A person who is never duped cannot be a friend.

[Qui n’est jamais dupe n’est pas ami.]

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], ch. 5 “Des Passions et des Affections de l’Âme [On the Soul],” ¶ 36 (1850 ed.) [tr. Auster (1983)], 1805 entry]
    (Source)

(Source (French)). Alternate translations:

He cannot be a friend who is never a dupe.
[tr. Lyttelton (1899), ch. 4, ¶ 26]

 
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I am most anxious to enlist everyone who can speak or write to join in checking this mad, wicked folly of “Women’s Rights,” with all its attendant horrors. … Were women to “unsex” themselves by claiming equality with men, they would become the most hateful, heathen, and disgusting of beings and would surely perish without male protection.

Victoria (1819-1901) British monarch, queen, empress (1837-1901) [Alexandrina Victoria Wettin, née Hanover]
Letter to Sir Theodore Martin (1870)
 
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Administrivia: Yet another way to get your daily WISTy goodness

I’ve been experimenting with this for a while, but hadn’t made up my mind to publicize it until I was sure I’d follow through. I’m now mirroring WIST content on Google+. I know some folks have a limited number of places they go to for their Internet content — Twitter, Facebook, RSS feeds, Google+, etc. My hope is to make WIST more convenient to use for some of you by providing a (manual) feed of the quotations I post here over on G+. This will still be the primary site (and contain the 11-odd thousand quotations I’ve collected to date).

Let me know if that’s helpful to you.


 
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MIRANDA: O, wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world,
That has such people in’t!

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Tempest, Act 5, sc. 1, l. 250ff (5.1.250-253) (1611)
    (Source)
 
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Administrivia: O Brave New Template That Has Such Formatting In It

For the first time in four years, I’ve updated the template for this blog, going from the venerable iNove template to WordPress’ own Twenty-Ten template. This is a non-trivial task, given that I’ve mucked about in the template code in the past to reflect my idiosyncratic use of WordPress fields in my quotations database (e.g., using the post title as the primary citation on the quote). But I like the much more contemporary (and less gray) results. 

I think I’ve tested and checked and covered everything here, but it may well be that I’ve missed something. If so, please let me know!


 
Added on 30-Jun-13; last updated 30-Jun-13
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Administrivia: Pardon Our Dust

I’m going to be doing some redesign work around here, so formatting (including RSS) may be more than a scosh wonky.


 
Added on 28-Jun-13; last updated 28-Jun-13
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Good Works will never save you, but you can never be saved without them.

Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English physician, preacher, aphorist, writer
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, #1738 (1732)
    (Source)
 
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Do not let the wise boast in their wisdom; do not let the mighty boast in their might; do not let the wealthy boast in their wealth; but let those who boast boast in this, that they understand and know me, that I am the Lord; I act with steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth, for in these things I delight, says the Lord.

The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Jeremiah 9:23-24 [NRSV (1989 ed.)]
    (Source)

Alternate translations:

Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might, let not the rich man glory in his riches: But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord which exercise lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.
[KJV (1611)]

Let the sage boast no more of his wisdom, nor the valiant of his valour, nor the rich man of his riches! But if anyone wants to boast, let him boast of this: of understanding and knowing me. For I am Yahweh, I rule with kindness, justice and integrity on earth; yes, these are what please me -- it is Yahweh who speaks.
[JB (1966), 9:22-23]

The wise should not boast of their wisdom,
nor the strong of their strength,
nor the rich of their wealth.
If any want to boast,
they should boast that they know and understand me,
because my love is constant,
and I do what is just and right.
These are the things that please me.
I, the Lord, have spoken.
[GNT (1976)]

"Let the sage not boast of wisdom, nor the valiant of valour, nor the wealthy of riches! But let anyone who wants to boast, boast of this: of understanding and knowing me. For I am Yahweh, who acts with faithful love, justice, and uprightness on earth; yes, these are what please me," Yahweh declares.
[NJB (1985), 9:22-23]

Let not the wise glory in their wisdom;
Let not the strong glory in their strength;
Let not the rich glory in their riches.
But only in this should one glory:
In being earnestly devoted to Me.
For I GOD act with kindness,
Justice, and equity in the world;
For in these I delight
-- declares GOD.
[RJPS (2023 ed.), 9:22-23]

 
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The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows us to others, but hides us from ourselves; and we injure our own cause, in the opinion of the world, when we too passionately and eagerly defend it; […] Neither will all men be disposed to view our quarrels precisely in the same light that we do; and a man’s blindness to his own defects will ever increase, in proportion as he is angry with others, or pleased with himself.

Charles Caleb "C. C." Colton (1780-1832) English cleric, writer, aphorist
Lacon: or, Many Things in Few Words, #240 (1824 ed.)
 
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Dictionaries are like watches; the worst is better than none, and the best cannot be expected to go quite true.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
(Attributed)

In Hester Thrale Piozzi, Anecdotes of Samuel Johnson (1786).
 
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Do not be frightened from this inquiry by any fear of its consequences. If it ends in a belief that there is no god, you will find incitements to virtue in the comfort and pleasantness you feel in its exercise, and the love of others which it will procure you. If you find reason to believe there is a God, a consciousness that you are acting under his eye, and that he approves you, will be a vast additional incitement; if that there be a future state, the hope of a happy existence in that increases the appetite to deserve it; if that Jesus was also a god, you will be comforted by a belief of his aid and love.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to Peter Carr (10 Aug 1787)
    (Source)
 
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For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.

Richard J Needham
Richard J. Needham (1912-1996) Anglo-Canadian humorist
(Attributed)
 
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There is no heresy or no philosophy which is so abhorrent to the church as a human being.

James Joyce (1882-1941) Irish writer, poet
Letter to Augusta Gregory (22 Nov 1902)
 
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Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else’s.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
    (Source)
 
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Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.

Those of us who are not in the asylum, and not demonstrably due there, are nevertheless, no doubt, insane in one or two particulars. I think we must admit this; but I think that we are otherwise healthy-minded. I think that when we all see one thing alike, it is evidence that, as regards that one thing, our minds are perfectly sound. Now there are really several things which we do all see alike; things which we all accept, and about which we do not dispute. For instance, we who are outside of the asylum all agree that water seeks its level; that the sun gives light and heat; that fire consumes; that fog is damp; that six times six are thirty-six, that two from ten leaves eight; that eight and seven are fifteen. These are, perhaps, the only things we are agreed about; but, although they are so few, they are of inestimable value, because they make an infallible standard of sanity. Whosoever accepts them him we know to be substantially sane; sufficiently sane; in the working essentials, sane. Whoever disputes a single one of them him we know to be wholly insane, and qualified for the asylum.

Very well, the man who disputes none of them we concede to be entitled to go at large. But that is concession enough. We cannot go any further than that; for we know that in all matters of mere opinion that same man is insane — just as insane as we are; just as insane as Shakespeare was. We know exactly where to put our finger upon his insanity: it is where his opinion differs from ours.

Mark Twain (1835-1910) American writer [pseud. of Samuel Clemens]
Christian Science, Book 1, ch. 5 (1907)
    (Source)
 
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We’re all mighty unselfish when it comes t’ handin’ out advice we could use ourselves.

Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard (1868-1930) American caricaturist and humorist
Abe Martin’s Back Country Sayings (1917)
 
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Many consult their reputation; but few their conscience.

Publilius Syrus (d. 42 BC) Assyrian slave, writer, philosopher [less correctly Publius Syrus]
Sententiae [Moral Sayings], # 254 [tr. Lyman (1862)
 
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We live amid falling taboos. In our crowded little hour of history we have seen how the prejudice of religion no longer can bar the way to the White House. Some of you may live to see the day when the prejudice of sex no longer places the Presidency beyond the reach of a greatly gifted American lady. Long before them, I hope you will see a woman member of the Supreme Court of the United States. In Congress and in our State Legislatures we need more women to bring their sensitive experience to the shaping of our decisions.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1962-06-05), Commencement, National Cathedral School for Girls, Washington, D.C.
    (Source)

Speaking on the occasion of his daughter, Linda Bird Johnson, graduating. Entered into the Congressional Record on 6 June. (He would similarly speak there at the graduation of his other daughter, Luci Baines Johnson (1965-06-01)).
 
