shorten the Senate debate. Every time a Senator tells all he knows, make him sit down. That will shorten it. Some of them wouldn’t be able to answer roll call.
Great artists say that the most beautiful thing in the world is a little baby. Well, the next most beautiful thing is an old lady, for every wrinkle is a picture.
Popularity is the easiest thing in the world to gain and it is the hardest thing to hold.
A fanatic is always the fellow that is on the opposite side.
Their greatest trait — the greatest thing to recommend the Democrats is optimism and humor, you know. You’ve got to be optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.
Well, we cuss the lawmakers. But I notice we’re always perfectly willin’ to share in any of the sums of money that they might distribute.
An economist is a man that can tell you anything about — he’ll tell you what can happen under any given conditions, and his guess is liable to be just as good as anybody else’s, too.
Well, you know how Congress is. They’ll vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
In this country, people don’t vote for, they vote against.