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As a fantasy writer, he was not highly regarded (“one cannot call him profoundly mediocre without venturing so far out on the critical limb as to bend it to the ground,” “so derivative that the reader loses track of who he’s ripping off,” “to say he is tin-eared would render a disservice to a blameless citizen of the periodic table of the elements”).

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
Reamde, Part 1 “Nine Dragons – Thanksgiving,” prologue (2011)
 
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The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of the Conservatives is to prevent the mistakes from being corrected.

Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) English journalist and writer
Illustrated London News (19 Apr 1924)
 
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Among those evils which befall us, there are many which have been more painful to us in the prospect than by their actual pressure.

Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English essayist, poet, statesman
The Spectator (8 Oct 1712)
 
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People here expect a revolution. There will be no revolution, none that deserves to be called so. There may be a scramble for money. But as the people we see want the things we now have and not better things, it is very certain that they will, under whatever change of forms, keep the old system. When I see changed men, I shall look for a changed world.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American essayist, lecturer, poet
Journal (1848-04)

Written in London.
 
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Pornography is about dominance. Erotica is about mutuality.

Gloria Steinem (b. 1934) American feminist, journalist, activist
Erotica vs Pornography, Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions (1983)
 
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Methinks a Man cannot, without a secret Satisfaction, consider the Glory of the present Age, which will shine as bright as any other in the History of Mankind. It is still big with great Events, and has already produced Changes and Revolutions which will be as much admired by Posterity, as any that have happened in the Days of our Fathers, or in the old Times before them.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Tatler, #130 (1710)
 
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DOROTHY: Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh my!

Noel Langley (1911-1980) South African-American novelist, playwright, screenwriter and director.
The Wizard of Oz (1939) [with Florence Ryerson, and Edgar Allan Woolf.]

Based on the book by L. Frank Baum.
 
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I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
After four I’m under my host.

Dorothy Parker (1893-1967) American writer
(Spurious)

Variants:
  • "I'd love to have a martini, / Two at the very most. / With three I'm under the table, / With four I'm under my host."
  • "I like to have a Martini / But only two at the most, / After three I'm under the table, / After four I'm under my host."
Frequently attributed to Parker (the main quatrain quoted is in The Collected Dorothy Parker), but originally an anonymous gag in found in the University of Virginia Harlequin (1959): "I wish I could drink like a lady. / 'Two or three,' at the most. / But two, and I'm under the table -- / And three, I'm under the host."

The confusion apparently comes from Bennett Cerf, Try and Stop Me (1944), where he related an anecdote in which Parker commented about a cocktail party, more straightforwardly, "Enjoyed it? One more drink and I'd have been under the host!" See here for more discussion.
 
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I shall change their mourning into gladness, comfort them, give them joy after their troubles.

The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Jeremiah 31:13 [NJB (1985)]
    (Source)

Alternate translations:

For I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow.
[KJV (1611)]

I will comfort them and turn their mourning into joy,
their sorrow into gladness.
[GNT (1976)]

I will turn their mourning into joy;
I will comfort them and give them gladness for sorrow.
[NRSV (1989 ed.)]

I will turn their mourning to joy,
I will comfort them and cheer them in their grief.
[RJPS (2023 ed.)]

 
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If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.

James Herriot
James Herriot (1916-1995) British veterinary surgeon and writer [pen name of James Alfred "Alf" Wight]
All Creatures Great and Small (1972)
 
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The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.

Richard J Needham
Richard J. Needham (1912-1996) Anglo-Canadian humorist
The Wit and Wisdom of Richard Needham (1982)
 
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When the tongue is the weapon, a man may strike where he cannot reach; and a word shall do execution both further and deeper than the mightiest blow.

Robert South (1634-1716) English churchman and preacher
(Attributed)

In Samuel Johnson, A Dictionary of the English Language (1805 ed.).
 
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Convinced that the republican is the only form of government which is not eternally at open or secret war with the rights of mankind, my prayers & efforts shall be cordially distributed to the support of that we have so happily established.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to William Hunter (11 Mar 1790)
    (Source)
 
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Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
    (Source)
 
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We think caged birds sing, when indeed they cry.

John Webster (c.1580-c.1634) English Jacobean dramatist
The White Devil, 5.4 (1612)
 
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It will not do to diminish personal responsibility: do not give money and teach the man to expect it. Do not give him a Bible, or a genius, to think for him.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American essayist, lecturer, poet
Journal (1846, undated)
 
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When you get into a tight place, and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a moment longer, never give up then — for that is just the place and time that the tide’ll turn.

Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811-1896) American author
Old Town Folks, ch. 34 “Last Days in Cloudland” (1869)
 
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All marriage is such a lottery — the happiness is always an exchange — though it may be a very happy one — still the poor woman is bodily and morally the husband’s slave. That always sticks in my throat. When I think of a merry, happy, and free young girl — and look at the ailing aching state a young wife is generally doomed to — which you can’t deny is the penalty of marriage.

Victoria (1819-1901) British monarch, queen, empress (1837-1901) [Alexandrina Victoria Wettin, née Hanover]
Letter to her daughter, Victoria (16 May 1860)
 
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Wine has drowned more than the sea.

Publilius Syrus (d. 42 BC) Assyrian slave, writer, philosopher [less correctly Publius Syrus]
Sententiae [Moral Sayings]

Alt. trans.: "Wine drowns more than the sea."
 
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Though a man be soiled
With the sins of a lifetime,
Let him but love me,
Rightly resolved,
In utter devotion:
I see no sinner,
That man is holy.

(Other Authors and Sources)
Bhagavad Gita (6th C BC), 9 [tr. Prabhavananda & Isherwood (1954)]
 
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If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.

(Other Authors and Sources)
Chinese proverb
 
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MORTICIA: Gomez.
GOMEZ: Querida?
MORTICIA: Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again!

Caroline Thompson (b. 1956) American novelist, screenwriter, film director, producer
The Addams Family (1991) [with Larry Wilson]
 
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No man practises so well as he writes. I have, all my life long, been lying till noon; yet I tell all young men, and tell them with great sincerity, that nobody who does not rise early will ever do any good.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Comment (14 Sep 1773), in James Boswell, Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides (1785)
    (Source)
 
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Death may be inevitable but cruelty is not. If we must eat meat, then we must ensure that the animals we kill for our food live the best possible lives before they die.

Desmond Morris (b. 1928) English zoologist, ethologist, author
The Animal Contract (1990)
 
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If youth knew; if age could.

[Si jeunesse savait; si viellesse pouvait.]

Henri Estienne (1528 or 1531-1598) French printer and classical scholar [a.k.a. Henricus Stephanus]
“Les Prémices” (1594)
 
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Is it worthwhile that we jostle a brother,
Bearing his load on the rough road of life?
Is it worthwhile that we jeer at each other,
In blackness of heart? — that we war to the knife?
God pity us all in our pitiful strife.

Joaquin Milller
Joaquin Miller (1837-1913) American poet [pen name of Cincinnatus Heine (or Hiner) Miller]
“Is it Worthwhile?” st. 1 (1866)
    (Source)
 
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Read the bible then, as you would read Livy or Tacitus. The facts which are within the ordinary course of nature you will believe on the authority of the writer, as you do those of the same kind in Livy and Tacitus. The testimony of the writer weighs in their favor in one scale, and their not being against the laws of nature does not weigh against them. But those facts in the bible which contradict the laws of nature, must be examined with more care, and under a variety of faces. Here you must recur to the pretensions of the writer to inspiration from god. Examine upon what evidence his pretensions are founded, and whether that evidence is so strong as that it’s falshood would be more improbable than a change of the laws of nature in the case he relates For example in the book of Joshua we are told the sun stood still several hours. Were we to read that fact in Livy or Tacitus we should class it with their showers of blood, speaking of statues, beasts &c., but it is said that the writer of that book was inspired. Examine therefore candidly what evidence there is of his having been inspired. The pretension is entitled to your enquiry, because millions believe it. On the other hand you are Astronomer enough to know how contrary it is to the law of nature that a body revolving on it’s axis, as the earth does, should have stopped, should not by that sudden stoppage have prostrated animals, trees, buildings, and should after a certain time have resumed it’s revolution, and that without a second general prostration. Is this arrest of the earth’s motion, or the evidence which affirms it, most within the law of probabilities?

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to Peter Carr (10 Aug 1787)
    (Source)
 
Added on 13-Jun-13 | Last updated 2-Aug-22
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Do one thing every day that scares you.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
    (Source)

Often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, but no reference found in her works or contemporaneous sources (though see this). Also attributed to Kurt Vonnegut and to Baz Luhrmann (who used the words in a song but credited them to Schmich).

Related predecessors can be found in other quotations (Emerson, Jane Addams, Mark Toby), linked back to this one below.  See here for more research into this quotation.

 
Added on 13-Jun-13 | Last updated 11-Aug-14
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To women’s fore parts do not aspire
From a mule’s hinder part retire,
And shun all parts of monk or friar.

John Florio (1553-1625) English linguist and lexicographer
Second Frutes (1591)
 
Added on 12-Jun-13 | Last updated 12-Jun-13
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It aint often that a man’s reputashun outlasts his munny.

[It ain’t often that a man’s reputation outlasts his money.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
His Sayings, ch. 39 (1867)
 
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It is only shallow-minded pretenders who either make distinguished origin a matter of personal merit, or obscure origin a matter of personal reproach. Taunt and scoffing at the humble condition of early life affect nobody in America but those who are foolish enough to indulge in them, and they are generally sufficiently punished by public rebuke. A man who is not ashamed of himself need not be ashamed of his early condition.

Daniel Webster (1782-1852) American statesman, lawyer, orator
Quoted in Niles’ National Register (5 Sep 1840)
 
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I pray we are still a young and courageous Nation; that we have not grown so old and fat and prosperous that all we can think about is to sit back with our arms around our money bags. If we choose to do that I have no doubt that the smoldering fires will burst into flame and consume us — dollars and all.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1947-05-07), House of Representatives
    (Source)

Speaking on spending in support of the Truman Doctrine, supporting countries threatened by the Soviet Union. Recorded in the Congressional Record, Vol. 93, Part 4, for this date.
 
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The young woman had turned toward him and thrust her pink gloves up in the air in a gesture that, from a man, meant “Touchdown!” and, from a woman, “I will hug you now!”

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
Reamde, Part 1 “Nine Dragons – Thanksgiving,” prologue (2011)
 
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Well, dearie, men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) British playwright and critic
Fanny’s First Play, 3 (1913)
 
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A sincere repenter of faults is like him who has committed none.

Muhammad (570-632) Arabian merchant, prophet, founder of Islam [Mohammed]
The Sayings of Muhammed, #391 [tr. A. Al-Suhrawardy (1941)]
 
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However sugarcoated and ambiguous, every form of authoritarianism must start with a belief in some group’s greater right to power, whether that right is justified by sex, race, class, religion or all four. However far it may expand, the progression inevitably rests on unequal power and airtight roles within the family.

Gloria Steinem (b. 1934) American feminist, journalist, activist
“If Hitler Were Alive, Whose Side Would He Be On?” Ms. (Oct-Nov 1980)

Reprinted in Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions (1983).
 
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You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too.

Sam Rayburn (1882-1961) American lawyer and politician
Quoted in The Leadership of Speaker Sam Rayburn, Collected Tributes of His Congressional Colleagues, House Doc. 87-247 (1961)
 
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It has often been a solid Grief to me, when I have reflected on this glorious Nation, which is the Scene of publick Happiness and Liberty, that there are still Crowds of private Tyrants, against whom there neither is any Law now in Being, nor can there be invented any by the Wit of Man. These cruel Men are ill-natured husbands.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Tatler, #149 (1710)
 
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In propaganda as in advertising, the important consideration is not whether information accurately describes an objective situation but whether it sounds true.

Christopher (Kit) Lasch (1932-1994) American historian, moralist, social critic
The Culture of Narcissism, ch. 4 (1979)
 
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If we’ve got the stuff in us, if we’re dead in earnest about it, it’ll find its own way of getting out.

Walt Whitman (1819-1892) American poet
Comment to Horace Traubel

In Walter Teller, ed., Walt Whitman's Camden Conversations (1973)
 
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People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1926-2004) Swiss-American psychiatrist, author
(Attributed)
    (Source)

Attributed to her by the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Foundation.

The quotation is often cited to Jim Clemmer, The Leader's Digest (2003), but Clemmer simply attributes it to Kübler-Ross. I have been unable to find an primary source.
 
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Kindness consists in part, perhaps, in esteeming and loving people more than they deserve; but then there is a measure of prudence in believing that people are not always equal to what they are taken for.
 
[Une partie de la bonté consiste peut-être à estimer et à aimer les gens plus qu’ils ne le méritent; mais alors une partie de la prudence est de croire que les gens ne valent pas toujours ce qu’on les prise.]

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], ch. 5 “Des Passions et des Affections de l’Âme [On the Soul],” ¶ 66 (1850 ed.) [tr. Attwell (1896), ¶ 71]
    (Source)

(Source (French)). Alternate translation:

A part of goodness consists, perhaps, in esteeming and loving people more than they deserve; but then a part of prudence is to believe that people are not always worth what we rate them at.
[tr. Calvert (1866), ch. 5]

Commonly truncated and paraphrased as:

A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve.
[E.g. (1935)]

(Sometimes the "A part of" is left off as well.)

 
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The modern American tourist now fills his experience with pseudo-events. He has come to expect both more strangeness and more familiarity than the world naturally offers. He has come to believe that he can have a lifetime of adventure in two weeks and all the thrills of risking his life without any real risk at all.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Image: A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America, ch. 3 (1961)
 
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All the great villainies of history, from the murder of Abel to the Treaty of Versailles, have been perpetrated by sober men, and chiefly by teetotalers. But all the charming and beautiful things, from the Song of Songs to Terrapin à la Maryland, and from the nine Beethoven symphonies to the Martini cocktail, have been given to humanity by men who, when the hour came, turned from well water to something with color to it, and more in it than mere oxygen and hydrogen.

H. L. Mencken (1880-1956) American writer and journalist [Henry Lewis Mencken]
Prejudices: Fourth Series (1924)
 
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I hate, I despise your festivals, and I take no delight in your solemn assemblies. Even though you offer me your burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them, and the offerings of well-being of your fatted animals I will not look upon. Take away from me the noise of your songs; I will not listen to the melody of your harps. But let justice roll down like water and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

The Bible (The Old Testament) (14th - 2nd C BC) Judeo-Christian sacred scripture [Tanakh, Hebrew Bible], incl. the Apocrypha (Deuterocanonicals)
Amos 5:21-24 [NRSV (1989 ed.)]
    (Source)

Alternate translations:

I hate, I despise your feast days, and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies. Though ye offer me burnt offerings and your meat offerings, I will not accept them: neither will I regard the peace offerings of your fat beasts. Take thou away from me the noise of thy songs; for I will not hear the melody of thy viols. 24 But let judgment run down as waters, and righteousness as a mighty stream.
[KJV (1611)]

I hate and despise your feasts, I take no pleasure in your solemn festivals. When you offer me holocausts, I reject your oblations, and refuse to look at your sacrifices of fattened cattle. Let me have no more of the din of your chanting, no more of your strumming on harps. But let justice flow like water, and integrity like an unfailing stream.
[JB (1966)]

The Lord says, “I hate your religious festivals; I cannot stand them! When you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them; I will not accept the animals you have fattened to bring me as offerings. Stop your noisy songs; I do not want to listen to your harps. Instead, let justice flow like a stream, and righteousness like a river that never goes dry."
[GNT (1976)]

I loathe, I spurn your festivals,
I am not appeased by your solemn assemblies.
If you offer Me burnt offerings -- or your grain offerings --
I will not accept them;
I will pay no heed
To your gifts of fatlings.
Spare Me the sound of your hymns,
And let Me not hear the music of your lutes.
But let justice well up like water,
Righteousness like an unfailing stream.
[RJPS (2006)]

I hate, I despise your religious festivals; your assemblies are a stench to me. Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings, I will not accept them. Though you bring choice fellowship offerings, I will have no regard for them. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!
[NIV (2011 ed.)]

 
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Sadly, some folks want others to feel their pain, to hurt as much as they do — or more. My grandmother once told me to avoid colds and angry people whenever I could. It’s sound advice.

Walter Anderson (b. 1944) American journalist, editor, publisher
The Confidence Course: Seven Steps to Self-Fulfillment (1997)
 
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MORTICIA: Don’t torture yourself, Gomez. That’s my job.

Caroline Thompson (b. 1956) American novelist, screenwriter, film director, producer
The Addams Family (1991) [with Larry Wilson]
 
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If lawyers were to undertake no causes till they were sure they were just, a man might be precluded altogether from a trial of his claim, though, were it judicially examined, it might be found a very just claim.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Comment (15 Aug 1773)

In James Boswell, Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides (1786)
 
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The purpose of life on Earth is that the soul should grow —
So grow! By doing what is right.

Zelda Fitzgerald (1900-1948) American novelist
Letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald (1944)
 
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The older I get, the faster I was.

Charles Barkley (b. 1963) American basketball player
Interview with Bob Costas (22 Jan 1995)
 
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It is terrible to destroy a person’s picture of himself in the interests of truth or some other abstraction.

Doris Lessing (1919-2013) British author, biographer, playwright [b. Doris May Tayler]
The Grass Is Singing (1950)
 
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Above all things, lose no occasion of exercising your dispositions to be grateful, to be generous, to be charitable, to be humane, to be true, just, firm, orderly, courageous, &c. Consider every act of this kind, as an exercise which will strengthen your moral faculties and increase your worth.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to Peter Carr (10 Aug 1787)
    (Source)
 
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Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
    (Source)
 
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Humanity is much more shown in our conduct towards animals, where we are irresponsible except to heaven, than towards our fellow-creatures, where we are restrained by the laws, by public opinion, and by fear of retaliation.

Horace Smith (1779-1849) English poet and novelist
The Tin Trumpet (1836)
 
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I leave this rule for others when I’m dead,
Be always sure you’re right — then go ahead.

David "Davy" Crockett (1786-1836) American folk hero, frontiersman, soldier, politician
Autobiography (1834)
 
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He who boasts of his descent, praises the deeds of another.

Seneca the Younger (c. 4 BC-AD 65) Roman statesman, philosopher, playwright [Lucius Annaeus Seneca]
Hercules Furens
 
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Don’t spit in the soup. We’ve all got to eat.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
(Attributed)

A favorite political comment of Johnson's, going back at least as far as when he was US Senate majority leader. It's sometimes labeled as an old adage from Texas politics.

The core metaphor of "spitting in the soup" (ruining/sabotaging something) long predates Johnson; the phrase's application to politics ("don't make things so toxic or failed that you hurt your colleagues and the political institution itself") seems more applicable than ever.

The connection to Johnson seems to have solidified with its inclusion in Jack Shepherd, Christopher Wren, eds., Quotations from Chairman LBJ, Epigraph (1968).

As a verbal comment, and given folk wanting to elicit (or mock) Johnson's Texas accent, variants include "we all got to eat," "we've all gotta eat," etc.
 
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Windows 95 and MacOS are products, contrived by engineers in the service of specific companies. Unix, by contrast, is not so much a product as it is a painstakingly compiled oral history of the hacker subculture. It is our Gilgamesh epic.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
“The Oral Tradition,” In the Beginning… was the Command Line (1999)
 
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Propaganda, as inverted patriotism, draws nourishment from the sins of the enemy. If there are no sins, invent them! The aim is to make the enemy appear so great a monster that he forfeits the rights of a human being.

Ian Hamilton (1853-1947) British general
The Soul and Body of an Army, ch. 10 (1921)
 
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Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

Mark Twain (1835-1910) American writer [pseud. of Samuel Clemens]
Innocents Abroad, ch. 55 (1869)
 
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Your past sins shall be forgiven if you begin now to do right, for that is repentance.

James Freeman Clarke (1810-1888) American theologian and author
Self-Culture: Physical, Intellectual, Moral, and Spiritual, ch. 21 (1880)
 
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Don’t try to go too fast. Learn your job. Don’t ever talk until you know what you’re talking about. … If you want to get along, go along.

Sam Rayburn (1882-1961) American lawyer and politician
(Attributed)

Advice to freshmen Representatives.
 
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[I]t is a civil Cowardice to be backward in asserting what you ought to expect, as it is a military Fear to be slow in attacking when it is your Duty.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Spectator, #2 (1711)
 
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Propaganda, n. Their lies.
Public information, n. Our lies.

Edward S. Herman (1925-2017) American economist, media analyst
(Attributed)
 
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There comes a time in a man’s life when to get where he has to go — if there are no doors or windows — he walks through a wall.

Bernard Malamud
Bernard Malamud (1914-1986) American author
“Man in the Drawer,” Rembrandt’s Hat (1973)
 
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But Jesus, when you don’t have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it’s sex. When you have both, it’s health, you worry about getting ruptured or something. If everything is simply jake then you’re frightened of death.

J P Donleavy
J. P. Donleavy (1926-2017) Irish-American novelist and playwright. [John Patrick Donleavy]
The Ginger Man, ch. 5 (1955)
 
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God made life to be lived (the world to be inhabited) and not to be known.

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], 1797 [tr. Auster (1983)]
    (Source)

Not included in standard collections of the Pensées.
 
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What preoccupies us, then, is not God as a fact of nature, but as a fabrication useful for a God-fearing society. God himself becomes not a power but an image.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Image: A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America, ch. 5 (1961)
 
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A man can hide all things excepting twain —
That he is drunk, and that he is in love.

Antiphanes (c. 408-334 BC) Greek comic poet
Fragment
 
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JOAN: I hear voices telling me what to do. They come from God.
ROBERT: They comne from your imagination.
JOAN: Of course. That is how the messages of God come to us.

George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) British playwright and critic
Saint Joan, Act 1 (1923)
 
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When the habitually even-tempered suddenly fly into a passion, that explosion is apt to be more impressive than the outburst of the most violent amongst us.

Margery Allingham
Margery Allingham (1904-1966) English writer
Death of a Ghost (1934)
 
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GOMEZ: To live without you, only that would be torture.
MORTICIA: A day alone, only that would be death.

Caroline Thompson (b. 1956) American novelist, screenwriter, film director, producer
The Addams Family (1991) [with Larry Wilson]
 
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We cannot prove any man’s intention to be bad. You may shoot a man through the head, and say you intended to miss him; but the Judge will order you to be hanged.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Comment (15 Feb 1766)

In James Boswell, The Life of Samuel Johnson (1791).
 
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Do the people of this land — in the providence of God, favored, as they sometimes boast, above all others in the plenitude of their liberties — desire to preserve those so carefully protected by the First Amendment: liberty of religious worship, freedom of speech and of the press, and the right as freemen peaceably to assemble and petition their government for a redress of grievances? If so, let them withstand all beginnings of encroachment. For the saddest epitaph which can be carved in memory of a vanished liberty is that it was lost because its possessors failed to stretch forth a saving hand while yet there was time.

George Sutherland (1862-1942) Anglo-American jurist, Supreme Court Justice (1922-1938)
Associated Press v. National Labor Relations Board, 301 U.S. 141 (1938) [Dissent]
 
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By common consent gray hairs are a crown of glory; the only object of respect that can never excite envy.

George Bancroft (1800-1891) American historian, statesman, education reformer
“The Last Moments of Eminent Men,” North American Review (Jan 1834)
 
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This hurts me more than you.

Harry Graham (1874-1936) English journalist, poet, stage lyricist
Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes (1899)
 
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He who made us would have been a pitiful bungler if he had made the rules of our moral conduct a matter of science. For one man of science, there are thousands who are not. What would have become of them? Man was destined for society. His morality therefore was to be formed to this object. He was endowed with a sense of right and wrong merely relative to this. This sense is as much a part of his nature as the sense of hearing, seeing, feeling; it is the true foundation of morality, and not the truth, &c., as fanciful writers have imagined. The moral sense, or conscience, is as much a part of man as his leg or arm. It is given to all human beings in a stronger or weaker degree, as force of members is given them in a greater or less degree. It may be strengthened by exercise, as may any particular limb of the body. This sense is submitted indeed in some degree to the guidance of reason; but it is a small stock which is required for this: even a less one than what we call Common sense.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to Peter Carr (10 Aug 1787)
    (Source)
 
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Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
    (Source)
 
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The power of administrative bodies to make finding of fact which may be treated as conclusive, if there is evidence both ways, is a power of enormous consequence. An unscrupulous administrator might be tempted to say “Let me find the facts for the people of my country, and I care little who lays down the general principles.”

Charles Evans Hughes, Sr. (1862-1948) American statesman, politician, Supreme Court Justice (1910-1916, 1930-1941)
“Important Work of Uncle Sam’s Lawyers,” American Bar Association Journal (Apr 1931)

Reprinting a speech to the Federal Bar Association, Washington, D.C. (11 Feb 1931), on the "extraordinary development of administrative agencies of the government and of the lawyer's part in making them work satisfactorily and also in protecting the public against bureaucratic excesses".
 
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The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

Clara Lucas Balfour (1808-1878) English novelist, lecturer, temperance campaigner
Sunbeams for All Seasons: Counsels, Cautions, and Precepts (1861 ed.)
 
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Our greatest responsibility is to be good ancestors.

Jonas Salk
Jonas Salk (1914-1995) American medical researcher and virologist
(Attributed)
 
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The central fact of American civilization — one so hard for others to understand — is that freedom and justice and the dignity of man are not just words to us. We believe in them. Under all the growth and the tumult and abundance, we believe. And so, as long as some among us are oppressed — and we are part of that oppression — it must blunt our faith and sap the strength of our high purpose.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1965-08-06), Signing of the Voting Rights Act, Washington, D.C.
    (Source)
 
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Hostility towards Microsoft is not difficult to find on the Net, and it blends two strains: resentful people who feel Microsoft is too powerful, and disdainful people who think it’s tacky. This is all strongly reminiscent of the heyday of Communism and Socialism, when the bourgeoisie were hated from both ends: by the proles, because they had all the money, and by the intelligentsia, because of their tendency to spend it on lawn ornaments. Microsoft is the very embodiment of modern high-tech prosperity — it is, in a word, bourgeois — and so it attracts all of the same gripes.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
“Class Struggle on the Desktop,” In the Beginning … Was the Command Line (1999)
 
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NEWT: My mommy always said there were no monsters — no real ones — but there are.
RIPLEY: Yes, there are, aren’t there?
NEWT: Why do they tell little kids that?
RIPLEY: Most of the time it’s true.

James Cameron (b. 1954) Canadian film director, producer, screenwriter
Aliens (1986)
 
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What starts the process, really, are laughs and slights and snubs. But if you are reasonably intelligent and if your anger is deep and strong enough, you learn you can change those attitudes by excellence, personal gut performance, while those who have everything are sitting on their fat butts.

Richard M. Nixon (1913-1994) American politician, writer, US President (1967-74)
(Attributed)

Remark to Ken Clawson. Quoted in Tom Marganthau, "The Rise and Fall and Rise and Fall and Rise of Nixon," Newsweek (2 May 1994)
 
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The best way to repent for a wrong is by not repeating it.

Thomas Szasz (1920-2012) Hungarian-American psychiatrist, educator
Psychiatric Slavery, ch. 5 (1977)
 
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You’ll never get mixed up if you simply tell the truth. Then you don’t have to remember what you have said, and you never forget what you have said.

Sam Rayburn (1882-1961) American lawyer and politician
(Attributed)

In W. B. Ragsdale, "An Old Friend Writes of Rayburn", U.S. News & World Report (23 Oct 1961).
 
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The married state, with and without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of heaven and hell we are capable of receiving in this life.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
Spectator, #479 (9 Sep 1712)
 
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Who loves not wine, women, and song
Remains a fool his whole life long.

[Wer nicht liebt Weib, Wein und Gesang,
A Der bleibt ein Narr sein Leben lang.]

Martin Luther (1483-1546) German religious reformer
(Attributed)

Attributed in Matthias Claudius, Der Wandsbecker Bothe (1775). Inscription in the Luther Room, Wartburg, Germany.
 
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GOMEZ: I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

Caroline Thompson (b. 1956) American novelist, screenwriter, film director, producer
The Addams Family (1991) [with Larry Wilson]
 
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BOSWELL. But what do you think of supporting a cause which you know to be bad?
JOHNSON. “Sir, you do not know it to be good or bad till the Judge determines it. … It is his business to judge; and you are not to be confident in your own opinion that the cause is bad, but to say all you can for your client, and then hear the Judge’s opinion.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Comment (Spring 1768)

On being a lawyer. In James Boswell, The Life of Samuel Johnson (1791)
 
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It is against Stupidity in every shape and form that we have to wage our eternal battle. But how can we wonder at the want of sense on the part of those who have had no advantages, when we see such plentiful absence of that commodity on the part of those who have had all the advantages?

William Booth (1829–1912), British evangelist, founder of the Salvation Army
In Darkest England, and the Way Out, Part 1, ch. 5 (1890)
 
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Senescence begins
And middle age ends
The day your descendents
Outnumber your friends.

Ogden Nash (1902-1971) American poet
“Crossing the Border”
 
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We cannot be kind to each other here for an hour;
We whisper, and hint, and chuckle, and grin at a brother’s shame;
However we brave it out, we men are a little breed.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson (1809-1892) English poet
“Maud; A Monodra” (1856)
 
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Wherever the people are well informed they can be trusted with their own government; that whenever things get so far wrong as to attract their notice, they may be relied on to set them to rights.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to Richard Price (8 Jan 1789)
    (Source)
 
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Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
 
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The animosities of sovereigns are temporary, and may be allayed; but those which seize the whole body of people, and of a people too, dictate their own measures, produce calamities of long duration.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter (1786-05-06) to C. W. F. Dumas
    (Source)
 
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Counsel is irksome when the Matter is past Remedy.

Thomas Fuller (1654-1734) English physician, preacher, aphorist, writer
Gnomologia: Adages and Proverbs, #1181 (1732)
    (Source)
 
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Judgement is to be made of actions in according to the times in which they were performed.

Plutarch (AD 46-127) Greek historian, biographer, essayist [Mestrius Plutarchos]
“Poplicola and Colon Compared,” Parallel Lives [tr. Dryden (1693)]
 
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You aren’t learning anything when you’re talking.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
(Attributed)
    (Source)

Sometimes given as "You ain't learning anything when you're talking."

Reported, not as a quote, but as a sign on his wall while a US Senator, in Leslie Carpenter, "A Man of Complexity," Boston Herald (1963-12-01), read into the Congressional Record, House of Representatives (1963-12-03) by House Speaker John W. McCormack (D-RI).
 
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The world has actually been wired together by digital communications systems for a century and a half. Nothing that has happened during that time compares in its impact to the first exchange of messages between Queen Victoria and President Buchanan in 1858. That was so impressive that a mob of celebrants poured into the streets of New York and set fire to City Hall.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
“Mother Earth Mother Board,” Wired, 4.12 (1996)
 
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Personalize your sympathies; depersonalize you antipathies.

William Ralph Inge (1860-1954) English prelate [Dean Inge]
More Lay Thoughts of a Dean (1931)
 
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That wealth and greatness are often regarded with the respect and admiration which are due only to wisdom and virtue; and that the contempt, of which vice and folly are the only proper objects, is often most unjustly bestowed upon poverty and weakness, has been the complaint of moralists in all ages.

Adam Smith (1723-1790) Scottish economist
The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1.3.3 (1759)
 
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If a man repents of his evil deeds, and then returns to the same deeds, he has not truly repented.

The Talmud (AD 200-500) Collection of Jewish rabbinical writings
In Louis J. Newman, comp., The Talmudic Anthology, ch. 282 (1945)
 
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A jackass can kick a barn down, but it takes a carpenter to build one.

Sam Rayburn (1882-1961) American lawyer and politician
Comment (c. 1953)

Said during a filmed conversation with reporters, reported in S. Rayburn, Speak, Mister Speaker (1978)
 
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No man was ever so completely skilled in the conduct of life, as not to receive new information from age and experience ….

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Spectator, #544 (24 Nov 1712)
 
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Men hold the anniversaries of their birth, of their marriage, of the birth of their first-born, and they hold — although they spread no feast, and ask no friends to assist — many another anniversary besides. On many a day in every year does a man remember what took place on that self-same day in some former year, and chews the sweet or bitter herb of memory, as the case may be.

Alexander Smith (1830-1867) Scottish poet
Dreamthorp (1863)
 
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These will not be hindered from accomplishing at their best speed the distance which they have to go, either by snow, or rain, or heat, or by the darkness of night.

Herodotus (c.484-c.420 BC) Greek historian
The Persian Wars, 8.98 [tr. Rawlinson (1942)]

Of the Persian messengers. The U.S. Postal Service adopted a variation on this motto: "Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."
 
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DUKE SENIOR: Sweet are the uses of adversity,
Which, like the toad, ugly and venomous,
Wears yet a precious jewel in his head.

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
As You Like It, Act 2, sc. 1, l. 12ff (2.1.12-14) (1599)
    (Source)
 
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I love to see two truths at the same time. Every good comparison gives the mind this advantage.

[J’aime à voir deux vérités à la fois. Toute bonne comparaison donne à l’esprit cet avantage.]

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], Introduction, “L’auteur Peint par Lui-Même [The Author’ Self-Portrait]” (1850 ed.) [tr. Auster (1983)], 1796]
    (Source)

(Source (French)). Alternate translations:

I like to see two truths at once. Every good comparison gives the mind this advantage.
[tr. Calvert (1866), "Notice"]

I like to see two truths at once. Every good comparison gives the mind that advantage.
[tr. Collins (1928)]

 
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We need not be theologians to see that we have shifted responsibility for making the world interesting from God to the newspaperman.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Image: A Guide to Pseudo-Events in America, ch. 1 (1961)
 
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I do not necessarily conquer my anger because I do not show that I am angry. Anger ventilated often hurries towards forgiveness; anger concealed often hardens into revenge.

Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873) English novelist and politician
Caxtoniana, ch. 20 “On Self-Control” (1862-1863)
    (Source)
 
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GIRL SCOUT: Is this made from real lemons?
WEDNESDAY: Yes.
GIRL SCOUT: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they’re real lemons?
PUGSLEY: Yes.
GIRL SCOUT: Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
WEDNESDAY: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Caroline Thompson (b. 1956) American novelist, screenwriter, film director, producer
The Addams Family (1991) [with Larry Wilson]
 
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A lawyer has no business with the justice or injustice of the cause which he undertakes, unless his client asks his opinion, and then he is bound to give it honestly. The justice or injustice of the cause is to be decided by the judge. Consider, sir; what is the purpose of courts of justice? It is, that every man may have his cause fairly tried, by men appointed to try causes. A lawyer is not to tell what he knows to be a lie: he is not to produce what he knows to be a false deed; but he is not to usurp the province of the jury and of the judge, and determine what shall be the effect of evidence — what shall be the result of legal argument.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
In James Boswell, Journal of a Tour to the Hebrides, 15 Aug 1773 (1786)
 
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The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook.

Julia Child
Julia Child (1912-2004) American chef and writer
Quoted in Nancy Verde Barr, Backstage with Julia, ch. 3 (2007)
    (Source)
 
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From the earliest times, the old have rubbed it into the young that they are wiser than they, and before the young had discovered what nonsense this was they were old too, and it profited them to carry on the imposture.

W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965) English novelist and playwright [William Somerset Maugham]
Cakes and Ale, ch. 11 (1930)
 
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ANTONY: Through this the well-belovèd Brutus stabbed,
And, as he plucked his cursèd steel away,
Mark how the blood of Caesar followed it,
As rushing out of doors to be resolved
If Brutus so unkindly knocked or no;
For Brutus, as you know, was Caesar’s angel.
Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him!
This was the most unkindest cut of all.

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Julius Caesar, Act 3, sc. 2, l. 188ff (3.2.188-195) (1599)
    (Source)
 
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Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to William Stephens Smith (13 Nov 1787)
    (Source)
 
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Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
 
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Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.

Charlotte Brontë (1816-1855) British novelist [pseud. Currer Bell]
Jane Eyre, ch. 6 (1847)
 
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If you would lift me, you must be on higher ground.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) American essayist, lecturer, poet
“Eloquence,” Atlantic Monthly (1858-09)
 
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It is indeed desirable to be well descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors.

Plutarch (AD 46-127) Greek historian, biographer, essayist [Mestrius Plutarchos]
“Of the Training of Children,” Morals
 
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Whether we are New Dealer, Old Dealer, Liberty Leaguer or Red, whether we agree or not, we still have the right to think and speak how we feel.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1939-09-15), Chamber of Commerce Barbeque, Smithville, Texas
 
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I don’t like sewing machines. I don’t understand how a needle with a thread going through the tip of it can interlock the thread by jamming itself into a little goddamn spool. It’s contrary to nature and it irritates me.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
Zodiac, ch. 9 (1988)
 
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They would not get a scratch with a pin to save the universe. They are more affected by the overturning of a plate of turtle soup than by the starving of a whole country.

William Hazlitt (1778-1830) English writer
“On Respectable People,” Table Talk (1822)
 
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There will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

The Bible (The New Testament) (AD 1st - 2nd C) Christian sacred scripture
Luke 15:7
 
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It has always been my ambition since childhood to live such a life that one day my fellow citizens would call me to membership in this popular branch of the greatest lawmaking body in the world. Out of their confidence and partiality they have done this. It is now my sole purpose here to help enact such wise and just laws that our common country will by virtue of these laws be a happier and a more prosperous country. I have always dreamed of a country which I believe this should be and will be, and that is one in which the citizenship is an educated and patriotic people, not swayed by passion and prejudice, and a country that shall know no East, no West, no North, no South, but inhabited by a people liberty loving, patriotic, happy, and prosperous, with its lawmakers having no other purpose than to write such just laws as shall in the years to come be of service to human kind yet unborn.

Sam Rayburn (1882-1961) American lawyer and politician
Maiden speech. House of Representatives (6 May 1913)

Congressional Record, vol. 50, p. 1249.
 
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Among all the diseases of the mind there is not one more epidemical or more pernicious than the love of flattery.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Spectator, #238 (3 Dec 1711)
 
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Remember this: Arrogance and envy are not different qualities: they are merely different manifestations of the same qualities. The rich man who looks down upon or oppresses the poor man is the very man who, if poor, would envy and hate the man who is richer. Conversely, the poor man who regards with bitter and malignant envy the man who is better off, who preaches the doctrine of hate toward that man, is himself the man who, if it had happened that he were rich, would grind down the faces of those who were less well off than he.

Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919) American politician, statesman, conservationist, writer, US President (1901-1909)
“The Cuban Dead,” speech, Arlington National Cemetery (12 Apr 1907)
    (Source)

Speech at the dedication of the 1st US Voluntary Cavalry ("Rough Riders") monument.
 
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I don’t know what you think about anniversaries. I like them, being always minded to drink my cup of life to the bottom, and take my chance of the sweets and bitters.

T. H. Huxley (1825-1895) English biologist [Thomas Henry Huxley]
Aphorisms and Reflections From the Works of T. H. Huxley, ed. Henrietta A. Huxley (1907)
 
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Questions show the mind’s range, and answers, its subtlety.
 
[Les questions montrent l’étendue de l’esprit, et les réponses sa finesse.]

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], ch. 4 “De la Nature des Esprits [On the Nature of Minds],” ¶ 62 (1850 ed.) [tr. Lyttelton (1899), ch. 3, ¶ 21]
    (Source)

(Source (French))

While confirmed as an entry in the French, I was unable to find translations other than Lyttelton's in my various sources.
 
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Since the Creator had made the facts of the after-life inaccessible to man, He must not have required that man understand death in order to live fruitfully.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Lost World of Thomas Jefferson, Notes (1948)
 
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ANGER: Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back — in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.

Frederick Buechner (b. 1926) American minister, author
Wishful Thinking (1971)
    (Source)
 
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Alcohol is nicissary f’r a man so that now an’ thin he can have a good opinion iv himsilf, ondisturbed be th’ facts.

[Alcohol is necessary for a man so that now and then he can have a good opinion of himself, undisturbed by the facts.]

Finley Peter Dunne (1867-1936) American humorist and journalist
“Mr. Dooley on Alcohol,” Chicago Tribune (26 Apr 1914)
 
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To be of no church is dangerous. Religion, of which the rewards are distant, and which is animated only by faith and hope, will glide by degrees out of the mind unless it be invigorated and reimpressed by external ordinances, by stated calls to worship, and the salutary influence of example.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Lives of the English Poets, “Milton” (1781)
    (Source)
 
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A cookbook is only as good as its poorest recipe.

Child - A cookbook is only as good as its poorest recipe - wist.info quote

Julia Child
Julia Child (1912-2004) American chef and writer
Quoted in Frank Prial, “Light’s Still on Julia Child,” New York Times (1997-10-08)
    (Source)

Apparently a phrase she used frequently, as she drew on numerous cookbooks as source material and reference for her own. Another use can be found in an interview with Mike Sager, "What I've Learned: Julia Child," Esquire (1 Jun 2000).

Often given (perhaps from other occurrences) as "A cookbook is only as good as its worst recipe." For example, her obituary by Regina Schrambling, "Julia Child, the French Chef for a Jell-O Nation, Dies at 91," New York Times (13 Aug 2004).
 
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A man assumes that a woman’s refusal is just part of a game. Or, at any rate, a lot of men assume that. When a man says no, it’s no. When a woman says no, it’s yes, or at least maybe. There is even a joke to that effect. And little by little, women begin to believe in this view of themselves.

Eric Jong
Erica Jong (b. 1942) American writer, poet
Fear of Flying, ch. 16 (1973)
 
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If there’s nobody in your way, it’s because you’re not going anywhere.

Robert Francis Kennedy (1925-1968) American politician
(Attributed)

Variation: If there's nobody in your way, it's probably because you're not going anywhere.
 
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TITUS: These words are razors to my wounded heart.

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Titus Andronicus, Act 1, sc. 4, l. 320 (1.4.320) (c. 1590)
    (Source)
 
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I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, & as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical. Unsuccessful rebellions indeed generally establish the incroachments on the rights of the people which have produced them. An observation of this truth should render honest republican governors so mild in their punishment of rebellions, as not to discourage them too much. It is a medecine necessary for the sound health of government.

Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) American political philosopher, polymath, statesman, US President (1801-09)
Letter to James Madison (30 Jan 1787)
    (Source)

Referring to Shays' Rebellion. See his contemporaneous letter to Abigail Adams.
 
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Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long and, in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
 
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He that wrestles with us strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skill. Our antagonist is our helper.

Edmund Burke (1729-1797) Anglo-Irish statesman, orator, philosopher
Reflections on the Revolution in France (1790)
 
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It was observed of Elizabeth that she was weak herself, but chose wise counsellors; to which it was replied, that to choose wise counsellors was, in a prince, the highest wisdom.

Charles Caleb "C. C." Colton (1780-1832) English cleric, writer, aphorist
Lacon: Or, Many Things in Few Words, Vol. 1, § 57 (1820)
    (Source)
 
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We hope that the world will not narrow into a neighborhood before it has broadened into a brotherhood.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1963-12-17), Pageant of Peace Ceremonies, Washington, D.C.
    (Source)

Johnson used this phrase many times in the early '60s to refer to how, as the world "shrank" through advances in travel (including for weapons), it had not resolved the ongoing problems within humanity, only brought them closer. Other examples:

We live in a world which has narrowed into a neighborhood before it broadened into a brotherhood.
[Reported (1961-08-01)]

The world has narrowed to a neighborhood before it has broadened to brotherhood.
[Speech, New York City (1963-12-17)]

See also King (1954).
 
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Any property that’s open to common use gets destroyed. Because everyone has incentive to use it to the max, but no one has incentive to maintain it.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
Zodiac, ch. 8 (1988)
 
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Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.

James Boren
James H. Boren (1925-2010) American bureaucrat, humorist, speaker
When in Doubt, Mumble: A Bureaucrat’s Handbook (1972)
 
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My political view is democracy. Everyone should be respected as an individual, but no one idolized.

Albert Einstein (1879-1955) German-American physicist
“What I Believe,” Forum and Century (Oct 1930)
    (Source)

Variant: "My political ideal is that of democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized." "The World As I See It [Mein Weltbild]" [tr. Harris (1934)].
 
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The gates of repentance are always open.

The Talmud (AD 200-500) Collection of Jewish rabbinical writings
Midrash

In Louis J. Newman, comp., The Talmudic Anthology, ch. 282 (1945)
 
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A little in drink, but at all times yr faithful husband.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
Letters to His Wife, 27 Sep 1708 (1707-1712)
 
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He had not learned that the majority in a democracy has no more right to tyrannize over a minority than, under a different system, the latter would have to oppress the former; and that, if there is a moral principle at stake, the saying that the voice of the people is the voice of God may be quite as untrue, and do quite as much mischief, as the old theory of the divine right of kings.

Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919) American politician, statesman, conservationist, writer, US President (1901-1909)
Thomas Hart Benton, ch. 6 (1886)
    (Source)
 
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Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer [pseud. of Francois-Marie Arouet]
(Attributed)
 
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I must save this government if possible. What I cannot do, of course I will not do; but it may as well be understood, once for all, that I shall not surrender this game leaving any available card unplayed.

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) American lawyer, politician, US President (1861-65)
Letter to Reverdy Johnson (26 Jul 1862)
 
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Prosperity is no just scale; adversity is the only balance to weigh friends.

Plutarch (AD 46-127) Greek historian, biographer, essayist [Mestrius Plutarchos]
(Attributed)

In Watson Adams, The Rule of Life: or a Collection of Select Moral Sentences (1834)
 
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Writing is closer to thinking than to speaking.

Joseph Joubert (1754-1824) French moralist, philosopher, essayist, poet
Pensées [Thoughts], 1791 entry [tr. Auster (1983)]
    (Source)

I could not find an analog in other translations of the Pensées.
 
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The Creator, who designed the human brain for activity, had insured the restlessness of all minds by enabling no single one to envisage all the qualities of the creation. Since no one by himself could aspire to a serene knowledge of the whole truth, all men had been drawn into an active, exploratory and cooperative attitude.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Lost World of Thomas Jefferson, ch. 3, part 2 “The Happy Variety of Minds” (1948)
 
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Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency, but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American statesman, scientist, philosopher, aphorist
Letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy (13 Nov 1789)
    (Source)

See Bullock.
 
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And when people ask me why I’m so healthy, I say, “Plenty of red meat and gin!”

Julia Child - Plenty of red meat and gin - wist.info quote

Julia Child
Julia Child (1912-2004) American chef and writer
Interview in The World: Journal of the Unitarian Universalist Assoc. (1992)
    (Source)

On her 80th birthday. "Red meat and gin" was frequently mentioned by Child in interviews when asked either (a) her comfort foods or (b) the secret of her longevity. She does not seem to have used it in her writing.

Examples:
 
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‘Paradise Lost’ is one of the books which the reader admires and lays down, and forgets to take up again. None ever wished it longer than it is.

Samuel Johnson (1709-1784) English writer, lexicographer, critic
Lives of the English Poets, “Milton”(1781)
    (Source)
 
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Every country gets the circus it deserves. Spain gets bullfights. Italy gets the Catholic Church. America gets Hollywood.

Eric Jong
Erica Jong (b. 1942) American writer, poet
“Take the Red–Eye …”, epigraph, How To Save Your Own Life (1977)
 
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‘Yes,’ I answered you last night;
‘No,’ this morning, sir, I say.
Colors seen by candle-light,
Will not look the same by day.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861) English poet
“The Lady’s ‘Yes'”, st. 1 (1844)
 
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A man over ninety is a great comfort to all his elderly neighbors; he is a picket-guard at the extreme outpost; and the young folks of sixty and seventy feel that the enemy must get by him before he can come near their camp.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (1809-1894) American poet, essayist, scholar
The Guardian Angel (1867)
 
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In all the ills which befall us, we look more at the intention than the effect. A tile which falls from the house may hurt more, but does not vex us so much as a stone thrown designedly by an ill-natured hand.

Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712-1778) French philosopher and writer
Reveries of a Solitary Walker (1782)
 
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Don’t worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Mary Schmich (b. 1953) American newspaper columnist
“Advice, Like Youth, Probably Just Wasted on the Young,” Chicago Tribune (1 Jul 1997)
 
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To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

John Churton Collins
John Churton Collins (1848-1908) American literary academic
(Attributed)

In Logan Pearsall Smith, A Treasury of English Aphorisms (1928)
 
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It has long seemed to me that it would be more honorable to our ancestors to praise them in words less, but in deeds, to imitate them more.

Horace Mann (1796-1859) American educator
Speech, Boston (4 Jul 1842)
 
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Until justice is blind to color, until education is unaware of race, until opportunity is unconcerned with the color of men’s skins, emancipation will be a proclamation but not a fact. To the extent that the Proclamation of Emancipation is not fulfilled in fact, to that extent we shall have fallen short of assuring freedom to the free.

Lyndon B. Johnson (1908-1973) American politician, educator, US President (1963-69)
Speech (1963-05-30), Memorial Day, Gettysburg, Pennsylvania
    (Source)

(Source (Video))

Speaking during the 100th Anniversary of the (second) Emancipation Proclamation.

Though spoken while still Vice President, variations of these phrases became a rhetorical favorite of Johnson's through his presidency.
 
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Any strategy that involves crossing a valley — accepting short-term losses to reach a higher hill in the distance — will soon be brought to a halt by the demands of a system that celebrates short-term gains and tolerates stagnation, but condemns anything else as failure. In short, a world where big stuff can never get done.

Neal Stephenson (b. 1959) American novelist
“Innovation Starvation,” World Policy Journal (Fall 2011)
 
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GRANTAIRE: Red …
MARIUS: I feel my soul on fire!
GRANTAIRE: Black …
MARIUS: My world if she’s not there!
CHORUS: Red …
MARIUS: The color of desire!
CHORUS: Black …
MARIUS: The color of despair!

Alain Boublil (b. 1941) French musical theatre lyricist and librettist
Les Misérables, “Read and Black” [music by Claude-Michel Schönberg] (1980) [tr. Herbert Kretzmer (1985)]
 
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SHYLOCK: He hath disgraced me and
hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses,
mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted
my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies —
and what’s his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not
a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions,
senses, affections, passions? Fed with the
same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to
the same diseases, healed by the same means,
warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer
as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not
bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you
poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall
we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will
resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian,
what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong
a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian
example? Why, revenge! The villainy you teach me I
will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the
instruction.

Shakespeare
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) English dramatist and poet
Merchant of Venice, Act 3, sc. 1, l. 53ff (3.1.53-72) (1597)
    (Source)
 
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Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.

Voltaire (1694-1778) French writer [pseud. of Francois-Marie Arouet]
Sept discours en vers sur l’homme (1738)
 
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Repentanse should be the effekt ov love — not fear.

[Repentance should be the effect of love — not fear.]

Josh Billings (1818-1885) American humorist, aphorist [pseud. of Henry Wheeler Shaw]
Everybody’s Friend, Or; Josh Billing’s Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit and Humor, ch. 155 “Affurisms: Ink Lings” (1874)
    (Source)
 
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Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.

Richard Steele (1672-1729) Irish writer and politician
The Tatler, #147 (1710)
 
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There can be no effective control of corporations while their political activity remains. To put an end to it will be neither a short nor an easy task, but it can be done.

Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919) American politician, statesman, conservationist, writer, US President (1901-1909)
“The New Nationalism,” speech, Osawatomie, Kansas (31 Aug 1910)
    (Source)
 
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Bromidic though it may sound, some questions don’t have answers, which is a terribly difficult lesson to learn.

Katherine Graham
Katharine Graham (1917-2001) American newspaper publisher
Interview in “Ms.” (1974)
 
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When the morning’s freshness has been replaced by the weariness of midday, when the leg muscles quiver under the strain, the climb seems endless, and, suddenly, nothing will go quite as you wish — it is then that you must not hesitate.

Dag Hammarskjöld (1905-1961) Swedish diplomat, author, UN Secretary-General (1953-61)
Markings (1956) [tr. Sjöberg and Auden (1964)]
 
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In the adversity of our best friends we often find something which does not displease us.

François VI, duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French epigrammatist, memoirist, noble
Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales [Maxims] (1665-1678)
 
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While the easiest way in metaphysics is to condemn all metaphysics as nonsense, the easiest way in morals is to elevate the common practice of the community into a moral absolute.

Daniel J. Boorstin (1914-2004) American historian, professor, attorney, writer
The Lost World of Thomas Jefferson, ch. 3 “The Physiology of Thought and Morals” (1948)
 
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We must all hang together, or most assuredly, we shall all hang separately.

Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) American statesman, scientist, philosopher, aphorist
(Attributed)

Attributed remark at the signing of the Declaration of Independence (4 Jul 1776)
 
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A man that does not know how to be angry does not know how to be good.

Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) American clergyman and orator
Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit (1887)
 
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He drinks — but what’s drinking?
A mere pause from thinking!

Lord Byron
George Gordon, Lord Byron (1788-1824) English poet
The Deformed Transformed, Part 3, sc. 1 [Caesar] (1822)
    (Source)

Singing of veterans after the war, in peacetime.
 
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That was why most people led lives they hated, with people they hated. … How wonderful to have someone to blame! How wonderful to live with one’s nemesis! You may be miserable, but you feel forever in the right. You may be fragmented, but you feel absolved of all the blame for it. Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

Eric Jong
Erica Jong (b. 1942) American writer, poet
“Intuition, extuition …”, How To Save Your Own Life (1977)
 
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We now know that a life which goes excessively against natural impulse is one which is likely to involve effects of strain that may be quite as bad as indulgence in forbidden impulses would have been. People who live a life which is unnatural beyond a point are likely to be filled with envy, malice and all uncharitableness. They may develop strains of cruelty, or, on the other hand, they may so completely lose all joy in life that they have no longer any capacity for effort.

Bertrand Russell
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) English mathematician and philosopher
Authority and the Individual, Lecture 1 (1949)
    (Source)

Collection, with some edits, of the inaugural Reith Lectures, BBC, "Authority and the Individual," No. 1 "Social Cohesion and Human Nature" (1948-12-26).
 
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